MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: locanena (Signed) · Date: 05/17/09 21:29 · For: Lost and Found
that was goooooood

Name: A H (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 23:56 · For: Reunion
Babbler extraordinaire shall be forming this review, because she can never seem to speak freely. So…

The Grammar: There are a few spots here and there where things read awkwardly. Your sentence structures are sometimes flowing and continuous, but there are places where you get very short and choppy; the change in style is a little deterring, especially since it happens frequently.

The PoV: While it is fair to say that I'm just not a fan of omniscient PoV, and that most likely has more impact on my opinion than the actual writing, your switches feel more like head-hopping than flowing PoVs. In the first chapter you used asterisks to show the change, but at the beginning of the first chapter and all through the second, you just switched without marking it. Either way is fine, but switching the style so abruptly is, again, deterring.

And also about the PoV… It feels a little forced. One scene should feel continuous, flowing, natural—it should read like one whole, just from two different minds. In the second chapter, that flow is a little lost between all the emotions you're trying to get out.

Now about the emotions themselves (Negative Nancy is rearing her ugly head—my apologies *blush*), they sort of feel… forced. Like you were trying to squeeze a million and three emotions in there but couldn’t get them all out. I want to stress first that I have the exact same problem (which is why I'm pointing it out in the first place) and that it's really not that prevalent in the story. It just seems that Ginny would be more… emotional. More angry, more sad, more reminiscent, more something. Her brother has found her after three long years of hiding—while you portray the unease quite well, I think, considering the writing itself is amazing, you could pull the reader in more.

And about that writing: I love your style. You've captured the Muggle world from a witches' PoV quite well, IMO. Also, the tone that this started with (George finding her, the normalcy of the conversation between Ginny and Laura, etc) was great, and really builds the reader up: If things are so normal and calm, something's gonna' happen. :D

The premise of this story is just amazing. I love the idea of it and you've got me on the edge of my seat after that last line (cliffhanger indeed! Why didn't Harry approach her? Why was George the one asking Hermione about the location, and why doesn't Hermione know if Harry and George do? For that matter, why doesn't the entire family know? Why did Ginny leave! *shakes head* You better update soon :p). I think you've got a plot here that, amidst so many predictable stories, is a one-in-a-million, amazing read.

On to characterization: you've got 'em down pact. The emotions might be a little off to me, but I think you've got a great grasp on both Ginny and George. The small, almost-not-there tension between them, the sarcastic quips—it's great.

So all in all this is going straight in my favorites so I can see the updates (I hope they'll be soon?). Great story here, love!


Name: chups07 (Signed) · Date: 04/27/09 0:03 · For: Reunion
i hope you write more its getting really good.


Name: AlexPotter (Signed) · Date: 04/15/09 19:36 · For: Reunion
Hey Bella!

I hope you update this soon, I can't wait to read more!!!


Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 04/14/09 17:45 · For: Reunion
Hullo, Bella. –waves-

So, I decided to review your second chapter, because the first chapter has twenty-seven reviews and this one only has nine—a little underappreciated, don’t you think? ;)

Hmm . . . So, I don’t normally read Harry/Ginny, nothing against the pairing, I’m just not fond of them in fanfiction, so this is a little different for me. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever read any AU stories except for, like, Dramione, and they don’t really count, in my opinion, because it’s just the pairing. Um, right. I’ll stop babbling now. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that despite my lack of familiarity with these two genres, I still found the story interesting. It was different enough to really peak my interest and to make me want to know what would happen.

I felt something was a little off in this chapter, and I think its George. You’ve got his humor down, but I don’t think he’d be laughing or making jokes this much. Maybe a little, but I feel like he wouldn’t be laughing at/with his little sister if she’d been missing for almost three years. George may have been laidback and fun, but I think he’s serious about his family, especially since he lost his brother in the war. In my mind, he wouldn’t be laughing and grinning and making sarcastic comments. –shrugs- Maybe you could make him a little more serious and a little more angry.

She really didn’t answer George’s questions at all, did she? I guess we’ll just have to wait to find out the reason she just disappeared. –sigh- I was so looking forward to the answer, too—it’d have to be a good one, considering Ginny’s character and all. She’s not exactly the type I expect to just pack up and vanish, but I suppose given the correct circumstances . . . I guess I’ll just have to keep reading, yeah?

