MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: hjpstarwars (Signed) · Date: 11/15/14 17:18 · For: Reunion
Please please please continue!!!!

Name: Pawthorne (Signed) · Date: 06/29/14 13:00 · For: Reunion
Its amazing, but you never wrote more!

Name: catrina (Signed) · Date: 08/21/12 14:06 · For: Reunion
there is no next chapter arrg

Name: Anglia Ford (Signed) · Date: 11/02/11 3:42 · For: Reunion
Write the next chapter!

Name: Liet Dumbledore (Signed) · Date: 08/20/11 19:31 · For: Reunion
You must write more! I need to know what happens next! Please???!

Name: Bri411 (Signed) · Date: 02/25/11 8:01 · For: Reunion
This was really good! U shouldnfinish it pls?!!!

Name: KRB91 (Signed) · Date: 02/14/11 20:42 · For: Lost and Found
I think I already submitted a review, but this story deserves another!! Awesome job!

Name: KRB91 (Signed) · Date: 02/14/11 20:40 · For: Reunion
Awesome plot so far!! Really can't wait for the next chapter!

Name: imagine2087 (Signed) · Date: 11/06/10 19:02 · For: Lost and Found
update this story!!! its awsome!!!

Name: Luna_Midnight (Signed) · Date: 07/30/10 21:19 · For: Reunion
when will the next chapter be up icant wait for it hurry lol sorry

Name: Ks11234rofl (Signed) · Date: 03/30/10 13:07 · For: Reunion
Very cool story! But please make the chapters lil bit longer thanks!

Name: harry-ginny1031 (Signed) · Date: 03/03/10 20:21 · For: Reunion
make more chapters now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: the opaleye (Signed) · Date: 11/12/09 4:55 · For: Lost and Found
Cliffhanger! Please update!!!!

Name: Yellow Luna (Signed) · Date: 10/05/09 17:47 · For: Reunion
Write more! ...please?

Name: randomravenclaw (Signed) · Date: 09/02/09 5:53 · For: Reunion
Please, please, PLEASE upload the next chapter! I really like this story!

Name: feydude (Signed) · Date: 08/09/09 19:58 · For: Reunion
DUN DUN DUN =O update D: D: D: super cliffie here T_T

Name: HayleyPotter (Signed) · Date: 07/11/09 21:39 · For: Reunion
I like it :)

Name: moody s friend (Signed) · Date: 05/27/09 12:14 · For: Reunion

Name: locanena (Signed) · Date: 05/17/09 21:29 · For: Lost and Found
that was goooooood

Name: A H (Signed) · Date: 05/06/09 23:56 · For: Reunion
Babbler extraordinaire shall be forming this review, because she can never seem to speak freely. So…

The Grammar: There are a few spots here and there where things read awkwardly. Your sentence structures are sometimes flowing and continuous, but there are places where you get very short and choppy; the change in style is a little deterring, especially since it happens frequently.

The PoV: While it is fair to say that I'm just not a fan of omniscient PoV, and that most likely has more impact on my opinion than the actual writing, your switches feel more like head-hopping than flowing PoVs. In the first chapter you used asterisks to show the change, but at the beginning of the first chapter and all through the second, you just switched without marking it. Either way is fine, but switching the style so abruptly is, again, deterring.

And also about the PoV… It feels a little forced. One scene should feel continuous, flowing, natural—it should read like one whole, just from two different minds. In the second chapter, that flow is a little lost between all the emotions you're trying to get out.

Now about the emotions themselves (Negative Nancy is rearing her ugly head—my apologies *blush*), they sort of feel… forced. Like you were trying to squeeze a million and three emotions in there but couldn’t get them all out. I want to stress first that I have the exact same problem (which is why I'm pointing it out in the first place) and that it's really not that prevalent in the story. It just seems that Ginny would be more… emotional. More angry, more sad, more reminiscent, more something. Her brother has found her after three long years of hiding—while you portray the unease quite well, I think, considering the writing itself is amazing, you could pull the reader in more.

And about that writing: I love your style. You've captured the Muggle world from a witches' PoV quite well, IMO. Also, the tone that this started with (George finding her, the normalcy of the conversation between Ginny and Laura, etc) was great, and really builds the reader up: If things are so normal and calm, something's gonna' happen. :D

The premise of this story is just amazing. I love the idea of it and you've got me on the edge of my seat after that last line (cliffhanger indeed! Why didn't Harry approach her? Why was George the one asking Hermione about the location, and why doesn't Hermione know if Harry and George do? For that matter, why doesn't the entire family know? Why did Ginny leave! *shakes head* You better update soon :p). I think you've got a plot here that, amidst so many predictable stories, is a one-in-a-million, amazing read.

On to characterization: you've got 'em down pact. The emotions might be a little off to me, but I think you've got a great grasp on both Ginny and George. The small, almost-not-there tension between them, the sarcastic quips—it's great.

So all in all this is going straight in my favorites so I can see the updates (I hope they'll be soon?). Great story here, love!


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