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Reviews For Finding the Magic

Name: Rose Nym (Signed) · Date: 02/10/11 18:15 · For: Finding the Magic

A truly great story, and definitely one of my favorites of my favorites. I find the concept of Squibs fascinating but sad. Your story captures somewhat how I feel about reading Harry Potter and being a Muggle. ;) I thought it was appalling how Arabella's parents treated her, but I give them credit for trying. Knowing many wizarding families, it could have been much worse though. I feel the same way toward mistreatment of Squib children that I do about mistreatment of disabled children in real life--the ultimate failure in empathy.  I think you are a good writer (at least in this fic, I don't think I've read any of your others, but I probably will.) and this story really is full of great emotion and imagery. I really like much fanfiction about minor or unexplored characters that makes sense for the story's world and yours is one of the best examples of that I've read. The only thing in it that I remember not liking is Arabella's nickname "Bella." There are worse names, but to me Bella will probably always be the name of two certain characters I highly dislike, one because she's a b****, the other because she's a an utterly unrealistic idiot who gets everything she wants. (Guess which one Rowling didn't create?) Though I admit the movie "Bella" was okay...Sorry if my rambling is annoying. I would highly like it if you expanded this and wrote a sequel. That would be awesome!! Have a wonderful day! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) I'm really pleased you enjoyed this, and I hope you have a good day too! xx

Name: psijupiter (Signed) · Date: 03/27/10 6:21 · For: Finding the Magic
I really like this story. You have a wonderful way of creating very vivid descriptions which really bring your story to life.

Some specific comments:

‘Magic ...’ I breathe, enthralled by the moment.

This is a brilliant introduction, it really sets up the story and the relationship between the two girls. I was a bit confused as the story went on about whether or not Fiona knew (or suspected) about Arabella being a squib. From the “humouring” comment, it feels to me like she does, but then later on, I wasn’t sure.

Tears splash the page as I feel the injustice. The ink smudges in places, but I don’t care. This’ll just be a pinprick to Fiona’s perfect world. My world is crumbling before my eyes though – it’ll never be the same. I hope my tears serve as a reminder to my sister that it isn’t she who has to go through this. It’s me.

This is a wonderful, emotional paragraph.

I put on my jeans, while she goes off to buy it.

This really through me. The way the character’s talk feel quite old-fashioned, and though I’m not sure how old Mrs Figg is, I think jeans are far too modern. It kinda of pulled me out of the story, because I had to reevaluate the when the story was set.

‘I’m Arabella Lynch – Bella,’ I offer.

‘Olive Figg.’

We walk into the building together. Never, when I was thinking about starting at St. Mary’s, did I think I’d make a friend – I hadn’t even thought about it. I have a feeling though, that Olive will remain my friend for a long time. Suddenly, it doesn’t matter so much that I’m a Squib.

…and I immediately thought ‘how sweet, she changed her name to her girlfriend’s!’ Ahem. Reading the other reviews, I see that is not the case. :D

I do wonder if her change of heart about being a Squib is a bit sudden – I would have like to have maybe had a further scene about Arabella’s time at her new school, (perhaps at the end of the year when she is coming home) when we learn that she is feeling less worried about being a Squib. Then again, I would like more of this story altogether, so there you go. ;) It's a really interesting idea that you have turned into a great story. Thanks for writing it! :)

Psi x

Author's Response: Psi, hmm, I imagined Fiona seeing Bella as a child who didn't really know anything about magic and doted on her as a result... if that makes any sense :/ Thanks for your review :) xx

Name: mzap (Anonymous) · Date: 04/15/09 15:12 · For: Finding the Magic
I loved this and I think it was very well done. I have always felt a bit of sadness when I hear about Squibs within a entire family of wizards, and the emotion you created with this fic, showed those emotions exactly. Although it was sad, it was almost understandable to see the famliy disappointed in their daughter. I also liked the bit where her sister doesn't even pay attention anymore either. I loved the way you concluded it, though, with Arabella finding a friend and finding that magic isn't everything. It was interesting to see this done in the present tense and the way you wrote it made it truly feel like an eleven year old was writing it (simple sentences, simple words, etc.).

Although, there's one question. You have her family pick up Fiona from the train station, I'm assuming from Hogwarts, around mid July. I know the books don't give a specific date that the students are released, but I don't think that it would be as late as mid July. Any reason why you chose this?

