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Reviews For Sin

Name: HP 7 (Signed) · Date: 01/26/11 17:10 · For: Epilogue: Patience
Oh my gosh!!! I absolutely love this story!!!! Everything that makes you feel anything just perfectly fit together in a brilliantly written story! Love love love it!

Name: the_quiveringquill (Signed) · Date: 09/14/09 18:49 · For: Epilogue: Patience

Name: Thewma (Signed) · Date: 07/10/09 9:02 · For: Lust

Name: dedequeen (Signed) · Date: 06/30/09 17:06 · For: Gluttony
its getting good jus finished da 1st chapter and im very interested

Author's Response: Great! Keep reading :D

Name: ninu_HP_luv (Signed) · Date: 06/18/09 7:17 · For: Epilogue: Patience
the first half of this chapter quotes a lot of Taylor Swift, "You belong with me".. but i love the song so i looove this and i looove the story, its still in my faves... great job!

Author's Response: Thanks :D

Name: MadEyeMaddy (Signed) · Date: 06/15/09 13:43 · For: Epilogue: Patience

I just wanted to tell you that I've been with this story since the beginning. I'm sorry I haven't reviewed until now, because this is one of my absolute favorites. I always think about it. I love how you created Caris. She's the best OC I've ever read. I loved howed you had this centered around "sin" but switched the epilougue to virtues. You had me fooled for a second that they wouldn't end up together. I wish you would write more!!

Your crazy devoted reader,

Author's Response: Better late than never, huh? :D I'm really flattered that you like Caris so much and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Also, you should keep an eye out - I am officially writing a sequel.

Name: Sdogg (Signed) · Date: 06/12/09 23:27 · For: Epilogue: Patience
Hallelujah - that would have been rather cruel. However, while the last ending was amazing, I am exceedingly glad you wrote this one. This really is a brilliant fic, I loved it soo much. You've got some amazing writing abilities.

Author's Response: Thankyou so much, it's always nice to hear how much a reader enjoyed something.

Name: Rislans88 (Signed) · Date: 06/08/09 15:19 · For: Epilogue: Patience
THANK YOU SO MUCH for adding this update!! i was so upset thinking they weren't going to end up together :P great story!

Author's Response: You are very welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Name: PagfootIsBack (Signed) · Date: 06/07/09 13:34 · For: Epilogue: Patience
That would have been very cruel :P It was a great story, please write more!

Author's Response: Mm, aren't you glad I love you all enough to give you a nice ending. I don't think I'm particularly good at happy endings - I much more love angsty or ambiguous endings.

Name: Essence of Potter (Signed) · Date: 06/07/09 9:42 · For: Epilogue: Patience
OMG I've been reading this fic chap by chap and I've loved it all the way! I hope you have another fic up soon because I think you're a wonderful writer and enjoyed reading this story sooo much!

Author's Response: Yay, I'm happy you enjoyed reading it, because I loved writing it. As for another fic, well, keep you're eyes peeled :D

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 06/06/09 23:07 · For: Lust
Oh, wow, Lydia, this was absolutely wonderful, as you should know. ;D

I like the beginning and the way you introduced the rain. Rain can make people look incredibly sexy and you really played that up, and played it well, I think. I like the way it was sort of a catalyst to explaining the depth of Sirius’s attraction to Caris. The only thing I have a little problem with is that you never said why they were running across the grounds in the rain. Even if it was only from Herbology class or something, I still would have liked to know, because now it just seems sort of random and a little odd.

Lily and Remus meandered away, in deep discussion about an essay on Human Transfiguration that Professor McGonagall had assigned.

Eh. This line is very cliché. I mean, yes it could have happened, but that’s almost all that we see of Remus and Lily in this chapter so it seems like they are both very studios and bookworm-y and that’s just not true, in my opinion. Maybe you could have something like:

Caris gave Lily a look and Lily immediately took a hold of Remus’s arm and led him away, talking loudly about the essay/up coming Quidditch match/next class/last class/etc.

Just so it seems like Lily and Remus had a reason to talk about the essay or whatever and a reason to walk away, because that seems kind of random, too. My suggestion expresses the friendship between Lily and Caris and it makes them [Lily and Remus] seem less like just bookworms. Or you could have Sirius give Remus a look and Remus take Lily away and it would have the same effect.

The exchange between Sirius and Caris is fun. I like how it shows that they obvious like each other and aren’t beating around the bush or ashamed by it; I think that says a lot about them as characters. Also, I both like and don’t like how comfortable and easy it is for them to just stand there and complement each others bodies. I like it because it shows how easy it is for them to be around each other, and that’s generally something one looks for in a relationship, and it shows how confident they are with themselves, so it’s a good way to build their characters for us. BUT, I don’t like it because it is so easy and comfortable. It seems sort of . . . fake. I don’t know anyone who could say and hear something like that without at least blushing a little. I wish that there could have been a little more hesitancy or embarrassment, because that’s how I expect a real person to act.

