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Reviews For Rewriting The Song

Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 02/13/09 8:45 · For: Emigrations
I have a couple of things to say about the last two chapters.

First I have a tendency to compare it to 'Snivellus and the Head Girl". In that story Snape had a lot more angst and pain than here. Having less angst, this story is almost light-hearted especially considering Sev's list, and his two 'aquaintences' who wish to help him but don't want anyone to know that they are helping him.

Second, I have a sneaky suspicion that this story is really about Regulus. It seems as though there is alot of detail about his anxieties and worries.

I might question the non-canonical aspects of the story: Snape sympathizing with Sirius plight, the Black family sort of accepting Sev as a 'member' of their society, Narcissa and Reg not objecting to Snape's goal of dating a Muggleborn, not to mention that Sev apparantly has friends though he chooses not to call them that,,,,however it works for me.

I like Lily's reaction although I think her not doing well on her OWLs might be a little over the top. I think in canon, Lily would also be upset after breaking off Sev's friendship. The part where she is jealous of Sev's purpose in life also seems realistic at least for someone who has feeling for Sev. It makes me wonder if Sev's plan might backfire a little.

Author's Response: Hmm... interesting comparison. I've always compared my fic to 'Wrath of the Half-Blood Prince' by Matt Quinn and 'The Moment It Began' by Sindie. Both are completed Lily/Severus fics published on fanfiction.net, and they remain the leading contenders for strongest fics in that ship. To me, Severus seems too logical and analytical to even bother with angst. The encounter with the Mirror gave him an answer - to win Lily back, he'll have to change. WITHOUT that knowledge, he might easily wallow in angst, but he has a purpose now. Regulus is one of my favourite characters in this story simply because there's so much I can do with his character. He's a main character in this fic like Severus. There's a lot of detail about him because Severus is picking up on a lot of details about Regulus that he hasn't seen before. Oh, and Severus' 'plan' will backfire, don't worry - in a way that NOBODY could expect.

Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 02/12/09 18:51 · For: Aspirations
Interesting chapter. Not sure if I believe that Sev would tell Narcissa and Reg who he wishes to pursue, but it is a thoughtful premise.

I like how you have Regulus craving stability.

Author's Response: Severus, despite everything, is desperate at this point. If he wants his plan to work, he needs support and backing - and the two people that he thinks could be most reliable in his year are Narcissa and Regulus. And it does become interesting with Regulus craving stability - after all, he lived with Sirius!

Name: rambkowalczyk (Signed) · Date: 02/12/09 18:15 · For: Reflections
I like the dialog between Lily and Severus especially the part where he asks her if she will start calling him Snivellus.

I think the mirror scene with Dumbledore is too much copied. Why is Dumbledore all alone in the room with that mirror. I doubt if he is pining for Arianna or Gellart. (If this happens to be a subplot, I'll reserve judgement). I also find it doubtful that he just sits there and imparts words of wisdom to whatever student that accidentally wanders in. Except for Harry, I'm not sure that Dumbledore takes that much personal attention to his students (imho).

The point is the story needs a reason why Dumbledore is alone with the mirror.

I also think Dumbledore should have given another vision in the mirror. Socks is too much of a repeat. Severus isn't 11. I think Dumbledore could say something general like "I would like to have my entire family celebrate Christmas with me." or even "I wish Hogwart students weren't in such a rush to join Voldemort." With the first statement, Severus could be given a chance to ask why this is impossible and show some compassion or at least think about it.

Author's Response: Part of the story is the mystery, my friend. Dumbledore may or may not have had a reason to be alone with said mirror on his own, particularly if he had any knowledge ahead of time of Snape's arrival. Dumbledore's crafty too - he wants Severus on his side - and he is still wary of Severus and the company he associates himself with. Of course, Dumbledore is a complicated person, and he might have other motives that reach further than one thinks...

Name: HarperLee (Signed) · Date: 01/31/09 18:07 · For: Reflections
This story is heart-wrenchingly sad, and the characters are portrayed so realisticly. I love the way you've incorporated so much of the books into your story, I think you are a beautiful writer.
Magnificent work!

Author's Response: Why thank you! Much appreciated.

Name: inspirations (Signed) · Date: 11/26/08 13:34 · For: Reflections
I’m pretty sure the lines at the beginning are quoted from the books (forgive me if I’m wrong, I haven’t checked but they sound so familiar). If they are, you’ll have to highlight them in some way and say where you took them from, else it’s classed as plagiarism. Just thought I’d let you know - I don’t want you to get into trouble.

in this day and age, it got a fellow killed, acting in that way. - the wording seems a little awkward to me. I had to read it a few times until I understood. Might just be me though…

Are you going to begin calling me Snivellus like Potter and the rest of his ego-ridden scumbags do? - I don’t think ‘do’ is necessary to this sentence.

I like Severus’ outburst, but then when Lily goes you say he begins to cry. That seems a bit OOC to me. I think his eyes might sting with tears or something, but I can’t imagine him letting them fall. He’d be annoyed, angry, and bitter. To keep his small remaining pride, he wouldn’t let himself cry.

The other Marauders had all winced with James had gotten slapped - ‘when James had been’.

Your characterisation of Dumbledore was spot on, but I felt as if Severus was a bit rude to him. Well, he was. But I think, even in his school years, Snape would’ve treated Dumbledore with a bigger respect. I loved the scene, but I don’t think Severus would’ve been quite so intense in his anger. He would try to calm himself when faced with the teacher.

Good chapter, all the same; I look forward to seeing how all plays out. xD

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