i really like your story, especially your charecterization of scorpius and Jacinta. For some reason i really connected with jacinta, so kudos to you for that!
That was really good! Keep up the great work!
Great job! Hurry up with that chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
Unfortunately, due to some family circumstances outside of my control, I don't actually have access to my computer at the moment. I don't know when I will be able to post the next chapter, but it will not be until circumstances have changed for the better. I am sorry, I don't like to keep you all waiting (and I don't like not being able to get to my computer, either!), but the story is only on my computer and I am having to pinch other people's all the time.
Also, I am in my final year of schooling so I do have a lot of work to try and fit in as well (so far its not fitting). I apologise again but I promise I will post the next chapter as soon as I can. Thanks for the support guys, you keep me writing!
:] I really like this chapter, and can't wait for the next one!
Wow, this is the first review I've ever written. I have just started reading your story, and I'm already hooked. I love it. I can't wait for the next chapter!
I noticed in the beginning of chap 2 how it was the other boy not Scorpius who was taking the lead in insulting Jacinta, so I rechecked chap 1 and also saw that Scorpius was silent then as well.
I also noticed that you didn't give the sex of the voice doing the Howler. Was it the mom? So far it's possible that Draco does not feel threatened by his son in Gryffindor. It will be interesting to see how that plays out.
oh my goodness, such an unexpected twist with scorpius! and all of chapter one we thought it was HIM saying all the foul things about muggle-borns! who would have thought? please please please post the next chapter ASAP! i really hope to see some more character development as far as albus, rose, jacinta, and scorpius are concerned. albus seems so much like harry and rose so much like hermione that i feel like we really need to see their unique personalities shine through. looking forward to reading the next chapter. keep them coming!
This chapter was so canon, so interesting. I love how the three friends are concerned about Scorpius. Perhaps his Dad's (Draco's) attiude has changed, he just doesn't spout it outside the family. I think you're setting up a new Golden Trio, or perhaps a Golden Four. If they listened closely to what the Sorting Hat said, they best be prepared. I hope you have Albus's first letter home or his first conversation with his parents. I'm sure Harry and Ginny have been quiet about their part in the Great Battle, they wouldn't want more pressure on their kids. Can't wait for the next chapter.
The begining was a bit slow (because i already read the epilogue like 10 times) but I liked all the rest!
Hi! I really like this story! I was wondering, when will the next chapter and beyond be posted?
well done i kinda wished you made malfoy a little less like his father. butt good job
I really liked, how this chapter got started! How it was part of the Deathly Hallows Epilogue! But, one thing, Scorpius Malfoy is alot like his father, and I would like to see some inprovement on his character.
P.S. Where does the name Jacinta come from?
Author's Response: The name Jacinta comes from the Greek work hyacinth, which has several meanings. First, as the Greek mythological hero Hyacinth or Hyacinthus. Second, it is a plant in the Liliaceae, or lily, family. And third, it is a gem which comes in various colours, including shades of red and yellow-gold (This last bit I thought was good as it fit Gryffindor's colours.)
Thanks for the review!
I loved it, but i agree that Scorpius is a little too much like Draco.
Oh, this was a lovely little read!
I like your characterization of Albus. He seems really accurate and how I would imagine Harry’s son to be. It was also nice to see that this was canon compliant with the dialogue, and I think that’s part of what makes it so believable. And because you added more before they got to the platform, it makes it all more real feeling. You also depicted his anxiety about Hogwarts well throughout the chapter.
“…filthy little Mudblood! How you even had the nerve to come talk to me, I have no idea, but I don’t talk to filth like you. Get lost!”
Your take on Scorpius is interesting as well. He really is a miniature Draco. This scene was completely something I could imagine Draco doing and I think that having Scorpius be so very like his father is valid for his characterization when he enters school. Its different from the Scorpius I’m used to reading, the one that’s nothing like his family, which is a nice and refreshing change to see.
Though poor Jacinta, being thrown from the compartment; I’m glad Rose and Albus picked her up. This was a good way to bring in another friend for them as well.
I liked the Quidditch talk as well. It seemed like a conversation that Albus and Rose would really have with someone, especially the way that they mentioned their parents and family in the explanation of the sport.
“– is full of great, galumphing gorillas according to Uncle Ron!” Albus put in.
I totally thought that this was something that Ron would say about Slytherins, so that’s really good and subtle characterization on Ron.
However, there were a couple of little mistakes, the one I can remember was here:
“So,” he said, handing Jacinta a chocolate frog, “what house do you think you’ll be in?”
“I don’t know any of the houses yet…” whispered Jacinta. Rose sent a scowl at James.
“Oh, you’re Muggle-born?” she asked in a friendly tone. Jacinta look up confused.
I don’t think that James was actually in this scene; it kind of threw me off when Rose scowled at him. So I think you meant Albus. Also, Quidditch terms such as Snitch should be capitalized.
You also need to credit the pages and book that the canon dialogue/action comes from, so that the original author gets credit as well. You have a general disclaimer, but you need to give credit to the used work as well.
Overall, I think you have a good start to a story, and I look forward to seeing where you take these characters and how they grow, progress, and develop.
Author's Response: “So,” he said, handing Jacinta a chocolate frog, “what house do you think you’ll be in?” “I don’t know any of the houses yet…” whispered Jacinta. Rose sent a scowl at James. “Oh, you’re Muggle-born?” she asked in a friendly tone. Jacinta look up confused. Omg! I totally didn't realise I'd done that, no one who has read the story, nor my beta, picked up on that! Thanks sooo much for pointing that out! :) I'll go edit it right now... As for the crediting the dialogue, I did have asterix's and a footnote on that, but looking back I see it's not there. I'll fix that, too. Thanks again!
i can't wait for the next chapter!
great story update soon :D
you have to be very careful about how you incorporate the original work. and when you do make sure you give the credit where it is due. the remainder of the chapter was really good. but as others said make sure you can develop your characters beyond that of their fathers and the oringal story or else it will seem like you are just repeating what was already done. I really look forward to reading how you develop as a writer. And I look forward to getting lost in a good story.
Great start to a next generation story. I hope you have other chapters to submit. I'll be looking forward to them.
Hmm i'm not totally convinced by this fic yet.
I loved the way you wrote the epilogue out but this time from albus's point of view, but i must agree with Harpotfan.
I think it's a bit unoriginal to make Scorpius just like his father. It's just the same book all over again then.
Great start to the story, definately left me wanting more.
Liked the way you started with actual bits of the Epilogue but put your own slant on it. Keep it up!