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Name: House-Elves Anonymous (Signed) · Date: 02/24/10 23:17 · For: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Has A Bad Experience With A Hobo

Heya! I was bored and not able to sleep, so I decided to pop by real quick before bed! Just a question or two :]

1.) Are there any quantum zombies in the story? ;]
2.) When is this gloriously epic adventure gonna come to an end? (Basically: When update?)
3.) What have you been up to lately, buddyyyyy? :]
4.) Did you know that I finally got around to sending you my story? I know, I'm slow lol :]
5.) Have you ever kidnapped a basket of kangaroos?

Well, I've met my quota on weirdness for today :]



Name: AccioDiadem (Signed) · Date: 02/17/10 17:24 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Oh my rowling, I can't believe Ted didn't take the potion! He has such a good heart though. He's my favorite character, along with Ivy. I enjoy reading your stories so much. Can't wait till the epilogue!

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! I can't wait for the epilogue, either... I'm a little scared!

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 02/15/10 17:31 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
i am utterly confused right now.
i thought everything made sense until the last bit.
so is he dead? :S
and i KNEW ted wouldn't go through with it! when i found out about the potion, i have to dmit i was a little upset, for the same reasons as ted. good choice :)

Author's Response: WAit what, who's dead? Do you mean Malfoy? No, he's not dead, Ivy, just needed closure to say goodbye. ^_^

Author's Response: WAit what, who's dead? Do you mean Malfoy? No, he's not dead, Ivy, just needed closure to say goodbye. ^_^

Name: James Jameson (Signed) · Date: 02/15/10 17:08 · For: Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up
Well the chapter update has made me feel dumb as a doorbell. I should see if it says COMPLETE or not before telling you it was a fabuous ending, no?
or maybe i was just looking into da foochur!!! :O

Author's Response: Hahahahahaaaaa... are you a Seer, too? ^_^

Name: justin ferguson (Signed) · Date: 02/13/10 20:54 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Ted ... didn't ... take ... the potion. I was gaping while reading this part, but now it kind of makes sense.

One more chapter. Wow.


Maybe I'll read Pride and Pre-juiced Plums or something.

Author's Response: I KNOW, THIS IS WEEEEEIRD... ONE CHAPTER! I will start re-updating P&PP after this is over, though.

Name: tiger_lily821 (Signed) · Date: 02/13/10 18:30 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Hey, don't apologize for the AVPM ref! I *FIND* it to be hilarious!
"Cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg--
THAT'S in Canada!"
I can't watch the Olympics without thinking of that part of the song. :)

Now, back on topic....I'm glad Ted didn't take the potion. It never occurred to me that he wouldn't, but once he explained it, I thought, "That really makes sense." I don't think I would have been happy with it if he had, even if I wouldn't have known why.
But NOOOO! Are you setting Giorgi up with someone ELSE? She belongs with Jordan! They're PERFECT for each other! And if she gets together with Magnus, I'll have to get my "JORDAN AND GIORGI ARE FOREVER BUDDIES!" tattoo lasered off.
This brings me to my.......*drumroll please*........RANDOM TANGENT OF THE DAAAAY!
Okay. Since I understand that you dislike Twilight, have you heard of Dan_Bergstein's Blogging Twilight on the SparkNotes blog? I think you would really like it--one of the SparkLife writers is reading the Twilight books and posting a blog for each chapter making fun of it, and it's absolutely hilarious! Again, I really think you'd enjoy reading them.

Ahem. I think I'm done now. :)

Okay, no, I'm not. So, it's just the epilogue left now? I'll miss this story so much! *SOB!* And is there going to be any more Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums forthcoming? I'm in withdrawral! But no rush. Take your time. If I'm in fanfiction addiction rehab when it's updated, though, I shall be most displeased. >.<

Okay, NOW I think I'm done. Toodles!

Author's Response: HEY THURR MEGAN! Hahahaaa, I feel that way about the Olympics, too-- I can't think of Canada without thinking of AVPM! And do not worry, Giorgi is not being hooked up with Magnus-- Magnus strikes me as a little bit desperate for a physical relationship, don't you think? Not a super long-distance one? But she'll probably do a little flirting just to make Jorjums jealous!

Oh my goodness, I have never heard of that site! But I need to find it and devour it! Have you ever read Xlormp, aka The Most Popular Book In The Universe? It's a parody of Twilight, but instead of a sparkly vampire, it's a green slimy space alien. And instead of a mustached cop father, there is a crazed hobo named Lou. It is wonderful.

There will certainly be more PnP-- I stopped updating when some people told me they were getting confused about plot lines when I alternated between The Past and PnP... plus, there are some slight spoilers in the next few chapters. But I have several more chapters written!

Name: Pussycat123 (Signed) · Date: 02/11/10 14:46 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Yay, go Ted! I'm kind of proud of him in a weird, "What are you doing?" way. But seeing Remus cured was actually really sweet! Ah, stupid Deathly Hallows, why did you kill all the good characters?

And I was kind of proud of Ivy too. There was a lot of closure in this chapter, so I can't wait to see what will happen in the epilogue! Hopefully lots of Jordany goodness!

And I love you quite a lot for putting "That's in Canada," because it makes me laugh every time. AVPM is actually my favourite thing ever. Or at least ... one of them, anyway. :D

Author's Response: Hellloooooooo there! I KNOW, RIGHT, I KEEP FORGETTING REMUS DIED! I've been working on a new musical parody that's of Prisoner of Azkaban, so there's a lot of Remusy stuff in there, and it makes me so sad to remember that he died. And luckily for you, there is SOOO MUCH Jordany stuff in the epilogue. In fact, I'm almost starting to worry that there is a disproportionate amount of Jordan in there. I am SO glad you got the AVPM thing... I love it!

Name: Heiress_of_Insanity_ (Signed) · Date: 02/10/10 17:36 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Aw, never ready for the epilogue!! But bring it one nonetheless ;)

I had this feeling that Ted was not going to take the potion....I have said this before, but it's SUCH a Ted thing to do. Although I am proud of him ^.^ And it's sweet that Ivy wanted him to stay like that...it was kind of insanely cute.

