Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/18/09 7:32
Chapter: Chapter 9 Journeys to King's Cross

Oh dear i sense bad things with Phyllida oh yea i've been meaning to ask how do you pronounce that ?

Author's Response: Hmmm, you'll know now about Phyllida (pronounced Fill ida) Thanks for the review, I'm glad you're enjoying the story.) Carole xxx

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/18/09 6:59
Chapter: Chapter 8 - Slythy Fen.

i knew it ! bloody snape when it comes to Lily and James i am totally good. In the HP books however, i am drawn to the dark side !
Another great chapter i just hope you update before i finish the chapters

Author's Response: I never responded to your review (I'm catching up now *slaps wrist*) Chapter 15 should be up fairly soon if you're still reading.

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/18/09 6:34
Chapter: Chapter 7 - Treacle Tart and Quidditch.

love it hmmmm..... Martha/ Sirius or Martha/James ??????

Author's Response: Oh Martha/ Sirius obviously - LOL

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/18/09 5:55
Chapter: Chapter 6- Godric's Hollow.

ha ha love the ending very nice chapter

Author's Response: Thank you for reading, reviewing and enjoying the fic. Sorru it took so long to respond. I'm catching up now. ~Carole~

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/17/09 17:52
Chapter: Chapter 4 - The Bowtruckle Challenge

omg james ! *tear* i bet it was snape who made him fall in the lake !
Another brilliant chapter

Author's Response: Ahhh, well you know now - that Snape is just plain evil. Carole xxx

Reviewer: bellatrix-black-lestrange
Date: 08/17/09 15:12
Chapter: Chapter 1 Turning Point

Brilliant i really like the introduction to the story. The part where James sees harry and thinks it's himself is genius ! well more chapters to read so ...

Author's Response: OOOH, thank you. I'm glad you liked that particular bit - it was the inspiration for the whole story. carole xxx

Reviewer: Gizmo_astro
Date: 08/16/09 18:09
Chapter: Chapter 1 Turning Point

I have only just found this website and i absolutely love your story, your characters are so well written. You have written Sirius, James, Remus and Peter characters exactly how i imagined them to be. These really is so good and i'm enjoying every minute of it :) i can't wait to read more x

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm so pleased you like my Marauders. I do love them. Have fun with the website - it's addictive

Reviewer: afterglow745
Date: 08/15/09 22:29
Chapter: Chapter 12 - Family Ties

This is a lovely story! I like how you portray the characters- very true to how i picture them. Please update again soon!

Author's Response: I shall try my hardest to update very soon. I'm distracted by Lavender at the moment - Sorry. Carole xxx

Reviewer: The_Dream_Team
Date: 08/13/09 19:07
Chapter: Chapter 1 Turning Point

Another fantastic chapter! I really liked the duel between sirius and snape. It was pretty great. I feel so bad for Remus! I hope he tells Mary about is furry little problem. She would understand! Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Hmmm, Mary and Remus ... welll ... she's not Tonks is she? I will update very soon - just need to get cracking on finishing some other things first. Carole xxx

Reviewer: hestiajones
Date: 08/12/09 0:23
Chapter: Chapter 12 - Family Ties

Yay! Finally, after weeks and weeks of waiting...

I loved the chapter, I seriously did. You already know how crazy I am about this fic. I am only trying to figure out where to start.

Okay, Fabian Prewett. The one thing I appreciated about your portrayal of this character is that you did not make him sound cliche - you know, how he is supposed to be all fun and cool. He is still cool, but there is that seriousness which makes him believable.

Snape- that was a clever way of introducing his skill. I have always felt that, though equally matched in talent, if Sirius and Snape were to really fight, Snape would win. He is more methodical and calculating, whereas Sirius is reckless, although braver. And the fact that Snape can read minds is a big advantage for him.

James- ha ha! he is becoming mature.

Lily- Hmm...I had expected something related to Richard would come up, but it didn't. But, no problem. I liked the fact that she asked about James' mother.

Remus- I am so sad. I think he and Mary are going to break up soon. :(

The only problem I had was James' comment about Sirius becoming a "would-be Romeo." Would James, a pureblood wizard who knows next to nothing about the Muggle world, know Shakespeare?

All in all, the chapter was worth the wait.

Author's Response: Ah-ha - she says with a look of fiendish glee in her eyes. I'm glad you brought up William Shakespeare. In an earlier Chapter (I think it was A wand, A Boggart and a Wager) I made a reference to Shakespeare being a wizard who lived amongst Muggles. It's where Snape is quoting the line "Methinks the Lady doth protest too much" or something.

I haven't done with Richard yet!

