OMG BEST LILY/JAMES FIC EVER
Possible Idea: The antidote for the potion is discovered by Lily, but she decides not to tell James
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it. Oh wow that's such a cool idea! I do have a different ending planned though ... You'll just have to wait as see :)
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS STORY SO SO SOOOOOO MUCCCHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have it on my favourites but haven't reviewed till now.
IT IS AWESOME!!!
UPDATE AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review and adding to your favourites :) It really means a lot and makes me want to go and write some more :D. As for updates, I've nearly finished Chapter Eight, so hopefully not too long...
Okay, I'm ashamed to admit that I've only just got round to reading this, although I've seen it on the site, several times.
Wow, am I glad I decided to read the whole lot today. This is so funny and very, very clever. I can't wait for the Quidditch match. That is going to be fun!
But, as Lily tells James....patience is a virtue!
*adding to favoutites*
Author's Response: Hey, Carole.
Hehe, I'm glad you like it. I was actually putting the final touches to the quidditch match twice.
Lol, patience is indeed a virtue. I'm glad you liked that bit :) Thanks for adding to favourites.
What happens next? Update really really soon! (and this is a great chapter)
Author's Response: I've nearly finished chapter eight, so hopefully an update will come soon :) I'm glad you are enjoying the story.
I love this story. It's one of my favourites
Author's Response: Lol, actually I am really bad at making up names, so Lorely is actually one of my friends. Must be a weird spelling of it.... Anyway, I'm really glad you like the story! Thanks for the review :)
Oops, still hyper from the cheesecake. *gigglesnort*
This is such a cute tale. I can't wait until next chapter.
Author's Response: Awww thanks! Cheesecake is awesome. Next chapter is almost written. Thanks for the review :)
Argh! Please write more soon. You always cut off at the good bits....
Author's Response: Yay! Eighty reviews! :):) Lol, sorry about cutting off at cliff hangers. You are going to be so angry at me after chapter eight....
Anyway, thanks so much for the review. As a matter of fact, Chapter Seven is in the queue right at this moment and Chapter 8 is well on its way to being completed.
You have a very intriguing premise, Helen. I loved the idea, basically, and the use of rare butterfly wings! Use of butterflies isn't very common in potion making, and your idea seems to be quite interesting. It would be extremely difficult to extract the oil though, I suppose.
Well done, and do keep posting!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm really glad that you liked my butterfly idea! My idea was, as it is so difficult to extract the oil, thats why it is so rare and hence a powerful ingredient. Thanks so much for the review. Chapter Seven is ready to go as soon as one of my other stories is accepted or rejected.
Wow! after the day i've had i needed cheering up and that had me in hysterics!! My mum even told me off for laughing to much! this story reminds me of the film freaky friday! can't wait for more. hilarious!!!!
Author's Response: I'm so glad that I could cheer you up :) Pfft, you can never laugh too much. Chapter 7 is ready to go as soon as at least one of my other stories gets validated (I usually leave updates on what's going on in my profile). Thanks so much for the review :)
i have added 2 my favourites :DDD
Author's Response: Thankyouthankyouthankyou! That means a lot to me, especially when you review :)
yet anothe good chapter :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you are enjoying the story!
we learned in the first book that james potter was a seeker not a chaser just figured id let you know!!
Author's Response: That was actually the first movie that it was stated he was a seeker, which isn't actually considered cannon. (Quite a few little things were off) James' position on the Quidditch team is never mentioned in all of the books, but in an interview JRK, she states that James was in fact a chaser. I know it's really confusing because of the movie and the fact that he stole a snitch in the fifth book, but we have to take JKR's word on it as she is god of the Harry Potter Universe. For more info on James, check out Harry Potter Lexicon, http://www.hp-lexicon.org/wizards/james.html. Thanks for reading :)
Poor James his lost his dignity in fight and quidditch and is desperate to know the end of a romance novel. Lily had two concussion in one day and now James said her name inted of his??? Good chapter really funny, keep the good work.