Arden! It’s great to see you again!

Aah!!!!!!! ARDEN!!! I MISSED YOU! (her? oh well. I talk to fictional characters a lot) I had *almost* forgotten about her...but I'm so happy she's not a werewolf anymore :D And also, Magnus Desmoulins. I kind of wish he was a real person. I have no idea why...I see him as a sort of not-arrogant Tyrone.

The last part between Ivy and her dad was really sweet, especially since she didn't have to (or want to) visit him. Her hating Pansy I can understand, but Draco...I dunno, in the memory/flashbacks (well...some of them) he just seemed like a really sweet and caring father.

So I kind of can't believe this is the penultimate chapter D: But then again, I can't waaaait to read the epilogue :D I await it eagerly ^.^ Wonderful chapter!~


Author's Response: HEY HEY HEYYYY! Haha, it's so cool to see the opposing sides on this Ted thingy... some people like that he took the potion and some didn't, but I am glad that you thought it was in character! Yeah, I had to throw Arden back in here-- I'm still mad that I forgot to put Vladislav back in the story in some way, because I totally meant to, but he will appear in Pride and Prejuiced Plums.

As for Magnus... if I ever write this story called "After The End" (which is Potter's Pentagon when they're in their mid-forties, with kids of their own), Magnus will feature quite prominently in there! But I can't make any REAL promises on that front... I'm glad you liked him, though! He was basically a favor to two friends-- inserting them into the story-- although I changed his name from Zack (one of my friend's names) to Magnus at the last minute because of a dream that PadfootnPeeves had. ^_^

AAAAAA, I am actually getting pretty anxious about the final chapter... I really hope it lives up to people's expectations!

Name: Nevilles Girl (Signed) · Date: 02/10/10 16:28 · For: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Has A Bad Experience With A Hobo
I know I said I would post the reviews on your birthday, but I am, sadly, not a woman of my word.

-Jordan appears to be Spock at various points in this chapter. But that's okay--I like Spock (who is, of course, infinitely superior to Kirk).

-Ivy seems to me to be a bit fake in this chapter. I'm sorry; I know that sounds mean, but "I'm sorry, but it's so funny" feels a bit awkward. But that might just be the horrible character voice I have in my head for Ivy. Unfortunate that. Sorry.

-Why/How are you such an amazing writer? Every time I read a book, I look at it and say "Yeah, I can do that." Then I read one of your stories and say "Nope, I can't do that." Keep on being cool!

-I just realized that the entire time I was imagining the Burrow instead of Potters' house.

-Enlighten/Remind me: Dora Lupin. Is that Tonks?


Author's Response: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOOOOOOOU! IYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY, I MISSED YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU! Okay, sorry, but I haven't seen human beings for a long time. Haha, also, on my birthday, I'll be leaving for Disney World and not coming back for daaaaaaaays. Bahaha. And yes, Jordan IS Spock. Except I'd never seen anything Star Trek related when I wrote this story. But then I saw the STar Trek movie. And I said, "What is Jordan doing making out with Zoe Saldana???"

Ivy is fake in this chapter, yes. I always have trouble writing her at the beginnings of stories... I forget how to slip into her character. But I promise, you will like her at the end of the story! (I hope.)

Oh my gosh, my dear Luna, thank you soooo much for that compliment... I think you're superbly talented and everytime I read something you write, I go, "Wow, that's super-clever... how does her mind produce this stuff?" But yeah, in case you are wondering, I imagine ALL LOCATIONS in every book I've ever read/written/imagined to be places in my church, my grandma's house, my house, or the school (however non-appropriate for the occasion). Kind of like how you can't make up new faces, I can't make up new places!

Dora is Tonks, yep. That's addressed a couple times later in the story, but she is indeed Nymphadora!

Name: JustLikeHermione77 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/10 19:57 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
wow..can't believe ted didn't take the potion. i know i would! :)
ahhhhhhh, the very potter musical reference is actually my FAVORITE part of a very potter musical! so thanks for keeping it in! :D

Author's Response: AHHHHHHH, thank you!! I love that part, haha.

Name: House-Elves Anonymous (Signed) · Date: 02/09/10 18:39 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights

Hey! I'm sad! The amazingly awesome Potter's Pentagon trilogy is almost over! It's been crazy, Schmergo. I feel like an old friend is moving away, which is basically exactly what is happening, as I've been reading these stories since I was 15! (Feels like forever ago! Ahh!)

Anyway, I loved the chapter. Only Ted could decide to stay a werewolf, hah. I'm not sure how I feel about that part. It was good, but it also felt... odd. I'm not sure how to put it. Oh well, I'm rambling!

So, I can't wait for the epilogue, WHERE JORDAN WILL END UP WITH GIORGI! *wide-eyed, puppy-dog stare* Hah, I really can't wait to read it! I am dying to know what happens next! *cough* Really.

Schmergo, I was reading your reviews, and I must say, you are a lucky panda! I do not know anyone from MNFF that lives near me at all! Indiana is a uni-badger zone and, as far as I know, uni-MNFF-er as well. Although, my friend Allie from MNFF is driving over from states away to visit me during the summer, which is an exciting event for me!

And now, the part about Ivy and Malfoy....I really don't know what to say. Parents have always been a sore subject for me, due to my own familial circumstances (which I am not going into here), and I thought that part was simply...beautiful. I've always loved your writing and your stories, but this is the first instance I can remember of ever being affected like this. I was touched. It was a touching ending for this chapter, and for that, I thank you, my friend.

Erm, well, I normally don't get that serious, do I? I really don't know how to continue after that, so I'll just sorta ramble on, haha.

