I just found this storie and started to read it when i noticed you havent updated sinces 09....does that mean you stopped writing?
Author's Response: It means that I haven't had the chance to continue writing it. I also want to go back and change some stuff in the chapters to make it flow easier. It doesn't flow right to me...
I like the fact that Harry has a sister in this story. This is a good way to see the other side of the story where the sister Alex is telling her side of the story. How she saw things before her parents died. This is a nice way to read about the other side of not having both parents around. Based on Alex's story.
So Good Job!
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much! I haven't logged in in a while, so seeing your review made my night. Unfortunately, I'm not please with how I began the story, so I'm going to rewrite the first few chapters, rename it to something else, and start off at a different point in the third year, most likely the summer before. Keep a look out in the future for a new story by me though. I have a feeling my boyfriend (who actually encouraged me to continue the story a few minutes ago considering he only just found out I was writing it like ten minutes ago) won't be seeing me too often this upcoming Christmas hols.
Oh My God!! This is awesome!! It's so intriguing...and then it just stops!
Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely comment.
I'm sorry about the long wait. Real life is a bit busy at the moment.
The next chapter will be up as soon as possible. Keep a look out if you want to know what happens next.
;) and I'm pretty sure I know who is watching her in the darkness of the RoR ;) just waiting for it to be revealed in the story...I do have to say...I LOL'ed at the "it's not time my time of the month" comment to Ron. :) Ok..gonna go for real this time *smiles*
Author's Response: Lol. Thanks again. The comment Alex made to Ron is what any typical teenage girl would say to a friend she is comfortable around. Why not try to make a fanfiction story as real as possible? And for the part in the RoR, that's not going to be revealed for quite some time! ;)
Oh no! Where did Alex just get sent??? (sounds like someone sent her off with a Portkey)....Love this as always, and I can't wait to read more :)
Author's Response: Haha. Thanks you! I wasn't sure how to write the last part, so I just used the portkey feeling for it. Who says that a portkey is the only thing to feel like that? Thanks again for reading. I hope chapter four will be coming sooner than this did. ~Allie
Hello, dear. I was browsing through the Hufflepuff Review thread and decided to have a go. I don’t generally read professors stories as a rule as well, but yours sounded interesting (and it is)!
I like the start. It jumps in and sets the scene. But you say that she can see her dad downstairs, but where are Lily and Alex if they can see him? It would be nice to know her location, because without it the first paragraph doesn’t make the best sense.
In the distance I hear a laugh; a high pitched, cold, evil laugh, but mum and dad act like they don’t hear it. - *shudders* That description is so simple, but so strong and haunting. Like a sound from your deepest nightmare.
I didn’t want to see what happened, so I turned my head. - I’m not great with tenses, but I don’t think this sounds quite right. Shouldn’t it be I don’t want to see what’s happening, so I turn my head.
All I think is that I don’t want mummy to go, but the man says an incantation, and I see that blinding green light again. - That really isn’t that sad (seeing as I was expecting it) but tears have still filled my eyes.
In the dream at the beginning, how old are the twins? Alex seems to know kind of a lot, that’s all, and when Lily/James died in canon Harry was one year old.
“AH!” Alex screamed, snapping her head up and causing the five classmates or so around her to jump a foot out of their chairs, while the rest of the class looked up from their work.
“Yes, Miss Potter?”
Alex groaned, but just loud enough for Harry, her brother, and Ron, Harry’s best friend, to hear her. Oh great! Out of all the classes I could have fallen asleep in, I had to pick Potions.
I like that bit, but the first sentence is long - maybe consider changing the ‘five classmates or so’ to ‘few’, or something along those lines? And I thought she was saying the italicised bit aloud at first. It would be clearer in a new paragraph and with ‘Alex thought’ tacked on the end.
chillier then it should have been. - ‘than’ instead of ‘then’.
