Reviewer: Passion For Prongs
Date: 01/14/09 16:31
Chapter: Chapter H: The Epic Penultimate Chapter

Oh my goodness. This was so ridiculously ludacris that it was just hilarious! Is this the end, then? I want to see how Tim, or, er, you, put the story to rights. And, really, why did they go for the college savings account? That's the worst!...oh wait, I supposed that's why...

I can't believe you killed off Harry Potter so stupidly! It was brilliant!

~Passion For Prongs

Author's Response:

Yep. Unfortunately, I have to do some reconstruction work in the next chapter - how BORING! And those fanfic rebels are nasty little blighters – they strike where it hurts!

But at least I killed off Super Harry just as stupidly as Rowling did Voldemort! Seriously, a disarming spell? Bah.

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: cookiemonster42
Date: 01/10/09 8:57
Chapter: Not An Intermission

I've been following this story for a while now and just got an account. It's hilarious! All I'll say is that you'd better hurry up with the next chapter!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review! The next chapter has been in the queue for a few weeks by now, so I'm wondering why it's taking so long for it to be validated... Anyway, check it out whenever it appears!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Celtic_Jewel
Date: 01/03/09 8:41
Chapter: Not An Intermission

This is really good! My favourite is Harriet, so she can exist. My favourite chapter was the one when they rewrote your documents... good for you that you had a memory stick. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

-Ema

Author's Response:

Hurrah! Perhaps Harriet would prove to be more than a “spare tyre” after all! Well, you’ll find out in the next chapter, so check it out whenever it’s approved, which hopefully would be any day now!

And yes. Always remember to back up your files. You never know what could happen!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Leah_Lovegood
Date: 01/02/09 14:52
Chapter: Not An Intermission

Ooh. Exciting. This story really put me in the mood for some nuclear octopi.

Author's Response:

Yes – delicious! A wonderful treat for both of my stomachs! Anyway, the epically absurd conclusion approaches, so check it out whenever it’s approved!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Leah_Lovegood
Date: 01/02/09 14:47
Chapter: Chapter VI: Happy, Happy Insanity!

I think that was probably the best chapter of mass bloody chaos I've ever read. I espeically like the whole Satan-worshipping thing.

Author's Response:

Who knew mass bloody chaos could be so entertaining? And yes... I couldn’t resist making fun of those ridiculous religious controversies surrounding the Harry Potter series! Harry does witchcraft, which means he worships SATAN! Speaking of which, here’s a hilarious bit of satire on the subject which I found:

http://web.archive.org/web/20000815214418/http://www.theonion.com/onion3625/harry_potter.html

Enjoy! And thanks for the review!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Leah_Lovegood
Date: 01/02/09 14:24
Chapter: Chapter 4: Get Hammered and Sickled!

Wow. You do enjoy your detailed weapons/vehicles of war, don't you?

Author's Response:

What gave you that idea, I wonder…? Ha! As you can probably tell, I had enormous fun writing this chapter – I couldn’t resist the opportunity to lightly sprinkle in descriptions of various Soviet tanks and other weapons! Thanks for reading and for the review!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Leah_Lovegood
Date: 01/02/09 13:56
Chapter: Chapter I: HAGGIS ATTACK!

Ha. Very funny. Any story with Monty Python references is one I will read.

Author's Response:

Oh good! I better write more stories Python allusions, then. Thanks for the review, and look out for the next chapter whenever it’s approved!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: NevillesGran
Date: 12/24/08 15:10
Chapter: Not An Intermission

GIMME THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW!!!!!!! If you don't, I will be forced to pledge my support to the AFR.

Author's Response:

Don’t worry! The next chapter is in the queue, and this story will come to its absurd conclusion momentarily!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: NevillesGran
Date: 12/24/08 14:35
Chapter: Chapter One, Revisited

I'm sorry Tim, but I tried it out loud, and your Scottish accent REALLY stinks. Great story, though!