Regarding names, Schmergo. You have a host of wacky and brilliant names throughout your stories, and I was wondering, where do you get 'em all? When Jordan has kids, he should name them Vera, Chuck, and Dave! Then they can visit Harry and Ginny, who can have grandchildren on their knees named as such! In my OF, I have a character named Malcolm Cass, a character named Dias Fardresh (far-dresh), and a character named Melanie Alatna! So, I believe you win in the naming department, almighty Schmergo.

When I'm 64, my friends will call me MISTER Josh!

-Mister Josh-

Author's Response: Hello, ol' Buddy, ol' pal... it is so weird that this trilogy is coming to an end. I've been writing about these characters since I was TWELVE YEARS OLD and roleplayed with them on Neopets, so I am a total loser in this regard. I know what you mean about how it's weird for Ted to decide not to get the cure... but I just couldn't see Ted going back to his old life. For better or for worse, being a werewolf has changed him in so many ways, and he feels like it would be hypocritical to take a 'cure.' But he has a long future ahead of him, and he can choose to take the potion whenever he wants, since that'll always be around.

I am really, really glad that you liked the part with Ivy and Malfoy. There's a lot of kind of... controversial stuff in here, and that was one part that I was a little bit worried about, but I really felt like I had to put some... closure on their relationship. And hearing that coming from you, really, really means a lot to me. Fo serious.

Hahaha, I LOVE NAMES! From the time I was four, I've been checking out baby name books and making lists. I have hundreds of names written down, and whenever I hear one I like, I write it down, too. Now, I must say, Jordan's children are not named Vera, Chuck, and Dave, I'm afraid-- you will see the names of all of the main characters in teh epilogue! But I LOVE the name Malcolm Cass. I think it sounds extremely debonair. Dias Fardresh is a very cool name, too... sounds like something from Avatar! (Have you seen that movie? I am slightly obsessed...)

When I am 64, all the neighborhood kids will call me The Crazy Old Cat Lady! I will be Mrs Figg!

Name: The_Soting_Hat_Pillow (Signed) · Date: 02/09/10 10:54 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
Great chapter!!! The A Very Potter Musical made my day!! even if it was an accident!! hahaha! I love Ted so much!! I'm glad u didn't make him get cured :) and Ivy and Malfoy...awww!! great chapter!! CAN'T WAIT FOR THE EPILOGUE!!!

Author's Response: Awww, thank you! The AVPM reference was NOT an accident! I love me some Joe Walker and Darren Criss and the rest of the company!

Name: PadfootnPeeves (Signed) · Date: 02/08/10 20:00 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
ZOMG YOU INCLUDED MAGNUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *tacklehugs* I was grinning like mad when I read that section; seriously, you've made my week :D I haven't had another dream with him in it though, haha. But I will love you forever, now that you included his name. Heehee :)

This chapter was incredible- both emotionally and the writing itself. I'm really impressed by Ted's decision to stay a werewolf- I didn't even consider that he'd do that! I'm glad he did, though... but I'm glad the more depressed werewolves, like Arden and Remus, got cured :)

My favorite part of the chapter (besides Magnus, of course!) was the end with Ivy. It made me cry; it was simply amazing to read. I've been wanting for Ivy to go back and visit her dad... and now she did. The last paragraph is the best; it really sums everything up.

I was also surprised to see Balthazar (the elephant!) there... it was pretty cool how he appeared. And how he had Ted's shirt, after all these years.

Ooh, I'm so not ready for the epilogue! Haha, of course I want to read it, but I'm definetely not ready for this series to end. Will it be a 19-years-later sort of thing, or will it still cover events that take place not too long after this chapter? The thing I'm looking forward to the most, haha, is finding out Jordan's career. I've been dying to know ever since Book 2... it's killing me!

Will there be anything more on Merlin/Arthur? Just curious.

I didn't get the AVPM reference- I've only seen about half the first part of it, decided it was boring, and exited ;)

Did you, perchance (love the word!) ever see The Princess and the Frog? Because I saw a preview for it, and the prince (Naveem or whatever) looks exactly how I imagine Tyrone. I saw him on the TV, and I was like "ZOMG! It's Prince Tyrone!" Too bad Emma doesn't look like any of the Disney princesses...

Are you doing the Room for Reading project? I think you really really realllllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy should, yo!

PS- To answer your question, no, I don't go to that school. We're not doing Guys & Dolls (our play ended months ago!), and we don't have an Academic team (whatever that is!), and the only thing we're good at is wrestling. Plus, if my stalker senses are correct, you live several states away, so I doubt our schools will ever have any contact :)

PPS- I was reading your responses to reviews, and I have to agree with you on two things... firstly, Taylor Lautner DOES look and sound exactly how described him! And, also, I don't like Glee either... everyone on it is too manipulative or dumb to be likable. They should have POTTER'S PENTAGON: THE TV SERIES instead, haha.

Author's Response: EMINEMMMM! Yessss, originally Magnus' name was Zack, and I named him after a good friend of mine whose good side I wanted to get on, so now he will NEVER LOVE ME AND WE WILL NEVER GET MARRIED AND GET A LITTLE WHITE HOUSE WITH A PICKET FENCE, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! Hahaha, just kidding. Partly. Actually I'm totally serious.

Thank you soooo much for this wonderful happy review... it's really making a nice end to a pretty blaaahhh day. I'm glad you liked the idea that I let Ted stay a werewolf, because I think some people might not like that idea... like I'm condoning the idea of people with serious mental illnesses go without treatment or something (which is totally NOT the case!)

AAAAAAH! BALTHAZAR THE MYSTICAL ELEPHANT! I am soo glad someone else has seen that. That's totally who I named Balthazar after, by the way. I lurves me some NeilCicierega.

As for the epilogue... well, it MOSTLY takes place one year later, but I promise you get to see them as adults, too. But I have to tell you, Jordan's career isn't the huge deal people are making it out to be! I'm starting to worry about that... ah well, I like it, personally. And YESSSS, we will definitely see more Merlin! No Arthur, though, I'm afraid. I'm hoping you don't mean Merlin/Arthur like a ship between them or anything, hahaa... because I'm afraid that would never happen.