I don’t know why, but I really like the little conversation between James and Sirius. I guess it’s because it’s such a natural thing and so normal and it just makes sense. And I love that. It makes them seem more real and relatable; they’re just like regular guys, talking about going out for a drink. Also, I like how Marauder-esque it is. Sneaking out for a drink at the pub and taking Lily and Caris with them, too. :) It seems a lot like something James and Sirius would have done.

At one table, they could see a large group of men arguing about who would win the Quidditch; Russia or Ireland?

Hmm. I think this line is missing a word: “game” after Quidditch, perhaps?

Another really natural thing I like is how they mostly order different drinks. It always bugs me when they go to the Three Broomsticks and all get a Firewhiskey or all get a Butterbeer. It’s annoying; they aren’t all going to like the same thing, and it’s not like there are only two alcoholic drinks at the Three Broomsticks. *rolls eyes* But, yeah. Um, I also like how Madame Rosmerta doesn’t react at all to them being there; they must do it a lot. But, I sort of wished she had rolled her eyes or something, at least some sort of acknowledgement that they really shouldn’t be there.

I love how there’s these small things about Caris that Sirius notices and loves. Like the with the way she just fit next to him, the piggy back ride, looking at her legs in class, liking the way she bends over the pool table, etc. To me, that really shows how much he feels for her. It’d be one thing to notice once or twice, but since it’s over and over again, and he never gets tired of looking at her, it means that it’s much more than just a casual lust, and that makes me all warm and happy. ;)

Also, I really like how this stories centers on Sirius and Caris. Lily and James and Remus and Peter are there, but they’re minor characters and they really are minor characters. It seems like I read a lot of Sirius/OC stories that spend half the time getting James and Lily and Remus and some Ravenclaw chick and Peter and some fifth year or something together and it makes me want to scream. The story is supposed to be about Sirius and whoever, not every else. Now, focus on Sirius and his girl, you know? I just really like how clear and definite this is.

I like that Sirius asks her before he kisses her. It’s cute and sweet and so gentleman like that you have to love him. I like how he’s hesitant and careful; I think that, too, shows how deeply he cares for her. He wants to go slowly and carefully with her, making sure that she wants to, too. And, gah, kissing in the rain. It makes it like forty-seven times more passionate and sexy.

I like the way they didn’t let go of each other the whole way back, and stopped to kiss a few times. It shows the height of their need and desire. I like how oblivious they seem to everyone and everything but each other: they barely take notice of the people in the common room, and I’ll bet if you asked them how they got there, they wouldn’t remember. I like how into each other they are.

And the world seemed to slow right down as they teetered on the edge.

I LOVE THIS LINE. It’s fantastic. The imagery in it is beautiful. And the passion and emotion and strength of it is so tangible. I can practically feel the magnitude of their desire. ♥ Really, I love that whole section and how strong and fervent it is. It’s written very tastefully for the heat of it; it’s truly beautiful.

Caris’ breathing eventually evened out and Sirius wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep – maybe when he’d been playing with a lock of her ebony hair, or lingering over her fingers, determined to commit every part of her to memory. He wanted to remember every moment of that night, which was easily one of the best of his short life. Her head was tilted towards him, exposing the delicate skin of her throat. She was so lovely and Sirius felt a surge of some incredible, and somewhat terrifying, emotion.

This paragraph is fabulous. I love it. I think it might be my favourite of this chapter. It’s so strong and poignant and sweet and touching. Again, it really shows just how much he loves her. He didn’t just want her, it wasn’t over after he’d had her, he still wants her and loves every part about her. It makes me feel all warm and giddy and wonderful inside. :)

The only thing is, now what?

(I guess I should read the next chapter, huh.)

I really, really loved this, Lydia. It was beautiful and well-written and just delightful to read.

Mere xox

Author's Response: Mere! Another fabulous review, as usual. I've changed/added a few things, as per your suggestions, because I agree with them for the most part. The only part I haven't changed after your suggestions is the part with Sirius and Caris complimenting each other. I do agree with you to an extent, but I think the context has to be considered. The tone of the exchange is very playful and flirtatious - they're not taking themselves or each other too seriously. And maybe I'm just the type of girl who would be quite comfortable in that situation, but I didn't think they needed to be hesitant or embarassed because they were just joking around. I reckon if the context of the situation was different, like if they were being very serious and heading in the direction of a 'spilling-my-guts/confessing-my-feelings' moment then there might be some blushing and hesitance. But thank you for the suggestions, I took them all on board :D Kissing in the rain is the best. And Sirius is such a sweetheart, you just have to love him :D And yep, they totally dig each other. I'm suprised they didn't end up in the wrong dorm :D And yay! Glad you liked the last part, it was really fun to write. What now? You go and read the next chapter, that's what. And leave me another lovely long review :D Then of course, I can write another rambly reply :D