Author's Response:

Hah! Thanksh very mucsh for the review, NevilleshGran! I’m glad you fink the fake Schottish ackshent is shtupidly bad – that wash indeed the point! You shee, I jusht had to make fun of Sean Connery shomehow, and what better way than writing like thish! Anyway, thanksh for liking the shtory!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Typhoeus
Date: 12/20/08 15:15
Chapter: Not An Intermission

Oh, the suspense! I can't wait for the next chapter, which I'm sure will be as awesome as one hundred billion hot dogs*! Tim the Enchanter, the great, the magnificent, has come to finish it himself! Loads of unnecessary and annoying exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXTREMELY AGGRAVATING ALL CAPS! By the way, are the platypuses allied with the gerbils, or the tortoises? With platypuses, it's hard to tell.

*reference to Eddie Izzard concert, Dress To Kill

Author's Response:

Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply! These fanfic characters sabotaged my internet connection for almost a week in a vain attempt to prevent the next chapter from being updated. But now that I’m free to roam (terrorise) the world wide web, I can now reply to your review! And yes, thank you very much.

Hmm… “platypus” sounds Greek, so I suppose the plural for it would be “platypi” or “platypodes,” but I digress. The Platypus Dominion is actually neutral (for the time being), but they like to ally with whoever looks like the most likely winner, thus they always switch sides whenever their supporters start losing. They cannot be either trusted or depended on – but what did you expect from FN P90 wielding imitation ducks?

But I digress again. Remember, if you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself! It is time for me to stop procrastinating! Those fanfic rebels will rue the day they decided to mess with me! HERE I COME!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Passion For Prongs
Date: 12/18/08 17:03
Chapter: Not An Intermission

WHAT? AN INTERMISSION? It's like you WANT me to die of suspense, no matter how absurd!

Author's Response:

Gerbils are small rodents with fur-covered tails, which are usually as long as its body. The gerbil is furry and has little ears, and is adapted for life in arid conditions, thus its primary weapon of a flamethrower, used to incinerate various species of cacti, snakes, and grasshoppers. Gerbils are the mortal enemies of all tortoises (armed with 60mm anti-personnel rockets), and the Great Gerbil/Tortoise War of 1489-2398 was only the latest of the perpetual series of ceaseless wars between these two violent species.

Sorry about the suspense, but there’s something random to read while waiting for the next explosive chapter, WHICH IS IN THE QUEUE! THE GREAT BATTLE APPROACHES!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: armagod679
Date: 12/18/08 16:30
Chapter: Not An Intermission

GO TIM! ATTACK THE DISSENTING CHARACTERS WITH BARNEY EPISODES AND BEATLES MUSIC! LONG LIVE THE BORED AUTHOR WAY OF LIFE!

Author's Response:

Why think so small, armagod679? THEY’LL FACE MUCH, MUCH WORSE THAN THAT!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: ahattab33
Date: 12/18/08 13:01
Chapter: Not An Intermission

Oh. Man. Hahaha, this story is great. I don't have the brilliance to leave a great sweeping revuew, but I can tell you that this story is...hmmm, great? Yes, great. :) And you have quite the imagination.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the review, and for letting me know what you think about my brain! The next exciting chapter is in the queue!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Typhoeus
Date: 12/17/08 15:13
Chapter: Chapter VI: Happy, Happy Insanity!

I would like to apologize profusely for taking so long to put up a review. I would like to submit the following excuses in the hope that they will appease you and abate or lessen your wrath. One, I was away on the weekend. Two, I have been really busy. Lastly, would you believe a jellyfish fell through the roof of my house? Anyway, review is below.

Wow. This chapter is so absurdly funny that I am left speechless. That is, speechless in the manner of sports personalities, news readers, and politicians, who say they are speechless yet manage to talk for about five minutes to end up saying little besides what most people could just as easily have said in two sentences. Wow, I fit 44 words into that last sentence. Impressive, huh? Anyway, there is so much in this chapter that to mention everything that I found hilarious would lengthen an already lengthy review. I would, however, like to say that Mr. Jesus' cameo had me in tears. And 2+2=elephant. And Serenity, and the Satan-worshippers, and RPG-7s, and the Scottish and Irish, and the pineapple. But especially Mr. Christ's cameo. I would like to end my stupid and generally useless review with a few large words that serve the dual purpose of describing this chapter and making me appear literary. This excellent chapter is grotesque, singular, and risible.