That's okay about the AVPM reference-- all of the references I make are pretty much throwaway, so if you don't get 'em it doesn't affect the story. BUT OMGGGGGGZZZ, I am SOO glad you brought that up about Naveen. Because he looks EXACTLY like Tyrone, and as soon as I saw a picture of him, I totally squee'd. Actually, I have seen The Princess and the Frog, and I love that movie-- he even acts like Tyrone, too. I wuvs him.

What is the Room for Reading project? If you could give me some details, it would be amazing... By the way, I was only kidding about asking if you went to that school, hahaa. Though I did find out someone else I knew from MNFF lived really close to me, which is wacky.

Dude, Potter's Pentagon the TV series would be so much fun... I'd probably hate everyone they cast, though, knowing me. I'd be like, "THERE IS NO ONE THAT FITS THE ESSENCE OF JORDAN! NO ONE IS ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO BE TYRONE!"

Name: Amanda Vega (Signed) · Date: 02/08/10 16:22 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
So all I could really think of while reading this -

-to tune of song from AVPM-
Winnipeg - THAT'S IN CANADA!

Author's Response: YAAAAAAAAAAY! YOU GOT THE REFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Name: U-No-Poo (Signed) · Date: 02/08/10 3:13 · For: Chapter 27: In Which Cheesiness Reaches New Heights
I'm so excited/upset/happy/disappointed/eager/grief stricken that the next chapter will be the last chapter in the Potter's Pentagon trilogy! As you know, yours inspired me to write my own next gen series. Thanks for many hours of awesome reading, you're truly the best author on here. Haha, its sounds like I'm saying goodbye to you forever? But there's always Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums, ayy? You gotta add more chapters after this.

Thanks again!

Author's Response: Hey there! I'm also excited and weirded out and a little sad that the next chapter is the last... it's so weird, because I've been working on these stories since I was twelve, and now I'm seventeen (almost eighteen!) But I will definitely update Pride and Prejuiced Plums. I've actually written four more chapters of it, I just haven't wanted to update because I found that updating it at the same time as this story confused some people about the plots of both!

Name: saveginny417 (Signed) · Date: 01/31/10 23:16 · For: Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up
So, exams ended approximately thirteen hours ago. And I know I promised you a review directly after exams, but I got home only about six hours ago. And then I spent an inordinately long amount of time watching three years worth of Hank Green being adorable on YouTube. And then some more time watching videos of his brother John eating blenderized Happy Meals. And as a McDonald’s employee (sad but true), that made me laughh sooo muchhh, because there IS! Something grosser than my job. And that made me very happy indeed.

ANYWAY. I’m off topic and I didn’t even get to the main part of the review yet. Which may take a while. I have three chapters to get through. TALLY-HO! (I learned last week that the word “ho” is the I form of the Italian verb avere, which means to have. So anytime you have something, you have to say HO! And then the object. It’s great fun. Also “what the heck?” is CHE UFFA? And that just sounds like an Argentinean revolutionary. I love Italian class.) ALLRIGHT, actually moving on now. Yeah.


I hate to admit it, but Ivy’s always been my least favorite of the Five, even though I love them all MUCHLY, probably because I have no way to relate to her. I’m loud like Haley and cynical like Emma and awkward like Ted and, well, I have a very large crush on Jordan. BUT IVY IS SERIOUSLY THE COOLEST PERSON EVER RIGHT NOW. If my boyfriend killed someone, I would probably freak out. Like a lot. Although, um, he wouldn’t. He has no upper-body strength. And I’m pretty sure he’s not a werewolf, though he does have a weird obsession with cows. ANYWAY: as I keep reading (because I DID read this when you posted it, honest!) I see that Ivy is freaking out to some degree. But not panicking. Or screaming or accusing or cursing (profanity or spell-wise) or running for her life. And she gets serious snaps for that. YAY IVY! Also, AWWWWW. Yay. Werewolf love is the best kind! Except not in Twilight. That was just weird. AND TAYLOR LAUTNER HAS AN ODDLY V-SHAPED TORSO WHICH FREAKED ME OUT. Yeah, ok, not going into that now.

ANATOLY CAPSHAW TO THE RESCUEEE! HUZZAH! I feel like I’ve already used up my daily allotment of caps locking, but I DO NOT CARE.

HOLY (CENSORED) RON WEASLEY NOOOOOOOO!!!! RON CAN’T DIE! Yeah now the caps are throwing off my depth perception so I’m stopping for the time being. But he’s Ron! He’s, like, the lifeblood of the seriess! Yes Harry’s the most important one but that’s only because Voldy decided that. I LOVE RON BETTER. Therefore he cannot die. (Yes, I know my love for fictional characters [or anyone, for that matter] does not make them immortal. A girl can dream, right? I have no idea how to format this sentence.) But DUDE they went back in time to save Ron so he wouldn’t go to prison and NOW he is dead. UNCOOL. And …. uncouth. Yep, I’m going with uncouth. I do not know what it means.

BUT JORDANN. You can’t erase Emma from history! They tried that in that one movie. Ok, probably a lot of movies. But the one I’m thinking of had Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler and I think some walruses (walrusi?) and they got married on a boat at the end even though she never remembered who he was the next day due to Dan Akroyd and some weird metaphysical stuff I didn’t understand. FIFTY FIRST DATES! That was the name of that movie. ANYWAY, I think the point of that run-on sentence was that she couldn’t delete him from history because he still remembered who she was or something like that. SAME PRINCIPLE APPLIES HERE. Probably. I think Tyrone could explain this way better than me. He’s probably seen that movie. It doesn’t have sword fighting or Billy Crystal but it does have an asexual zookeeper. And yes, that word was asexual. MOVING ON.

Hah. Haley distracts Tyrone from Emma by tickling him. I think a lot of civil disputes could probably be settled like that. Instead of, you know, expensive courts and lawyers and jury duty and stuff.