Author's Response: Thanks, I don't write in present tense very often, so I'm pleased you think it worked :D The date used to be the end of July until Bine commented >.> Lol. Still too late? Hm. I chose mid-July because that's kind of the average let-out date for Muggle school kids. Maybe the wizarding world is different? Who knows? Anyway, yeah. Thanks again - I'm pleased you like it. xx

Name: coolh5000 (Signed) · Date: 04/12/09 12:45 · For: Finding the Magic
*is under pressure to give as awesome a review as you gave me*

Wow, this story was so good and so sad! You portrayed the feelings of Arabella very affectively. I found the reaction of her family and the fact that her father's first reaction was to comfort her mother rather than her to be particularly heart-breaking. It was a really interesting account of how a wizarding family would react to the thought of having a squib in the family. I thought this line in particular: ‘Magic ...’ I breath, enthralled by the moment. was so sweet and showed her fascination with magic and her wish to be able to do it herself (except I believe it should be breathe).

My only nitpicks are that Apparating should be capitalised and this line: As the first of the eleventh grows nearer is a little confusing and I'm not sure what you mean by it. I wasn't sure if you were referring to the day on which they start school, in which case it should be first of the ninth. This could just be me being too confused though.

All in all, a great story and I'm glad I stumbled across it. Hmm, Ok so maybe not quite such an awesome review though.

Author's Response: Thanks [and it was an awesome review]! I'm glad you liked it. I think I meant the month by the first of the eleventh but somehow I got the wrong month *headdesk* Nevermind, I'll edit in a minute. And that's exactly what I was aiming for with that first line you quoted, so I'm pleased it had that effect. XD Thanks again, dear! xx

Name: Black-Sand (Signed) · Date: 04/11/09 5:39 · For: Finding the Magic

Here's your Easter Egg.

I really liked the story. It had great description and it was sooo sad. I almost cried in it and I don't cry all that often over story's. Okay, okay, I cried when George got hurt but it's George.

The ending kinda made me laugh. She found another Squib!

Loved it!

...xXxLove SandyxXx...

Author's Response: Hi, Sandy - thanks for your review xD I'm sorry for the teary eyes >.> It wasn't meant to make people cry. The girl at the end wasn't a Squib though - maybe it was the surname that confused you? Yeah. Well, anyway, thanks again, honey. You made me smile - this is like one of my favourite things I've wrote, so it's nice when I hear feedback on it. xx

Name: luinrina (Signed) · Date: 01/04/09 10:32 · For: Finding the Magic
After having modded this one-shot, I thought – when seeing it in the review circle – that I should tell you how beautiful I found it when first reading it. I really liked how you portrayed Bella and Fiona, how you told about Bella’s lie in the hope of ever going to Hogwarts. I could really feel with her; I was sad when it came out she was a Squib.

And alas, it should be when rereading your one-shot for this review that I only then notice the story is written in present tense.

I really admire what you have built up with this one-shot. Arabella seems like a sweet girl with a terrible fate. She has no choice but to accept it, but she does everything possible to hold up, even for herself, the illusion of her being magical and one day being able to go to Hogwarts. Bella is written about in a very believable way, and even her parents are characters that live and feel. You’ve given the Lynchs a life, and it makes the reader feel sorry for them. You created a really fantastic atmosphere.

What you did really well was the dialogue. You have only little narrative around the dialogue to describe what the persons speaking are expressing – are they angry, exaggerated or happy? But with the dialogue you more than just compensate for that. The words spoken by the characters are enough to imagine the tone the characters use when speaking, in exactly the way you intended it, I’m sure. Wonderful job you’ve done with that.

However, I have some small nitpicks – and I’m a bit miffed at myself for not having noticed them before:

“Apparating” as well as “Disapparating” are capitalised. At least my (British edition) books have the words written in capital letters. If your books have it down differently, ignore little old me. =]

Instantly, I think, ‘Oh God! He knows my secret’, and I’m not far off. –– Thoughts are usually italicised. Also, because your dialogue tags are single, it’s a bit confusing if she spoke those words aloud or not.

I shake my head rapidly. ‘No I’m not!’ I say, a little too defensive. –– There needs to be a comma after “No”.

‘Your Mother and I have been talking,’ Dad says gruffly, startling me after his rigid silence. –– In my opinion, “mother” should be written in lower case in that sentence because she’s not spoken to but talked about.

‘Looks ok,’ I croak out. –– “Okay” should always be written out, not abbreviated.

