“No,” he replied staunchly, with a defiant tilt of his chin. “Of course not.” His voice cracked, and suddenly, he lost control, great shuddering sobs wracking his body. “I’m bloody terrified,” he croaked, burying his head in his wife’s shoulder.
-Mmn. This sounds a lot like the 'movie Ron' in my mind then the Ron we see in the books.
Thomas,” Zabini said in a dangerously soft voice. “You have…” his voice cut off, and his face froze, and he suddenly exclaimed, “EUREKA!”
-Because a potato is the next ingredient in a potion he's making? *eyebrow wiggle*
This chapter was exteremely confusing. Jordan's telemeny was told to where you couldn't understand exactly what he was doing- almost as if Jordan didn't know himself.
You might simply be trying to show how confused Jordan is, if so forgive Wes. :)
I liked this chapter, nothing W00T-ful, but it was good.
My internet has been down for 5 days (WAAAH), so I'm trying to get caught up on my reviewing business.
I will be so sad once this story ends! It's become a big part of my reviewing style, and has really involved me with the characters.
You have brought me a lot of laughter with this story and it has really helped me with my own writing.
Never stop writing, Schmergo. You are truly a wonderful author.
Author's Response: I think in a lot of ways, it sounds more like movie Ron because he's 'wimping out.' I was almost trying to do the opposite-- showing Ron cracking to the point where he admits how upset he is, which is supposed to be a big deal. I forgot about movie Ron lessening the impact of that. ^_^ AND JORDAN'S BIT WAS SO CONFUSING. That's why I didn't like this chapter. I couldn't express in words what I imagined it was like. No matter how many times I revised it, it just wasn't happening. But I guess Jordan can't describe it in words, either. :--(
I am going to be so sad once I get the final chapter up, too! Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews, Wes. I think the part that meant the most to me is that you got really involved with the characters, because in writing these stories, I have gotten so ridiculously attached to mah protagonists!
This is good :) soo sooo gooooood :)
Poor Emma. She just seems so scared that whatever's in her head is going to be unlocked and people will see the real her D:
PS: Whenever I wear my Power Rangers shirt, I think about the Dark Lord's blog, and always think to myself that he should get twitter :3
Author's Response: Bahaaaa, thnak you so much. And that's a fascinating insight about Emma. Not a lot of people have pointed that out yet. And it is rather important. ;-)
AUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I HATE CLIFFIES! (In which I will most likely have tons of) Jor-jums pulls out what we all assume to be a time-turner. CUT!. That is the end of episode twenty, come back in another couple of weeks, and we'll have the next episode that may or may not tell you whats happening. Meanwhile have fun bashing your brains out from the suspense of it all. Hear have a happy meal as a bonus. Is the ending the reason you don't like the chapter? Because all in all I rather enjoyed this part. Except I want to know what happened with Zambani. Its a bit obvoius that Emma had something to do with the diaries, and thats why she doesn't want Jor-jums looking at her mind, because he'll most likely dredge up that memory. Well WHERE IN THE HECK DID HE GET THAT TIME_TURNER! I HATE MATH! That is all. Whenever the world decides to stop hating my story, will you read it? WARNING: This could in fact take SEVERAL years, before the story starts to even excist. Stupid grammer. Thanks for letting me complain. WOnderful chap! -ter. I can't wait to read the next, and the next, and the next and the next and the next and the next and theahnadtheadnext andnextnextnextnextnextnextnxt.
-WIndy whos getting slightly erratical from lack of her own stories.
Author's Response: Sorry about the cliffie! And unfortunately, there are several MAJOR cliffies to come in the next couple chapters (one, two or three chapters, depending on how I split it up) plus a death or two! No, the only reason I didn't like this chapter is because I wanted a more vivid depiction of how Telemency works, and I really couldn't get it down in words. But yeeeeeah. And anyway, we will see more of Zabini's fantastic discovery... AFTER the gang gets back from travelling through time. Yep, it will be quite a few chapters. Cliffies ahoy!
Jordan got the time turner near the beginning of the story-- because now that he's a Seer, Lupin wants him to take Divination, but he already has a full schedule. So he gets a time turner so he can take that extra class. Anyway, I promise I will read your story-- but you've gotta let me know when it's accepted. Meanwhile, I'm working on a new fanfiction project called "George Washington Hates Muggles." It's a very... interesting story.