In conclusion, please do not let my review discourage you from continuing to write, as most of the other readers leave much better ones than I, and the next jellyfish might prove fatal.

Author's Response:

Greetings Typhoeus! You grovelled quite well, so you shall be spared of my wrath – I shall instead direct it towards another errant reviewer! HA HA! Gibber and blubber helplessly puny mortal, wherever you are! You better hope you have jellyfish and a hole in your ceiling!

What was I saying? OH YES – the author’s response! Anyway, I am glad that this chapter was so incredibly profound that it reduced you to tears! I actually only included Jesus’ cameo in a final edit, right when I was submitting this chapter. I was looking at the preview, and I just had some sudden inspiration to make a really stupid pun, but I’m glad you got a rather large kick out of it! And like many of the things that appear in this chapter, I have no idea where I got “2+2=elephant” from. However, I am suddenly reminded that Josef Stalin said that if the people worked hard enough, then the Five-Year Plan could be done in only four years, thus his slogan of “two plus two equals five.”

Regarding Miss Sapphire, I think it is quite obvious that she represents every Mary-Sue I have come across… and hated. My only regret about this chapter is that I wish I had smashed her face in myself, rather than let one of my OCs do it. Furthermore, I couldn’t resist making fun of those people who say the Harry Potter books are evil and have led millions of kids to sell their souls to Satan. And of course, exactly HOW many of those people have actually READ the books? But I digress…

Don’t worry about me being discouraged from writing more – this story was finished a long time ago! Thank you for the review, I really do appreciate them. I like hearing what people think about my writing – plus, having lots of reviews is good publicity! Anyway, the seventh chapter is up, so check it out if you haven’t already. And the epic final showdown instalment is coming soon!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: InvisibleAparecium
Date: 12/16/08 16:43
Chapter: Chapter I: HAGGIS ATTACK!

I don't know why I keep doing that. Sorry.

Author's Response:

Please, don't apologise - I don't mind double reviews at all! They add reviews to my total, and make my story look more popular!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: IndigoPassion
Date: 12/14/08 14:41
Chapter: Chapter VI: Happy, Happy Insanity!

Okay, I just did a proper reveiw, and now I'm too .. uh .. lazy to do another.

So I will just tell you how wickid this chapter was..

Although, really, you know it would be my worst nightmare ever to be bald. Poor Alice.

And your Angsty wierdo little girl was an excellent addition.

The sentence 'I’m the American exchange student from Salem Witches Institute – Serenity Sapphire! Don’t you recall how you were the only one to comfort me when I arrived and was sorted into Gryffindor, against the wishes of my adoptive Death Eater parents, the same people who murdered my real mother and father?”'

Was just perfect. Like, completly. Are you doing the cliche challange? Cuz you really and honestly should.

You would totally win.

Haha, I also loved the very end. The 'asked Chris near the conclusion of this chapter. '

You do have a way for pointing out the obvious. =)

-Lexyy

Author's Response:

Don’t feel bad about feeling to lazy to write proper review – remember, I was too lazy to write a proper story! For this chapter I essentially threw sanity out the window and let Skittles™ do the rest of the work. The only part of this chapter I actually put some serious thought into was the cameo of Serenity Sapphire, the stupidly perfect American exchange student girl. She represents every cliché I hate in Harry Potter fandom! I had enormous fun making her as over-the-top as possible (ridiculously beautiful, unnecessarily tragic past, etc.) in the few paragraphs of her existence, plus I took great pleasure in having one of my characters smash her face in with a pineapple – those hurt!

Oh, and THANKS FOR TELLING ME ABOUT THE CLICHÉ CHALLENGE! I had no idea there was one until you mentioned it – you’ll definitely see me running!

