First of all, I absolutely love your characterization in this story. Your descriptions of what Dean was feeling were very easy to relate to. I also love all of your descriptive details. When I read the first paragraph, I knew where the story was taking place and exactly what it was like. You have some awesome exposition writing skills.
I also really liked some of the ideas you brought into this story. Normally I wouldn't have thought that there would be any mention of Hallowe'en in HP, but the way you described Dean and Seamus' tradition it seemed natural.
On another note, I was kind of iffy as to how Seamus is portrayed. I really can't see Seamus saying 'D’ ya recommend this’d go well with me voice?’ in a Harry Potter book, which is what we are trying to replicate.
I really liked the ending, because I think that it really makes the reader stop and think. Did Dean do the right thing? If I were him, what would I have done?
Good job with this story!
OOOOHHH NOOOOOO!! Poor Dean!
What a delightful rare-pair you've written about. Typically, though, I doubt Cho will give him another chance. I enjoyed this story, HJ, you've taken a character we know very little about (Dean) and fleshed him out wonderfully. He comes across as so nervous with Cho, fun-loving with Sean (I love that they don't give a monkeys what Harry and Ron think of them) and his flirting with Rosmerta is brilliant. Ron gets all nervous with his favourite barmaid but Dean - what a lad! I love the friendship between Dean and Seamus. The books, naturally, concentrate on the Trio and it's only later we see part of Dean's background when he's on the run with Ted. Seamus, as the cheeky boy, is well written too. I laughed out loud - literally - at his banshee costume and the high pitched voice. But I doubt Dean will forgive him for turning up at that particular moment. Dean, you should have just come clean and said you were going on a date! I hope he realises that Seamus is going to have a lot of fun with this story in the dorm later that night. *plot bunny* Can you write the sequel?
All in all, a good read and an interesting take on a rare-pair. Well done. Carole xxx
Hey HJ. That was very sad. Poor Dean, although I've never really like Cho anyways. It sounds like something stupid she would do. :)
Author's Response: My sentiments too, Lizzy! I've never liked Cho either. She's just too cry-babyish and highly short-tempered for my tastes. That's one of the reasons I was so shocked when I actually took the challenge on and proceeded with it!
aawe! poor dean!
i'mm definately going to keep reading!
Author's Response: Thanks Tine, for that review, but I'm afraid that this is a one-shot for a challenge, and it's already complete. I just realised that I hadn't clicked the 'completed' option when I submitted. I'll do that right away. Thanks for reading and reviewing.