MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Name: Roommate of the Quillster
(Signed) · Date:
08/27/08 15:11 · For:
This story is nice. You did a good job of describing Andromeda’s emotions. She’s lonely and lost and without family, and you covered all of that.
Sometimes your sentences were really choppy, though that short structure all together helped to convey the helplessness and disoriented feeling someone who had lost everything would have felt.
I find it interesting that you chose to jump right into how Andromeda met Ted in the middle of her mourning. It kind of fit, but felt slightly out of place. It’s like the descriptions you used were only half-hearted. It didn’t quite feel like you meant what you wrote.
She remembers her little girl desiring to be an auror. and herself being worried for
I’m not sure if the period should be a comma or the and should be capitalized, but that’s something small you might want to change.
Overall, I thought you told a basic story. A girl fell in love, had a family, and everyone died. I would have liked to learn a little bit more of the details that draws you to this character. Why did you chose a story about Andromeda? Why does she connect to you? Why is she important to you? The reasons you write about her, or why she’s important to you (if she is) should come out in your writing. We as readers want to feel the same connection you have to your characters, but we can’t feel it unless you share with us more of the details in a more convincing way.
So, nice work on this story, but I look forward to reading some of your stuff as you continue to develop as a writer!
(Signed) · Date:
08/26/08 15:54 · For:
*tear* i always love andromeda fics... ppl seem to forget that SHE'S the victim here... well one of them at least.. good story!
Author's Response: Thank's so much! I'm glad you liked it.