Hi there! I was intrigued when I saw your poem; I adore the ship Lily/Severus, especially in poems. I have one on here too so I know it's harder than it looks!
Overall, I just love the idea of your poem - the lines you use are realistic and easily help you to imagine the situation and not only are they realistic, but they're detailed; I can clearly see it happening.
I love the first sentence and how it's repeated in the other stanzas. I also like the alliteration of the 'g' in the first sentence.
The imagery in the second verse is excellent - very well described, and you're talented at finalising the stanzas on a concluding, heartfelt note.
I love how you use the words 'kissed your forehead', I think that's so sweet :)
As for the last stanza; you depicted Lily's feelings flawlessly - you put what I always imagined she felt into perfect words. Also, the last sentence is amazing like the rest of the poem.
All in all, a very enjoyable though sad read! I'm interested in seeing what other work you have!
Author's Response: Thanks so much dear! It makes my day to see a new review! xoxo Margaret
Aww...I don't normally like poetry, but this was really sweet. I'm not a huge fan of Sev/Lily, but after DH, clearly Severus is more sappy/sentimental then we would have thought! This is really sweet, and I think it definitely captures the emotions felt by an unrequited love. I like the repeated line too, it adds some good continuity! Good job! :D
Author's Response: Aw.... Bella you're the greatest! Thanks! <3, Margaret
Poor Sev! It makes me want to know why Lily left him. :(
I love the repeated line throughout, and that each stanza had it's own second question. It gave the poem a connected feel, and I felt like I was reading a mini-story, if that makes sense. :)
And, of course, platypuses are absolutely awesome!
Author's Response: I know! I never liked Sev until the last book when we learned about him and Lily! Also, I'm glad you share my love of platypuses! Thanks for reviewing! ~margaret
Short but Sweet! Loved it And yes platypuses are v. cool ( >_< )
Author's Response: Aw thanks! :D
omg dis is so short but perfect
Author's Response: Thanks! I try not to be really wordy
I think platypuses are the coolest thing since pre-sliced bread.
And I liked your poem, poor snape!
Author's Response: lol thanks!
Definitely to that last one. LOL
Wonderful poem, I really loved it. One grammatical nitpick: Asingle tear gliding down you cheek should be your cheek.
Author's Response: i <3 platypuses! :D Anywho, thanks SO much for pointing that out to me! And I'm glad you liked it! :D