LOL about Star Trek! I've never seen it, so I wouldn't have known without that note, I'd have just sat there thinking how smart you must be to have come up with something so complicated, yet managed to fit it into JKR's world so seamlessly.
Anyway. I know you said you didn't like this chapter, but I honestly think it was one of your best ever! I don't know why, maybe because I was really in the mood to read something dramatic and angsty like the first scene or two with Ron and Emma. But then when Emma was cheered up by Tyrone (love him), so was I. Although I wouldn't mind some of those throwing frogs ...
I also, naturally, loved Jordan's bit. Yay for Jordan! And I'm very excited about what's to come - going back to the final battle, proving Ron's innocence, kicking Bellowes out into the street and HIM becoming the pathetic hobo instead ... well, that's I hope it will go down, anyway. =)
Looking forward to the next chapter already - Go Team Jordan!
Author's Response: Bahaha, no I didn't really GET the idea from Star Trek per se. I was kind of kidding. I made it up, but then I saw the movie Star Trek, and I was like 'hahahaaa, he reminds me of Jordan,' and then he did the Mind Meld thing, and I flipped out. And my mom told me that I probably subonsciously got the idea from Star Trek, because even though I'd only seen two episodes and never liked the show, my best friends and family are Trekkies.
So what if you don't like the chapter? I know I did because it was totally awesome! Give Jordan congrats for me.
Author's Response: Oh, thanks so much! I'm so glad you liked it. What I don't like about it is that it doesn't clearly express Telemency the way I imagine it, but hopefully it's adequate! And I feel happy for Jordan. ^_^
I actually liked this chapter. I think i understood how Telemency works...
I miss Giorgi so much! She is one of my fovourite charachters and I'd love to see more of her (and Jordan... *winkwink*)
I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the first time a few days ago, and i laughed like a loony the whole time! I loved the whole "a witch weighs the same as a duck" scene!
Sorry about the suckish review, But I have just been through the weirdest two days of my life and I barely slept...
Well enough with the excuses! Update ASAP...
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! And I miss Giorgi, too... we won't see her for awhile, unfortunately, but she DOES make a triumphant re-entrance later in the story. And congratulations on your Monty Python viewership! Actually the 'witch weighs the same as a duck scene" is my favorite, too. I have a t-shirt that says, "She turned me into a newt!" on the front and the back says, "...I got better."
I won't judge you. I like Star Trek too. ;-)
Author's Response: But see, everyone does judge me, because Trekkie or not, they assume I love Star Trek. And I'm such a loser, I hate the show but I love the new movie to BITS. SO I'm at some weird halfway point, because Trekkies look disparagingly at me for not watching the show, and Trekkies look disparagingly at me for loving the movie-- and Spock in it-- so much.
I thought Scylla was Charybdis's younger sister for some reason. And the way her foster mom awkwardly avoids calling herself Charybdis's mom, even though they've been together for 7 years...
all in all, this was a lovely Back to School pick me up. Thank you very much!
Congrats to Jorjums, for finally figuring out Telemency!! Great job, and I can't wait for the next few chapters!!
And BTW, i reread The Dark Lord's Blog today, and laughed super hard. "What prompted your momma to have you?"
Author's Response: Hey therrrr! Thanks for the review! And... whoa, I haven't read The Dark Lord's Blog in soooo long. I think I should do that, because I don't even remember that line!
Ahhhhhhhh! Okay, I really want to know what is going to happen next. I hope that they are going to be able to change the future or the past, and Ron nor Emma will die. Post quickly please.
Author's Response: BUM BUM BUMMMMMM! Sorry about the suspense! I promise that they do travel back in time and change SOME things, but that's all I'm going to say. And an update will come very shortly!
Wait a second. I was reading past reviews... and I'll have to change my mind- I rather like the 'Emma stole the diaries' theory. It doesn't really make much sense (right now), but it is a good reason to explain her anxiety.
Author's Response: OooOOooOOooh. That is an interesting theory. But why do you think Emma would have stolen them?
Yay! Cant wait for more!
Author's Response: Mwahaha, me, either! The next chapter's an exciting one!
I am a terrible reviewer.
I'm really sorry for not reviewing the past few chapters... I've been a bit focused on my own WIP (which might be updated soon, yes!), but I have read the previous chapters, and I loved them.
