MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
(Signed) · Date:
09/29/08 15:07 · For:
Once again, I will tell you how I loved the simplicity and sweetness of this. The two views are so lovely and they fit together well.
My favorite part with James was here:
James felt his son wake and stir in the protective embrace in which he held him. He adjusted the infant, holding him up and looked at the sweet little face, eyes not yet opened. He held him closer to him. James silently rubbed the newborn’s back, comforting him gently.
“My sweet boy,” James whispered, tears forming in his eyes. “My lovely little boy.”
It was just so sweet, and the side of James I like to see and seems real.
I also like your characterization of Sirius. You didn't overkill the story with Padfoot and Prongs or mentions of pranks; you kept the story real with the times. Especially here:
“I had the stone in my hand and was just turning, when a green light went whizzing right beside my head. I dropped to the floor, and the stone fell out of my hand on impact. James came out of nowhere, like a man possessed and started winging out curses left and right. Oh, Lily, he outright killed at least two of them, wounding I don’t know how many others. I frantically felt around for the stone, but Remus grabbed me and we all ran out of there, well all except Wood, of course, and Gilroy, who’d also been killed.”
I just loved this bit from him. It was very real. The only nitpick I had was the use of frantically here. It fits for having description, but it doesn't flow as dialogue, to me. But otherwise, I loved this, seriously.
You always give me enjoyable things to read, and this was no exception, though I may prefer your darker stuff, this was still good!
(Signed) · Date:
09/28/08 15:44 · For:
Beautiful, Leah!! So sweet! You could really feel the raw emotions there!