Reviews For Goodbye
Reviewer: Cirelondiel
Date: 11/30/08 5:52
Chapter: Chapter 1

A rare pair indeed! It's interesting to consider whether someone may have influenced Regulus in his actions... could it all have been out of love, as with Dumbledore and Grindelwald?
 
I think you wrote Regulus very plausibly. We don't know a lot about him, so you have the freedom to explore what his motivations may have been other than just family expectations.

Snape, however, doesn't seem right to me. I can't imagine him taking a younger student under his wing, thinking of himself as their older brother, corresponding with them over summer, revealing his deepest secrets to them. Severus, as we have seen, is very good at maintaining a facade. Him crying in the Room of Requirement over Lily I can imagine - but I don't think he'd reveal his weakness to a Slytherin. And Slytherin is more of an 'every man for himself' place: links were formed for convenience, not friendship. So Sev's actions in this fic don't seem accurate. Why would he single Regulus out and reveal so much of his true self to him? The second flashback tells us that Reg worked to prove himself to Sev - but I think you need to show us the time the relationship took to build. With some more detail, using Sev's characteristics to explain his behaviour, you could make this fic more believable. Or perhaps you could write a companion piece from Severus' point of view?

But the concept explored in this fic really is intriguing. Dumbledore blinded by love/infatuation and almost did horrible things, and I love how you considered whether that could explain the actions of others in the Potterverse - especially as we know Reg changed his views eventually.

Love was like a pack of werewolves, I thought to myself, harmless most of the time, but also a bloodthirsty monster.

^ I love that simile. It fits the HP universe so well, and also hints at Regulus not necessarily holding strong prejudices, as he recognises that werewolves are mostly harmless, which most of the magical community does not.

I like the structure of this one-shot, too. You tell us a story through just small snippets, and it's very well done. The only thing I might have done differently would be to write the first and last sections in present tense. Regulus' calmness in the face of death is already eerie, but putting it in present tense could make those parts contrast more with the flashbacks and give it a stronger sense of immediacy, helping to give readers goosebumps. That's just a personal preference, though. It works fine as it is.

All in all this is very interesting and well-written - just a bit more supporting detail to explain Severus' behaviour would really turn this into a great piece. How did you come up with this pair, by the way? Were pairs assigned for the challenge, or is it from your own imagination? It would be a tricky pairing to be assigned, but the unrequited love story is certainly the best way to write it to make it believable.

Well done! I look forward to reading more from you!

-- Chelsea 



Author's Response: Thank you for the review, Chelsea. :) Yes, the pairs were assigned, I don't think I would've chosen a pair like this for myself. I really appreciate the critism you've given me, especially about Snape. I am atrocious at writing him, mainly because I don't exactly understand him. --Julia

Reviewer: youaremylifenow
Date: 11/16/08 15:43
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow, I really enjoyed this story. It's so cute!

Please write more stories! I like your writing style. I am now going to be annoying fangirl. Pretty please? =)

Author's Response: Awh, you're sweet. Trust me, I've got a fair few plots I'm working on, and I'm revamping my favourite. ;] *squees* I have a fangirl! ;D Thanks for the review, love. --Julia

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