MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Fractured Rules

Name: Lyra Lestrange (Signed) · Date: 12/19/08 15:51 · For: III: The Survival of the Sunflower
I like the sunflower metaphor. I also like the warm/cold symbol going on (how Andromeda is and icicle and Ted is trying to melt her). Your metaphors are really good!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like them!

Name: YouMaySayNymphadora (Signed) · Date: 12/09/08 14:26 · For: Prologue
Poor Andromeda! I can empathize and sympathize with her. Growing up, I was told over and over that I had no right to my feelings, no matter what they were. I had to keep them all bottled up inside for years and pretend to be a normal, happy person. The years of pent up emotions lead to a nervous breakdown... but that's a whole other story.

You have done a wonderful job describing how Andromeda's family held her back, keeping her under their control, almost preventing her from becoming the woman she was meant to be.

I'm enjoying your story so far. Well done!


Author's Response: Oh that's awful. No-one deserves to be treated that way as they grow up. *Hugs Lark* I hope things have become better for you.

Thanks so much on the compliments for the story! I trying to take things slow for Andromeda, she will struggle to let go of her family even though they are holding her back. Chapter three is in the queue at the moment.

Thanks so much for the review.


Name: Lyra Lestrange (Signed) · Date: 12/06/08 21:48 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
I like where this is heading. The idea for the family code is a really good idea and definitely seems like something the Black family would do. I like Andromeda's characterization a lot, because that's how I imagined her--trying to break away from the way others see her because of her family. Oh, and the song lyrics are a neat idea. I come up with songs to match my story chapters too (except they're not in the story because some are kind of a stretch). :) Definitely continue this!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review :). I'm glad you are enjoying the story and the song lyrics. Actually, I put the next chapter in the queue this morning. It's called, "The Survival of the Sunflower." Crossing my fingers that it comes through. :)

Name: Cirelondiel (Signed) · Date: 11/25/08 2:27 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
Great job again, Helz!
Firstly, using the topic of Apparition to steer their conversation towards birthdays was clever.
Your Ted is just adorable... kind, excitable, fun - oh, I just looked at my review for the last chapter, and I described him as adorable there, too. Well, he is :) And you managed to liken him to a knight in shining armour, too. How nice.
There's really a clear distinction now between what Andromeda wants to do and what she technically should do: the reader can see that the voice in her head telling her to ignore Ted is exactly that - a voice, not Andromeda herself thinking.
And the flower... well, that is just perfect. It represents growth, beauty, innocence, happiness, and you so cleverly linked it to Ted through the hair colour! I like that it's not a perfect beautiful flower, too - it's odd, or unique, and that makes it all the more special.
It also sort of makes a point: the first time she breaks a rule, rather than being some big dramatic event, is simply not crushing a pretty flower. It highlights just how extreme the views and rules of the council are.
I think this fic stands out to me as being good because you really show things through metaphor and other devices, you don't just tell - eg. the flower carries so many implicit ideas.
Again, a well-written and interesting chapter. Looking forward to more!
-- Chels

Author's Response: Hey Chels

Firstly, I would like to say thank you for this wonderful review. Reviews like this really make me want to keep updating. I'm really glad you liked the concept of the flower. The flower is a continuing motif, as you can see from the next couple of chapter titles (which are written on my authors page). Hopefully my beta's will send back chapter three soon so I can add it to the queue. Anyway, I'm glad you are reading this story, you understood everything I was going for :D. Hope you keep reading right to the end (which I pretty much have planned out- all I have to do is write).


Name: Mudblood_and_Proud_of_it357 (Signed) · Date: 11/23/08 14:02 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
Wow! This is really, really good and I love Andromeda's characterization! I'm interested to see what happens next!
Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you are enjoying it :) For updates on what is happening, check out my authors profile.

Name: Petit Bread (Signed) · Date: 11/23/08 11:10 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
This is really good! I can't wait for the next installment! Keep typing! And soon!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! The next chapter is called, "The Survival of the Sunflower" and it is all written. I am just waiting for my beta's to send it back. I think there is an excerpt on my profile if you are interested. (If there isn't, I'll put one up as soon as I get home.)

Thanks again for the review :)

Name: Sdogg (Signed) · Date: 11/22/08 8:45 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
I'm loving this story so far! You've got some excellent writing abilities and I can't wait to see where you go with them. ps. I love Ted!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and compliments. I have written the next chapter, I just have to wait for my beta's to send it back. ps. I love Ted too :)

Name: phoenix_fille (Signed) · Date: 11/21/08 17:22 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
Bravo! You're a wonderful writer, adn I really like how she has the thoughts of what she sould be doing before she does the exact opposite. I can't wait for the next update!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and the compliments. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Chapter Three: The Survival of the Sunflower is written, I just have to wait for my beta's to send it back.