The only differences between her and her mum was the thin, lightning bolt scar on her forehead that she and her brother shared, and her eyes; where her mum had emerald, she had inherited her father’s. - sorry, hon, but it sounds like Alex and Harry literally share a forehead. And I like the comment on the eyes - it’s a cool concept that Harry should look like his dad but have Lily’s eyes, and Alex looks like Lily but has James’ eyes.
“So tell me Miss Potter, is there a reason you screamed during my class?” Snape inquired, glaring at her down his hook nose, making his way across the room.
“Or is it that you fell asleep in the middle of my class while you were supposed to be reading about the history of unicorn hair and the properties of which it contributes to potion making.”
By this time, Snape had already crossed the classroom from the Slytherin side to Alex’s desk, placed both of his pale hands on either side of her potions book, leaned down to get face to face with her, and had a smirk on his face.
Oh God - loving the Snape characterisation. Cutting across students, looking down his nose… fantastic! Though when someone speaks to somebody, you need to put a comma in front of the person they’re addressings name. That probably didn’t make much sense, but here it should be, So tell me, Miss Potter for example. Also, the repetition of ‘face’ is slightly distracting. Maybe you could change had a smirk on his face to wore a smirk. Or something like that, anyway. XD
What you really should be thinking about is how are you going to hand in the information you were required to obtain by the end of class, if the class is almost over, and you haven’t gotten a single sentence written on your parchment? - it’s almost like he changes question half way through here. You need to reorder ‘how are you’ to ‘how you are’.
Snape mentions McGonagall having a go at him for giving Alex detention. Unlikely, I think. She’s one of the stricter teachers for discipline, and Alex does deserve the detention. *dodges tomatoes*
By the time Snape finished giving her detention, half his next class was already in the dungeon classroom. - all Snape’s classes wait outside until he’s ready for them, I think. I always got that impression from the books, anyway. Please, disregard this nit-pick if I’m wrong. :]
A look of shock crossed Snape’s face when she said what the dream was about, but it so short that Alex mistook it as a trick of the light. - Did you miss a word out somewhere? After the comma, it doesn’t make sense.
One last thing: Alex wouldn’t think of her DADA professor by his first name. Stick to surnames :]
My favourite part of this chapter has to be the dream. Your prose in that part was so lovely - the description created a great atmosphere.
I’ve said it already, but what stood out to me most about this chapter has to be Snape. His characterisation is so great - you have him spot on! It’s little things about Snape, like the gasp when Alex mentions his dream, that make him so … Snape.
Great work xx
Eeek! The word count for this review is over nine hundred! [!!!] :P
Author's Response: BINE! *squeeze*
First off, thanks for the review. 900+ WORDS! WOWS!
Ok, what to start with first. I just went back and did a few changes at the spots that you pointed at. *squeezes again*
I'm not sure if you read the second chapter or not, but the reason why Alex calls Remus by his first name is basically explained in it. They became close friends.
Yes, Harry and Alex are both a year old in the dream, but the reason why Alex is able to remember the dream will be explained later, er, much later.
Snape is always a tricky person to write about, but this was fairly easy compare to what's to come. (side note. It's Severus' birthday today!)
Also, I'm quite fond of the dream myself. It was kind of fun to write.
Glad you enjoyed the chapter, and sorry for making you cry and frighten, even if it was just a little.
Allie! See, I told you I would r&r =D
Well, I love the idea of Harry having a twin. Its not something you see every day and I really like new ideas =D
I loved Snape. He was pretty IC for most of it. Its just like him to say what he did about Hermione and whatnot. And speaking of Hermione, I can't wait to see what's the story surrounding that is.
I also loved the whole anticipation with why she had that dream. Overall, really good first chapter. Really does capture one's interest.
Can't wait to read more =D
Author's Response: YAY! *huggles Riham for finally reviewing*
So, the dream. The dream is a bit major to the rest of the story. I'm going to refer to it in later chapters as more dreams, but I'm just going to put like little parts of it.