Now, on to this one... I don't understand why you don't like this one too much. I thought it was good- a bit short, perhaps, but not bad at all.
Ah, poor Ronniekins... you've got him wonderfully in-character, though. It's just like him to try and act brave for Hermione (you've given her justice, too)
And poor Emma... she's acted horribly in some chapters, but in this one, I do feel bad for her. I'm glad Tyrone was there to cheer her up- they're so cute together! (Frogs and all.)
Jordan is one of the awesomest OCs ever. I was going to nominate him for the QSQs... but then I remembered he'd already won! The Telemancy is a bit creepy, but I like it. I didn't recognize it to be from Star Trek; but, then again, I've never seen it.
Chary's (because that's so much easier to spell than her real name) memory was very interesting; it gives a pretty good reason for her behavior. I'm sure that's not the only thing that made her turn out unpleasant... but, a nitpick- I think you should've put the memory in italics. The little things don't matter, but when it's a chunk like that one, I think it'd look better *shrug*
Methinks Zabini knows about Telemancy. Maybe he was trying to make it work, too? Or maybe he knew Jordan was trying to get it to work? I'm not sure, but I guess I'll find out soon.
Although I liked the chapter, I really didn't like this line- Well, he didn’t particularly care what Emma thought. She was no concern of his. That kind of goes against Jordan's want to protect her and keep her from being killed... you know what I mean? I think saying something like, 'Her opinion was no concern of his' or something along those lines.
(Is PnP offering constructive criticism? Say it isn't so!)
Jordan shook his head, still smiling that infuriatingly mysterious smile, and plunged his hand into the front of his robes, pulling out something on a long gold chain. “What about the Final Battle?” he said.
Heck yes! Are we actually going to see your version of the battle in a chapter or two?
I'll be a little sad when Giorgi, Vlad, Arden, and Marina (well, not Marina) don't show up to help. Oh well...
I think Bellowes stole the diaries. And the PP will bring them back, and Bellowes will be confused, because he has the diaries, but they do, too. Sorry. That was random.
Ooh, I'm so glad this is updated! I hope the next chapter will be up soon (but I say that for every chapter, so don't mind me :D)
PS- I bet JK Rowling had to use Albus Severus and all of them because otherwise she'd steal your idea. But she slipped and named Teddy 'Ted'. Haha, I doubt it... but that'd be sort of funny.
Author's Response: Whoa, PnP, this is a smashin' long review! The reason why I don't like this chapter is because I can't quite get across my idea for how Telemency works in words. I have this really clear image of it, but I can't quite express it, or Jordan's excitement about it. I'm just picky like that. ^_^
I'm so glad you like Ron in this chapter. Ron is my favorite character from the Harry Potter series, and I really hope I can do him justice. ANd as for Emma-- I know she's been horrible, but she really does have at least some justification for her actions, which we'll learn about in... I think five-ish chapters? I promise there's somethin' coming. I've only seen two episodes of Star Trek and didn't like them, but my three best friends and my parents are TOTAL Trekkies... and I ended up loving the Star Trek movie with the fabulous Zachary Quinto.
Yeah, there are plenty of reasons why Chary turned out bad-- especially given Ophidias' bad example-- but I just wanted to show a little bit of her past, because she really is such a flat character in so many ways. And the whole point of The Past is to expose the past of pretty much all of the characters. But as for Zabini... wow, no one else has ever come up with the idea about him trying to figure out Telemency before. I did wonder why no one else seems curious that he and Jordan had the same 'vision.' Because being a Seer really is pretty much the same as having other people's memories put into their heads...
It's funny you should say that about the line with 'she was no concern of his,' because the whole point of that line is that Jordan thinks that, then goes "...wait, what am I saying, she IS a concern of mine, because I don't want her to die!"
WE ARE TOTALLYGOING TO SEE THE FINAL BATTLE!!! And... we will see tiny cameos from Arden and Marina, and there's more of Giorgi to come. Vlad also makes a reapparance in the story 'Pride and Pre-Juiced PLums," though not for several more chapters. (I just submitted the next chapter of that).
Thanks so much, by the way. ANd the idea of JK Rowling going, "Argh, I was going to name them Jordan and Haley, but this kid already took that idea!" is downright hoholarious!
