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Reviews For Sin

Name: Darkness Enshrouds (Signed) · Date: 03/16/09 16:02 · For: Wrath
Am I allowed to whap both Sirius and Caris across the back of the head? I just want to shove them both back together and tell them to stop being idiots... :P

Author's Response: So do I, so do I. Unfortunately, then I wouldn't have a story :D

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 02/28/09 17:47 · For: Envy
Wow, Lydia... That was amazing. I love the emotions that Sirius and Caris portrayed at the end, Sirius's hatred of April and Caris's feelings of betrayal towards Sirius. You have such an amazing writing style, I won't be surprised one day if anyone reads your original works in print. {BeccA}

Author's Response: Aw, thanks Becca! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 02/24/09 18:05 · For: Gluttony
Hullo! –waves-

This is brilliant, as I’m sure you already know. ;) I’ve always been a sucker for Sirius/OC stories, and this is an exceptional one. I really enjoyed the way you opened it, with the cat, and these two characters that we don’t really need to know for the story, but the set it up for Sirius. Emma and Alessandra give some backstory to Sirius and give the reason for the entire story—the fact, that despite Sirius’s many heated relationships, he doesn’t feel anything for them. It a very fresh and original way to open a story—kudos to you.

Sirius-the-player is a common, and often overdone, idea in Marauder Era stories, but the you have written it very tastefully. Mostly, I think, because of the reasons you give, his lack of real affection for anyone of the girls, that he just doesn’t want to get in their pants (an idea that is quite refreshing—a guy that actually wants to know the girl as a friend!) I think also, that it helps that you didn’t spend a lot of time describing his incredibly sexy body or gorgeous grey eyes or long, cascading mane of black hair. We think he’s attractive because he thinks he’s attractive, but you didn’t force us to listen to how all the girls in Hogwarts dropped dead at the sight of his cute bum. You know what mean?

I have to admit, that right around the middle of the story (“Speaking of girls, Prongs, I hear the lovely Miss Evans is livid with you again.”), I got all excited because I thought that this was going to be a Sirius/Lily story. But, don’t worry, I’m not disappointed with Sirius/Caris. ;) In fact, I’m really happy that you have a little Lily/James (my OTP!) side-story going on. It’s been awhile since I’ve read any Lily/James (or any Marauder Era stories, for that matter), and it’s been wonderful reading this, reading them again.

Your characterization is great, particularly of the Marauders. I can’t tell you how delighted I am that you included Peter, and didn’t make him seem like the most retarded, fattest boy in school—and also that you implied he had girl friends. It makes me so happy to see Peter as an actual character, someone that the Marauders would actually be friends with. I was also happy that it was Remus who interrupted Sirius and Caris at the end, not James. Too often I have read stories where Sirius and James are extremely close and Remus and Peter are just kind of on the side.

I do have to caution you slightly, though, and I do want to say that this is just from me having read the first chapter: you’re bordering on a Mary-Sue with Caris. –winces- I know that sounds harsh, but you have plenty of room to developed her and for all I know, you have. Also, I can’t see Joanna letting you get away with a Mary-Sue.... Anyway, I’ll just explain myself now. :D So, first of all, Caris is Lily’s best friend. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I don’t think that you should change this, but I’m just letting you know, that a lot of people consider Sirius/Lily’s best friend to be clichť (you probably already know that, though). Second, she’s perfect. She’s gorgeous, she’s funny, she knows how to tease/flirt with Sirius, she’s smart, do you see where I’m going? Right now, she seems kind of empty—she’s like that person we all want to be, until we realize how boring their life is. I’m really sorry if I sound mean, that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m just putting this out there so that you know that someone thought it. But, like I said earlier, this is only after me reading one chapter, you’ve probably given her some problems and have her all nice and rounded out by now.

Speaking of your multiple chapters, I really like how you’ve titled them each with one of the seven deadly sins and have defined it (I peeked at your later chapters ;D). That’s enough to perk my interest really. I’ve recently acquired a fascination with the seven sins and how to work them into stories; quoting the bible and this line: The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest in your summary are what really made me click on this story. Awesome job on your summary, by the way. =) It’s vague enough to peak my interest, but it also gives enough to really fuel that interest. –applauds-

“She’s on fire,” Sirius said fervently and James, Remus and Peter nodded in assent. This line confused me a little. I wasn’t sure whether the “she’s on fire” was referring to Peter’s comment about her good looks, or if just meant like she’s nice and she’s pretty, or if maybe you accidentally typed ‘she’ instead of ‘he’ and you were really referring to Peter’s face.... I guess I just don’t know what “she’s on fire” means. Maybe that’s just me and my slowness, though. >.>

