Reviews For Apparently Asleep
Reviewer: decdraft
Date: 06/24/09 14:35
Chapter: Chapter 11 -Old Stories and New Friends

love it!!!Tonks is one of my favorite characters and this is an awesome story!!

Author's Response: Thank you. Tonks, I think, is my favourite character (but Remus and Sirius run close). Carole xxx

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 06/24/09 13:29
Chapter: Chapter 11 -Old Stories and New Friends

Another good chapter. Slimey evil gits like Rob don't write sincere apology notes. He wants something and he ain't gettin' it. Glad Kinsgley's back in England. Neat guy and will make a great Minister of Magic in a few years. Some people will soon know that Sirius is one of the good guys. With any luck Remus and Tonks begin theri relationship now.

I think Tonks loves Remus much more than reviews, lol.

Author's Response: Hmmm, perhaps she loves Remus more than reviews - I think I do too - however she's awfully pleased to get them, so thank you again for reviewing. Well, Sirius is out now and Remus is back in Britain (YAY!) so now the fun can start.

Reviewer: Afifa
Date: 06/18/09 7:43
Chapter: Chapter 1- Cool!

So now that I can’t put off reading this anymore, here I am. Heh. And I’m glad that I am reading everything from scratch because I’ve already fallen in love with this fic.

Tonks is so, so endearing. One can’t help but love her, so I can easily see why the Marauders and Lily think her ‘adorable’. She is so spirited and lively. You’ve mentioned somewhere about her being a clumsy person. I’m glad you’ve thrown bits of canon here and there. And about her not being allowed to go in Muggle parts because of her continuously changing hair colour... I’d really never thought of that. So I’m really impressed that you’ve had that tiny detail in mind that it wouldn’t do in taking her among Muggles. Might I also add how pleased I am that Sirius is the one who thought of calling Nymphadora as ‘Tonks’, and that she stuck with it forever and it ends up with them having a special bond. Also, she’s basically the only one who doesn’t trust Peter. Kids are can see through people so well, it’s amazing.



I love Sirius too but you already know that. xD I am so glad that he is there for Meda even though they haven’t interacted for three years. And that he acts like a gentleman and remembers his manners. Also, he doesn’t cringe at the thought of babysitting kids or anything, he’s just inexperienced with them, and clearly wants Tonks’ approval. His chat with her is amusing and sweet. He really hits of well with kids. Quite a charmer with the ladies, no age restrictions. xD



Sirius snorted; he was pleased little girls grew up.



This brought a very genuine smile on my face. :) Also, I can actually see six year old children thinking that way. So thank you for having little children in character. :p



She considered. “S’okay I suppose. Better than Moony - that's just silly!”



Sirius chuckled, “Remus will be
so pleased to hear that.”



How ironic is that? xD lol. Of all the nicknames she doesn’t like, it has to be Remus’ the guy she’ll want to marry later.



I need someone I can trust to take care of her.”- Meda to Sirius.



“You can trust me, Meda, always.”- Sirius to Meda.



And,



My darling mother would Crucio me. ”- Meda to Sirius.



“Come on, we need to get back or your mum will Crucio me!”- Sirius to Tonks.



Perfect. :)



I really loved the first chapter. The Marauders, Lily and Tonks were spot on. Everything happened so naturally, I could actually picture the whole thing in my mind. It was likely that Sirius would compare his childhood with Tonks’. Tonks very easily made friends with her cousin’s pals. Most of the chapter was hilarious. The baby talk, etc. And the ending... it was heart breaking.



A few suggestions/mistakes:



Nymphadora excited was a wonderful sight to see as her hair kept changing like a kaleidoscope.



I had to think for a bit what exactly you meant, and then I was all, okay, so she’s excited. As simple as that. Lol. But I think maybe you should add a ‘being’ in between of ‘Nymphadora’ and ‘excited’ to make it sound better. Just a suggestion. :)



So,” said Sirius as they watched her Floo away, “what do I call you? Nymph?”



