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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: TheInvisibilityCloakOwner (Signed) · Date: 01/18/12 7:37 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Whoa This Is Beautifully Written..!
Poor James! :'(
Hope U Write Some More Lily-James.

Name: TheCursedQuill (Signed) · Date: 03/31/10 13:42 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Hey there!

This one-shot was a really good idea! I like seeing how people explore different characters, and James is one of my favourite characters, so I enjoyed reading this take on what goes on in his mind! I like how you characterised him here, and how he feels about himself and Lily. We see a little insecurity, especially with how he “needs” Lily, which is interesting because he acts so confident on the outside.

I think you captured the human thought very well in this piece! James sort of jumps around through a lot of different thoughts and emotions and it made me realise how jumbled and random my thoughts can be sometimes! Things are also repeated a lot which is something we tend to do when we rant, so I liked how you incorporated that into your story. I like how you incorporated the angry moments, like when he decides that “If she doesn’t want me around, then fine, I won’t be.” And says things on impulse whereas later he says the he’ll “just have to try a little bit harder”. I think there should have been a little more anger in this fic though. There wasn’t enough for me, and I think James would be seriously mad at how much effort he is putting into Lily and how she keeps blowing him off.

Another thing that would have worked more effectively were clear cut repetitions. For example, instead of writing “Like I’ve said, I’ve tried.” Just writing “I’ve tried.” As it’s own separate paragraph would have worked really well and have more of impact on the reader. Same with “Like I said, I’m the exception.”, if you were to just write “I’m the exception” I think the reader would feel more sympathy towards James as he restates his point, without pointing out that he is restating his point.

I want to finish with something else that I liked though, you tended to have James just trail off from one point and start thinking about Lily’s character, which is very real and sweet. Like when he says “I’ve tried to make her care, to make her see that I care. And it hurts me even more, that she probably never will.

She cares about things…” And then he goes on to everything she cares about it. I think it’s brilliant and very touching how much attention James pays attention to her and it makes their romance more tragic to the reader.

Very good story, I can’t wait to read your “sequel”! Keep up the good work!


Author's Response: Hi Sarah! I'm not usually one to respond to reviews, but this was so long and thorough, I felt if you spent this much time on my story, the very least I could do is respond. :) I really appreciate the fact that you liked the bouncing around, mostly because that's one of my favorite parts of this little fic. I do like your comment about the repetition. I had never realized how many times I said certain things (though it was on purpose) and how simply repeating them could be a bit more effective. I'll look into it! I hope you like the sequel, though I do like this one a bit better Thanks for reading! -Kel

Name: the_quiveringquill (Signed) · Date: 09/13/09 11:38 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
awwwww... this.is.so.Briliant. U should totally keep writing this.. not just for the one shot but for until Lily starts liking him and stuff like that. u dont have to tho... just an errant thought of mine.

Name: AccioPen (Signed) · Date: 08/12/09 22:37 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
A really lovely character development chapter. It gave some new insight onto the typical James/Lily romance.

Name: ron lover (Signed) · Date: 07/30/09 20:30 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
I really like this story. I like that there isn't any dialog in it. I like how you made James. He's really good.

Name: weasleyalltheway (Signed) · Date: 11/15/08 20:10 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
that's great. i thought it was wondeful. I think it would be exceptional if you maybe added another chapter, in lily's opinion. whatever you think it is. just a thought. but again, splendid work.

Name: sairy_the_fairy (Signed) · Date: 09/04/08 12:45 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
wow. this is really good! i can definitely feel James' emotion coming through. you are very talented and i can't wait to read more! maybe do another chapter from Lily's POV.. idk i would like that

keep up the amazing work!

Name: The Salt Lake Queen (Signed) · Date: 09/01/08 1:59 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Wow. Beautiful story - the emotions were painfully realistic. <3

Name: Oh_No_Not_Fred (Signed) · Date: 08/30/08 0:01 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Ahhhh this is so good! It's sad but enjoyable & you write really well from James' POV!

Reall well!

Name: kittykat (Signed) · Date: 08/27/08 21:36 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
ok.....wow...i REALLY love it. I've never read this kind of j/l fic before. this is a new kind of james. and i havn't wirttne a review for a story in MONTHS. lol i've been too lazy to sign in and nothing was worth it.the quality is extremely good! i found myself nodding my head in the beginning becuase its sooooo true that we try to change ourselves for our crush, for them to notice us. but then at the end when he says that a world without lily is not a world worth living in that just says how much in love he is . that this isn't a silly crush. the way that he describes how hurt he is is SO..i don't know how to describe it. i mean its raw and its just so real. that he didn't always have the confidence. that he didn't always believe he would win her over. that he loved her so dearly it almost broke him. Once again REALLY good story. it would be nice to have a sequel. you know maybe when lily starts to notice him or when they get together....by the way this is going to my favs and so are you! :)

Name: Nymphea (Signed) · Date: 08/25/08 22:23 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
This story was so honest...I love how well you've explained James' feelings. This isn't a plot-heavy story, but it's so important for you as an author to understand James' feelings; I've tried to do this myself and just pause to figure out--and write--what James and Lily feel for each other. I would love to see you write a story from Lily's POV. This story is so accurate, though, right on in every sense. The part about Lily's being a whole person separate from James really resonated with me. I guess the reason I would like to see something from Lily's POV is that it's her move, so to speak, and I want to see what she does with it; I want her to give James some hope.
Anyway, I loved reading this story and I can't wait to read more of your work.

Name: ink_daughter (Signed) · Date: 08/25/08 21:15 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
I think you did a wonderful job writing this! I hope one of these days inspiration will strike me and I'll be able to write a fic as well as this one.

Name: bellatrix-black-lestrange (Signed) · Date: 08/25/08 15:20 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
"She was pretty, not beautiful. She was smart, not brilliant. She was funny, not witty. She was mine, not someone else’s. She was Emma Vance, not Lily Evans. " i love this is is amzing

Name: Treacle_Heart (Signed) · Date: 08/24/08 11:27 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Wow .. that was so sad, but I liked it , a lot. It was so calmly emotional , which I like. I find it easier to understand and relate to when it's written like that.
Great job! :)


Name: larien-melwasul (Signed) · Date: 08/24/08 9:14 · For: Chapter 1: Confessions of Boy in Love
Oh....it's so sad. I wish it wasn't just a one-shot but rather a whole long story. You can really word emotions well and the dept of James' feelings.

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