I’m also curious as to why she lied about the father of Lily’s child. I mean, on one hand it makes sense, like she’s trying to move on, and sometimes the easiest way to do that is ignore the past, but on the other hand, it’d be hard to try and forget it all if your child has bright green eyes. Particularly if they’re almond-shaped.

Aww, it’s really sweet and sort of romantic that Ginny wants to talk about everything to Harry first. It shows that she still cares—a lot. And, it adds a lot more mystery to why she left. If she loved—loves—him so much, then why did she run away? Leaving the wizarding world would be tough, as you showed in your pervious chapter, with the typewriter/computer thing and the elevators.

-sigh- If I was Harry, and I’d just found my long-lost true love (and possibly our baby), I don’t think I could wait around and send someone else to talk to them. I would drop everything and run that instant. Although, one could argue that Harry was being thoughtful, and figured she rather talk to a family member than him. But still. I’d prefer to make my long-lost love uncomfortable for a little while and have the joy of being the one to find them, then sit around twiddling my thumbs while wondering how the meeting is going. I guess that’s why Harry is Harry though, and I’m me.

I wondered about your choice of George as being the one to go talk to her, especially when Harry was revealed as the one to find her . . . I mean, why not Ron? I always felt that they were pretty close. And Ron is Harry’s best friend. But, I sort of see the wisdom in that. If it was Ron, there would be lots of yelling. A plethora of yelling. Screaming. Tears. Yeah, it’d be emotional and bad. –shakes head- He’s a little too protective of her.

You know what I would have liked to see a little more of? Actually, there are two things, but they sort of go hand-in-hand, in my opinion. One, description. Maybe describe how George and Ginny have changed in the past few years? Give some details about how Ginny’s flat looks? And two, emotion. Or rather, describe their emotions. Don’t just say “Ginny was mad.” But, rather, add some lines about the way she was feeling. Instead of telling me Ginny had a shocked look on her face, why not say something about she felt like someone had knocked her out with a Beater’s bat? You briefly grazed emotions in about the middle of the story, here:

She felt vulnerable without her wand now that she was finally around another member of the Wizarding world, even if that someone was her brother. [...]The truth was what she had been running from and now that she was being forced to face it, she wasn’t sure she could handle it.

And that was really good, possibly my favourite part of the chapter, but you need more. To me, it feels almost like you’ve written a script for a movie or a play. I know what the characters say, and how they’ve moved, but I don’t know what they look like or what their feeling, things you can see in a movie or a play, but in a story you rely on the author to show it to you. Movies and plays are all well and good, but stories have the ability to actually transport the reader far away, into a life that’s not their own, if they imagine and see everything in their head. It’s hard, I know, but it gets easier with practice. I promise.

Happy Easter, Bella!


Name: gweasley95 (Signed) · Date: 04/14/09 16:40 · For: Reunion
How much longer!? It's so good, I want more!

Name: RedChequeredConverse (Signed) · Date: 03/25/09 16:33 · For: Lost and Found
This is really good. I just have a few nitpicks to make, but nothing serious!

1. You tend to fall into the 'Soap Opera' trap of using peple's names too much. We know they're George and Ginny, and they know it -- they don't have to call each other by name everytime the say something to each other.

2. Make sure to hit 'Enter' twice between paragraphs.

3. When you do use direct addresses in speech, make sure to put a comma before the name.

Otherwise, great start! Keep writing!

Name: amandafink (Signed) · Date: 03/09/09 20:04 · For: Reunion
ugh. i hare cliffhangers. the next chapter better be out soon!!! this is really good by the way.

Author's Response: haha sorry!!!!! Well, real life has kind of killed me lately, but I'm trying!!! and thanks!!! =)

Name: Ginny4life (Signed) · Date: 02/20/09 15:33 · For: Reunion
That was awesome please hurry with the next chapter PLEASE!!!

Author's Response: thank you!!! RL has been attacking me lately, but I have a spring recess coming up, so I hope to get a lot done! Check out my other story in the meantime! :D

Name: way 2 HP obsesed (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 12:03 · For: Reunion
AHHHHHHH! i am SOOO glad that you finally updated, i was beginning to think that you were not going to. Anyway...that was great, but very short...do u have this story on any other sight? I NEED MORE!

