I like the multiple perspective style. It makes for interesting stuff, knowing what was going through everyone's convoluted thoughts, and just how many times most conflicts would not arise if we could but put a stopper on some of those thoughts that insist on coming out of our mouths.
Hi I really enjoyed this story; I like how none of the main characters are perfect. I'm not sure I like Lily - she seems happy to do anything to get her own way. I'm going to readthe follow up now :)
Ooohh... the last chapter.
Brother interferes. Sigh. Well, that was kind of expected. Albus bears some character resemblance to Ron. Interfering, prejudiced, and always jumping to conclusions. But, I have to say this for Al, he doesn’t do anything but warn Rose. He lets his parents know. And, done. He only gets all fired up when he sees Scorpius with his younger sister. More than enough for any older brother to get pissed off. So I can’t say that I blame him.
‘Which cousin?’ she asked after a moment. Her question, of course, took me by surprise. Who else could it have been but Lily? I was hardly an invitation for homosexuality. ‘The girl cousin,’ I said simply.
Ahahahaha. xD This made me laugh out loud for real. Especially ‘cause it’s Scorpius Malfoy and not just any other guy. And it also lends a funny side to a serious situation.
The *talk* about Lily kissing Scorpius went on fine. Rose seemed quite understanding, or maybe she masked her anger or insecurity or whatever she was feeling?
Ron... sigh. I do like though that they don’t break up because of the letter, but the conversation which they have later. Ron’s letter is just the means, they could’ve patched up if one of them had been willing to back down, but they didn’t. Me loves some fiery arguments. :D Though I didn’t like the ending, of course. :(
It was nice reading a chapter from Scorpius’ POV. To get into a guy’s head for a change. And it showed a few more things about him which Rose and Lily missed. Or just didn’t mention. Like Albus calling him ‘Malfoy’ but Scorpius is all ‘mate’. He wants to be friends with him. He’s willing to extend the hand first. To let the old animosity die, to start a new beginning even though the others still have doubts. He’s a sweet kid. Okay, a teenager, seeing that he’s seventeen something, but yes. I really do like his character. He feels sorry for Lily. It isn’t that ‘Oh my God, I’m so hot, all girls are after me. Including the Saviour’s only daughter’. He’s not proud about that fact, unlike his father. But he also shows some Draco traits here and there... which aren’t exactly bad. Just serve to show his *bad* side which is the negative side, not evil. He gets angry, and reverts to the surnames. That is so Draco, except that Draco would’ve started name calling them. Also the bloody Gryffindors and nosy Gryffindors. But again, Draco would’ve gone a few steps ahead. Like I said in the first review, Scorpius is proud of his family, well, not of the things they’ve done, but still he isn’t ashamed of them, even though he’s willing to agree that what they did wasn’t right.
The ending was sad. But I liked how you wrapped up with Rose, Scorpius and Lily. It was not just the couple, and Scorpius’ heartbreak. >.> I’m glad though, that you have a follow up one shot, or I’d have hunted you down and made you write one. Lol.
Fantastic three-shot, Cassie!
Okay, so I figured I’d review the next two chapters too, for my SPEW requirements. Lol.
The opening of this chapter made me laugh. Sirius-ly. Rose barely gave any details of Scorpius... like the physical details, and here Lily is starting the chapter with his hair. :D And, then, of course, later she mentions about him having the girls at his feet. Lily also describes Rose afterwards, which we didn’t know before, as obviously Rose didn’t go on about her figure.
Also, Rose being the one bringing the butterbeer. I like how you didn’t go for the guy acting all gentlemanly and getting the drinks. No. It’s the other way round. The girl’s getting them whilst the guy sits. I am glad you didn’t go with the cliché even though I like those manners in a guy. But once in a while they should be given slack, wouldn’t you say so?
Who cared if Scorpius should be spending the day with Rose? I wasn’t about to complain that he’d decided to spend it with me.