“Heh heh…” Tim uttered deviously near the end of this author’s response. Yep. Attack of the obvious! NEXT CHAPTER IS IN THE QUEUE!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: IndigoPassion
Date: 12/14/08 14:18
Chapter: Chapter Five: Getting Personal

Whoa! Two chapters and I never noticed!

How could I?

Haha, I'm not entierly sure why, but I absolutly adored the line 'Tim would have to try harder than that if he wanted to alter their unyielding morning routine!'

Maybe it was just really clever, but that really made me laugh.

You're rather mean, though. Why is it always the Hufflepuffs who are the worst off? What with the 'The Hufflepuff table resembled nothing more than a pile of matchsticks,'

[Is a Hufflepuff]

Another line that I loved, 'Yet you jump in there and take all the dialogue and paragraphs for yourself, not leaving any for the rest of us!”'

Haha, I love the way that you make all of the characters so similar to the original to make it funny, but still have those slight differences to stop it being too much.

One thing I really want to know, though, is why do you always insult your own writing? Like,

'badly written, subversive rant'

Is it all joking, or do you mean any of it? Cuz if you do, you should know, you're an absolutly amazing writer!!

And last of all, Haha, I loved the email part, that was such a brilliant idea! Seriously, I don't know who else would come up with that..


Wow, would you look at that? I wrote a half decent review to one of your chapters! Isn't that just amazing!!

Author's Response:

Well, hello Lexyy! Thanks for the review! I have no idea why I made it a requirement for each chapter to start with the protagonists eating breakfast. I guess I just noticed that the first few chapters started that way, and somehow had the idea to turn it into a plot device. With that said… expect more chapters to begin with them eating breakfast – nothing I can do can change that!

Sorry I created the impression that I was picking on the Hufflepuffs, but I never had any intention to do so. I just wanted one of the house tables to be destroyed, and I just randomly picked the Hufflepuffs’ – remember, it could have been a lot worse. I haven’t killed off any named ‘Puffs, yet, have I?

And I’m glad you liked John’s “badly written, subversive rant” – I call it badly written because when I read his argument a few times, I can’t shake the feeling that it is slightly clunky and repetitive in places, so I had Wat point this out. However, I did nothing to change that aspect of his speech because I think it sounds much more like normal dialogue – we can’t all talk like Cicero, I’m afraid! Or maybe I just have low self-esteem and think my writing’s rubbish… NAH! Mindless optimism, hurrah!

As you undoubtedly noticed, I modelled many of my OCs off canon characters, because Tim the Enchanter is lazy and doesn’t want to bother making real characters – thus the revolt! Though I don’t think any of my OCs correspond exactly with Ron, I would say that John is the closest, if only for the reason that he’s the disgruntled sidekick, especially like the Ron of GoF and DH. On the other hand, he is a bit of a sarcastic git, which isn’t very Ron-ish at all! Bleargh.

Like almost everything in this story, I can’t remember how I came up with the idea for the insulting e-mail. At any rate, I’m glad I did, no matter what my motivation was! The responses I wrote were actually modelled after or taken directly from the mannerisms of my friends, so that’s a little arbitrary detail about that....

Anyway, thanks again for the review, and check out the next chapter whenever it’s approved!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: InvisibleAparecium
Date: 12/13/08 19:44
Chapter: Chapter VI: Happy, Happy Insanity!

HOW DARE YOU???? How can you tortue these poor, undeveloped characters so? Do you realize that you are responsible for 61 million+++ character deaths??? And poor Chris, how will he ever learn simple math, thanks to you? I am extremely disappointed, and will not tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. How much I am a fan of yours (recently) and how much I, too, enjoy writing stories in which everyone goes insane. This is one of the best stories I have read in a long time, but YOU SICKEN ME! At least give Meagan a hair color or give Zigmond some personality! I love your quirky yet undescribable writing style!Update soon!
Love,
Halle

Author's Response:

I'm glad that you liked this story so much to double post! Hurrah for a higher review count!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: InvisibleAparecium
Date: 12/13/08 19:43
Chapter: Chapter VI: Happy, Happy Insanity!