The dream has something to do with where Hermione ends up. Ok, maybe that wasn't what I meant. The story leads up to Hermione in a way.
Love that you loved Severus. He's a hard person to control. ;)
This was really good. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO HERMIONE!
I like your twist on the series, giving Harry a scarred twin. Now, there are two people-who-lived! By the way, Alex has a really good memory. She was a baby when Voldy attacked, and she remembers everything! SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SOME SORT OF BABY-NINJA.
Update soon, fiance-in-law!
Author's Response: BABY-NINJA!?!? Josh don't you ever give the ninjas a rest?
You'll find out what happened to Hermione once we get to chapter four.
As for the memory, I thought I explained that to you and Riham, or was is Nikki? Hm. Anyway, you'll find that out in time also.
I love this. Allie.
I love the way that Alex ( I kinda wanna call her Allie, lol) is so much her own person, instead of just living for Harry, like some fics do it.
I also like the way she has her own relationships and all that.
Well done, my friend.
Author's Response: Lol. Lexy, another review? I was only expecting one! *cherishes(sp?) review*
Once again I'm surprise you didn't say anything about Severus' arm. Then again I was only expecting that one review. *sti;; cherishing(sp?)*
That Allie comment made me laugh, no lie, and she really is her own person. There is so much to Allie that will be revealed that makes her somewhat different from Harry. Ok, that was an odd line.
By relationships I take it you're talking about her attitude towards Sev and how she and Remus are together. Hm. I wonder if you thought I was pairing Alex and Remus together. *questioning look*
Well two reviews just brighten up my day. Maybe they'll keep my cold away.
Heyyy there, Allie, Love.
This is really rather amazing.
I love all of this story, as I must admit, I do rather adore Harry-with-a-twin storys, and there just aren't enough!
I'm glad you agree...
I love the detail and description of the first part, the dream, although it is a bit odd that a one year old baby remembers all of that.
I also love your characterization of Sanpe. You have him so IC.
I love your story, so update soon missy!
Author's Response: Lol. Lexy, love, it's about time. *snickers*
Yay! I love my story being amazing! *squee*
Ok. Time to be professional again. *holds back laughter*
I believe I already told you about how Alex remembers the dream so well. Remember, it was through aim. Anyway, I should probably make a note of that somewhere before I forget. *hugs Lexy for the reminder*
Severus. Oh what am I going to do about him. I'm surprised you didn't ask about why he openly showed his left arm in chapter two. And the characterization of him, it's hard keeping him IC. It's definitely going to be hard in later chapters, and I mean like in the middle of the story.
I'm going to update as soon as Sarah(chained) gets back to me with chapter three, and then I have to change some stuff that I know doesn't make sense already and then send it back to her. So it's going to be a while. A month, at least.
Love you! *squishes*
This is an intriguing story. I'm pleased to see that Alexandra seems to be her own person and not merely Harry's twin. She has a lot of spirit. Your Remus is very compassionate I'm pleased to say, I want to know where Hernione's gone...any clues...pretty please.
I have one eensy quibble *sorry*. I'm not sure Snape would have called Professor McGonagall by her first name in front of students.
But that's my only quibble - the rest is all good.
Author's Response: Hm. Curious. I don't remember having Snape call MsGonagall by Minerva. I wonder which chapter it was in?
As for Hermione, you'll know soon enough. Oh, and congrats Carole!
Well, things are about to get interesting! I'm wondering if Alex will attempt to use the Time Turner. In your Intoduction, she says that she is stuck in the year 1973, so, maybe that was a hint? ;0)
Anyway, great story and good luck writing future chapters.
Author's Response: Yes, the 1973 thing was a hint, but no, Alex doesn't attempt to use the time-turner. Have any guess then? It also mentioned something about Draco, remember. The next chapter will be very interesting as well. things are just begining for this story.
First of all, congratulations on your first fanfic! I admire all the new authors and their courage to put words together to make a story. I have the same talent, but I'm too shy to put it in public...