I don’t know if you were aiming for this, but this passage made me think that Lily would be willing to be the ‘second woman’ as long as she was with who she liked, which kind of makes her seem desperate. And the fact that she kissed him despite knowing that he all ready had a girlfriend adds to that.
I am truly in awe of your characterization skills. Lily is so not like Harry when it comes to friends. She’s ignoring them for a guy who doesn’t even know that she likes him that way. She doesn’t tell them that she’ll be back in a few minutes, she just... leaves. But then, they don’t buy a drink for her, so maybe they don’t exactly deserve a completely loyal friend. Other than that, she’s jealous of Rose which is an automatic reaction even though Rose is her cousin. She’s angry and blaming Rose and knows that that’s wrong of her but she can’t help it. She’s just acting human.
Ending is definitely a cliff. *goes to read the next chapter*
Author's Response: I agree that my characterisation of Lily in this makes her seem extremely desperate. I remember thinking this as I wrote it too. If I was to re-write this fic, I don't think I'd write her again as I have. I think I was trying too hard to stay away from cliches instead of thinking about what she might actually be like. Thanks for this review and your close attention to detail. Your comments really help! xox
Wow. You’ve got quite a list of interesting fictions up, but this summary grabbed my attention immediately. The four comparisons between the two cousins including Scorpius. And more so, because it’s a triangle, and I’ve been wanting to read an unrequited love fic since ages. So, of course, I chose this one to review. :D
I really like the starting. It’s Rose totally starting off without an explanation because that’s something she does every day. She explains it soon, of course, but the beginning makes one think why in the world she’s skipping breakfast. Also, you let us know her age in a very subtle manner. It’s not Rose saying ‘Hey, I’m seventeen!’. It’s her mentioning the school year. In fact, you have done this throughout the fic. You have this special knack of slipping in extra information here and there, like how much breakfast she used to eat and so on. It gives details, yet they don’t seem forced.
...staring at Lily with a smirk spread across his ruby lips.
Okay, yes. No error whatsoever in that sentence. All I wanted to mention was the ‘ruby lips’ part. It’s a completely random thing, but it struck me mainly because it’s been quite a time since I’ve read lips described as ruby. They’re usually: ‘pink, red, rosy’ etc. ‘Ruby’ was a fresh change for me.
‘Wow,’ I sighed. ‘That’s really big of you, Scorpius.’
I also like that Rose takes Scorpius’ first name. Not ‘Malfoy’ and all that. [Okay, so later she calls him ‘Malfoy’ once, but most of the time it’s ‘Scorpius’.] Like Lily used to call James ‘Potter’ even though they were in the same house. But these two are actually having a civil conversation. Not friendly, but considering the fact that one’s a Weasley, and Ron’s daughter at that, and the other a Malfoy, I’ll say they’re keeping their manners in mind. Rose slips once, but she does apologise. She’s even telling him her career choice despite the fact that she’s embarrassed by it. Though I have to say, her wanting to become an Auror is kind of... expected. Like the Weasleys and Potters helped fight the war, so their kids will automatically end up as Aurors, or something similar to that.
Scorpius’ choice of profession, I must say, was not what I’d been expecting. And, no, him being a Healer isn’t a bad thing, I just never thought of a Malfoy being a Healer- someone who helps people in a good way. It gives him a good point. Might I add here that I love Scorpius’ characterization so far? He’s friendly, fair-minded, and gallant, is not exactly proud of his family’s history but doesn’t hate them for that, is kind, too. :D I like him. ;D
A friend of mine, Andrea Cole, passed and gave me a quizzical look.
Andrea’s surname made me think of Tiff ‘cause her username is TCole. >.> lol.
I am also glad that you didn’t have Albus as the shy cousin as they show in the epilogue. Writers often forget that children change in weeks. So obviously Albus did change and didn’t remain as a shy, unsure kid forever his life. Seven years is obviously a huge time period to change, and Albus has used the time to turn from a bashful child to a *protective* cousin. He seems quite... cold or maybe over-protectiveness just gets me.
