MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 21:01 · For: Chapter 16 - 'Feeble Girls'
And I have some other suspicions as well. :D
Good for the girls. Nice set up with non-verbal spells. Loving Fabian and Peter!!
Sorry, now that I'm almost caught up I should try to be more constructive, shouldn't I? Ah well. . .
One more! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you .... I'm pleased you like my girls. They're coming into their own, I hope. ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 20:40 · For: Chapter 15 - Hogsmeade
I still love your Peter. I almost wonder if you are setting things up for after graduation?
And there is the barman. . . Poor, poor James.
Okay, the other thing I've noticed along with the more focused POV is that things don't seem as rushed as the early chapters. I feel like I'm really into the story now and can enjoy it unfolding. Great development! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Mmm, Peter. Well, he can't suddenly have decided to betray them, it must have been a growing thing. My feeling really is that Lily changes the dynamic so much between the four of them, but other things contribute as well. So many theories - so little time - ha ha - ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 19:21 · For: Chapter 14 - Cold Light of Day
Ooh, it's getting sooo interesting! I loved J/L in Arithmancy!
What I like best is how the point of view is staying more focused. The earlier chapters skipped around from paragraph to paragraph, but I prefer limited third person myself. The readers may not get to see the scene from other viewpoints, but so far you've picked the right characters to focus on and show us the scene.
I should really be working on my own story, or washing dishes, but I suppose I'll have to get to Hogsmeade tonight...
~Gina :D

Author's Response: Thank you for this review, particularly. If I changed one thing in the early chapters it would be the head hopping. I agree it's a bit untidy now and I enjoy the focus of one person's head now. Work on your own story and ignore the dishes - heh heh ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 19:07 · For: Chapter 13 The Full Moon
Ooooh, nice! I love the mystery. I already have a guess about who it is. :) And what's really interesting is that while some people might view Peter as timid, fearful, and whiny, he was in fact the only one with his head on straight and concerned about what might happen. And then he was right, and did the best he could about it. Loving Peter!!
Hope Sirius is okay, too. ;) ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Were you right about the mystery man. No one else got it... well, they didn't say. Sirius will recover ... ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 18:55 · For: Chapter 12 - Family Ties
I knew it was Legilimency! Great detail! And I love that Fabian let Sirius in on it!
Sorry these reviews are rather trite, I just want to let you know I'm reading and enjoying. :)
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. Yes, I fugured Snape would be accomplished and love to try it out on Sirius

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 18:41 · For: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions
There's the bit about Sirius I was asking about then. I quite liked it! Wow, you've given him a really grim home life, but a really great attitude. I like how how protective he is of Regulus. Not sure of the scope of the story, but I hope it reappears.
Loved the bit about Amortentia, especially Remus and James's talk. I wonder what Lily smelled? I hope to find out next...
Oh, and I like how James and Lily differentiate between calling each other by first or last names—probably because I did the same thing, lol!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: You'll find out what she smelled in a few chapters time. It's complicated by her the scent of coffee. Sirius and the grim homelife. We saw enough of Grimmald place to see what it was like, but also I wonder if things would have been better for him if he hadn't been Sorted into Gryffindor. Plus I think Sirius - even pre-Azkaban - is a ripe candidate for depression. Not sure why I'm saying that in this response - ha ha - but that's some insight into my take on Sirius for you. Thanks again ~Carole~

Name: bekki-unknown (Signed) · Date: 07/21/10 18:31 · For: Chapter 1 Turning Point
Awww, James saw Harry watching him! Is that even possible? Great story!