OHMYGOD EMMA NO DOOONNN’T AHHHHH!1!!!eleventh!!! --- that is a direct quote of my reaction to that bit, mind you. I would’ve put an arrow but every time I do they think I’m opening an HTML tag and then my review gets splinched. THAT’S WHY THAT HAPPENS. BUT YEAH NO ANYWAY. I feel. So bad. For Tyrone. Right now. JUST AHGHH. I want to give him a hug! And maybe keep him from breaking Jordan’s nose. Because that boy is ATTRACTIVE. Yeah. Tyrone: REMEMBER THE FIRST RULE THE PRINCESS BRIDE TEACHES US: DEATH CANNOT STOP TRUE LOVE. It can only delay it for a while. SO TRUE. I recently wrote a paper on Wuthering Heights where I ranted for about a page about why Heathcliff could learn a lot of valuable lessons from that movie. I also spent another page talking about why Heathcliff, Darcy, Rochester, and Snape should have an emo tortured love/insipid tailcoat wearing/recreational sulking party. I got an A+ on that paper.

Dudeee, if you had stopped the chapter there instead of sending them back further in time, you would have had a LOT of angry cliffhanger-haters. I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ONE OF THEM. Cliffies are my favorite. Although it wouldn’t matter anyway; I still have two more chapters left to review. Huzzah! Continuing.

Jordan’s choice of underwear makes me deliriously happyyyy. I’m guessing he didn’t pick them out himself, yes? BUT A WORD TO THE WISE: citing irrelevancy will NOT enable you to cross the Bridge o’ Death. You must answer the questions three ere the other side ye see! (I also recently wrote a skit which attributed the line “ask me the questions, bridge keeper, I am not afraid!” to Macbeth. He and Lady M were on a newly-wed show, hosted by Billy Shakes and orchestrated entirely in iambic pentameter. I got an A on that too. Clearly my English teacher and I have the same kind of warped sense of humor. And the same appreciation for British men [or American men with British accents] who run around in poofy vests with swords and stuff. Hehehe.)

OOOH MORE TELEMENCY YAYY! I love that stuff. Because I CALLED IT! I was WICKED PROUD OF THAT. Mostly because I never guessed who Lee was back in The Five.

Ouch, poor Emma. That must be the most painful juxtaposition of feelings EVER. For the record, I have never used the word juxtaposition before. But seriously. It’s like LOVESEXPAINKISSDEATHH. I think that’s a Justin Timberlake song. If so, it’s remarkably descriptive. And Tyrone, you’re wrong. THAT WAS DEFINITLEY CONCLUSIVE. Conclusively adorable and EPIC BEYOND BELIEF.


HOLY HIPPOGRIFFS, BATMAN! IT’S THE FINAL BATTLE! SCHGLOMP! (I don’t know why there’s a “schglomp” there. It seemed necessary, and is pronounced sheh-glom-peh. Yurp.)

Hehe. Jordan’s mental picture of Voldy reminds me a lot of that part of Aladdin when Jafar turns into that old beggar dude in the dungeon. His eyebrows are like triangular! NO, JORDY. Voldemort is actually a creepy snake man.

Oh, Schmergo. I love your comparisons. It’ll be all like evil and menacing and stuff, and then you’ll say something like “as if he were an angry gnat or a strawberry milkshake” and I’ll laugh, and then it’ll snap right back to being intense and awesome without skipping a beat. THAT IS TRUE GENIUS, MY FRIEND.

OHMYGOD EWWW. Animagus splinching. That. Is. So. Gross. The musical we’re doing at school this year is Children of Eden (yeah, the Bible!) but there’s this one song where they’re all like EMASCULATION AND SUFFERING (Ok all the songs are like that, at least after they get kicked out of the Garden of Eden for eating some psychedelic fruit) but one line in particular is this: The line between man and beast keeps getting thinner. It applies well here, yes? Poor Wormtail. Stephen Schwartz seems to know how you’re feeling. Although he had to know in six flats, the jerk. I hate key changes.

WOAH. Wormtail’s death scene. It’s so quiet. And understated and wonderful. Not the fact that he’s dying, or that RON of all people is killing him (RON the clumsy ginger arachnophobe!), but the way it’s written. It’s not intense or bloody or furious like when Ted killed that Balthazar dude. And in a way, that makes it even more intense. Oh, it gave me the shivers.

For some reason when Ron says “Ohhhh no mate what are you thinking?”, instead of the normal Ron voice I hear in my head, I heard a black woman. This seems… excessive. And rather alarming. HE’S GON KEEL YOUUU.

ROWENA RAVENCLAW’S CHARM BRACELET IS IN VOLDEMORT’S SOCK DRAWER. Jeez, Harry. Didn’t you read his blog? Oh, wait, they found that one already. Apparently he did.

ZOMG OVERSEER PARALLEL! I always wondered how on earth Jordy could get a stupid idea like that. Thank goodness it worked. Otherwise Malfoy wouldn’t be brain-mush, and Voldy would…well, yeah, I’ll just keep reading. Also, when Voldy says he won’t hurt Harry’s friends, he definitely needed to implement air quotes in at least one part of that sentence. That would just be frightfully epic.

What WOULD happen if Voldy broke an unbreakable vow? HE CAN’T DIE! He would probably have to do Malfoy’s laundry and watch Wizards of Waverly Place. Hehehe.

OK. SO THIS IS THE BEST FINAL BATTLE SCENE EVER. Except for, like, the real one. And the one with Joe Walker. And I don’t care that it’s basically Rasputin, it’s EPIC! (I could never take that movie seriously anyway, although that was mostly Meg Ryan’s fault. I hate her.) Just, I dunno, the way it’s written, it sounds amazing. Adjectives and such. Yeah. It’s really late at night right now. It’s also five days after I started writing this review. BUT THIS WAS EPICCC. I’m gonna keep going!

RON IS STILL TALKING LIKE MERCEDES FROM GLEE. OH, HELL TO THE NO! This very much needs to stop. Or, you know, they could go back to the present, where Ron is in Azkaban (sob!) and they wouldn’t have to deal with his random voice mutation.

