I love this story!
Author's Response: Good - there ia a lot more to come. Thanks very much.
i generally avoid incomplete fanfic due to my impatience. your story and Kerichi's Our Little Secret are the only ones i have tried so far.
but i liked your title and summary so i decided to check it out. and I LOVED it. and if i were to write down every reason, i would go on for pages so i will try to keep it short.
First of all, i like your narrative style and use of language. I find it similar to that of rowling's in more ways than one and, perhaps, that was why i got so quickly attached to the story.
Secondly, i think you have done justice to the Marauders, Lily and James's parents. I found your Marauders quite superior to other portrayals. I think it was because your versions are not one dimensional and also because of the attention you pay to Peter and the conflicts you gave hem. And James's parents have truly come alive at last and I can never thank you enough.
On to Lily. For some inexplicable reason, I have never warmed to Lily. And no, it isn't the fact that I am a little fangirly when it comes to James (have been so since OOTP). He he! Maybe i found her a little too stuck-up, a little over-confident, a little unyielding. But you have changed that for me. She has become more interesting. The fact that she misses Sev in spite of the "M-word" fiasco, her attraction to Rich (though i went GRRR because of my partiality for James)...these things made her more human to me.
And, hey, you included Frank and Alice in a clever way. The other characters are also great.
However, I have a little- i don' t want to use the word "problem" though it seems to point that way- with your depiction of Snape. You handled his love for Lily and his loathing for the Marauders quite incredibly. But i wasn't too sure about his position with the Death Eaters, Mulciber and Avery. I have always pictured Snape as cocky and domineering in his own fashion. But he somehow seemed a little...er..."outshone" and cowed by the other two.
No doubt you had your reasons for that. Anyway, I want to thank you for such a wonderful story of the Marauders. Please post the next chapter soon!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for such a wonderful review. I have to say I read this and immediately started the next chapter. I'm so pleased yoi like my portrayal of the Marauders and Lily. I have a lot of trouble with Lily, because all we ever see is this perfect woman, but she would have had flaws - surely.
Regarding Snape - I see him as occasionally insecure at this age. He's lost Lily and flirting with Death Eater-ness, and I think there'd be a part of him - at this age - that would look up to Mulciber. (I have Mulciber as a year older btw). He's very definitely 'his own man' but sometimes even the most independent need the approval of their peers. OOOOH, that got kinda philosophical, and it certainly crystalised things in my mind.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. The fic should be updated soon, and it will get completed. I promise. Carole xxx
well yeah, but James is so cool and Lily and James are just supposed to be together so the American is just ruining everything, even if he is nice
Author's Response: Hmm, I'm not sure James is that cool at the moment. Rich is pretty cool, but then he's older. James is still a bit of an idiot, but then he's only sixteen - poor love.
Aww, you did it again! you are so amazing! yuo write really good storys (:
i loved it! although i also like james SO much more than the american...
Author's Response: But ... but ... but ... Rich hasn't even appeared. And he did help Lily when she hurt her ankle ... and he is very good looking ... Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Yay! Another gr8 chapter! it just keeps getting better and better! i have 2 say that i dont like the American and the fact that Lily likes him... i like james so much more! poor peter... not the most popular marauder! keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Aww, don't judge Rich yet. He may just surprise you. Thanks for the review. Carole xxx
Yeah, but reviews of the Marauders might not be suitable for underage readers, lol.
Good chapter, new school year, new relationships, new pranks to pull. Wonder what Lily smelled in the Amortenia? Essence of James maybe? The war is escalating, friends are getting hurt and more people are dying. Students are starting to show they no longer care if people know they are DE's. Definitely going to be an interesting year.
Author's Response: The Marauders love praise (the more lavish the better according to Prongs and Padfoot, although Moony gets a bit embarrassed and Wormtail can't quite believe any of it.) Thanks for the review and I'm glad it's still holding your interest. Carole xxx
I'm really enjoying this story so far. You have an excellent knack for writing the Marauders true to character.
“Ah, say no more, Prongs. You want to study another sort of figure,” Sirius joked and dodged James’ punch.
Oh, God, this line killed me. It was great. You've really got Sirius down-pat, and I am enjoying reading about Lily, not suddenly falling for James, but slowly warming up to him. Keep it up, and keep the chapters coming.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like Sirius; he is my favourite to write. The chapters will keep coming, I just need to avoid all those cliches (you know the ones I mean.) Thanks again, I really do appreciate people reviewing. Carole xxx
I loved that chapter, I think it's one of your best yet. Especially the Remus-part and how he is worried about the smell of the potion.