Author's Response: Poor Lily and James. It is fun though to make there lives a little difficult. It's a bit of a cliff-hanger I know, but I shall post soon, never fear. Thanks for the review :)
Lily singing as James and Sirius discovering her = love! I cracked myself up laughing, seriously! Anyway, here are the corrections! *hugs*
“He insulted my hair,” James answered fluidly, “That is of course the stupidest thing in the world. My hair is gorgeous.”
You either have to make the comma after ‘fluidly’ a full stop, or put ‘that’ in all lowercase. You can’t have a capital and a comma.
Seeing this James decided to take a chance and turn…
There should be a comma after ‘this’.
She flicked another, just as he was turning around. It hit him straight in the face, causing him to slop brown liquid all over himself.
You should say ‘Lily flicked another’, instead of ‘she flicked another’. It’s a bit confusing otherwise.
In the instant their eyes connected, she knew she was out of her depth. She should have never started a war with James. She sent him a pleading look, but it was wasted. James had already begun his next move.
You said ‘she’ a lot in this sentence. Try changing at least one.
“Oh no, it’s all over my robes!”
There should be a comma after ‘oh’.
Quickly pulled his robes over his head and threw them to the ground.
Shouldn’t you say, ‘He quickly pulled his robes...’? That would make more sense
“Oh no, it also looks like I got my shirt too.” James continued, faking a huge sigh.
Again, there needs to be a comma after ‘oh’, but you also need a comma after ‘too’.
“Er, Lily, I don’t think that will be necessary.” McGonagall injected before anything could go any further.
You need a comma after ‘necessary’.
He shot a wink at Lily before skipping out of the room.
You should say ‘James’ instead of ‘he’. It’s confusing otherwise.
“As for you James, I have absolutely no idea what has gotten into you today.”
There needs to be a comma after the first ‘you’ (before ‘James).
Finally arriving back in the dormitory all she wanted to do was curl up on her bed (well James’ bed at least) and shut her eyes to the world surrounding her.
There needs to be a comma after ‘dormitory’, and another one after ‘well’.
Apparently the question was not rhetorical and they were apparently expecting an answer.
I recommend you delete the second ‘apparently’, so you’re not repeating yourself.
“They also occasionally shower.” Remus added, before both boys chuckled.
You need a comma after ‘shower’.
So they were more observant then Lily gave them credit for at least.
’Than’, not ‘then’.
Seriously you smell like as though a drunken rabbit has died on you.
You need a comma after ‘seriously’, and I recommend deleting ‘as though’. This sentence is a bit awkward because of that.
In fact, he was more attractive then Rodger.
’Than’, not ‘then’.
“That too much of anything is not good for you babe.”
You need a comma after ‘you’.
Lily slowly pulled of the shirt, dancing as she went.
You mean ‘off’, not ‘of’, right? ;) And very amusing! It’s about time Lily had some fun!
“None the less I am talking you to the Hospital Wing for a check up,”
’Nonetheless’ is one word, and the comma at the end should be a full stop.
He pulled Lily towards him and sniffed, as though unsure of what he was smelling, “right after you have a shower.” he finished before shoving James into a cubical.
The comma after ‘smelling’ should be a fullstop. ‘Right’ should begin with a capital, and the full stop after ‘shower’ should be a comma.
Deciding she would interrogate Lily later, she decided to go ahead with her news.
You say a version of ‘decide’ twice in this sentence. Try changing one.
*hugs* I have to go now, but I will continue with the next chapters as soon as I can! Great story!
Author's Response: Oh, wow! Thanks for all the comments - you truly outdid yourself this time. I've gone and fixed up everything, and I know the story is better off for it. I'm glad you liked the shower scene, I really enjoyed writing it :) Thanks so much for all the things you have picked up in the last three chapters. I'm glad you are enjoying the story and hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters. *Hugs Azhure*
Very amusing story. I was laughing hard enough for my parents to ask what was going on. Anyways, funny story adn update soon.
Author's Response: Hehe, I'm glad you are enjoying it. Did you attempt to explain to your parents what was going on? Thanks for the compliments, Chapter Seven is currently with my Beta, so I will update as soon as I receive it back :)
Another great chapter! I thought I was going to die from laughter when Lily told James about her boyfriend! Anyway, like the last chapter, I have some corrections:
“Well, you are definitely more attractive then me,” she returned, anger welling up inside her.
