I agree with the previous reviews that all the characters are written very well in character. I noticed a few awkward sentences, but that's just the former English teacher in me.
I also noted the "greater good" phrase and find it interesting that it was not intentional. I agree with X that it adds another dimension to the scene.
I have to disagree slightly with Elf, though. I think the reason Severus reacts so violently to Harry's calling him a coward is that he has just killed the only person whose faith in him never wavered. It is the context, not the word, that enrages Severus in that scene. Even with all their history, Sirius's use of the word here would not cause an explosion in someone as controlled (usually) as Severus.
Kat, this story is so well written that I really don’t know what to say. Your use of description is so wonderful and truly adds to the scene. It doesn’t sound overused or like it’s too much, it’s just right.
You have both men perfectly in character as well. Their dialogue, their mannerisms, just everything was perfect. I especially loved how Sirius faltered during the duel. It was fitting and seemed very believable that Snape should win. He is after all the man who fooled Lord Voldemort until the very end.
Molly was also in character in that she was short with Sirius, but not Severus. Very good job here.
I also loved that you used ‘greater good’ in the story. You probably didn’t do it intentionally, but whenever I see this phrase, I always think of Albus and Gellert. I can’t help it. But even if you didn’t do it intentionally, it really adds to the scene, with and without the link in our minds.
You really have a way with words, Kat, and I really and truly loved this.
-Haylee
Author's Response: SQUEE. Thanks Haylee! Seriously, you praise far too much. I was so worried about Severus' character here because you don't have any leeway with his actions. I love writing Molly though. She's so huffy. And you're right! I had no idea of my reference to greater good. Thanks for pointing it out, dear. :D
I like this. You show the tension between Sirus and Severus well. I think that the taunts that they used were very IC, and for the most part you have been true to the characters.
There is one minor nitipick. We saw how Severus reacted when Harry called him a coward in HBP. I think that his reaction to Sirus calling him one here isn't strong enough.
Author's Response: Thanks for the nitpick. If I have some time, I'll reconsider his reaction and attempt a better one. Thanks!