HOW DARE YOU???? How can you tortue these poor, undeveloped characters so? Do you realize that you are responsible for 61 million+++ character deaths??? And poor Chris, how will he ever learn simple math, thanks to you? I am extremely disappointed, and will not tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. How much I am a fan of yours (recently) and how much I, too, enjoy writing stories in which everyone goes insane. This is one of the best stories I have read in a long time, but YOU SICKEN ME! At least give Meagan a hair color or give Zigmond some personality! I love your quirky yet undescribable writing style!Update soon!
Love,
Halle

Author's Response:

Well, as Joe Stalin said, “One death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic” – I still haven’t killed off any important named characters, because that’s what all the nameless extras are for! I’m glad you noticed the ridiculous hyperbole in this chapter, because in just one simple sentence I wiped out the population of pretty much all of Britain.

But give Meagan a hair colour, or Zigmond a personality, or Chris the ability to count? NEVER! THEY’LL HAVE TO PRY THAT FROM MY DEAD, LIFELESS FINGERS! If those fanfic rebels want character development, they’ll have to do it themselves, and I don’t intend to let them! Evil laughter! HA HA HA! Being a malicious, demented tyrant author is much more entertaining than writing a normal story! I am actually a much more mild-mannered person in real life, but writing stories like this is the perfect outlet for the more insane portion of my brain.

Anyway, thanks for the review – the next chapter is coming soon!

Tim the Enchanter

Reviewer: Fullmetal Jack
Date: 12/12/08 20:53
Chapter: Chapter I: HAGGIS ATTACK!

Dear God Man!

“PROLETARIUS EXPLODIKKUS!”

I must say, that is quite an “interesting” statement if I do say so myself (and by “interesting” I mean HAHAHAHA!!!!! OMG!!! THAT WAS FREAKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!!). In general I thought the whole thing was just a wild ride into the pits of insanity and mayhem. It was a trip that I enjoyed….a lot.

I was going to bust an artery when I began reading about the Red Army bashing through the grounds of Hogwarts. I could just picture it! Thousands of Soviet soldiers, each and every one of them with an AK-74, descending down upon our beloved heroes…..like the wrath of an angry god! It was marvelous!

Oh, but I’m not finished there. The sheer abruptness of it all….things were all quiet at first, but then Kablaaaam!!!! Everything goes to hell in a hand basket! It was an all around a great read. T-72s and T-80s, leveling the Great Hall, while young wizards and witches get blasted to hell, now that’s what I call entertainment!

It is so off the wall, it is amazing. The thing is…that is what I love about your work; it’s the fact that it is absurd yet brilliant at the same time. Of course, I suppose that you can’t really call it the Absurd Fanfic Revolution without its own special brand of “off the wall”.

The real question from here is….what’s next? Super hot Ukrainian bikini models firing M-16s that shoot flaming burritos, while the French Foreign Legion launches a daring airborne assault?!!!!

Well, I do hope I get to see more stories like this. It’s good to know that the imaginations of the world are still live and kicking.

Your loyal fan,
Jack

Author's Response:

Well, hello Fullmetal Jack(et)! Thank you for writing this immensely entertaining review… and for liking the story too! And I am very glad that you survived this “wild ride into the pits of insanity and mayhem” – I certainly enjoyed writing it! However, I don’t know what effect doing so has done on my sanity!

But who cares – I don’t! There are Kalashnikovs, tanks, and phrases of “Get Hammered and Sickled!” aplenty; I had always wanted to write a story with these things, and fortunately I got the chance with this one! Who cares about plot – the Red Army attacking Hogwarts sounds like fun!

And if I ever need to enlist the help of mail-order Ukrainian gun bimbos and French Foreign Legionaries, I know who to call! To see what happens next… well, that’s what all the subsequent chapters are for, especially Chapter Six, which is up right now! Anyway, thanks again for the review – my imagination is indeed alive and kicking me repeatedly!

Tim the Enchanter

PS: EXCLAMATION POINTS! I’ve noticed that I've used an awful lot of them!

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