Scorpius asks Rose out! :D :D :D I can’t wait to read the next chapter, though I’m afraid that the review will have to wait. :$
Awesome job, Cassie! :D
Author's Response: Wow, Afifa. First of all, thank you for such a wonderfully long review! I guess I never thought about the ruby lips thing. I think I pictured Rose as someone who is pale with fairly dark lips, and decided to describe them that way. I'm glad you appreciate how Rose called him by his first name, because I think it'd be a bit cliche for her to call him 'Malfoy' simply because that's what her father called his father. I really appreciate your comments on my characterisation, because it does help me for future next-gen writing. I don't think, had I been writing this story now, I would have characterised Albus as angry and protective as I did. It's good to look back at things and see where I've maybe gone wrong. So thank you, dear, for leaving me this really helpful review! ~ Cassie
I absolutely LOVE this story!!!! It is hilarious!
Author's Response: I'm so glad :D Thank you!
Um, no, Cass. Wrong. You cannot end it there. Do you want me to die of agony while I wait for you to clear up what happened? Write that follow-up. Now. *glares*
Needless to say, I adored this chapter. It was lovely to finally be able to see into Scorpius’ head, and know what he’s thinking. I feel terrible for Lily, the poor girl. The over-protective brother thing was a nice touch, as was Scorpius’ unwillingness to say what really happened. I’m glad you saved her that embarrassment, at least. >.< Look what you’ve done to me. I’m talking about your characters as though they’re real people.
I have to tell you something, and I don’t think you’re going to like it. >.> Parts of this chapter reminded me a lot of Twilight. I’m sure you didn’t do it intentionally, but Scorpius and Rose act remarkably like Edward and Bella here and there. For instance, when Scorpius is telling Rose that Lily kissed him – how he can’t tell what she’s thinking, and he keeps getting frustrated by it. Also, how Rose doesn’t react much when she hears this. Any normal girl would be horribly upset about it, but she masks her emotions, much like Bella. Ooh, and Scorpius’ reluctance to kiss her after that conversation. Sorry. ^_^ I had to tell you.
Again, I love the chemistry between your characters. It’s absolutely brilliant – it really draws the reader in, and makes the story so realistic and engaging. You portray emotions exceptionally well, and being able to identify with the character’s feelings really draws people into a story. I would have liked to see more description still, even though you’ve improved on that as well.
I particularly liked Scorpius’ attitude towards Rose’s opinion of his family – he really is a true Malfoy. He doesn’t agree with what his father did, but he’s not ashamed of it, if you know what I mean. He’s very proud, and won’t take anyone talking badly about his family, even if it is his beloved Rose. Their little fight at the end was really well-done.
This is amazing, Cass. I haven’t gotten so into a fic in ages. *taps fingers waiting* I want a sequel. :D
Author's Response: I'm so sorry :D I've written a follow up one shot, although it doesn't necessarily have to be read after this story, so hopefully you'll like it when it's submitted :D The Twilight thing made me laugh, I hadn't thought about that at all. I did write this story during a Twilight phase though, so maybe that's how it translated into the story... I don't know. I do usually prefer to write about emotions rather than description of the setting, but I've been working on that. I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, I was afraid no one was interested in it. I'm officially inspired to write more of this pairing... Love you, dear. x
AHAHAHAHA. Cassie, I absolutely LOVE this story. It is, quite honestly, one of the best things I’ve read in ages. This chapter was even better than the last! You are fabulous, my dear.