Yay! How I do love updates!
“…and of course, the chief ingredient of Veritaserum is a large…”
“Which, if used properly, will produce a potion with no discernable colour, taste, or…”
lol. Potato joke again!
There was something freeing about it, he realized, being a lunatic. Was this how Anatoly felt all the time?
Anatoly is quite awesome, isn't he?
Jordan finally did his mind invasion! Fun!
But wait...you said someone was gonna die in this chapter, didn't you? Oh well. Maybe next time.
Awesome chapter, anyway. :-)
Author's Response: Thank you! ANd I like Anatoly... you'll see more of him! No one ever died in chapter 20, though... I know someone dies in either chapter 23 or 24, though...
Um... the only dream I can really remember was last night's. I can't remember much though... Ophidias died... er, yeah...
Author's Response: Oh, dear! :-(
All right, I've been reading too much Potter's Pentagon. I've had dreams with the Five (and a few others) three nights in a row now.
I'm not gonna stop reading though.
And I'm still not caught up.
Author's Response: Wow, can you remember any of the dreams? I'd be quite curious to hear...
“The Princess Bride,” he said in a low, mystical whisper, “is the greatest film in the history of the world. You can’t… you can’t call yourself human if you haven’t seen it.”
AMEN! That movie is AWESOME!!!
Sorry I'm so far behind. I've been off this site for months. I'm trying to catch up though.
Author's Response: Hooray for people who appreciate the goodness that is The Princess Bride! And don't feel bad about 'falling behind.' It's amazing how many people feel personally guilty about skipping chapters. It's really nice, but I'd rather you read the stories because you like them rather than feeling you have an obligation to me. I mean, despite the name, it's not like I'll hunt you down and impale you! ^_^
I haven’t reviewed your stuff in awhile, but I have been keeping up with it, especially Potter’s Pentagon, and I have to say, I am always impressed. Your characters are wild, original, and relatable and I feel as if each of the Pentagon, as well as some of the other characters, were a part of my own family. You’re definitely my favorite writer on MNFF! You never fail to make your stories funny and it’s something I always look forward to. Comedy is definitely the hardest genre to write, yet you do it successfully and also balance it well with the drama and the experiences that make your characters painfully human even though they’re more than that. Sound like anyone you’ve read? Your plotlines are very well thought out, rarely predictable and never boring. This series and particularly this installment of Potter’s Pentagon never ceases to amaze me.
On this particular chapter, well – it’s my favorite one so far! I loved Haley and Anatoly’s project and the way that almost everyone joined in singing at the end and how Ophidias redeemed himself (somewhat) by closing the gap in the circle. I liked how you had Emma scoff at the whole thing but join in anyway because she wanted to support her friends. And I liked how not too long afterwards, everything went back to normal, as things do after such demonstrations, but there was a little bit of hope for the future (for example, Heather and Carlos). And I feel bad for Jordan at the end because he’s lost his outlet. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for him. I liked Jordan in the past Pentagon stories, but now he’s one of my favorites. His character really developed in this story, becoming ridiculously complex. Like I said before, I’m excited to see what’s coming ahead! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much, DivineQuill! This review means a lot more to me than I can really explain. And the part that means the most to me is that you care about the characters. Because the more I write about them, the realer they feel to me. I've been writing about them since I was twelve, so they're definitely a part of me now. Jordan's my personal favorite of the characters, too, and a lot of interesting stuff is in store for him, I can say that much! Thanks once again!
"His mind made up, Jordan pulled a dressing gown on over his pajamas and stumbled into the bathroom to pop in his contact lenses." i don't see the point of this. go from undershirt and boxers to a dress to prevent embarrassment. hmm. i'd rethink that
"“Accio, Invisibility Cloak,” he whispered." this is weird. i find no point in the comma
after the lupin-jordan talk, it kind of struck me how old lupin is. he's literally old enough to be jordan's grandpa. that's weeeird
"“Listen, my mum loves that Divination nonsense, and she’s always talking about it. She runs the Quibbler and everything…" i'm pretty sure you messed up your facts here. remember as much as we want it that luna and neville didn't marry. or...did you have them marry in your version? whoops. hah. forget i said nuffink
"She was blinked in the last battle against Voldemort, wasn’t she?" blinked?