He had been gently awoken by Alice, who was in James opinion, better to see in the morning then Sirius.
For both of these sentences it should be ‘than’, not ‘then’. You use than when you’re comparing two things.
“Lily however, had gone bright red.
You need a comma after ‘Lily’.
“ “Oh, look Lily flower,” she said, imitating his style as best she could.
You need a comma after ‘look’.
“I hope you have as much fun as you did in the shower.”
I’m a bit confused about this sentence. Did you mean, “I hope I have as much fun as you did in the shower”? It could just be me, but I’m confused. :P
“Oh yes, his name is Rodger.
There should be a comma after ‘Oh’.
“ “In fact you told me he said he was going to come up and kiss you in front of everyone; today at breakfast.
There needs to be a comma after ‘fact’.
“He was defiantly going to enjoy it.
Did you mean ‘definitely’ instead of ‘defiantly’? Defiantly means disobediently or boldly.
“With that final thought he had slipped into pleasant dreams.
There needs to be a comma after ‘thought’.
“By breakfast he had been in a fantastic mood. He had been gently awoken by Alice, who was in James opinion, better to see in the morning then Sirius. He had gotten up, had a long shower and finally let Lily’s hair free in a way she never wore it. He then spent thirty minutes getting dressed, carefully in front of the mirror.
In this paragraph you start three out of the four sentences with ‘he’. This interrupts the flow. Try changing at least one.
“ “Oh sorry, you should have been there.
There needs to be a comma after ‘oh’.
“ “H-She left him there!
You should use a question mark instead of an exclamation mark.
“ “Don’t play dumb, you put him into a leg-locker curse and stuffed him in the laundry remember?
There needs to be a comma after ‘laundry’.
“ “Really, James, you are way too obsessed with her.” Sirius gazed at James who was sitting at the front.
This is a bit confusing. I know what you mean, but when you say he gazed at James it basically contradicts what was said in the speech. I know what you’re saying, and Lily knows it’s Jams at the front, not herelf. I just think you need to change this.
“ “Look, I understand why you like her, but she is not worth it Prongs!
There needs to be a comma after ‘it’.
Like I said, another very amusing chapter, Helen! *hugs* I’m off to read the next one!
Author's Response: Thanks for all the time and effort you are spending trawling though the chapters and picking up the mistakes, it really helps improve the story :). Hehe, I'm glad you liked Lily's boyfriend. He does come back in later chapters...
“I hope you have as much fun as you did in the shower.” James was just telling Lily about how much fun he had had in the shower. So when Lily tells him about Rodger coming over to kiss him, she adds that sentence as a throwback to the way he has been teasing her. I'm not really good at explaining things. It's probably very confusing, I doubt it's just you.
Thanks so much for your help. *Hugs Azhure*
*laughs* Helen, I can't believe I haven't read this story yet. I think it's probably because I hate the James/Lily pairing as a whole. But this story has such an original - and humorous - take on the pairing that I couldn't resist. Very nice chapter. I love James and Lily' reactions! I just have two corrections:
“Looks like were soul mates, eh?”
That should be we're, not were.
The same goes here:
“If were lucky, this could all be over in a month.”
You forgot the apostrophe. :)
Well, I'm off to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Whoot! What a great way to celebrate seventy reviews, with a comment from my dear friend Azhure. Thanks for picking up the mistakes, I just went and fixed them up then :). I'm glad you did click on this story and you are enjoying it - I always like to go for different :) Thanks again for the review :)
this was a fantastic update!!!!! i can't wait to read more :))
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I can't wait to write more :)
I have truely enjoyed your writing. I look forward to the next Chapter. I can't wait to see the reaction of Moony, Padfoot, and Wormtail, to that last line. That should be interesting.
Author's Response: Hehe, I did have fun writing that section. I'll post it as soon as possible. Thanks for your review :)
Oh my goodness! This is amazing. I always love Lily/James stories, but this one is really excellent! Looking forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thanks Brittney for all the compliments. I love Lily/James stories too :). Chapter Seven is written, as soon as I get it back from my beta's I shall post. Thanks again for the review :)