Opening inverted commas are missing.



“So what can I be?” she said belligerently.


br>Hm, ‘asked’ instead of ‘said’ would be better.



He looked down at her watching a red wave ripple through her long hair.



A comma between ‘her’ and ‘watching’.



I don’t care what you say you really are adorable.”



Again, comma needed between ‘say’ and ‘you’.



He’d asked Walburger if he could join them but she’d shot him a look of such coldness that he’d known not to press it.



I laughed for a full minute because of the ‘Walburger’. xD It made me think of her as a mixture of ‘Walmart’ and ‘burger’. Lol. It’s ‘Walburga’ by the way. :D



Other than that, this chapter was lovely. *off to read the next one*



- Afifa



Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review. I'm pleased you enjoyed the first chapter. You know something, those mistakes have been pointed out to me before and I was too bone idle to fix them. I will now - it must be because I'm scared of you - ha ha. Oh, and Tonk's conversation about babies was liften straight from my own daughter's mouth. The 'lergic to eggs' bit is from the other one. See, my children do come in handy. Thanks again. Carole xxx

Reviewer: Crimson Ebony
Date: 06/11/09 3:53
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Seeker

Why can't they fall in love alreddy? I need more!!! I love this its an amazing read!!!!! Thank you so much for writing it. I am in love with a man that isn't Sirius or Draco. I never thought that possible.

Author's Response: Ahh, first off, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you're enjoying it.

Secondly, I think they're kinda in love already - he just won't admit it.

Thirdly - Hands off the werewolf - he's mine! (mind you I love Sirius too.)

Thanks again. There should be an update very soon. Carole xxx

Reviewer: Black-Sand
Date: 05/22/09 10:53
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Seeker

G'day

You're mean, sending Tonks on a date with someone that's not Remus, and a perverted freak at that!!!

But the last line certainly makes up for that.

God, I wanted to hit Rob, his soo horrid. Must be the Avery blood in him!

Bout time you got another chapter up, looking forward to the rest.

...xXxLove SandyxXx...

Author's Response: Sorry about the wait. Look, Tonks has to realise that good looking blokes can be horrible and now she has something to compare Remus with *grins*. I wanted to hit Rob as well, I think I should have made Tonks hex him. Ah, well, too late now. Thanks for reading, I am writing the next chapter NOW! Carole xxx

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 05/19/09 21:51
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Seeker

Interesting chapter. Rob is, as I suspected, a complete jerk, an arse, and a slimey git. And Tonks and Remus are perfect for each other and will discover that at some point. I like your Martha. And it won't be that long before we all find out Sirius is innocent.

Author's Response: Yeah, he had to be a jerk, didn't he? Of course Remus and Tonks are perfect for each other, but I strongly suspect Remus won't agree. I'm glad you like Martha. She's nagging me to return to the story, so lets see what happens. Thanks for the review (and the consistent reading); I really appreciate it. Carole xxx

Reviewer: AmayaBlack
Date: 05/19/09 13:56
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Seeker

God, i love Tonks. Good chapter althout i miss Remus in it.

Author's Response: Hmm, so do I, but he can't be there all the time. He should be back pretty soon. Thank you so much for reviewing and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Carole xxx

Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/17/09 14:08
Chapter: Chapter 5- Opportunities

After the excellent last chapter I was wondering if your next chapter could live up to it. It could. I really liked the quieter scenes with the conversations. They are as important as the actions, and you set the pace wonderfully with them. Also, the conversations allowed more room for characterisation which you pulled of nicely. Great job, Carole.

The continuation of the houses and the prejudices towards them in Charlie and Tonks’ conversation was great, and I liked it very much that you got that topic rounded up so nicely. I also enjoyed the conversation between Tonks and Severus. She with her seventeen years of age only sees so much in her professor what other adults fail to see for years. You do Sev great justice; you should write more about him really.