Author's Response: I don't know if it's possible. I just thought it an interesting idea - genetic displacement possibly? Thanks for the review. ~ Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/20/10 19:46 · For: Chapter 10 Caught in the Crossfire
FABIAN! That's so fricking cool!! I love it!
Very nice way to bring the war into Hogwarts. I feel bad for the girls. I love how James is settling down. Poor Sirius, being blasted off the tapestry. Do you go into how that makes him feel at all later on? And THANK YOU for not putting Lily and Snape back together as friends! ;)
~Gina :)

Author's Response: I wouldn't put them back together as friends, it's not ... CANON - ha ha. No, I think that's it now for them. Hmm, there is a little bit of contemplation from Sirius about his family in another chapter, but not sure where you've got to yet. Ah, Fabian Prewett - what a guy! Thank you ~Carole~

Name: lucca4 (Signed) · Date: 07/20/10 0:21 · For: Chapter 1 Turning Point
Great chapter!! I feel so bad for Peter, especially since we know what's inevitably going to happen with him...
The Sirius in this chapter totally made me laugh, I think you capture him PERFECTLY!
You do an amazing job with this story--it's my absolute favorite Marauder-era fic. I really can't wait for the next chapter...hopefully Peter doesn't walk in on James and Sonia and Sirius outflies McLaggan :)) .

Author's Response: Sirius out fly McLaggen! *shock*. Right, I can't say what will happen next, but it will be coming up very, very soon. Thank you so much for reading, reviewing and enjoying. ~Carole~

Name: sephoralover (Signed) · Date: 07/18/10 23:52 · For: Chapter 17 -Chaperone
This story is SO good! Remus' break down in the very first chapter is kinda weird, but I like how you get to the action right away. I feel like you get more and more into the story as it keeps going, which is good. I think. Hahahaha. Oh, and if anything happens with Sonia and James, I might just die of unhappiness. :) Now pleeeeaaase update so I can figure out whether Rich is a good guy or not!

Author's Response: The next chapter is coming very soon, but bear in mind that we didn't find out the truth about Snape for seven books - heh heh heh. Oh, James and Sonia ... wow, no one likes the poor girl, do they? Or Rich - poor man. *sniggers and runs away* ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/18/10 20:50 · For: Chapter 9 Journeys to King's Cross
Ooh, nice detail with Barty Crouch, Jr! For some reason it never occurred to me that he was in school as the same time as the Marauders! I like how you've fleshed out everyone's family. And there are several things being set-up nicely here: Hally's illness (can't tell if James knows or not...), the kid who didn't show up to work, Phyllida's lateness, Frank as an Auror. Great details! ~ Gina :)

Author's Response: OOOOH, you've picked up on something ... heh heh heh. Not even my beta remembered that bit. (Won't tell you which bit) Thanks for reading and reviewing ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/17/10 19:31 · For: Chapter 8 - Slythy Fen.
Well, unlike you, I didn't feel bad for Snape. :P Lily was spot-on: Snape really didn't think anything through and almost got a student killed. She's right to walk away from him, although I can now see it causing more trouble.

See, I can't say I ever really liked Snape. Fascinating character, yes - until the last book. I think this thing with Lily rather emasculated him, though. This scene seems perfectly in character for Snape, and yet it paints him as a bit desperate, doesn't it? Maybe there's a reason so many fanfic writers like writing a strong, sexy Snape: Snivellus is no fun.

But that's just me thinking out loud, lol! Back to this chapter: so there is the big bad American Natalie was moaning about. I'll reserve my judgement until I meet him again. A romantic rival might be a good thing, after all, plus he's a gorgeous American! ;) Is he a little old for Lily? Do 15/16 year-olds often travel around on their own? Just curious.

Love the stuff with Peter again, and the owl was perfect. Snitch. That's canon now. :)

Onward, ho! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Lily is 16 in that chapter. I went youth hostelling with my friends at that age, which was why I thought she'd be okay to do it. Um, Rich is about 20, I think. (Not sure I fixed his age) Ah, Snape, no I don't really feel that sorry for him either, but I'm not so sure he'd have given up straight away on Lily, which was why I wanted that scene by the river. Hee hee - glad you liked the owl, he's sweet. Thanks for Rand R'ing. ~Carole~

Name: padfoot_marauder (Signed) · Date: 07/17/10 1:10 · For: Chapter 17 -Chaperone
Awe no more chapters for now? This is the best fiction I've read. Plus I love the Marauder Era fictions. I hope James hexs that hit Rich. I'd be jealous too if I was after Lily.