‘You will write to Fiona this afternoon, informing her that you will be going to St. Mary’s. Not Hogwarts,’ Dad tells me, leaving the room before I can protest. –– I would replace the full stop after “St. Mary’s” with a comma; it just sounds a bit better in my opinion.

Also, what wonders me a bit, how can Bella write a letter to her sister when they’re on summer holidays? To me it seems that Fiona would be at home and not at Hogwarts when it would have been the time for Bella to receive her letter. The letters arrive at their recipients’ in July or August, I believe, by which time both Bella and Fiona would have been at home. A letter isn’t therefore necessary at this point. It’s nonetheless a nice part in your story though.

Tears splash the page as I feel the injustice. The ink smudges in places, but I don’t care. This’ll just be a pinprick to Fiona’s perfect world. My world is crumbling before my eyes though – it’ll never be the same. I hope my tears serve as a reminder to my sister that it isn’t she who has to go through this. It’s me.

This is such a wonderful paragraph. It tells the reader exactly what’s going on with Bella, what she’s feeling, and that she really loves her sister and would like to be with her, in Hogwarts. Also, it shows that she’s heart-broken and sad about her fate. You managed to draw the reader in so that we could feel with and for Bella. It’s my favourite part of the story, because it’s fantastically written and really spot-on.

When reading on, I get an answer to my question about the time when the letter is written. But still; the summer holidays seem to be about two months long – but when the parents go to fetch Fiona from the station at the end of July, there will be only August for the summer holidays. However, from canon we know that Harry had been in Privet Drive and thus out of Hogwarts in July because he had to celebrate his birthday at the Dursleys’ house. I doubt the holidays would have been only four weeks long at the time of Arabella’s childhood.

Fiona’s cold attitude towards her sister annoys me, but I can understand her. I wonder how I would react, and this is a good sign. When a story is able to have me feel for the characters and wonder how I would react in the different characters’ positions, then it’s definitely a very well written and believable story I’m reading.

Last but not least: Olive Figg – the name rings bells with me. I know that Arabella is later known as Arabella Figg, the old, cats-obsessed lady who sometimes took Harry in when the Dursleys went on a journey. Did Bella marry Olive’s brother? And who is Olive? Is she a Squib, too? I’ll end my many questions which could be answered in another story. You’ve created a wonderful basis for more stories around Arabella Lynch and Olive Figg. Please do write more about them.

To sum up, it’s a pity your story has not yet received the praise it is worth. I hope this review is a small compensation.


Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I'll get down to those nit-picks in a moment - I don't know how I missed 'Apparating'. I know that has a capital. And I must've overlooked the holiday when I wrote it, so I'll do something about that :) And, Bine, nobody will spot every mistake first time round. :P

Olive Figg is an OC I made up because I think Bella would've married at some point. I imagine Olive as a Muggle. Somebody kind, and lovely, but shunned by her parents to boarding school because they don't partically want her. She has an older brother, who Bella would marry. I hadn't thought of writing another story about Bella and Olive, but now you've said it, the idea kind of appeals to me. And thanks again, Bine. That was a fantastic review. :) x

Name: IndigoPassion (Signed) · Date: 11/17/08 12:09 · For: Finding the Magic
Ohh! Wow. This was amazing!

I have one small nitpick, ‘Don’t threat, Mistress Arabella.’ Do you mean, don't fret?

Other than that, it was such an amazing portrayal.

My favourite bit was at the start.
'The setting sun darkens as it dies away, framing Fiona’s dark head of curls - I decide that is magic too.'
It makes a slight connection, that you don't need to be able to cast magic, to understand the beauty of it in the real world.

The end, is also brilliant. The 'Olive Figg'. I love how you made the connection from her maiden name to her married one.

The emotions in this story are wonderful. How she's sad, but resigns herself to her fate. Its nice to see that you avoided the general cliche, of just having them upset, still convinced that the letter will come.

I would write a longer review, but i have to go now, so I'm sorry, but I hope this is okay.

All in all, I absolutly loved this story! Well done!


P.S, before I was a 'Puff, I read your Prongs story, that was AMAZING! Although I didnt review it, I wanted you to know!

Author's Response: Thanks, Lexy *waves* And yeah, I did mean 'don't fret' - I don't know how I overlooked that... I haven't read all that many Squib fics, but I've always thought - 'well they have no choice, so they'd just get on with it'. And Arabella's an interesting character to work with - I wish we knew more about her. And you have wrote a long enough review - it doesn't have to be pages to be great! And your review was great XD And I'm pleased you enjoyed Prongs, too. Thanks again!

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