What I noticed though is some mistakes in dialogue punctuation. For example, in the sentence “I...I.” she stuttered, and Remus could see she was trembling., the full stop after the second “I” in Pomona’s speech should either be an ellipse or a comma. Another mistake that jumped at me was the capitalisation in the second part of the speech in the sentence “Yeah,” he laughed, “Sodding know-it-alls!” . “Sodding” should be in lower case or there should be a full stop at the end of the interrupting narration.

All in all, though, the chapter was a nice contrast but great continuation of chapter four. Keep it going like that. The story is a very enjoyable read.

Author's Response: *beams again* Thank you, Bine. I shall fix the punctuation blip. I probably will write more of Snape and he turns up in this again at some stage. (He is an Order member, after all.)The whole Snape idea is actually based around his disparaging remarks to her in HBP when her Patronus changes. I kinda think there's more to that conversation than we see. *thinks subtext*. Hope you read the rest ... Thanks again. Carole xxx

Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/17/09 12:17
Chapter: Chapter 4 - Grudge Match

It took me some time to get to read on, but now that I did, chapter four proves to be a very entertaining and especially worthwhile read.

I really enjoyed the scenes with the house-elves and then during the Christmas dinner. You’ve woven Tonks’ clumsiness nicely into it, and the elves’ reactions are just so cute and funny when Tonks asks to help. *chuckles* Wonderful. I could practically imagine Tonks’ enthusiasm at helping them with their dinner preparations, and all the while, I got the picture in my head where the “helping” ends like in OotP when Tonks knocks over a chair.

What was also really interesting is the whispered conversation of Sev and Tonks at the table about Quidditch. I found it to be typical for Severus to give any house other than Gryffindor the favour as long as only his Slytherins are the victorious ones in the end. I also like Tonks’ reaction to when he mentions her festive hair. Besides, the Headmaster practically ordered me to do something festive. is one of my favourite passages of the chapter.

The article of Rita Skeeter shocked me. I can imagine what Tonks went through in that moment, but what I can’t quite understand was why Charlie would do something like that. Then again, when thinking about it, it’s Rita’s “talent” to twist words and meanings so much that such horrible articles come out of it. But with the Gryffindor team minus Charlie having had a hand in this, it clears some questions I got when reading the part with the article.

What I also adore is the broader impressions with the houses. You’ve shown extraordinarily the prejudices that rule the thinking of people’s minds. Gryffindors are brave, but so are Hufflepuffs, and Tonks is a wonderful example. But people don’t want to see that. Also, the Gryffindors are set against Slytherin, but truly, is Slytherin a bad house only because a few people turned out to be dark wizards? I really love that you show all of this here, so open and yet at the same time so subtly interwoven into the plot. Bravo, Carole. Truly magnificent work.

And what is even more magnificent is the game itself. Trying to beat Potter’s record is a really great idea. Tonks is so fired up that she would do anything to show the Gryffindors their place. The characterisation you pulled off in these scenes, not only the one of Tonks but from Charlie as well, is bravissimo. Don’t you dare, Wood. You and my brothers got us into this, I’ll try and get us out by catching the Snitch, but don’t you dare ruin her momentum! is such a great line; it conveys a wonderful message, and I can easily imagine the tone with what Charlie has shouted it. He wants his team to win, of course, but he is still loyal enough to Tonks to give her this victory.

Remus’ appearance at the game surprises me a bit. But it is a nice twist to have him see her play Quidditch. I like it as it gives the chapter a beautiful touch.

The entire second half of the chapter makes it really emotional for me. First the Hufflepuffs cheering for Tonks, then her victory in breaking the record and her words in “Sorry, James,” she yelled, and she lifted her face to the heavens, “but that one’s for Sirius!”, and finally the conversation amongst the adults about Sirius and James and how they would have reacted to Tonks’ new record – it all makes me cry. The chapter is built up to that point fantastically, and the cliffhanger at the end is totally not what I saw coming.

