Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Date: 09/24/09 16:50
Chapter: Chapter One: The Beginning

Wow, what a completely riveting cliffhanger! Absolutely brilliant, with a clean, concise style, and a solid plot.

Me likey, lol.

Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/10/09 3:31
Chapter: Chapter One: The Beginning

Wow, Chels, that chapter is sure an interesting beginning to an even more interesting story. I really hope you get around writing more than just this one chapter. It has a lot of potential for a gripping plot, and you made sure of that with the cliffhanger at the end. I personally don’t like cliffhangers because they leave me wanting for more, but that’s the good thing about them. By using a cliffhanger, you leave your readers suspended and craving for more. It was an excellent thing to do here, dear.

What I also like is the humour you included. The sentence He’d always liked to get her roses for her birthday and other special occasions – it was a running joke, for she’d always respond with “And how am I supposed to get you a constellation, Scorpius?” adds a lighter tone to the otherwise quite dark plot. It also helps to deepen the connection I as the reader have towards the characters as well as give more insight into the characters’ relationship. Additionally, humour this subtle speaks of great craftsmanship. Your entire narrating style is fluent and works wonderfully in a thriller-like plot mingled with subtle humour. I really like how the chapter is written; it is a great entertaining read.

An interesting way to show Rose’s Auror instincts is the logical way Rose piles the facts:

The situation: a wizard dead in his home for no apparent reason.
The appropriate response to be performed by an Auror: report to the Department. If foul play is suspected, open a formal investigation.
The response of Rose Weasley, recently qualified Auror: follow instincts – this was murder. Search for clues and find the killer at any cost.


The repetition of style works magnificently and is tastefully done. Also, especially the last sentence, adds another light touch of humour with The response of Rose Weasley, recently qualified Auror. It doesn’t read humorous when standing alone, but within the chapter’s narration and your take on Rose’s characterisation – which you did really well because I find her to be a well-rounded character – it feels like humour to me.

All in all, a wonderful kick-off for your Gauntlet entry. Please do continue it at some point. I would like to find out who murdered Scorpius.

Reviewer: indigo_mouse
Date: 05/02/09 22:53
Chapter: Chapter One: The Beginning

I'm not normally a mystery reader, but you certainly grabbed my attention with this. I liked how you hinted at Rose and Scorpius's relationship - he sends her roses, could it be unrequited love? Obviously there is a lot of familiarity between the two of them and you managed to establish the relationship very quickly and then get on with the action.

Now some concrit: I like that Rose has a nickname for Scorpius, it helps show their familiarity - but "Scor"? Perhaps something that tells a bit more of a story than a simple shortening of his name? I was also having a bit of a problem visualizing a cottage near the Leaky Cauldron in downtown London... maybe a flat or a townhouse? The last thought I will leave you with is that while it attests to Rose's familiarity that she slings her bag onto the couch, could it be something a little more magical? Like the purse that Hermione carried in DH - tiny, but huge on the inside.... Which really is the crux of my last point.... more magic!

I hope you are planning to continue the story - its off to a ripping good start.

Reviewer: Inverarity
Date: 12/09/08 19:17
Chapter: Chapter One: The Beginning

Interesting start. I would have liked a little bit more description of Rose and Scorpius and their histories, and relationships, as right now, we barely know more about them than what was in the Epilogue. It's hard to say whether Rose's detached, brutal response to finding her best friend murdered is part of her character, or a coping mechanism as she reacts to shock. But I hope you have an interesting whodunit set up here!

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
Makers of Fine Wands by CanisMajor 1st-2nd Years
Ollivander of Croton arrives in Athens in 382 BC with big dreams, noneof which...
James and Me by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
Annabel is having a bad day. Her sudden and unexpected meeting with a face from...
Tom Riddle and the Cave of Living Waters by alittletiefling 6th-7th Years
What would happen if Tom Marvolo Riddle had been adopted by well-meaning squibs?...
FEATURED
It Takes Two to Tango by lucca4 3rd-5th Years
They cannot keep doing this; it is only a matter of whose resolve will break...
In The Heat Of The Morning by welshdevondragon 3rd-5th Years
Summary: In the heat of the morning, Katie and Leanne lie in the grounds...
Can't Fight the Moonlight by Acacia Carter 6th-7th Years
A life-changing disaster at work drives Neville Longbottom to seek aid from...
The History Teacher by iLuna17 6th-7th Years
Maybe he didn’t just love history, maybe he loved being a history teacher.
white on white by Padfoot11333 6th-7th Years
Three vignettes about scars, love, and sex.
CATEGORIES