Oh my gosh, I adore Lily. *grins* She is absolutely perfect. You’ve done it again – you pulled a wonderfully original character out of someone I’ve never really thought about. I haven’t written or read anything that really focuses on her, and in this fic she hit me out of nowhere. She’s so … vindictive. It’s AWESOME. :D She’s a character that people can really relate to, though. Everyone knows how horrible heartbreak is – and I’m sure most know the feeling of wanting to kill whoever stole your love’s heart away from you, even if it is your cousin. >.>
Scorpius, again, I loved. He’s so adorably sweet, and you keep me guessing with him. It’s hard to figure out how he really feels about Lily, and what’s going through his head. I expect I’ll find out in the next chapter, hee. :)
This story is so engaging. I haven’t read about many love triangles in the HPverse before, so it’s quite invigorating to read something that’s original and fresh. I think what pulls me in so much is that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the end. In fanfiction especially, that is hard to do, so well done, dear.
I’m stopping this review here so I can read the last chapter now. :D What will Albus do? O.o
Author's Response: YAY! I'm SO glad you like my Lily. I love her, too. She's sort of evil but at the same time I don't really blame her. And I love that you love Scorpius, he's someone I enjoyed writing. I can't remember why I decided to write this love triangle, but I'm happy you're enjoying it. I smiled big as I read this review. Thanks, dear. x
O.o Cassie, why on earth didn’t you tell me that you had an absolutely FABULOUS Rose/Scorpius fic up? (Well, Rose/Scorpius/Lily, but still.) I’m sorry, but you can’t not tell me these things. It’s unfair. *pouts* You should know how much I love to read them.
Anyway, this was omgsqueedieamazing! Seriously. I can’t remember the last time I actually reacted out loud to a story, but I did in this one. The banter between Rose and Scorpius was so natural – and so full of sexual tension ;) – that I couldn’t help but laugh and gasp along with the characters, especially when he asks her what she’s doing in Hogsmeade – I was expecting him to actually ask her out, but the way you did it was so adorable, and made me love your Scorpius even more.
Speaking of him, I think you characterised him really well – and really uniquely, which was a pleasant surprise. You’ve kind of made him a light-hearted, unpredictable teenager, who doesn’t seem to care too much what people think of him. I liked his moodiness, though – it’s very reminiscent of Draco. It kind of completes his character, and identifies him more as a Malfoy, which was lacking in his otherwise easy-going nature.
I like the way you characterised Rose – a bit like her mother with the studiousness, and a bit like her father with not thinking before she speaks. ;) I would have liked to see a little more originality, though. She seems a bit generic, if you know what I mean – she didn’t really have any qualities that made her stand out. It is the first chapter, though, so I’ll wait and see.
Rose and Lily’s relationship really intrigued me – I’ve always expected all the cousins to get along, especially those two families. I had never really considered that there might be some friction, but I suppose that’s natural, once I think about it. And it was good that you didn’t go over-the-top, and made them mortal enemies, which would have been easy to do in a fic like this, but very silly and unnecessary. I like how they just make these annoying little remarks – they love each other, but they clearly don’t get along very well.
One thing I would have liked to see more of is description. Your story seems to run entirely on dialogue and action – there is virtually no description of anything in here. I’m hopeless at description myself – I know it can be hard to write when you just want to get the story down. However, when it’s completely void of any description, it’s hard for the reader to get a grasp of the scene, and it loses their attention a bit. You need to really pull your reader in, by describing how the characters look and where they are and what things are like around them. The use of the senses works wonders, too – describing smells and sounds and tastes. You did an excellent job of describing emotion, though – you don’t need to change a thing there. :)
Another slight problem I had with this was how quickly Rose and Scorpius’ relationship evolved. They went from barely knowing each other to practically dating in just a few hours, which just doesn’t seem very realistic to me. It develops reasonably well in the beginning, but at the end I think there are a few cracks – especially with them holding hands and how you basically say they’re in a relationship just after he’s asked her out. I can’t really see that happening. There are a lot of hurdles between being asked to Hogsmeade and being a couple, but you’ve missed them. Real relationships tend to develop more slowly than this one did.
You need to watch your placement of apostrophes – there are a few instances where you’ve put them in the wrong spot. For example:
…not one of the kindest cousin’s I could have hoped for… - it should just be cousins.