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 06/06/09 16:28 · For: Epilogue: Patience
GAH! Lydia! Only you could write a chapter that made me feel so happy and mad at the same time. Happy that Caris and Sirius are back together, and mad that you ended it there! Argh. I do like the ending, though, and I think it fits the story perfectly. I certainly hope to read more from you, because you have a rare talent. It's rare that I read something as wonderfully created and thought through as this. {BeccA}

Author's Response: Lol, thanks becca, you're a sweetie. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I hope you keep an eye out... I have this odd feeling that something is coming soon (other than the 'it's coming' that the mods have promised).

Name: Sdogg (Signed) · Date: 05/24/09 20:59 · For: Pride
Haha, love this story so much. The tension between Caris and Sirius kills me every time; will they ever actually be together? :'( I hope you continue this story, please please :)

Author's Response: My lips are sealed. You'll just have to wait for the epilogue :D

Name: PagfootIsBack (Signed) · Date: 05/24/09 2:55 · For: Pride
Is not the end is it? =[ Great chapter !

Author's Response: Glad you like :D Just the epilogue to go.

Author's Response: Glad you like :D Just the epilogue to go.

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 05/23/09 12:01 · For: Gluttony
Lydiaaaa! You can't just end a chapter likethat! I'm dying over here. Anyway, all that aside, this was a really great chapter. I loved the emotions portrayed, and Caris and her never-backing-down-from-a-dare thing reminds me of myself ;) . Is there going to be another chapter? Because if there's one chapter for each of the seven deadly sins, and then this is chapter seven, then this would mean it was over. So I hope that's not how it is. Great job, as usual, and if there's another chapter than I am eagerly looking forward to it. {BeccA}

Author's Response: Oh but I can, because I'm evil :D I'm glad you like it, and now only the epilogue remains.

Name: PagfootIsBack (Signed) · Date: 05/11/09 11:18 · For: Sloth
No =[ You split them up again!, i was happy when they got back together. Are they going to forgive each other?

Author's Response: Unfortunately, I can't tell you what might or might not happen :D That would be silly of me.

Name: lily_death_flower (Signed) · Date: 05/09/09 15:46 · For: Wrath
i love this fic. its so brilliantly good. please update!!

Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you like it. Chapter Six is in the que.

Name: Nitwit Blubber Oddment Tweak x (Signed) · Date: 04/07/09 19:28 · For: Gluttony
I've a few things to say! First off, I love Caris; I think she's really well written and that she's a fully fledged character in her own right - she's not one of those annoyingly cliched OCs who are there for the sole purpose of being Lily's best friend and mating with one of the male protagonits. I don't think she's a Mary-Sue or even a Mary Poppins; but Godric I'd love to be her! Secondly I think you captured the essence and comraderie of the Marauders really well; I also like the fact you haven't made Peter this robe-wetting irritating follower because he was a Marauder before he became a traitor. Thirdly, I love the romance between Caris and Sirius - it's realistic enough to be relatable but passionate enough to dream about! And fourthly (hmm, is that a word?) I adore the way Sirius uses the word 'love' all the time. Keep up the good work :D

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it, and thankyou for taking the time to leave such a nice review!

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 03/31/09 20:43 · For: Greed
Hullo, again! –waves- I’m back, with another review (obviously –rolls eyes at self-) for you!

–ignores the Twilight-esque layout-

Ug. So, I liked the last chapter . . . but I loved this chapter! God, it was really incredible. I love your style. :D I think I’m going to check out your other stories sometime soon. I like how you included so many aspects of Hogwarts that it actually seemed like I was at Hogwarts, y’know? Like the Quidditch game, the after party, the hanging out on the grounds, passing notes in Transfiguration, chilling in the common room, at it all seemed so natural, everything made sense.

The Quidditch game was well-written, in my opinion. You didn’t give, like, a play-by-play of the game, but you gave enough to keep us (your readers) interested and entertained. Having Lee Jordan’s father (I assume) commentate was a nice touch—particularly how they have similar styles of commentary. ;) And yay! Gryffindor won! (Nothing against Ravenclaw, of course, but they don’t have Lily and James and Sirius and Caris and Remus and Peter). Speaking of, thank you for making the opposing team Ravenclaw, instead of Slytherin—one of many small details that made me love this chapter.

Hmm . . . so I wondered a little why you were spending so much time focusing on and describing Cam Taylor (although I did laugh out loud a little at obviously, ‘Sirius’ was far sexier than ‘Camillus’), but then he came back later in the chapter, and it made some sense. I assume he’ll be in the rest of the story, as well? Perhaps in Jealously? (Don’t tell me though if he is, kay?)

