I absolutely love Scorpius/Rose fics, because they are so rare! This was a very sweet story, and I like how Rose is quite independent, and how she doesn't expect to stay with Scorpius her whole life. She just wants to live in the present.
Passion For Prongs
Very beautifully written and introspective story. I love it, even though it kind of makes me want to cry!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Great story, it was a different take on things. I liked the way you kept Rose's relationship with Scorpius quite mysterious - right through to the end. The tenses sounded a bit awkward at times, but that might be me, as I'm not too good with the present tense. You balanced the description and dialogue well, with good use of imagery. I especially liked the descriptions including Al.
It’s like when autumn’s leaves begin to drift off of the branches. No one seems to notice that they’re slowly falling – not until snow covers bare branches.
Not a serious mistake here, you just repeated 'branches'. It would sound better without the repetition, but I can't think of another word off the top of my head. Good imagery by the way.
I want to run back to my bed, and, if only for a few minutes, go back to being the fifteen year old who had to stay up all night finishing homework every night because of a blossoming romance.
Repetition of 'night' this time. I'm kind of nit-picky. :)
They drink in every last glimpse, hold onto every surface, every crevice, they touch
I like the imagery here. It's beautiful.
My mother groans cuts my father off, which causes him to wrinkle his brow and gaze at her.
This doesn't really make sense. Did you want an 'and' after 'groans' maybe?
“Okay, later, even though today is a day for moving forward, Ron. No need to linger on the past and tell the story again.” My dad mumbles something that I can’t make out, something Uncle Harry must hear, because he laughs out loud.
I'm not really sure who's saying this. It's obviously not Ron, so the bit about him should go in a second paragraph.
“I should prolly talk to him…” My voice drifts off.
I'm not sure whether you did this on purpose, but I would use 'probably' here.
They glide across every surface, rapidly darting back and forth, trying to capture it all. He wants to remember, to suck in all into his brain and hold it in.
The words envelope us both. The world stops turning and we are left, standing there, facing each other. Two people, just two out of billions, connected by the grandness of everything, by a feeling neither of us saw in the other.
I just love the imagery in both the above passages.
Well done! You've done a good job.
Ooops - reading it back I've rambled on about your imagery. Lol.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! This wasn't beta'd because I was trying to slide it in for the challenge, so your comments really helped! Sometimes I just miss little things. Thank you for your input! I'm glad you liked it!