"One of him first victims was his own sister, as a matter of fact." his first victims.
"Ever head in the room snapped around to stare at him." every.
"“What are you doing here?” Haley demanded, her voice about as shrill as the average dog whistle." i like the dog whistle thing. i wouldn't normally point it out but mostly i like how you put in the word 'average.'
sorry. short review. but i hope you enjoy it. :)
Author's Response: OHHHHH, I HATE TYPOOOOOS. DANNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGIIIIIITTTTTTT.
I knew that Neville and Luna didn't get married, but I started writing this series when I was thirteen, before JK Rowling confirmed that they never got together! I also had some random lady invented for Ted's mum in my first drafts of the first book, but later changed it to Tonks. So a LOT of the facts are quite skewed in here!
"...and Haley was sitting cross-legged on the floor trying to catch jelly beans in her mouth and failing rather miserably." BEEN THERE
The test went extremely well." UNBELIEVABLY IRREVOCABLY UNDENIABLY CUTE OH MY! <333333333
"Three in the morning? Ridiculous! What could have possibly possessed them to do something so stupid, on a school night, no less?
“Three in the morning?” Jordan said. “That’s ridiculous. What could have possibly possessed you to do something so stupid, on a school night, no less?”" HAH! THAT'S GREAT!
great chapter. but i hate that jordan's becoming a seer. AND YOU HAVE ME IN AWFUL DISTRESS! because i recall you saying in pride and prejuiced plums that one of the characters in the second chapter of the story is DEAD and i honest to goodness am till puzzling over this. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. emma can't die, because she's the main character. tyrone can't because he's main supporting. ted and ivy are a subplot. haley is... side supporting i guess. maybe jordan.
BUT IT'S SO FRUSTRATING
Author's Response: I know, I know, Seer-ness is annoying... but it's important. Remember that I plotted out all three of this books when I was twelve-thirteen years old. I'm seventeen years old now, so it's kind of ridiculous to see what I planned when I was in seventh grade!
"“Ted!” cried Ivy, jumping up at once, her hands fluttering to her mouth like a pair of albino butterflies." OH MY WORD that's a great line. i envy you
"Ivy was thinking about Ted. Namely, about how she hadn’t worried nearly enough about him up to this point." awwww, poor ivy. :( she's too hard on herself. poor girl. i know how that feels. it's like a survivor's guilt except ted's not dead. (RHYME!)anyway. i feel bad for ivy. but i'm getting really sick of her. tbh i don't think i'd deal well with a girl like her in real life.
"The sort of collective sigh of relief that never actually happens in real life occurred." just putting this in because i like it. :)
""She just doesn’t get it. I swear, I’d think he was twelve if I didn’t know any better." unless haley mysteriously went under a 5 minutes gender change without notice, he should be she.
"In fact, his stomach jolted like a roller coaster car missing a wheel." that is such a great way to explain it. i know exactly what you're talking about here. you're good.
"Dozens of entirely unrelated subjects—cows, pink lip gloss, the musical “Cats,” banana splits, goblin rebellions, ligers, Darth Vader, the rather cute boy who sat behind her in Divination, pink crystallized sprinkles—flitted through her brain whenever she tried to concentrate." honestly. you had too much fun coming up with these.
hah, i remember the drawing contest. i found those pictures while cleaning my room a week ago, and i'm surprised i even got an honorable mention. i should just stick to writing. drawing is not my thing.
WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! "Thanks again everyone for submitting to my contest, and I would like the five big winners to PM or email me and tell me their favourite song and who it’s by." I DON'T REMEMBER THIS! I DON'T THINK I EVER DID THAT! is this still legitimate? i never got a prize either. boo you <3
Author's Response: You know what? I was just reading "Voldy's Death Pants" today, and I noticed the albino butterfly line in there, too. I need to stop repeating myself so much. But I feel bad for Ivy, too, because with someone so self-sufficient like Ted, you almost forget that he has problems of his own until something major happens... I know what you mean about getting sick of Ivy. She's not my kind of person, either. But... let's just say that near the end of this story, she has a scene that I loved writing, and that made me like her a lot more!
GGGGGLLLZZZRRRRGGGHHH! I totally meant to send out prizes, but that was right before... life got complicated. >:-( Now I feel terrible. I was going to write song parodies and make awesome avatars for all of the winners.