People might argue that the "Remus' senses are in overdrive before the full moon"-thing is clichéd, but I don't think so (actually I think it's quite logical that he does have heightened senses then).
Oh and I think what you gave James (especially the Quaffle wax) is great, too. I never would have thought of that. It's going to be so hard to come up with something clever for my story :D
Ah, I can't give you any constructive criticism... It was really a lovely chapter. What did Sirius smell apart from the bike?
Author's Response: Ah, well, before cliche class he smelt anything female but I couldn't put that in, could I?No what I really think is that he smells motorbikes, wet grass and friendship - but I couldn't work out what friendship smells like. The part about Remus' senses was something I nearly pulled out as well, but it's part of another fic, and JK made a point of saying that he got hairier near the full moon, so I do think his senses would be heightened. Thank you very much for the review - that was quick! Carole xxx
aww this is so cool, i read all the chapters in the last two days!! one of my favorite marauder fics ever, can't wait for the next chapter!!
Author's Response: OOOOH, thank you very much. Hmm, I feel pressure now, LOL. The next chapter will hopefully be up soon; it's with my betas. Glad you're enjoying it. Carole xxx
"He ordered her"? Oh, I don't think so!
The altercation on the train was quite good, along with the intrusion of the war into their Hogwarts environment. I like the way you are showing how teenage melodrama and schoolboy grudges are gradually being eclipsed by much more serious threats.
I'm not sure about that conversation between Lily and Snape, though. See, I think Lily was justified in cutting him off after the Levicorpus incident and him calling her a 'Mudblood.' Even an attempt at an apology later might not have been enough to soften her heart. But when you have Snape making a determined effort to make amends, and practically begging for forgiveness, it becomes harder to justify Lily turning her back on him. If Snape had really been that remorseful, it makes Lily seem quite cold-hearted and unforgiving to refuse to even consider giving him another chance.
There are actually reasonable arguments for her not simply forgiving and forgetting, and she alluded to them when she pointed out that Snape is still hanging around with the people who call her Mudblood. But the point is that Lily wasn't angry about just one word, and if Snape is trying this hard to earn her forgiveness, I think she'd have at least made an attempt to explain that to him.
I think it will be difficult to continue making Snape sympathetic while still presenting Lily as determined not to forgive him.
The appearance by Fabian Prewett was a clever touch, but I hope Gideon and Fabian aren't going to be just Fred and George clones.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I do take your point about Snape and Lily. The trouble I've always had with them no longer being friends is that I'm sure he would have done more than just hung around for one night outside the common room waiting for her forgiveness. I think he would have made more of an effort. However, it won't be a recurring theme.
Fabian won't be turning into a Weasley clone. For one thing I'm no good at pranks and I want him to be far more important than a Fred/George forerunner.
YAYAYAYAY! im so glad that you updated! i love this fic and poor Phyll! :( I hope that she gets better! The snape part was interesting and i think it was funny when james said: “Girls, eh?” i lauged out loud! plz update again soon!!
Author's Response: Chapter 11 (Potent Potions) is written but with my beta, so hopefully it will be up very soon. Thank you very much for the review. I am pleased you're enjoying the story. Carole xxx.
James is such a naughty boy teasing Snivellus like that!
i think he would be like the twins more than Percy...:P... once again i love tis chapter... cant wait to read more...
Author's Response: I can't see Fabian being a stickler for the rules either, but he is a Professor now. Thank you for the review, it really is appreciated. Carole xxx
Liked the chapter. The war is pretty much in full swing and there will be a lot more people dying.
Snivellus just doesn't get it. He calls her a mudblood, tries to drown James and steals his broom, participates in an attack on non-purebloods on the train and he expects her to forgive and forget because he admitted stealing James broom? Not in his lifetime.
Sonia is so scared she doesn't know what to do.
My guess is Fabian is somewhere between Bill and the twins.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I'm hoping Fabian will turn out to be interesting to everyone ... I have to see where he leads me, though. Severus just doesn't get it, does he. But then, as JK Rowling said, he thought Lily would be impressed by his Death Eater status. Don't worry too much about Sonia - you can't keep a good girl down (or a naughty girl for that matter).
i absolutly LOVE this story. i really liked Lilys point of view to.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review - I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. Lily will be having some more chapters devoted to her, and so will some of the others (look out for a Wormtail one - possibly chapter 13). Carole xxx
This might be a duplicate review but I didn't see the original under the reviews so here we go again...
