Reviewer: luinrina
Date: 05/27/09 13:29
Chapter: Chapter 1

I liked this chapter. It’s a fantastic opening to an interesting story, and you managed to capture the reader’s interest with the plot and introduction to the characters.

Speaking of which: I am impressed by your characterisation. I really like that you gave a lot of thought into the names and way of speaking. I especially noticed the Scottish accent. When reading the dialogue, I could clearly hear it in my head; it sounded just like Scottish people speak. Excellent job. It adds a lot to your story by sounding so realistic and natural.

I also liked the appropriately chosen setting and description of the place, although I wished you would have given the reader a bit more details in the description, especially on how the characters look like. We know nearly nothing about them, and I had some troubles to get an image of each character in my head. A subtly added description with the action would help a lot. For example, if you were to show how Ronan and Bran are built, the reader can better imagine the playful fight they have on the kitchen floor and thus get a better grasp of the entire scene. You don’t have to include complete paragraphs of description, but adding adjectives here and there work wonders.

Nonetheless, I got intrigued by this first chapter and would like to know how the story is going to continue. Please continue writing it. I find it to be an enjoyable read.

Reviewer: youaremylifenow
Date: 01/30/09 21:35
Chapter: Chapter 1

I really enjoyed this! You have created a whole, wonderful world in only a couple thousand words. The detail in this story is incredible; it's just short of being overwhelming. I feel like I was transported to Scotland.

I would really like to see you continue this!


You must login (register) to review.
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.

We have stories and authors in this archive.


Choose Theme:
Under the Southern Cross by FloreatCastellum 1st-2nd Years
Rolf Scamander has ventured to a remote archipelago to study a rare and exotic...
MOMENTS OF BLISS by moonymaniac 6th-7th Years
Remus Lupin is a man with a tragic past, filled with pain, suffering and sorrow...
The Walpurgis School for Superior Children by Kerichi 3rd-5th Years
Draco Malfoy wanted to stay home, but he was sent to school instead. Lucius...
Today Will Be Better, I Swear! by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
'I'm going to miss you, Mr Ollivander,' said Luna, approaching the old man.'And...
Honestly by Gmariam 3rd-5th Years
Seven months after leaving Hogwarts, James Potter is fighting for the Order...