Jordan is narrating that, correct? Did he really just talk about his PARENTS making out like Dementors? My, he’s changed. I like it.

OHMYGODOHMYGOD OHMYGOD I KNEW EMMA KNEW ABOUT THE DIARIES! I KNEWWW ITTTTT!!!! Called that like six chapters agoooo. But yeah, no, that sucks. HADRAIN BELLOWES NEEDS TO DIE LIKE RIGHT NOW PLEASEKAYTHANKS. These evil people (ok, mostly Bellowes and the Malfoys, and like Charybdis Nott) need to learn to stop using the Unforgiveables on the Five. JUST NOT COOL.

TYRONE DOES NOT HAVE A MOUSTACHE. SORRY, BUT I DISAGREE. My boyfriend’s mom and I had a very weird conversation about whether or not my boyfriend needs to shave more. It was weird, as previously stated. Plus, she’s British. So it was even weirder. I’m pretty sure she’s the only actual British person I know…


THERE’S ANOTHER SONG IN CHILDREN OF EDEN WHERE THEY LIST ALL THE ANIMALS. Actually, the do it twice and it’s lameee because they all have to get on the Ark or something. I don’t know. But anyway, I’m pretty sure all the animals in the song are also in Anatoly’s balloon-animal repertoire. And that really excites me.


See, this is why Ron is my favorite character. It’s because he’s awesome. Although I very much hope my dad doesn’t go to prison, come back, and have a conversation like that with my boyfriend. Because my dad is not as cool as Ron, and I would therefore not put up with it. Then again, Brian’s not as cool as Tyrone. Except, um, he’s real.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE! We had to read this article in Political Science class the other day and they used that phrase and I just started laughing. I’m pretty sure no one else had any idea why.

I thought the other Potter twins were like nine. Did I make that up? BUT DUDE, Anatoly and Giorgi would seriously be an epic couple (EPIC IS THE WORD OF THE DAY). Except, of course, it has to be Jordan and Giorgi like it had to be Jim and Pam or Ross and Rachel or Elizabeth and Darcy or Romeo and Juliet or, um… Westley and Buttercup. YEAH.

Ophidias and Ophelia is the most adorable couple name everrrr. See, they could work out! Whereas a couple such as Finn and Quinn from Glee were doomed from the start because THEIR NAMES RHYME. And also she was having someone else’s kid. I love that show. NPH and Idina Menzel are going to be on it soon!

OH. MYGOD. A cure for Lycanthropy. DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. But yay! That’s wonderfully wonderfully wonderful. Except what happened to Zabini’s fiancee is not wonderful. It sucks. But he made up for it by curing Ted and Ted‘s dad!!

And a potato.

REALLY, JORDAN? You misinterpreted something? Gosh. However will you be able to live with yourself? But it all appears to have turned out ok.

Giorgi’s outfits are like the best thing in this entire story. I love them. And is the PANTS shirt inspired by your SHIRT shirt? That’s epic.

OOOOOOOH, YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND! Deal with it, Jordy. You have some social skills after all. OHYMYGOD AND YOU GAVE HER A HUG! You know, in your messed up world, I think that means you’re married. But if you’d ever like to come give me a hug, I would be okay with that.

Heh. The last Harry Potter Book. SO SIMPLE! Of course he didn’t realize to look there. For someone miraculously gifted and magic and stuff, Jordan does seem to have a hard time seeing past the end of his own nose. BUT WE LOVE HIM ANYWAY.

OMG I MADE IT! I started writing this review on 26 January. It is now 1 February. THIS IS FOUR PAGES LONG AND I ONLY WROTE ABOUT HALF OF IT IN CAPITAL LETTERS. And most of it, I believe, is even grammatically correct and NOT spam.

I officially win.


Author's Response: JUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIII HURRAHH! Holy smokes, yayyyy! Hey, do not feel pressured to review me, because I’d hate to have reading my story feel like a chore, yucky. So don’t worry, because I’ve been watching years of Andy Samberg Digital Shorts on the Saturday Night Live website. And I can’t decide if I think Andy Samberg is cute or not (sometimes I think yes, sometimes I think ‘no way!’), but I sure like some of his skits. ALSO, I’m writing “AVATAR THE MUSICAL!” Don’t worry, it’s supposed to be terrible.

Workin’ at Mickey D’s, huh? Haha! Don’t worry, I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing because my job doesn’t pay me, it’s just a volunteer position at the Natural History museum. So you’re definitely more responsible than I am. Although I might get a job as a PARK RANGER at a park called Wolf Trap. That’s solely because a touring production of CATS is coming to Wolf Trap and I wanna see it for free. And I wanna wear a Park Ranger uniform.

CHE UFFA, this is a long review! And I personally think Che Uffa sounds like a flamboyant Latin dance instructor, with a Communist bent.

Anywaaaaaay, I feel the exact same way about Ivy—she’s always been the one I was least fond of because I have nothing in common with her. But I do like giving her those li’l Girl Power scenes… and I was hoping readers would like this one. Because she is kind of cool, yo. But (and I’m gonna sound super-creepy), I saw a picture of your boyfriend. And he was wearing a cow costume. So I think he wins.


Okayyy… whooooa… this is weird. As I’m typing this, there is a “Fifty First Dates” DVD cover sitting next to my computer. My sister got it for Christmas. I actually really liked that movie… and I’ve only seen like four romantic comedies in my life, most from the nineties. But yeah, Tyrone would have definitely seen it, and probably cried at it, too.

Hahahahaha, I wrote a big long paper on Wuthering Heights ranking about how Heathcliff is a doodoohead. And I ALSO wrote about his parallel to Snape! But I wouldn’t compare ‘em to Darcy. Darcy seems to me a pretty darn unemotional man. In fact, I’ve never thought he was a PARTICULARLY interesting character—in fact, I think the majority of his fangirls are just fans of how he’s represented in the film versions.