Carole, this is one of the best chapters I’ve ever read, and you have my entire respect for that. It’s a master example of tension, humour and emotional moments mixed together into one single chapter. You told me you like this chapter best, and I completely agree with you. I can’t say with words how much I love this chapter; I can only applaud you. *gives standing ovation*

Author's Response: EEEEEP *gets hit by a Bludger*. WOW! Bine, thatnk you so much for a fantastic review. Honestly this was my favourite chapter to write, but the one I had the most trouble with (it got rejected twice). I am so incredibly pleased you liked it. I think I explain more about Charlie and article in the next chapter but can't rememeber. He wasn't nasty at all - it was all Rita!

I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a bit biased towards Hufflepuff *wonder why*.

Thank you so much for such a fabulous review. I'm grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

Carole xxx

Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/11/09 5:57
Chapter: Memories and Revelations

What a great chapter. I really like how you depict Tonks and Remus, but your Severus is fantastic as well. You really do write him well despite stating that you don't like him. And I find it to be an interesting fact that he's Tonks' favourite teacher. Intriguing development. I can imagine this is going to play some more important role during their time in the Order.

The way you show Remus makes clear that he was a Marauder. The things he mentioned what he and the other three have done gives it more depth and lets me as the reader see his more carefree side. I also quite like the detail that Tonks took such a liking to Lily that she "colours" her hair like Lily - which unsettles Severus quite a bit. You truly do know how to include details that enrich the story.

What I also quite like is the relationship between Tonks and Charlie. He wants more but she doesn't feel like he does, and that brings them close to destroying their friendship. I really do hope that Charlie and Tonks remain friends. It would be a pity if it were destroyed.

Comma-wise, I didn't notice any mistakes, but once or twice you didn't put a question mark when there was one needed, like for example in the sentence “You’re not going to tell me where you were, are you,” he said bitterly.

Looking forward to read more!

Author's Response: YAY! No comma mistakes.Bine, I'm so pleased you're enjoying this story because I love writing it. Tonks and Charlie - you'll have to wait and see, but he is in a few more chapters. I don't like Snape, but he's an extremely interesting character and intriguing to write. There will be some more scenes with Snape - especially when they're both working for the Order. Thank you for reviewing. Carole xxx

Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/10/09 16:21
Chapter: Chapter 2- More of a Miss than a Kiss

Ohh, what a cliffhanger! You couldn’t do it more gripping, could you? Now it’s late and I can’t go on reading… *sighs*

Anyway. What an interesting chapter! I really like that Tonks is so “obsessed” with Sirius being innocent, and that she tries to prove it by brewing Veritaserum. Nice plot development there. Love it. Also, the relationship with Charlie is just fitting nicely. Pity she doesn’t feel the same for him he feels for her.

I also quite like Severus’ characterisation. He’s so sarcastically written, and Tonks’ wit in her responses to him is brilliant. You really do know how to characterise Tonks. I marvel at it. She’s funny, she’s witty, she’s a person you have to like instantly. Great job.

Though, I noticed some mistakes in punctuation. You missed – twice or thrice – the opening or closing speech marks, making it a bit confusing while reading. Also, sometimes, I missed a comma, like for example in the sentence As she stashed them in her trunk she spilt some of the ground Newt powder over her T shirt. where there should be one after “in her trunk”. And shouldn’t “T-shirt” be hyphenated, too? Also, I noticed some commas that would do better as semi-colons or periods: “It’s six thirty in the morning, he’s probably asleep,” snapped the Fat Lady.

But all in all, a great chapter. Can’t wait to read on and find out about Remus’ reaction!

Author's Response: I have to say that this particular cliff was my favourite. That girl really knows how to get herself into trouble. I'm so pleased you like Tonks. She is my absolute favourite character so I'm glad you see her as well rounded. Remus' reaction is pretty cool too. Snape was fun to write. I didn't want him to be as unsympathetic as he is in the real books because I figured he wouldn't be quite so bitter before Harry turned up.