Author's Response: haha thank you! I don't have this on any other site, but I'm working on it. I'll keep you all posted :)

Name: ronrules_3 (Signed) · Date: 02/01/09 19:45 · For: Reunion
oh oh oh...!! please hurry and put the next chapter on im really into this story. :) is it going to come on soon?

Author's Response: Oh thank you!!!!!!! Yes, the next chapter is in the queue, so hopefully it'll be accepted soon! :)

Name: mirimos (Signed) · Date: 01/21/09 9:40 · For: Reunion
i think some parts of this conversation were rushed but i'm really interested to see what happens. good job :)

Author's Response: Hm. Well thanks! I appreciate all comments..criticisms help me grow! :) Third chapter is in the queue, so keep checking back! --Bella

Name: SnapelovesLilyforever (Signed) · Date: 01/17/09 14:33 · For: Reunion
Omgosh!! I love it Please upload more i can't take the suspence!! Lol

Author's Response: thanks!!!! The third chapter is in the queue! Keep checking back! :D --Bella

Name: rayasunshine (Signed) · Date: 01/16/09 14:13 · For: Reunion
Yay! Finally, I've been waiting for an update!
It was extremely good, with a nice cliffie at the end!

Author's Response: I'm so glad I have people who keep checking back!!!!! :D Yeah I hate cliffhangers but I HAD to. That's just too great of an ending to change haha. Thanks for reading!!! :D --Bella

Name: yukikiyokiralacus (Signed) · Date: 01/16/09 8:59 · For: Reunion
Wow, it's been a while since Chapter 1. I'm glad you decided not to abandon the story. Anway hope Ginny talks to Harry soon. I can't wait to find out why should would leave like that.

Author's Response: Yeah it has been awhile. I got busy at Uni, and then the queue got closed and then my chapter got deleted for some reason that no one told me, and it was just a barrage of bad luck. But yeah more will come in the third chapter! :D --Bella

Name: alyssa_S (Signed) · Date: 01/15/09 23:38 · For: Reunion
oooooooh.... cliffy can't wait for more plz update soon it has been a really good story soo far and i really want to know whyy ginny ran away! wat did her family think happened to her? did they know she had ran away? can u tell me? or is it going to be in the story soon?

good job!!

Author's Response: Haha thank you! It will all be revealed in the story soon! Keep checking back! :D --Bella

Name: way 2 HP obsesed (Signed) · Date: 01/04/09 10:33 · For: Lost and Found
i just wanted to let you know that i have not forgot about this story and i will keep checking back to see when it is updated...i have two of my own stories in the queue and it is taking FOREVER!

Author's Response: Oh thank you! Yeah I think they may have closed the queue for the holidays? Also, I did submit the second chapter and it got deleted without a letter of rejection, so we'll see what happens! I do have another new story up though, so take a look at that one!!! :-D --Bella

Name: sabradan (Signed) · Date: 12/13/08 17:21 · For: Lost and Found
I like this. Update soon, please. (Oh, and I hope this is a happy story, in the end)

Author's Response: Thanks! My beta is reading the second chapter, so hopefully I'll be able to submit the chapter soon!!! I think it will be a happy story...in the end...I have no desire to ruin Harry/Ginny, mostly because I love them so much!! So unless I suffer a terrible heart break in the next few months, I'm sure it'll end up happy! :-D

Name: gweasley95 (Signed) · Date: 12/06/08 12:26 · For: Lost and Found
when are you going to update!? I love this story and can't wait to read more it just seems like no ones updateing and i'm getting bored. Please Update!

Author's Response: Sorry! I sent my second chapter off to my beta, and she's in the process of reading it. Unfortunately we're both incredibly busy outside of this wonderful world, but we're doing the best we can to get things submitted in a timely fashion. I know how frustrating it is when a story you want to read isn't updated, believe me. Keep checking back!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

Name: lillybet (Signed) · Date: 10/23/08 18:53 · For: Lost and Found
please please continue with this fic! it's an amazing storyline that deserves to be continued! please ;D

Author's Response: thank you! Well because the queue finally reopened, I sent my second chapter over to my beta, and hopefully i'll be submitting it soon!!! Keep checking back! :-D

You must login (register) to review.