Hmm, Mary and Remus ... *sigh*.

Thank you for the review. I shall now get on with Chapter 13.

Reviewer: captburke
Date: 08/11/09 23:38
Chapter: Chapter 12 - Family Ties

Good chapter. Things seem to be progressing as smoothly as possible if you're a Marauder and not so smooth if you also happen to be a werewolf and it's your girlfriend's 17th. Ooopps.
Still liking your characters and the way the story is developing. Still interesting. Will be looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. There will be more - much more - just as long as my fingers keep typing and my brain still keeps thinking Marauder.

Reviewer: Karaley Dargen
Date: 08/11/09 8:39
Chapter: Chapter 12 - Family Ties

*cheers* yay for updates!

I love how you have worked fun!Lily in there :D

What I also liked a lot about this chapter is that you show that they are just plain and real teenagers. I know that you did this in the previous chapters too, but I particularly noticed it here. Maybe it's because of Remus' problem, or because Sirius has to learn that he isn't better than Snape anymore, but I just... somehow noticed it more.

And speaking of Snape – ooh I can see the dark cloud coming in the distance... We, of course, know that Snape is going to become a Death Eater. I love how you're foreshadowing this here with a.. kind of new dark power of Snape's.

Very confused and high quality review. Ah well :D I loved it! Your chapters are always way too short though

Author's Response: OOOH, Kara, I never responded. Ah well, I'm glad you liked the chapter ... have fun with the next.

Reviewer: andegirl68
Date: 07/21/09 16:17
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

Really great story! Please update it soon! :)

~Andegirl

Author's Response: I will try very hard to update more regulalrly. Unfortunately Lavender is dragging me away (tiresome girl) Carole xxx

Reviewer: Jack_Scultz
Date: 07/21/09 5:01
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

This is a really great story just got into it and read it in the last 2 days. Cant wait for the next instalment. I find myself really hoping that we dont see the American kid again so that Lilly and James hook up. Really well written

Author's Response: Aww, poor Rich. No one seems to like him - except perhaps me. He's charming, good-looking and he did help Lily - what's not to like? (okay, I know, I know - James/Lily is obviously meant to be). Thank you for the review, there should be a new chapter very soon) Carole xxx

Reviewer: cia
Date: 07/09/09 9:03
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

hey!!It's a very nice and entertaining fic.please do finish it.Also i think you should write about rich coz its kinda entertaining and brings out a nice twist.please hurry up and write more.

Author's Response: Rich will return, I promise. And I rather like him too ... Thanks for the review. Carole xxx

Reviewer: cassie123
Date: 06/18/09 19:27
Chapter: Chapter 10 Caught in the Crossfire

Well, Carole, I promised myself after I’d abandoned you and your lovely stories that I would pop in and drop you a nice, long review. So here I am! First of all, I love this story for its unique look at Marauder Era. You don’t use clichés; you use original ideas and work your way through an interesting and new plot. It’s a true talent to be able to avoid clichés and unoriginality as you do.

I really like your Marauder characterisation through this chapter. Be honest, are my jokes funny?” / Remus shrugged. “Not particularly.” / “I thought not. So why does she keep cackling at them? I mean even Wormy told me to shut up,” James complained.This seems to be one big rebellion from MWPP clichés. James isn’t arrogant enough to think his jokes are funny, and Peter isn’t the shy and timid being writers often portray him as. Peter’s willing to stand up to his friends to a certain extent, rather than simply worship every detail of them.

Sirius wasn’t listening but was looking into the distance. “I no longer exist,” he said thoughtfully. “That’s what Regulus said. They must have blasted me off the damn tapestry – just like Andromeda.” I really like this part, as I sense, although you don’t explicitly hint at it, that he’s saddened by his brother’s words and the prospect of being ‘blasted’ out of his family’s existence. He knows he put himself there, so he can’t blatantly express his sadness, but it’s there nonetheless. I really enjoyed how you brought Regulus into this part, just so we could get some insight into Sirius’s character, despite the chapter being in Lily’s POV.

I found the part when McGonagall tells the girls that their friend was attacked quite thrilling to read. A horrible circumstance only to be brought on by Death Eaters and Voldemort. I like that you acknowledge that until this moment, the girls are fairly naive to the situation they are in, and that the war is only just beginning. “I don’t think we expected anything like this to happen to someone we knew,” finished Lily in a small voice. This phrase sums this up perfectly. They’re now entirely in the know, and understand the bleak future they are headed for. So well done for this part!