“You tell me why I should stay and then I’ll tell you where I’m going,” Caris told him. I really like this line. I think it’s the flirtatiousness of it and her confidence and the way it asserts her to Sirius—she may not be holding all of the cards, but she’s got her fair share. It really makes her character for me. :)

Overall, fantastic chapter! I’ll definitely be reading more of this.

xo Mere

Author's Response: Mere! What an amazing review Ė you just made my day with this. It makes me so glad that you took the time to review so thoroughly; you gave me lots to think about and I thank you for the blend of constructive criticism and compliments. Iím glad you like the beginning Ė as a girl with a short attention span, I know the importance of interesting beginnings, so it makes me happy that you liked it. Iím also glad you like the little James/Lily on the side, because really, how could I avoid it? And besides, I love writing James/Lily :D Iím happy you like my characterisation and I couldnít agree more about Peter Ė I hate it when he barely even exists. He strikes me as someone who maybe tries a little too hard on occasions, but who could be very funny. After all, they did like him until he, you know, betrayed them to their deaths. And they werenít exactly the kind of boys who would be friends with him if they didnít like some aspect of his personality, as we see with the whole Snape thing. They were kind of shallow, but hey, they were teenagers. And thanks for the bit on Caris. *Shudder* I hate to think of her approaching Mary-Sue, because sheís such a lovely character, and I think we really start to see who she is beginning in the next chapter, because the first one was more about seeing her through Siriusí eyes. Though, her little insecurities and flaws donít exactly come up and hit you in the face, theyíre subtler because the story is mainly seen from Siriusí point of view, even though itís third person. And I think Joanna would probably smack me across the head if she got anywhere near Mary-Sue (die!), so I think Iím doing something right. Iím glad you like the theme too, Iím pretty fascinated with the sins and I even did some of my final works for art last year on them. Theyíre just fun; everyone likes breaking the rules. I know I do. And the fire line was in reference to Caris. But now that I look at it, maybe it would be funny if he was saying that Peter was blushing? I donít know. Thanks again for the lovely review, Mere, and I hope to get more from you :D

Name: ninu_HP_luv (Signed) · Date: 02/15/09 1:28 · For: Lust
pls pls pls write more!! cant wait to read the rest

Name: _ ilovegredandforge _ (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 18:15 · For: Lust
I absolutely love this. And what's so weird is that I was writing a story and it was about a girl named Caris who Sirius fell for. But I couldn't have written it better than this. Thank you for saving me the trouble haha,

Author's Response: Wow, that's weird. I'm glad you enjoyed it though.

Name: LochNessa (Signed) · Date: 01/17/09 22:39 · For: Greed
So, I've decided that this fanfic is awesome. You portray the characters somewhat PERFECTLY (

Author's Response: I'm glad, I like to think that characterisation is one of my strong points.

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 12/28/08 14:42 · For: Gluttony
This is really, really good! I liked chapter two, because the tension really starts, and you can't really tell where it's going with Sirius and Caris (who is really cool!) So, I'm assuming that there will be seven chapters, after the seven deadly sins, but what exactly are the seven deadly sins? I've only heard of Greed before I read this, and now I just know Greed and Gluttony... I'm so confused! Sorry... Anyway, it's really good! I hope chapter 3's up fast. {BeccA}

Author's Response: Thanks for your praise, and I'm very glad you like it so far. And I agree with you: Caris is very cool :D The seven deadly sins are Gluttony, Greed, Pride, Wrath, Sloth, Lust and Envy, though my chapters aren't in that order. I won't say what order they are in, as that would spoil the surprise :) And chapter three is with my lovely beta, so hopefully it will be up very soon.

Name: timidcat (Signed) · Date: 12/21/08 0:36 · For: Greed
The tension builds...

Author's Response: Hmm, yes, yes it does :D

Name: PeaceLovePotter (Signed) · Date: 12/20/08 15:58 · For: Greed
I love how you're doing the seven deadly sins as chapter titles. But is the story only going to be seven chapters? Just wondering... Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Yes, seven chapters plus an epilogue. But I'm so fond of it, and the characters that I may end up doing a sequel... we'll see. I'm glad you like it.

Name: violetta (Signed) · Date: 12/17/08 23:14 · For: Gluttony
Wow. I'm not usually into fics that have imaginary characters in them, but this one is really well written.

Author's Response: Thankyou very much, I'm glad you liked it.

Name: timidcat (Signed) · Date: 12/16/08 23:44 · For: Gluttony
Wow! Great start! Looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Thankyou very much. Chapter two is currently in the que.

Name: PeaceLovePotter (Signed) · Date: 12/13/08 12:30 · For: Gluttony
That was really good. The first line totally pulled me into the story. I'm looking foward to what's to come! Update soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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