I shall attend to the punctuation slips. I was wondering if I could get away with callin it a comma splice ...

Perhaps not! Thanks for the review, Bine. Carole xxx

Reviewer: RTTLupin
Date: 05/01/09 9:57
Chapter: Chapter 1- Cool!

Ahh, now I remember why I only read completed stories!
Waiting for the next chapter will be so hard!
I loved the story. You wrote Tonks perfectly. The dynamic that you gave each character was great really. I loved the humor wove throughout ‘Helga Hufflepuff's best nightie’ was one of my favorites. The moment she and Charlie have testing the potion very well written, nearly made me cry. I cannot wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. The next chapter is currently with my beta so hopefully not long now. I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story; this is probably my favourite to write because I love Tonks and Remus so much ( not to mention Sirius who will be escaping soon...)Thanks again. Carole xxx

Reviewer: SingingBird
Date: 03/21/09 13:35
Chapter: Chapter 9 - The Raid

This story is so interesting! I just read the whole thing this morning because once I started, I just couldn't stop. I can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: OOH, thank-you so much for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying it and especially pleased you left a review. I'll try to update soon as there's a few chapters left...

Reviewer: RedChequeredConverse
Date: 03/20/09 13:19
Chapter: Chapter 9 - The Raid

I am officially addicted, seeing as I stayed up until 1:30 last night finishing this. :)

Now, for the nitpicky stuff. The writing is awkward in a few places, and there's a bunch of missed/switched around punctuation. Otherwise, the story is fabulous and the characterizations are heavenly (finally! someone who can write the Mauraders!). If you want a second beta to help with punctuation, etc, I'd be more then willing to help.

You go, girl! Update before I take drastic action. ;)

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. If you like Marauders (and the way I write them) then you might like The Lions of Gryffindor. (shameless plug.) Thank you for the nit picks, I may get in touch. I will update as soon as I can because I adore writing this story, unfortunately I'm also in the middle of about four other fics - all demanding my attention! I appreciate your comments - Carole xxx

Reviewer: ca2roline
Date: 03/16/09 21:44
Chapter: Chapter 9 - The Raid

I liked this chapter, but the anticipation is going to be painful. I hope Remus is in the next chapter!

Author's Response: You'll have to wait and see. He might turn up...

Thank you for the review. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Carole xxx

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 03/16/09 19:40
Chapter: Chapter 9 - The Raid

I'd much rather someone hexed the Malfoy's

Author's Response: So would I, perhaps another time, eh?

Reviewer: meldina
Date: 02/27/09 19:27
Chapter: Chapter 8 "Expecto Patronum!"

PLEASE POST MORE,LOVE
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
MELDINA

Author's Response: I will. Very pleassed you're enjoying my take on Tonks/Remus. Next chapter is called The Raid and will hopefully be up soon. Carole xxx

Reviewer: ca2roline
Date: 02/22/09 14:07
Chapter: Chapter 8 "Expecto Patronum!"

I love this story. I am really hoping a new chapter will be up soon- I can't wait to find out what happens.

Author's Response: The next chapter's with my betas - checking my lousy punctuation. It should be up soon. I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story. Thank you for the review. Carole xxx

Reviewer: bella dora black
Date: 02/11/09 11:01
Chapter: Chapter 8 "Expecto Patronum!"

luv it please hurry up and update. it is a really good story and you are a good writer.thx!!!

Author's Response: Thank- you. There are more chapters on the way - I promise. Hopefully, a one-shot will soon be validated which inspired the chaptered fic. Originally I was going to slot it in as a future chapter - but Remus and Tonks had other ideas. I appreciate the review and I'm pleased you're enjoying it. Carole xxx

Reviewer: AmayaBlack
Date: 02/08/09 18:26
Chapter: Chapter 8 "Expecto Patronum!"

i really enjoy this chapter...i really looking foward for siriues escape...

Author's Response: Thank you. He should be escaping soon (Chapter 10 - I think) I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Carole xxx

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