My executive decision: Jordan definitely picked out his own undies! He gets embarrassed, you see, about shopping for undies, so he just grabs the first packet he sees off the rack! Yep! Ahahaha, my project on Macbeth was rather epic as well, but not QUITE as much as yours. But Macbeth and Banquo did get to have coconuts banging together simulating horses! And Lady Macbeth did sing her own version of “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” and ripped off some lines from Yzma in The Emperor’s New Groove and Scar from The Lion King. I have taken to writing profoundly silly Shakespearean sonnets, too!

WHOE DOESN’T love British men running around with poofy vests and swishy swords? If there are any who say ‘no,’ I’ll kick ‘em in the eye with my pointy shoes.

Yaaaay for mushy excess kissing scene! But honestly, SCHLORMP is my mental way of spelling out the sound effect that happens in The Lion King when the opening title falls, right after “The Circle of Life.” Bahahahaaa, Jordan’s mental picture of Voldemort is the same as what MINE was when I first read Harry Potter. At least it wasn’t as weird as my best friend’s idea of what Albus Dumbledore looked like. She imagined Dumbles as having long, wavy blonde hair, a mustache, and a cowboy outfit (looking like a cross between Owen Wilson’s character from Night at the Miseum and Zaphod Beeblebrox from A Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.) Apparently, she got this mental image because one of the first things the book described was his boots, and the only men she could think of who wore boots were cowboys. But I digress.

Whoot, Children of Eden! My friend was in it last summer, and the dude who played God was this wonderful old guy who sounded exactly like Colm Wilkinson. And the devil was a four-foot-ten-girl who was also wonderful!

I am glad you liked Wormtail’s death, because honestly, that scene has been in my head for years, and I always wanted to write it. But yeah, I had hoped that people would be kinda curious, because I mentioned a few times that Harry can’t do a killing curse but Ron can, and I mentioned that he killed Wormtail, too—but I always thought Wormtail would redeem himself in the series, so this was my little version..

YESSSS, someone spotted the Dark Lord’s Blog reference! Hahahaha… I really was disappointed when it didn’t turn out to be a charm bracelet in the seventh book.

Uh-oh, that’s not a good thing for Ron. I’m not good at writing teenage-freaking-out Ron, so I guess it shows. Although Mercedes-as-Ron is a hilarious mental image!

Whoa, Voldemort air-quotes would be terrifying. Because his fingers are so long and creepy and bony and yikes yikes. Okay, I’ve decided that if Voldemort broke the Unbreakable Vow, his fingers would vanish. That’s what I’ve decided. Yep.

For the record—Jordan did not say the hungry Dementor part. That was all Schmergo narrating. But Anatoly saying that was just thrown in at the last minute for… weirdness, I guess. Jordan would, of course, have no idea what he’s talking about, hahaha.

I used to like a guy with a mustache when I was in fifth and sixth grade. By the time he was eleven, he had a legitimate mustache, not peach fuzz, not fluff, actual bushy Groucho Marx mustache. Also, he was really tall, with a super-deep voice, and he looked like thirty. I used to stalk him obnoxiously. But even though we haven’t seen each other in six years, we’re now facebook friends! Haha. He still looks exactly the same.

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAAAT? People don’t think of Harry Potter when they hear, ‘Constant Vilance?’ If that happened at my school, I’d yell at the whole class and read out loud from Goblet of Fire.

The other Potter twins were born when Haley and Jordan were thirteen. But I know why you’re confused. They’re nine in “Pride and Prejuiced Plums.” I should really stop being so confusing about all of this whack business. I will tell you now, though, Anatoly and GIorgi DEFINITELY NEVER get together. When more of Pride and Prejuiced Plums happens… at last… you will see what I mean! WHAHAHAHA!

Now, I must disclose a terrible, horrible deep dark secret. I’m not actually a fan of Glee. Yes! True story! I’m not really sure why, especially because I actually liked High School Musical. But I just can’t get into that show—and the over-edited vocals bother me way more than they did in HSM for some reason. Maybe it’s because I don’t connect with the characters, and I’ve never been able to stand Lea Michele… YAAAY for Juli remembering my weird clothes!! But actually… I also made myself a t-shirt that says “PANTS!” Yepppp. I don’t wear it as often as the “SHIRT” one, though, because it’s not as comfy.

Okay, I actually laughed out loud at ‘You know, in your made-up world, I think that means you’re married.” Haaaaaa…. That’s perfect…

Wowwww. This is the longest review ever. So I will tell you a long, pointless story. I was in this play called “The Case of Alex Hansen,” playing this twisted horrible Judge who was part Judge Trudy from the Amanda Show, part Dr. House, and part TOTAL LOONY. Because my character didn’t care at all about the case going on in court, I had a big stack of books and fun stuff on my podium thing. So, during one dramatic scene, I was “reading” Harry Potter, and there was a silence when someone forgot a line, so I just improvised—I slammed the book shut, looked up at the audience, and exclaimed, “SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE?” Later in the show, I was reading New Moon, and I yelled, “This book sucks!” just before walking off stage and threw it into the Jury box. I got a standing ovation! Hahaaaa!

Name: The_Soting_Hat_Pillow (Signed) · Date: 01/29/10 14:24 · For: Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up
We love this!!! and you!!! This is the best thing since Harry Potter!! We are total nerds. Whenever we are together on Saturday nights, we just sit around, making up songs about Harry POtter, writing our own fan fictions(even though we haven't gotten very far), we have a Harry Potter hat and time turner that we wear, and anything else nerdy you could possibly imagine....we have done!!! Have you seen A Very Potter Musical on youtube??? THE BEST THING EVER!! if you haven't seen it go watch right now!!!! Just wanted to inform you of our nerdiness! :)

Author's Response: Hey dudes! Thank you SOOO MUUUUCCHHH! Your lives sound exactly like mine, hahahaha! I love making up Harry Potter songs especially. And I LOVE A Very Potter Musical! I even facebook friended Darren Criss, that's how much I love it, mwahahaha! I might get some friends to do the opening number for the senior showcase at my school.

