Well, I must say that this was an enjoyable read! I really like reading about Narcissa’s character and I thought that you did very well with her. You also did very well with the first person point of view, something I find difficult, but you kept it constant throughout the story. Good job on that!

I really enjoyed your characterization of Narcissa, especially at school age. She seems like if she weren’t a pure-blood, she would be a very down to earth person. I also really like the descriptions of the walks in the rain. Particularly this:

I opened my mouth, and a drop of rain fell in. I giggled softly, and wondered what my family would say if they could see me.

It’s just so reminiscent of a child that I could really see Narcissa in it, though I am not sure how, perhaps because I always kind of her as being forced to grow up.

I had dreamt of meeting him, of showing him just how perfect and proper I could be. I wanted him to know that I would be the ideal lady for him, one that could fit just right into society and would never ever embarrass him.


This was really lovely characterization of Narcissa. It really shows her want to be perfect, and the pride that she has for her family. The fact that she wants to show Lucius how perfect she is was a very good portrayal of her character and I think you wrote it nicely.

I also loved the ending where you had Narcissa say that Lucius never really took his mask off completely again. It was a good conclusion to a good story and really added a sense of completion to the story, instead of leaving something open and unanswered questions. The theme of the masks is carried well in the story as well and doesn’t take away or overpower its meaning.

Good work!

-Haylee