Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/27/14 13:40
Chapter: Chapter 23 -Battlescars

I enjoyed this chapter but I guess it's the last one. We'll never know what really happened after this. I can see what you mean though--this story could've gone on forever. It's very good but has a lot of tangents.

Author's Response: Yes, that's the trouble. It was my first story and so I basically wrote it as it was occurring to me. I do know the endgame and what will happen, but it's bringing it under control. Maybe one day, but for now it has to go on a long, long hiatus. Thanks for the reviews. ~Carole

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/23/14 15:05
Chapter: Chapter 22 - Out in the Open

That doesn't look good. I swear, both groups of students (Slytherins and Gryffindors) are the worst bullies ever. I did think that Rich was odd and I have a feeling that James might be right about him being around when the Ministry employee was murdered.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/23/14 13:21
Chapter: Chapter 21 - Puzzles

That was unfortunate--both Peter and Sonia overhearing when they shouldn't have. I think people always have to be careful what they say. I still think Rick is very odd.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/22/14 13:17
Chapter: Chapter 20 - Restricted

Things are getting crazier and crazier. James is acting strange and it wouldn't surprise me if he lets it slip that he's seeing Sonia. Aren't those 'fens' places frequented by the Dark Lord?

Author's Response: The fens are where Salazar originally came from, yes ...

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/21/14 16:49
Chapter: Chapter 19 - Dangerous Detention

I think James is just being a skanky man by going after Sonia. I don't blame her for wanting her friends to know if they're going out. If I were him I'd be less worried about what Peter will think and more worried about if Lily finds out.

Author's Response: Well, James is pretty sure he doesn't have a chance with Lily, and actually, he's young and obviously doesn't know the endgame that we do - ha ha. He doesn't behave brilliantly towards Sonia to begin with (teenage boys can be skanky as can girls, don't you think?) but I hope you see him in a better light soon.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/19/14 18:04
Chapter: Chapter 17 -Chaperone

See what I mean--there's something odd about Rich. He just shows up out of nowhere. I wonder if James is going to try to make Lily jealous by sitting with Sonia. I was worried about Peter out wandering around by himself. I thought he ran into the Slytherins. I don't envy James his decision if both of his friends try out for the team.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/19/14 15:54
Chapter: Chapter 16 - 'Feeble Girls'

You've got two strange characters that I just don't know about: Rich and Fabian. There's something odd about those two. Fabian always seems to pop up when you least expect him and Rich does too. Now I'm starting to worry about Rich. Maybe Lily shouldn't be meeting him. Yeah, those witches can fight just fine.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/19/14 13:36
Chapter: Chapter 15 - Hogsmeade

I know I told you that you could probably get rid of the American but now I'm glad to see him again. He'll give James a run for his money:D this should be fun. You just have to feel bad for Peter. No wonder he turned bad.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/16/14 15:09
Chapter: Chapter 14 - Cold Light of Day

If this wasn't a story about magic I'd think it was very realistic. Even though these are magical teens they are still teens at heart and have to put up with all the hormonal stuff everyone has to put up with.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/16/14 13:08
Chapter: Chapter 13 The Full Moon

I did enjoy this chapter. I wonder who the strange wizard was. I hope Padfoot doesn't continue having seizures. I can see what you mean though by having all sorts of things going on and the story becoming unwieldy. Maybe if you go back and take some of the extra tangents out you could finish it. I can think of a couple of things to remove--references to Rich and the strange wizard in the forest. And, maybe you don't need the Prewitt/Pomfrey romance either. I like those parts but it will make the story too long to include those parts and follow them to the end.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/16/14 12:06
Chapter: Chapter 12 - Family Ties

I guess Remus can always hope that there's not a Hogsmeade weekend on Mary's birthday. I was thinking it was right around Thanksgiving and no one would be at school but then realized you don't have that holiday in Britain:D Falling on one's head like that must've hurt. I'm surprised that Sirius wasn't hurt worse. Did he deserve it? Probably after all he and his friends did to Severus.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/16/14 10:36
Chapter: Chapter 11 - Potent Potions

