mmmm... suspenceful. And great characterization.
Wow, I love how you started this story. There is a saying about how there is always a calm before the storm, and you most certainly captured this feeling in you first chapter. You know, I always felt that just after the last sentence of Deathly Hallows, there would be a line that read "Or was it?", followed by dramatic, scary music that would come out of nowhere.
But back to the story...
I love how you were able to capture Harry's nervousness while the world around him keeps on spinning in the normal fashion. If this story were told from any other point of view, there reader might see it as a light, fluffy story about after the children had been left at the train station. Although I have a very clear feeling that that's not what we are going to see here.
“Oh, damn that thing!” was quickly followed by Hermione’s “Ron!” as she threw her hands over Hugo’s ears, a little too late. Harry laughed at the pair of them, scrambling to right the troll leg umbrella stand, which Ron had uprooted, while Ginny hurried to turn on the lights.
Oh, this most definantly gives your story a very real feel to it. You capture Ron and Hermione's adult personalities perfectly, and again allow the world to turn while Harry mulls over his own worries.
“Your face is also quite ugly,” said Ginny, “but we don’t throw you out because of it.”
And yes, I can see adult Ginny here as well. Wonderfully done, and I can see that the sibling relationship between her and her brother is still alive and well.
Running faster, rushing to their friends’ rescue, every part of their souls feared what they’d find inside Regulus’ old room, wondering if the peace was now gone forever.
And then what? Then what happened?
Overall, you have a very solid start to your story, and I truly hope it has not been abondoned. This has a lot of potential and I want to see how you can further bring it to life.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. What a wonderful review! And so very helpfull! Worry not, this has not been abandoned. In fact, the second chapter has been completed since before the first chapter was even posted. I have this rule (which I know annoys people) that I won't post one chapter until the one after it has been finalized. This helps me avoid having to go back and rework previous chapters later on, only confusing anyone who reads them. Chapter 3 is in progress, so Chapter 2 should be in queue soon (I've given myself the deadline of the end of September at the absolute latest!) Thank you again! ~Sylladi
I liked this enough to add it to my faves.
I like your story, but the ending of chapter 1, which is supposed to drive the action, sounds an awful lot like another story, The Pursuit. I'm just saying.
Author's Response: Thanks for telling me. I've never read The Pursuit, but its nice to know. I'll have to see if I can fix it. ~Sylladi