“Rodney, here,” continued James, “is a Muggle-born and a huge fan of mine.” / “He said he was a Quidditch fan, Prongs,” Remus stated, “not a fan of you personally.” I love the humour here; it suits the Marauders perfectly. And they do seem the type to carry on joking and laughing to lighten a dark time. Good job for capturing their characters well here.

Nitpick time! :P

“You should eat that,” said James, pointing to the pumpkin pasty, “whilst it’s still warm. This is just a really minor characterisation thing, but I think James would be more inclined to say ‘while’ than ‘whilst’. ‘Whilst’ seems more proper and formal, and James has never really protruded those traits.

“Duelling practice? Really, boys, you should wait until you’re in school at least, I hate deducting points this early on. There’s a run on sentence in this. There should be a full stop after ‘least’, or perhaps a semicolon. Personally, I’d go with the full stop.

He glanced at the floor appearing to notice Lily forthe first time. You need a space between ‘for’ and ‘the’ and also a comma after ‘floor’.
“Course not, sweetheart, I’ll see you later, maybe.” I think this should read instead as ”’Course not, sweetheart. I’ll see you later, maybe.”

“Professor McGonagall,” she began. “I cannot tell you anymore than I said in my letter. I would like the perpetrators to come forward and I really think that given time they will, so I do not wish to ... err ... inform on them.” I think there should be a comma after ‘began’. I also found through this that Lily seemed a little too proper and well-spoken. She’s a teenager. I think you get away with it as she’s speaking to a teacher, but it is something to consider.

He felt for his wand that he’d stowed under his robe; his eyes never leaving Snape’s face. The semicolon should be a comma here. If it had been ‘his eyes never left Snape’s face’ you would use the semicolon, as it’s its own sentence.

By far his most favourite pupil, he trusted Lily’s version of events far more than Mulciber’s. This sort of shifts to Slughorn’s POV, when so far it’s been Lily’s. You can easily fix this to remain consistent and have it read Lily knew that Slughorn liked her, and would trust her version of events far more than he would Mulciber’s. Or something along those lines.

You do shift POV quite a bit in this. It becomes a little disjointed and confusing for the reader. You started one part with Remus as the narrator, but then change to Lily quite quickly with no ‘*’ to indicate the change. Just be careful with your perspectives, and consider whose POV you’re writing in before you allow that character to leave the room and carry on with the story.

Overall, Carole, you’ve written a quirky and entertaining chapter as usual. The characters continue to do new things and develop in ways that others have never written before. Your writing has also improved drastically; you’re adding bits of description here and there to aid your readers along the way. It’s great to witness this, so keep it up!

- Cassie

Author's Response: Thank you, Cassie, for such a well-thought out, informative and wonderful review. It means a lot to me that you enjoyed it, and that you think I've improved. I have fixed the nitpicks. You're right about Lily, who is the person I struggle with the most. I'm also aware that they all sound a bit too adult at times. I really need to start hanging around with teenagers again - LOL. Although a seventies teenager would be quite different from a Trio or Next Gen one. (where's my Timeturner?) Now, James I do see as being fairly formal because I think his parents are. I also think Sirius is reasonably formal although they would both start toning down their 'proper' voices as soon as they left the confines of their homes.

POV switches. Mmm, I know. It was something you always pulled me up on. I guess I get bored with one person's thoughts. Perhaps I need to think of the third person omniscent and make it more obvious that I'm switching POVs.

Thank you again for the review, but ... can't you see how much I need you, Cassie? *winks*

Carole xxx

Reviewer: Diogenes
Date: 06/16/09 0:41
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

Can't wait for the next installment. Plot is good, the magical world is rich, and the characters are true to the Potterworld.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I'm pleased you like the story and think my characterisation is good. I should have the next chapter finished fairly soon. Carole xxx

Reviewer: I-luv-Hogwarts
Date: 06/13/09 13:43
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

I love this story.
It is amazing, when will you update, I really want to know what happens next.
I-L-H

Author's Response: Thank you very much. Okay the next chapter is being written as we speak, so hopefully not too long. I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story and thanks for reviewing. Carole xxx

Reviewer: LuNaLoVeGoOdLoVer
Date: 06/08/09 17:44
Chapter: Chapter 1 Turning Point

well but i know he Will become cool, so it's practically the same

Author's Response: But is it really important to Lily that James is cool - after all isn't that what he's been trying to do all year ... Just keep an eye out for Rich *winks*

Reviewer: I-luv-Hogwarts
Date: 06/07/09 16:48
Chapter: Chapter 1 Turning Point

When will you finish this?

Author's Response: Oh, Merlin! I'm not sure. IThey have year 6 and 7 to get through. I'm trying my best - ha ha. Thanks for liking the story.

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