Name: le soleil (Signed) · Date: 11/21/08 9:43 · For: II: How the Flowers Grow.
Okay, brightening your day... here is my review. It's short, but anyway, i thought I'd post it. So, she is already being rebellious. A bit to fast for me, since it is against everything she has ever learned... but I guess it's okay, if this is not the main point of the story.
But liked it anyway. Go on!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm sorry you feel that she is becoming too rebellious too fast. Don't worry, she refuses to do anything, apart from keep the flower, for a while yet. I was worried that people might think I was going too slow, as it is a romance type story. I'm glad you liked it anyway. Thanks again for reviewing.

Name: le soleil (Signed) · Date: 11/17/08 20:57 · For: Prologue
Oh my god, please, go on with this story! I really love the storyline so far and I want to know what will happen next.
Only I think that for her birthday, more people would have wished her happy birthday. Those pure-blood families are all somehow connected and I think it would just have been rude to ignore her. Also, isn't she really pretty? So maybe some boys would want to get her attention. (Perhaps they have all given up?)
But I can't wait for more!

le soleil...

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! The Second Chapter: How the Flowers Grow, is in the queue. About 90% of it is Ted/Andromeda interacting so I hope you like it :)

As for the Happy Birthday thing, people would have defiantly offered their congratulations, saying things along the lines of, "Congratulations, Andromeda for your coming of age." But no-one would have rushed up to her, given her a big hug and wished her Happy Birthday sincerely, which sub-consciously she wants.

As for the Boys, I do have a reason why they are not all over her (apart from the fact they have given up) but I can't tell you until chapter four :P.

Name: hpsupafan (Signed) · Date: 11/11/08 19:15 · For: I: When Seeds are Sown
nice work :D

Author's Response: Thank you :)

Name: phoenix_fille (Signed) · Date: 11/06/08 20:25 · For: I: When Seeds are Sown
Ugh, what an awful way to grow up. I can't wait to find out what happens next!

Author's Response: Yes it would be horrible wouldn't it? As for what happens next, there is a sneak peek on my authors page. I went on a bit of a writing spree after my last review, and I am now up to 1,500 words for Chapter Two: How the Flowers Grow. Hopefully I can get it to 2,000 words by the end of this evening.

Name: Cirelondiel (Signed) · Date: 11/06/08 1:58 · For: I: When Seeds are Sown

Wow, Helen! These first two chapters have me absolutely intrigued.

I love your unique version of the Black family women, with the cult-like aspect.

Your Ted is adorable, and it's interesting to see Andromeda's inner conflict. She clearly doesn't want to stick to the family mould, even if she doesn't know it yet. I'm really excited to see how you develop the story.

Some nitpicks, though - 'charms' should have a capital, and you've got pure blood, pureblood, and Pureblood in this chapter. According to the Lexicon, it's pure-blood.

This seems really well-written and well thought out so far, so I can't wait for more! Amazing job.

-- Chelsea

Author's Response: Hey Chelsea,

Thanks so much for the reviews and the compliments. You really got the Andromeda I was going for - She is longing to rebel, but refuses to believe that she does.

Thanks for those few things up. I often make little mistakes like that, and it's great to have someone fix them up for me :D

Thanks again,

Name: Calico (Signed) · Date: 11/04/08 20:25 · For: I: When Seeds are Sown
I really enjoyed reading this chapter; I just wish it could have gone on long enough for me to find out what happens next between Ted and Andromeda. I can't wait to see what you do with this story - I mean, we know the ending, but everything between now and then is all up to you! Keep writing, please!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! Sorry for the cliffhanger, I'll try and finish the next chapter as soon as I can. I've been struggling to write this particular chapter and only have 900 words at the moment. (Chapter 3 and 4 have 1,100 each and they are nowhere near finished). But for now I'll put up a little expert of chapter two on my authors page. Thanks again for the review (I actually went and wrote 200 words when I got this, they prompt me into doing stuff)


Name: Phia Phoenix (Signed) · Date: 11/01/08 21:53 · For: Prologue

Oooh - chilling! You've built up atmosphere so well, Helz! Really spooky. You've conveyed emotion well, with poignant bits fill to the brim with foreshadowing. Very well-written, with everyone well in character! Everything that happens is perfect plausible. The cult-like induction seemed at first like you were going a little over the top, but when I think about the crazy Blacks it may just work.

 One line that really caught my attention at the beginning was how you said that Bella seemed happy, and at the time Dromeda thought it was for her, but that she later realised Bella was just happy not to be the weakest any more. That is so, so in character. Well done.

I loved the way you described the grandmother.

Two little typos: Narcissa was "tipped to do go far", and "I always kept myself cold and in control control". Other than that, all fine.

I'll be going on to read your Dromeda/Ted, now! Well done, Helz!

xoxox Phia

Author's Response: Thanks for the review Phia :)
In regards to the cult sort of aspect, I wanted to add something different to the same old Black family story. I needed a way for the rules to really sink in, rather then her family just told her not to.
I'm glad you liked it and thanks for picking up the typos. I shall go fix them now. I hope you enjoy the next chapters.

xox Helz

You must login (register) to review.