I really love looking at the relationship between Bella and Rudolphus, and your interpretation is really good. Very powerful.
There was one part I had a problem with... "the epidermis of her figure"... that's oddly phrased. What did you mean?
Wow. Very well written. I like it even though I don't normally like these kinds of fics. I have now explored into the deep depths of MNFF. :p
Her devotion never faltered and her determination was unwavering. Her love for her master was mysterious. She would torture for him, she would kill for him, and she would love for him. Bellatrix Lestrange was an unmerciful follower, taking pleasure from pain, humour from pleas and blood from life.. These just stood out as I read it. I think that you have captured Bella’s devotion to Voldemort very well here.
I found some things that you beta missed, so I hope you don’t mind me pointing them out.
except form pure hatred, I don’t think that form should be there. Maybe you meant to write for.
Has he been released from the Dark Lords followers? You’ve changed tense here. Has should be had.
he couldn’t bring himself to speek against him speek should be speak.
I also have some constructive criticism to offer:
She lowered her face down to his and let Rolophus have something he had been longing for, her love. I don’t think that love is the right word here. Bella may have gained respect for Rudolphos, but I don’t believe that she loved him. Voldemort was the one her heart belonged to. If you mean that the marriage hadn’t been consummated until then, I believe that with the explanation you gave for their marriage that the main goal had been to produce pureblood followers for Voldemort so it would have been in my opinion.
I like the explanation you give for Bellatrix marrying Rudolphos, and her being his prize, and apart from what I have pointed out I think that you have been true to her character.
Author's Response: Hey, Thanl you for your help, I will see if I can go back through and change the grammar slightly. The ending of this story wasn't the original ending, the original ending was that Bella gave herself fully to Rudolphus, not that the marriage hadn't been consumated before just that Bella finally felt that it wasn't duty anymore. I found this hard to explain this at the end and I felt that because their are many stages of love that love could be the right word. But, I only know what i think in my weird mind so thank you, on hindsight love may not have been the correct word. Thank you for all your help and I am glad that you liked it :D x
Your work is detailed and passionate, however there are a few spelling mistakes like speeking instead of speaking, you always have to check your work [ even though it's boring!]
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Hey, Thank you, I always type speeking instead of speaking and I have no idea why, just a habit I suppose. I'm glad you like the one shot. ~D x