This is a wonderful story. It's one of the handful of Marauder era stories that's in-character (so far and as long as Lily isn't a shrilly Hermione reincarnated like in 97% of fanfics). Great job so far and the different viewpoints done in this chapter work really well. You've portrayed Peter really well. We can see the beginnings of his bitterness and insecurities. Remus' part was heartbreaking and perfect. James' denial makes me nervous because it sets him up for a very long fall when his mum dies. Sirius' part works well too but I don't have much to say about his or Lily's portions..
Please keep up the great work because your one of the only authors writing in-character interesting Marauder fanfic. Thank you for that!
Author's Response: Thank you somuch for your great reviews - good concrit as well as lovely praise. I'm very pleased you think my Marauders are in character. I try my best but when I get it wrong I get a swift kick from my beta (Thank you Terri). I fear for James too as well as Remus...
"She’d never questioned Sev’s words, never challenged Potter about his conversation. She’d set herself against them and concentrated on her work. Bottling up those feelings hadn’t helped her, and when they’d let Remus and Peter into their circle, she’d turned against them too.
Something subtly altered in her mindset. Maybe the slurs had never been there? Perhaps he’d always been impressed?"
This is a fabulous bit of backstory that's totally believable. Snape could/would so cleverly build barriers between Lily and people in her house who had the potential to take Snape's place as her friend(s) and confidant. And poor Lily has viewed the boys through the lens Snape created.
Your OC's are good and I especially like James' father.
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and all your lovely comments. I'm glad the back story is believable. It's just something I wondered about. I'm really pleased you like Hereward Potter. I think James' parents are so important to understand why he was such a 'jerk' to beging with. They're pretty indulgent with him and I think that rubs off on James.
Hopefully by now you know how much I admire your writing and love this story. If you don't know, now you do... Having said that, the *only* thing that doesn't work for me in this story is the O.W.L.S. results. Sirius and Remus told Harry that Snape was jealous of James, in part, because he did so well in classes without even trying. Given that bit of canon, I don't think that Snape outperformed James (or Sirius) in O.W.L.S. results. At the very least they would have been on the same level. James and Sirius were very bright and talented and it seems like their results would be better than this.
Okay, having said that, the bit why it was difficult to find Slytherins's birthplace worked really well and it was, dare I say, inspired.
Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much for all the reviews - I will respond to all of them - I promise, but I wanted to do this one first. I had a long debate with people about OWL results, and much as I hated it too, I hought Snape would probably have done brilliantly. The reasoning is that he basically had very few friends so probably spent most of his time studying - plus - he would have wanted to be the best at everything. In the 'important' subjects James and Sirius did the same (except Potions, I really wanted Lily to do better than the boys but I couldn't see her out-performing Snape) . James and Sirius I see as not studyng much but still doing well. I do see your point, though, and I am now wondering if I got it right. Hmmm....There's still NEWTS to come by the way ... Thank-you fore the review. Carole xxx
Because I view Snape as a possessive, jealous, bitter, vindictive yet witty a**hole, I totally love your characterization. He is vicious but doesn't want Lily to see him as such. In my opinion, you've pegged him perfectly in this story.; It's in-character that he stole the broom and was going to try and place hexes on it in order to sabotage James and take him off his high-horse.
But he still had a part of him that wanted to turn over the broom. Hmm, it's your story but I think that if Snape returned the broom it was because he wanted Lily to know that he had the broom because in his mind he probably thought it would show that he finally bested James. He wouldn't have counted on Lily viewing his actions as criminal or totally inappropriate.
Author's Response: Yep, you're right. Remember though, that's what Lily thinks, perhaps she's wrong... Actually, I do try and write Snape with an occasional redeeming feature. If he'd always been that petty and vindictive then I think Lily would have fallen out with him a lot earlier. Thank you very much for the review. Carole xxx
It'll have to be gushing praise...
Author's Response: Thank you *blushes*
Wonderful reading.Thank you. Perfect characterisation, intriguing plots & subplots, & a big dollop of humour (shrinking Violet, nervous Mc Gonnagal, the GeeGees) - what more can one ask for?!
Author's Response: YIKES!! Thank you for the praise. It'll be hard to keep it going now. *hides under blanket* Seriously, I'm really pleased you're enjoying the story and thank you so much for sparing the time to review.