…but the Malfoy’s and the Potter’s were hardly family friends. - again, just Malfoys and Potters.
All in all, I thought this was simply wonderful, Cass. It’s been a while since I read a Rose and Scorpius apart from my own, so it was very refreshing to see a different portrayal, especially one done so well. ^_^ You’re a natural at writing dialogue, and the chemistry between Rose and Scorpius. I’ll have to read the next two chapters now!
Author's Response: *squee* JEN! Thanks so much for this amazing review. I totally agree about my lack of description; I've only recently discovered my love for it. I'll remove those apostrophes as well. I'm off to read your other reviews now :D ~ Cass x
First off, I despise post-Hogwarts. Despise it. I can't write it, I can never find a decent plot, or characters who aren't the trio in miniature.
That being said, and excuse the net speak but I find it unavoidable, OMGIFRIGGINLOVETHISSTORY.
I'm going to dash off and read the rest of this brilliant story before leaving a proper review; I did want to point one thing out though:
‘Yeah,’ I scoffed, ‘No thanks to your father.’
I glanced up at him, noticing his face fall. ‘You don’t know anything about that,’ he muttered.
That was... adorable... I have read quite a few Scorpius' and the way you characterize him... Well, it's just fantastic.
Author's Response: Ooh, thank you! I'm really glad you like it. You've now given me inspiration to write my follow up one-shot. I'm glad you like my Scorpius, I quite enjoy writing him. And yeah, I've never liked the idea of Rose being a miniature Hermione or Scorpius being exactly like Draco. Kids are never exactly like their parents, so it would be completely unrealistic to have them that way. Thanks for the review, dear :) ~ Cassie
you are an awesome author! but...OMG!!!! They're not supposed to break up! But its okay... I guess that really is how life works out in the end... write another fanfic or two or three... or four or five or maybe even ten!
i will be waiting...
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews, dear. I'll hopefully get the follow up done soon,, when my lift gets less hectic. Thanks for reading! :)
Hate it?! No way!!! That was awesome! Your a great author... keep writing more! Lily is awesome! I wonder what will happen next.... I do like Rose better though. But seriously... keep writing more please!
That is so cute! Please write more!
I was wondering if you know what the follow up one-shot would be called, so I can keep an eye out for it? Thanks! I love the story!
Author's Response: I'm not sure about the title yet, but in the summary I'll be sure to say it's a sequel to this! So look out for that! Thanks for reading :)
You can not end like this. I am so unfulfilled. There has to be more. The writing is great. I could not stop reading....and then you just leave me wanting more. Not fair.
Author's Response: Aw! I'm sorry. Please look out for the follow up, I'm sure it will be more fullfilling lol. Thanks for reading!
aaaaaaaa!!! i mean, it was really well written and interesting... i hope it gets a bit happier later on :P
Author's Response: It hopefully will in the follow up one shot I plan to write :)
Umm ... Rose and Lily aren't quite how I imagined them, but they're still cool. This fic intrigues me. I love Scorpius, though his actions are a bit confusing.
I look forward to reading Scorpius's chapter. What's running through his head? Who will he choose - Rose or Lily? Will he have either of them at all? Good story.
Author's Response: Well, I like the last question you asked :) Thanks for reviewing! ~ Cassie
I really like this story and I can't wait to see how it works out. But it's sad that either Lily or Rose will have to be disappointed. I wish it could somehow work out that they both had had happy endings.
Author's Response: Well, now I almost feel bad for ending the story the way I have. Scorpius' chapter will be up soon :) Thanks for R&R! ~ Cassie
That was really cute!
Author's Response: Thank you :)
this story seems so promising its amazing
i really like where ur going with this and yet its still a mystery about what is going to happen
i cant wait to read more it seems so interesting
Author's Response: Thanks so much! It might be a bit of a wait till the next chapter unfortunately, but I'll try my hardest :D ~ Cassie