I absolutely loved this story! Great job!
HAHAHAHAHAHA! XDXD That last bit by James, "no one can resist james potter" had me on the floor, my brother giving me questioning looks and my mom watching with a slightly alarmed stare. Niice. XD
Author's Response: Lol, I'm glad you liked it :D Thanks for reviewing!
This is really good! You captured Lily's emotions really well. :)
Author's Response: Hi Ema!! Thanks for reviewing, I'm delighted you liked it!
Oooh. Inspirations has some points there. I guess I didn't catch EVERYTHING when beta-ing. Nevertheless, I think that this story is lovely, and definitely worthy of many reads, reviews and favorites. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it! Can't wait to read more of your work!
Nice job, Vivian!
Author's Response: Victoria! *squishes* Thanks for the review! Don't worry, you are an excellent beta and you totally helped to make this story a lot better. I appreciate all your help! Thanks again!
Ooh! I liked this, you portrayed evreyone perfectly! James and Lily are so sweet!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Wow, great story! I really enjoyed it, and usually I hate Lily/James fics as they’re all the same. You had a great balance of dialogue/description, and you placed the characters in a different scenario to usual. Also, I loved the last line. It was a great way to sign off the story. I have some comments etcetera, on bits and pieces so here we go:
I tiptoed back across the room, snatched up Jane Eyre from my bedside table, and settled in for a good long read.
LOVE the idea that Lily (the Muggle-Born) reads Muggle stories.
By the time morning came about and the sun made its appearance over the horizon, my head was drooping and Charlotte Bronte’s elegant banter was beginning to blur before my eyes.
The bolded bit really stood out to me when I read through. Excellent way to phrase it.
but Petunia had moved in with her detestable boyfriend, Vernon Dursley, at the start of the summer holidays.
I have added some commas in bold, as you need them around the name.
“I’m your mother, dear.”
Lol. That is so … mother-like?
But somehow, coming to a conclusion, which usually made me feel better, made me feel only worse.
This bit’s a bit choppy. It confused me first time round.
I felt like the little engine that could as I forced myself down the long driveway to the front door, chanting it in my head: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
I don’t get where engines come into it. Makes no sense.
“James, I…I just...I’m really…well.”
Lol. Tongue-tied - of course.
I needed James, needed him beside me as we started our lives, and I would need him beside me for the rest of my life.
This bit is a bit heart-wrenching, as if she’s just left school, she’d only be 18 and would only have 3 years of life left.
I don’t know whether you’re interested in Briticisms, but I noticed you spelt ‘pyjamas’ the British way, so I think you might like to have things similar to this pointed out. The English words are bolded:
Pants/trousers - pants in Britain are underwear
Taxicab/taxi - I’ve never heard anyone in Britain say ‘Taxicab’ but I might be wrong on this one.
Hope I’ve helped there!
I really enjoyed this story (think I said that earlier), and I’ll look out for more from you.
Author's Response: Hey, inspirations! Thanks for the lovely review! *hugs* It means a lot since this is my first fan fic that isn't a poem. Yeah, I've always imagined Lily having an affinity for Muggle things. And I totally agree with all of the mistakes that you've pointed out - I'll make sure to go back and change those things. Thanks for reviewing, you made my day! :)