I love your story, and the idea of Harry having a twin. I wonder if Alex and Harry were both raised by the Dursleys. Imagine their horror at raising not one, but two Potter kids!
Anyway, I love the concept, it's gonna be fun to see what happens in Alex's life.
Obviously, there's no love lost between Snape and Alex...She has Lily's red hair, but not her green eyes. I'm sure he 'loves' the fact that he has two 'celebrities' in his class.
I look forward to reading the next chapter of this wonderful tale!
Author's Response: Lol. Thanks. I actually started thinking about this story months ago. I think it was around March, but so much has changed. One main thing that changed was one of my pairings.
Yes, they were both raised by the Dursleys, but unlike Harry, Alex actually liked going to Figgys' house. Lol. Of course Alex realised that if she showed joy going over there the Dursleyes would stop the visits. And since Alex looked like Lily, maybe Petunia had a bit of a soft spot for her.
As for Snape, it's a bit complicated in itself. He can't stand Harry because of the replication of James, but he gets annoyed that once again a red head has a fiery attitude and won't be afraid to fight back if needed.
Rest assure dear reader(s) (lol. I couldn't resist saying that), there will be many surprises in this story, some of which will probably have you screaming at me.
*greedily waits for more more MORE* I love this! I can't wait to find out what unfolds next! Thanks for sucking me in *grins*
Author's Response: Next we go to the RoR and there's a little hint in the room that you might figure out. ;) Then again you might not.
Thanks for the great review, it made my dad so much better. I've felt a little sick during school, but now I'm all smiley. Lol.
As for the next chapter, Sarah *chained* still has it. I won't be able to look at it when she gets finished though until my mom fixes the main computer. Sometimes it helps to have a computer instead of a laptop!
I really enjoyed it. I'll be waiting for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks. I can't wait to see what everyone thinks of Chapter Two.
Keep a look out for the next chapter. I'm going to submit it when the queue opens along with a one shot that I didn't for a Hufflepuff Back to School Challenge.
Thanks again for the review.
Hmm..this is very interesting...I look forward to reading more. I like Alex so far-seems to have a bit of sassy in her :)
Author's Response: Lol. Yea, Alex can be a little sassy. She has her moments when she gets fiery like Lily.
The next chapter will be sent when the queue opens back up. Keep a look out for it.
I ust found this story by looking on Sitaras Banner thread and I am impressed. It is really good!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks. I'm going to try and get the next chapter up once the queue opens again. Keep your fingers crossed that it'll pass the mods. Lol.
First thing I noticed you used Harry's name a little too much. Pronouns can be your best friend. I felt it was a little repetitive and a bit annoying to keep reading his name like that.
All around the walls of the dungeon classroom are jars filled with dismembered parts used for potion making.
You changed tenses. It shouldn't be are. When you write, stay to one tense.
All around the walls of the dungeon classroom were jars filled with dismembered parts used for potion making.
I think that you stayed in character with Snape until the very end. I doubt that he would display shock at all, he would probably keep it to himself, and depending on if Snape is evil or not, he would report to either source that he has.
I'm liking this, a lot. I want to read more. =)
Author's Response: Hey, thanks for correcting that part. I'll go change it asap. Glad you like it so far, it's just going to get better. ~Allie
This is a good story. It relly makes me think what the stories might have been like if Harry had a sister. I am interested to see where the story goes. Can't wait!
Author's Response: Lol. Thanks. That means a lot to me. There will be a few twists up in the future. Some many will be prepare for, but not for Alex. And, well, I have at least one idea in my head for the beginning of fourth year. But as you can guess, that's not going to be any time soon. Keep looking out for another update soon. ~Allie
Ooh! This is very interesting, I love this idea!
Please update soon! Alex sounds like the perfect mixture of James and Lily!
Author's Response: Yay! My first reviewer. Lol. Thanks. Just wait until the next chappie. We get to see some of Remus, Sirius, and Dumbledore. :) ~Allie