MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Mistletoe (Signed) · Date: 08/11/08 13:05 · For: Morning Has Broken
You like writing in lesser used tenses, don’t you? Second and now first person present. I’ve found that it’s really refreshing to read your writing! This story, first off, is introduced perfectly. Everyone knows that Sirius is notorious for being a deep sleeper, and you make his reaction to being awoken so perfect. Can you tell I’m obsessed with your ability to write the perfect reaction?

I love this part :] It’s so Sirius, and it’s such a half-awake-still-groggy reaction.

The persistent little bugger. I groan and realize that I am suffocating under the pillow. I scoot out from beneath it and inhale the fresh air. Glorious air.

You are rather in sync with Sirius’ character, and Remus’ as well, but Sirius is spot in. His impatience and exhaustion are perfect. The following really shows what I mean.

Remus makes a rather strangled noise that sounds as if he tried to swallow whatever words were trying to leave his lips. I glare at him. Sometimes I think that Remus needs to toughen up.

MERLIN! YOU AND YOUR REACTIONS. >.> No really. I am a total fangirl of your reactions. When Sirius finds out that James and Lily die and reacts with nothing but lack of emotion, it’s brilliant. We see Sirius with that type of reaction to many things, but we also see him as a very passionate person. I would think it would be tough to find the perfect reaction from him because the two you would choose from are on such opposite ends of the spectrum. However, obviously, your reaction was perfect.

Now, bear with me and I quote my favorite part from the whole story:

They’re dead.

I don’t believe it. Peter, the backstabbing little rat, betrayed them. I could wring his scrawny neck right now and feel no remorse.

They’re dead.

I feel nothing.

They’re dead.

James and Lily died last night. Impossible.

They’re dead.

“I know!” I shout into the emptiness.

The repetition coupled with the lack of response, and then the final outburst hits Sirius’ character head on. Then him proceeding to do nothing but blame himself is a typical Sirius reaction. We are able to see it many years later in his post-Azkaban self, and you did a great job of making that one of his first reactions.

My heard thuds to what feels like a stop.

Should be heart.

Wow, really, the end was so bitter and emotional. The pain of losing his loved ones is so real. I am just astounded by your utterly amazing ability to hit such emotions so well. You, once again, did a lovely job with your characters and wrote a scene that was very bittersweet.

Author's Response: Guh, thank you! It makes me very happy to think that you enjoyed the characterization and the writing. *squish*

Name: XhayleeXblackX (Signed) · Date: 08/10/08 20:09 · For: Morning Has Broken
This was a sad, sweet little one-shot. I’m usually not to fond of reading – nor writing, though I just trapped myself in one with it – first person, but I think it fits this story well. The ‘They’re dead’ repeats at the end were just lovely and really let the reader see what’s going through Sirius’ head.

I think that the thing I like the most about this one-shot, though, is Remus’ characterization. It was just something that I could imagine coming from him.

His gaze narrows and a few tears that haven’t already been shed spill from the corners. He takes no notice of them. “He found them, Sirius. He couldn’t do that unless the charm was breeched. What did you do?” His last question comes out as more of a wail than anything else.

I could really picture this scene in my head and thought that it was very Remus-like. Plus, I just loved the wording here.

My favorite part is the beginning though, because the way that Sirius ignores the voice is great characterization in my eyes. He seems like the type of person that would sleep in and ignore annoyances that try to pry him from the comfort of sleep. The diction here is just great:

The voice sounds a little less inquisitive and quite a bit more demanding I note, even in my rather sluggish state. Keeping my eyes determinedly shut, I grope about for my pillow, find it, and stuff my head under it. Too early for talking.

The title is really fitting and I like that it doesn’t really give much away, but instead lures the reader into wondering why the morning would come to early. Good work, I really couldn’t find anything to nitpick other than that it would have been nice to see it be a little bit longer with some more of Sirius’ breaking down over their deaths. This is because I liked it and wanted to read more, of course.


Author's Response: Thank you so much, Haylee! I'm so glad that you liked Remus' characterization - that was a bit of a tricky point for me. Also, Sirius is the only person that I have written from first person (er, well, and a tiny bit of Lily). I usually don't do so, but Sirius just seems to mesh well with the tense. Again, thank you for the lovely review!

Name: expelliarmus17 (Signed) · Date: 08/09/08 1:51 · For: Morning Has Broken
Brilliant! That was beautifully written! I especially liked "I scoot out from beneath it and inhale the fresh air. Glorious air." and "They’re dead.

“I know!” I shout into the emptiness. "

Remus and Sirius were well characterized and I like the use of present tense.

I'd just like to point out: " Remus' " in the 8th paragraph should be " Remus's " and "Secret Keepter" should be "Secret Keeper" Oh and there are some possible comma problems in the second and fourth paragraphs.

Excellent story! =)

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments.

Name: abyss (Signed) · Date: 08/08/08 17:31 · For: Morning Has Broken

Author's Response: Thanks! *smile*

Name: ringobeatlesfan4 (Signed) · Date: 08/08/08 16:38 · For: Morning Has Broken
Sad. Very very sad. Very emotional. Very good too. And very canon, too. It's nice, yet sad, and Sirius is in it! Therefore; I am happy. But still sad for James and Lily. I can actually think that this could be what really happened. Excellent! {BeccA}

Author's Response: Thank you muchly.

Name: purplepanther (Signed) · Date: 08/08/08 9:08 · For: Morning Has Broken
Very good. I think Sirius's lack of emotion just after hearing the news was very realistic. Nice job!

Author's Response: Thank you!

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