MuggleNet Fan Fiction
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Name: tc015 (Signed) · Date: 08/31/08 21:57 · For: Prologue
Hello SPEW Buddy!

I've never been a huge fan of Cedric Diggory; I always thought he was too perfect and pretty. But I really like how you gave him depth. It made him relatable, and made me like him a little more.

I love the picture of Amos Diggory you give. He does love Cedric a lot, and he thinks he's doing the right thing by constantly bragging about him, but in reality he's putting too much pressure on his son. It's something that you can relate to, having a parent that expects so much - almost too much - out of you.

I liked your explanation for how Amos knew about the Quidditch match. I like that Cedric feel guilty about what happened and that he just wasn't acting modest about it. Cedric doesn't feel like he deserves the win and the fact that everyone thinks it's amazing makes him feel even worse about it.

I really this is in general, except I was there was a little more action or dialogue. It would have made it a little more interesting, and caught my attention more.

Overall, I really liked. Great start!

~ Teresa

Name: fg_weasley (Anonymous) · Date: 07/17/08 17:57 · For: Prologue
I'm going to be completely honest kid, just to warn you.

I'm not exactly sure I like Ced's characterization. I like what you were going for, but I think you might have overshot it a bit. Like here:

I want to be like a normal teenager: able to make mistakes and learn from them on my own. I feel as though my father doesn’t want me to do these things; he wants me to be flawless and to not have to learn from the bad choices that I make. It’s like I can’t afford to make a bad choice, or my father is on my back the moment he hears of it.

This whole paragraph, really, but this bit stuck out to me. To me, Ced seems the type who is sort of humble, but not to this extreme. I see him as the type that would be proud of some things he did, but he wouldn't exactly brag about it. I don't see him as the type that would feel the way you have him here about his father. He would more laugh it off, shake his head and let his father have his fun. It might bother him, but he wouldn't feel like he had to be 'perfect.' I can't really see Ced as wanting to be normal, and I think that's what gets me about how you have him. To be honest, he seems a bit whiny about the whole thing.

Another thing, the fact that its written in first person sort of hinders it more than it helps it. It felt rather like a robot relaying a sting of events rather than a human with emotions. This was more toward the end than the beginning, because the beginning did have a bit of a stronger connection, like the paragraph I pointed out. However, the connection was lost as you read and I think its because of the lack of emotion. He's telling the reader, rather than showing him. I think it might have sounded a lot better if you'd written this if third person rather than first.

Yup, I think that's all I had to say. It just sounded a bit contrived to me, but you did say that you were re-writing it, which I think is a good idea. It's a good base, but it could be better.

nikki :D

Name: BertieBotsBeans741 (Signed) · Date: 07/17/08 16:43 · For: Prologue
I thought it was interesting. Cedric in first person was something different for me. I'm not sure I really connected to him. I really would have liked more emotion and feelings from him. It just seemed a little dull. It just seemed a bit off. Not like an actual human's feelings but just sort of...description. It doesn't seem human. XD

It was also rather short so there wasn't much time to really get into it. With shorter pieces, that's what you need to get a readers interest. You're great, Tiff, but I just wasn't feeling this fic.

With more vivid detail and dialogue, I think Cedric's tale would have been better.

I was actually a little confused and I didn't really think the quotes went along as well as they could have. Also, just curious, the summary set-up seemed similar to RFD. Was that an inspiration? lol. I just noticed and had to ask.

All right, had to be honest. =)


Author's Response: Brit! *Tacklesquish* Yeah, that's the main reason why I'm going to be rewriting it. I sort of.. rushed through this to have it in on time for the class, so I'm thinking that after I write chapter three and the class is over that I'm going to rewrite the entire thing, and at least try to make it better. lol.
And to answer your question, no.. RFD had nothing to to do with the summary for this. I was listening to the Powerspace song, and that part just fit well with the story, so I figured I'd put it in the summary. Hence why it's titled the name of the song, too. It just fits. lol.
Thanks for the review, though, love! *Hugs*

Name: evester (Signed) · Date: 07/15/08 23:28 · For: Prologue
Oh, lovely writing, Tiff! I liked this very much, and not just because it's about one of my favorite characters! I think your portrayal of Cedric is quite realistic, any kid would be frustrated by Amos' bragging, and it's nice that you show a little darker side of Cedric here- the side that DOES get annoyed and all, instead of perfect!Cedric and all that.

I just had one little nitpick. I don't really know if Amos would have known that HP and HG were going to be at the Hill, he seemed pretty surprised to see them in GOF. But of course, that's a minor point, so don't worry about it, I just wanted to point it out cause it threw me off a little... :D

*squishes* Great story!

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