Name: House-Elves Anonymous (Signed) · Date: 01/29/10 6:35 · For: Chapter 26: In Which Loose Ends Are Tied Up
Schmergosaurus Rex!

At last! I am caught up with this story! All 26 awesome chapters. Woohoo!

I totally love what you have here, Schmergo! I know you're doing another chapter and an epilogue, so now I'm very large quantities of curious to see what happens next. I also liked your take on the final battle. It was definitely a unique idea, and it was really really cool!

Now, for my Potter's Pentagon 'ship list!

Jordan/Giordan most definitely!
Anatoly/Haley awesomeness as well!
Heather/Carlos of course!
Ivy/Ted as always!
Emma/Tyrone as if we all didn't see that one coming!


Haley/Rookwood! They have so much in common! I mean, they're both so BOUNCY!

Ah, gods, smite me for that awful pun....even if it was fairly punny.



Author's Response: Dear Josh-o-dactyl! (Yes, this entire response is addressed to your fingers and toes.) I am utterly stunned to bits that you managed to read this whole thing in such a tremendously short period of time. Thank you so much for your reviews and for wasting so much of your time on my stories! And I am VERY pleased that you liked the Final Battle, too! As for Haley/Rookwood... well, I couldn't agree more, let me tell you!

Name: House-Elves Anonymous (Signed) · Date: 01/28/10 21:26 · For: Chapter 18: In Which Jordan Sits and Sulks... So What Else Is New?

Sorry for reviewing again so soon, but I've had a thought that I wanted to put into this review-box-thing!

Anatoly and Arthur. Arthur's a muggle. Anatoly's muggle-born. Both of them have curly blonde hair. Coincidence? Perhaps! But maybe not! I'm actually not sure! But maybe Capshaw is of Arthurian descent? Just a theory!

And thanks, I suppose I quite enjoy being a ray of sunshine, even if it means I'm several million degrees fahrenheit in my core.

It's sad about Jor-Jums and quidditch...although Haley has got to be my favorite commentator evah!

And I can't ever thank you enough for wanting to read my story! I'll get it to you as soon as I can, and you can take all of the time in the world to read it. I hope you like it!

Delightfully yet oddly phrasing things,


Author's Response: OoooooOOoooOOooooOoooooh! That is the most fascinating theory I've ever heard. Believe it or not, the thought has never actually come to my mind... but because you brought it up, I'm going to unofficially make it so. It will never be brought up in the story, but in my mind from now on, Anatoly will always be a descendent of Arthur. I LOVE it!

Name: House-Elves Anonymous (Signed) · Date: 01/28/10 19:13 · For: Chapter : In Which Jordan is Unnecessarily Dramatic

Sorry I haven't reviewed in a few days. I got caught up trying to catch up from being absent from school for a week (long story) and when I did read, I kinda got all excited and caught up in your story, which I've never actually got to read even close to all the way through. So, I ended up reading a whole bunch of chapters and have decided to just give you a scrunched-up review!

So! I finally get to know what Telemency is! I'M EXCITED! *does a very bad 'excited' dance* I had really wondered about that for a while, and now I know! I do has a question, though. How was Voldy able to send Harry that image of Sirius being tortured in the Department of Mysteries if it's impossible to transfer visions wothout Telemency? That confused me, so I would be super happy if you cleared up mah mass o' confuzzliness!

I. Love. Anatoly. Capshaw. He's freaking awesome. He reminds me a lot of myself, actually. Long hair (minus the curls), not the most well-liked guy around, and the whole smart-but-doesn't-really-care-anymore attitude. Fits me pretty well! Probably why I lieks the character so much! Anyways, when I was younger, I also tried to make up for a sad lack of friends by being smart and working hard. Luckily, I did eventually make some friends, and lightened up a bit. And now I'm the crazy guy ya know! Woohoo for Joshistory!

I totally did not see it coming that Jordan was a Seer. I thought it was something Harry's-Scar-related or something. I must admit, it is quite awesome! It's also cool that Jordan and Haley are heirs to Merlin and Gryffindor respectively. I am kinda SLIGHTLY DYING to know what happens next! Ahhhhh!

But, before I dive back in, I was wodering if I could ask you something, Schmergo...

I've started writing my own OF. I don't really have any way to get any sorta feedback on it....I was wondering if, when I get the chance, I could send it to you and get your opinion on it so far. Don't worry, it's only the prologue and first chapter I'm sending you, and you don't have to edit it or beta it or anything.....I'd just really like an opinion on it from an awesome writer like yourself. I'm kinda self-concious when it comes to my writing, and I have no clue if it's any good or not...I'd supah appreciate it! I know how busy you are.

Anyways, thanks for being awesome and writing awesome stuff and just general awesomeness!

Let's DANCE!


Author's Response: JOSH JOSH JOSH MCJOSH, how delightful and splendid to see you again! Anyway, that is an extraordinarily clever question, but I never saw those as related-- Voldemort was taking advantage of the connection that he and Harry have due to the whole Horcrux-scar-thing, and Jordan wants to be able to replicate that connection without stickin' bits of his soul in people's bodies, savvy? Wow, I nevvvver make these things clear in my stories, do I?

You know, Josh, I was kinda excited for you to meet Ani, because you have ALWAYS reminded me of him in the rather delightfully odd way you tend to word things. I'm glad you like him! But yeah, there is a bit of me in all of my characters-- they're my Horcruxes, I guess, bwahahaha-- and yeah, there is definitely some Schmergy backstory there in the vein of Anatoly. But unlike him, I've always had a really splendiferous best friend, so I didn't get the chance to grow QUITE as bitter and twisted as this young man, fwarfwarfwarrr.

I would be THRILLED and honored to read your story! It might take awhile because I'm stupidly busy, but I will definitely do it! I just wanted to tell you, getting your reviews always brightens my day a million and six times. You're a little ray o' sunshine, ya hear! *Jams out like whoa*

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