I enjoyed the hint of Lily/James throughout the entire story, some of it subtle, and some of it not-so-subtle. =) It was interesting, though, during the party when Sirius’s hoped Lily didn’t do something stupid like kiss James. I mean, sometimes it seems like that everyone thinks they would be much happier if they kissed and Lily realized she was in love with him, blah, blah, blah. But, this was not that, obviously, and I guess what I’m trying to say, is that I liked that.

. . . he put this intriguing development down to the consumption of liquid courage on Lily’s behalf. I point out this line to say that I really like the reference to alcohol of “liquid courage.” Instead of just saying “alcohol” or “firewhiskey” or something, you named it by its effects and that use of words just really stood out to me.

So, I really like your characterization in general, but I especially like it of Lily. She isn’t some tight-ass, rule-abiding princess, which is brilliant. Lily is one of my favourite characters, most of the time, but I think I’m in danger of never being satisfied with any Lily other than yours. I like that she defies all the Lily clichés: she drank at the party and seemed comfortable with it (from Sirius’s POV, anyway, it seem normal), she brewed them all a hangover potion, she danced with James (we all know she really likes him), she didn’t deny it while passing notes, she passed notes, she was hilarious while passing notes and being a great friend (okay, so that isn’t so much defying clichés, but it’s still good characterization of her). Just everything about the way you write her is fantastic.

Okay, going back to the passing notes section, I admit, I was a little worried in the beginning with Sirius writing a note to Caris, but I’m glad that the notes then switched to Lily and Caris, and you used it as an opportunity to show one of Caris’s . . . not weaknesses, but . . . well, just to give a little more depth to Caris, in explaining some of her hesitancy and reluctance to answer Sirius with a “yes,” when she obviously wants to. While I’m talking about Caris, I just want to say that I’m still on the fence about her. Not that I don’t like her—I do—but in chapter two, she still seems a little too perfect. But, then it is only chapter two.

Oooh. A mysterious letter from Andromeda. Exciting. Plot-thickening. I really like Andromeda, so I’m excited to see what part she has to play in all of this. I liked that short three-sentence letter from Regulus, too. I love him. And I love seeing how the two brothers act towards each other when they’re in school. I’m of the mind that they were pretty close when they were younger, and I like to think that some of that transitioned into their older years, too. Anyway, Regulus’s letter made me melt a little. :)

One last thing—I know last chapter I commented on the whole seven deadly sin thing, well, this time I just want to say that I still really like it. I think you’re doing a great job with incorporating them, too. I could see the greed in this chapter, like, the excessive desire part is whenever Caris touched Sirius he felt like he was on fire. Although, I did feel like there was a lot of jealously in this chapter, too. Though, maybe that was the point, to combine the seven sins and show how she brings them all out in him? /musings

Awesome chapter, hon, I’m really looking forward to reading the next one. ;D

xox Mere

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, Mere, your reviews make me so, so happy! I’m so glad you like this chapter, because it’s one of my favourites too. The Quidditch game was fun to write and so was Rob Jordan – he was one of those characters that makes you smile while you’re writing him, even if he only has a couple of lines. Yeah, I like to think I can be quite humorous. And apparently I’ve gone temporarily blind and can’t read your questions about Cam Taylor. Shame, really  On Lily and James: I think exactly what Sirius thought all the time! My mates are funny people and we all like to have fun and often get a bit wild, so I often hope they won’t do anything that is beyond stupid, like kiss a boy they claim not to like. God, I love James/Lily. They are just so much to write. And I guess when I think about it, my mates and I rarely say ‘alcohol’ to each other, we’re always saying ‘liquid courage’ or referring to the drinks by nicknames like Crownies or Jimmies. I’m so glad you like my characterisation of Lily. I like to think I’m fairly good at characterisation. Lily is such a great character and I don’t like when writers don’t do her justice, which is what I try to do. but I think I’m in danger of never being satisfied with any Lily other than yours Wow. God, you just made my week. And Caris. I understand why you’re still on the fence, and in a way, I kind of like that you still are. She’s enigmatic. I suppose if we were seeing the story from Caris’ view, you would see her imperfections far more easily. Still, I think as the story progresses we kind of see the layers strip away from her. Thank you, once again, Mere for a fantastic review and all your praise, and I can’t wait for your next one.

Name: PagfootIsBack (Signed) · Date: 03/22/09 16:49 · For: Wrath
Hey, thanks for the fast update, the story is great! I read the other reviews and you said your got to write this in seven chapters, could you make a sequel? update soon please :)

Author's Response: Hmm, I've heard whispers of a sequel too. We'll see :D

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