Author's Response: There's another chapter on its way, very shortly, I promise. Glad you like the story ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/16/10 19:09 · For: Chapter 7 - Treacle Tart and Quidditch.
The witty banter of the five students is brilliant. And James must have the coolest parents to sit there and go with it so well! They even snuck in some of their own great remarks. Love it! I'm guessing you are foreshadowing something about James's mother, nice job. I'll probably say it again at some point, but I love seeing how your writing has changed since the first chapter! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for noticing the change. I do sometimes think about re-writing those first chapters because I know the Marauders (or my version of them) so much better now. Ah, poor Halley. Yes there's something going on there. Personally, I like Sirius best in this chapter - his timing is just spot on. Thanks again ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/16/10 18:54 · For: Chapter 6- Godric's Hollow.
I loved meeting James's parents! And since I read your original character one-shot not long ago, I'm also enjoying reading more about Martha. Great one-liner at the end, lol! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you for liking my 'old people'. I got some stick for them, but I thought it was important to see James at home and his influences. I think he's far too like Hereward to ever behave properly, don't you? Thanks for the review ~Carole~

Name: BeeKayBee (Signed) · Date: 07/16/10 10:21 · For: Chapter 1 Turning Point
Hmm, guess I haven't read QTtA for a while!

Author's Response: Actually, I just goggled Quidditch and found some terms - hee hee.

Name: BeeKayBee (Signed) · Date: 07/15/10 20:24 · For: Chapter 17 -Chaperone
What is a "flash", what does it mean to "play gooseberry" and what the heck does "blatching and haversacking" mean??? Dang me and my American upbringing... lol

Author's Response: Okay .... 'flash' is um 'flashy' as in showy ... a show off ... I guess. 'play gooseberry' is when you're the third person sitting with a couple who are snogging. 'blatching' and 'haversacking' are Quidditch fouls that JKR made up. They're in her Quidditch through the ages book. Hmm, should I provide translation notes ... lol. Thanks for reviewing ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/15/10 20:18 · For: Chapter 5 - An Intriguing Muggle Girl.
I love the way you write wizards in the Muggle world, like your Dancing Queen story! Very good! And Sirius got played - ha! But the best - and most heartbreaking - was seeing what Sirius had to deal with at home. I liked the glimpse of a relationship with his brother, but his mother sure is scary. No wonder he ran away! Very well done! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: I'm particulalrly fond of this chapter because I'd had it in mind for a long time and nearly wrote it as a oneshot. But it suited the story and I liked the aspect of Sirius getting drunk in a London park - LOL. Thanks for reviewing. ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/15/10 10:54 · For: Chapter 4 - The Bowtruckle Challenge
Shoot, I forgot to mention Peter. I can't write him worth a damn, but you gave him a brilliant part here. I loved that even his friends were impressed with him, lol! It's so easy to forget who he must have been at Hogwarts based on the ugly person we meet during the trio's years. Great job with him! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Ah, credit to Terri here who kept telling me that I had to make him more likeable and worthy of being a Marauder. Thanks again ~Carole~

Name: Gmariam (Signed) · Date: 07/15/10 10:50 · For: Chapter 4 - The Bowtruckle Challenge
Oh, I loved the dialogue at the beginning - some great one-liners, especially! And the Bowtruckle Challenge was incredibly creative and cool! I absolutely loved that Lily saved James life. But I have a question: how come no one acknowledged that it was the girls' fault that James fell into the lake in the first place? I guess they are all so glad he survived that it was forgotten, but on the other hand, I could see some angry word traded about it as well. He fell because the girls sabotaged him when he was way up in a tree-that was a lot more dangerous than some of the stunts they've pulled, I'll wager. Well, it still made for a nice moment in the hospital wing for James and LIly -and I loved seeing Sirius so scared for James. Dumbledore's speech at the end was perfect too. Looking forward to the summer holidays! ;) ~Gina

Author's Response: No, they didn't sabotage him. Someone hexed him, but it wasn't Lily or Mary, they didn't even know where James was, and James doesn't realise he was hexed. No one realised he was hexed, they just thought it was the Bowtruckle Queen, and then the wind blowing away his broom. He dropped his wand because his eggs were slimey from the egg things (from what I can remember). Hmm, now who else would possibly have hexed James ...

You must login (register) to review.