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MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: luinrina (Signed) · Date: 05/27/09 13:29 · For: Chapter 1
I liked this chapter. It’s a fantastic opening to an interesting story, and you managed to capture the reader’s interest with the plot and introduction to the characters.

Speaking of which: I am impressed by your characterisation. I really like that you gave a lot of thought into the names and way of speaking. I especially noticed the Scottish accent. When reading the dialogue, I could clearly hear it in my head; it sounded just like Scottish people speak. Excellent job. It adds a lot to your story by sounding so realistic and natural.

I also liked the appropriately chosen setting and description of the place, although I wished you would have given the reader a bit more details in the description, especially on how the characters look like. We know nearly nothing about them, and I had some troubles to get an image of each character in my head. A subtly added description with the action would help a lot. For example, if you were to show how Ronan and Bran are built, the reader can better imagine the playful fight they have on the kitchen floor and thus get a better grasp of the entire scene. You don’t have to include complete paragraphs of description, but adding adjectives here and there work wonders.

Nonetheless, I got intrigued by this first chapter and would like to know how the story is going to continue. Please continue writing it. I find it to be an enjoyable read.


Name: youaremylifenow (Signed) · Date: 01/30/09 21:35 · For: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this! You have created a whole, wonderful world in only a couple thousand words. The detail in this story is incredible; it's just short of being overwhelming. I feel like I was transported to Scotland.

I would really like to see you continue this!

-Alex


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