This leaves me wondering what I'd smell in Amortentia. Probably coffee, roses, and fresh bread baking--not sure about the third one:D I thought for a minute that Lily smelled Severus:D

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/14 17:49
Chapter: Chapter 10 Caught in the Crossfire

I hope Fabian is more like the twins. I figured something was wrong with Phyllida. Severus can't catch a break anymore can he? He's destined, through a series of events, to be distanced from Lily.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/14 16:33
Chapter: Chapter 9 Journeys to King's Cross

I hope Phyllida didn't get waylaid by Death Eaters. Lily's owl sounds adorable and I think Snitch is a great name. When I think of the Marauders they seem annoying at times--all fun and no responsibility--but when I think of where they end up in just a few years I'm glad they had fun while they could.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/14 15:12
Chapter: Chapter 8 - Slythy Fen.

I was hoping that Rich would show up again but that would've probably complicated the picture beyond control. I didn't expect Severus to have James' broom. I would say his relationship with Lily is damaged to the point of no return. We have a first glimpse of someone Severus cares about calling him a coward. Later, Lily's son does the same thing.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/14 13:16
Chapter: Chapter 7 - Treacle Tart and Quidditch.

Poor Hally--maybe she has arthritis. I think the more time you spend with someone the more likely you are to fall for them. I guess it helps James' cause that Lily is too stubborn to see Severus.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/15/14 12:12
Chapter: Chapter 6- Godric's Hollow.

Sounds like Hally might be sick. Lily seems to be changing her mind about James. It helps to meet his parents and get to know them a little bit. I thought it was cute that Lily's friends need her to negotiate through Muggle territory.

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Lilyis an asset in Muggle territory - ha ha.

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/14/14 19:54
Chapter: Chapter 5 - An Intriguing Muggle Girl.

I thought he'd have a fling with Jade. As much of a bad boy that Sirius wanted to be, he was very naïve about Muggles. I don't remember "punks" or punk music being around in 1976, unless they hit Britain before the US. I thought it was a bit later. 1976 was a long time ago for me though:D Come to think of it I kind of remember some British punk bands at the time. I'm trying to think of a class that my kids could've taken that would've pissed me off as much as Walburga was about Muggle Studies--can't really think of any.

Author's Response: The Sex Pistols formed in 1975, and they were kind of the forefront of the UK punk movement. Their biggest hits were in in 1977, it's true, but the movement and fashions had been floating around for a few years before. That accounts for Jade's fashion sense - ha ha. The Thin Lizzy song was around that summer and fitted Sirius so well, I thought - ha ha.
,br> Hmm, I don't think any class would have angered me as much as Walburga - maybe Creationism, but I'd have been more annoyed with the school - ha ha.

Thanks for the review. I have to say, I don't think I'll get around to finishing this in the manner I wanted, as it became far too unwieldy. As my first ever story, it suffers from me not hacking the plot into a coherent shape and having too many subplots. I learnt later how to keep on track. Thanks for the review. ~Carole

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/14/14 18:33
Chapter: Chapter 4 - The Bowtruckle Challenge

Wow! When our best plans go awry it's better to rely on reality. That was an amazing twist and so realistic. You hit all the right points--said all the right things to pull it together. Why don't you finish this great story?

Reviewer: Fynnsmom
Date: 05/14/14 17:47
Chapter: Chapter 3 - A Wand, a Boggart and a Wager.

Your story is such a reasonable explanation of what might have transpired between Severus, Lily, and James. It's funny how some of our decisions are made because of "the last straw," even if it's a tiny straw. Then, how those decisions affect our lives in permanent ways. I've made decisions in the past and have been stubborn about sticking with them. Later I had to ask myself--why was I so stubborn. Why couldn't I have been humble and said something. You have to wonder if Lily or Severus had regrets about things they said that they wouldn't take back.

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