MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: penclear (Signed) · Date: 10/21/09 1:55 · For: Chapter the First
it looks like it will be an amazing story pleeeeease continue it!

Name: writergirl31495 (Signed) · Date: 09/19/09 14:20 · For: Chapter the First
Great begining.

Name: MerrryD (Signed) · Date: 09/26/08 17:00 · For: Chapter the First
Hey Alison! -pickles-

I've been meaning to read this... Ever since I saw Sara's lovely banner, and now I've finally gotten around to it. :D

Some little things:

We loved to talk about things like this.

I felt that this line was more like you were telling the reader, instead of showing them. I think that you show it just fine, and this line becomes a bit unnecessary and seems like you're really shoving this point in their face. Personally, if you just took it out, then that section would be perfect.

I looked confused for a moment...

Um... If this is from her POV, how would she know that she looked confused? Perhaps you meant 'felt'? If the repetition of 'felt' and then 'feel' put you off, maybe try 'sense' in place of 'feel'?

“Hello, Lydia,” he greeted me. His expression softened, because I had always been his favourite child.

“Yes, it was.”

Since Lydia's father is still speaking, 'Yes, it was.' should be included in the above paragraph.

That's it, I believe.

I often didn’t pay full attention to my cousin Edwina — in my eighteen years, I had figured out she rarely said anything of consequence...

hahaha! I love this opening.

Edwina looked frustrated, and her bottom lip came out. She snapped her fingers in a gesture of impatience.

I love this description! :D I could see it perfectly in my head.

...we both loved to be at the tip of the social pyramid.

Mmm... I love this line. The imagery is gorgeous.

I blushed faintly, not because I was embarrassed, but more because I knew I was expected to.

-grins- I really like Lydia. She's so strong and independent, yet she loves this discriminating society she's grown up in.

Perhaps they even thought I was ostentatious.


I reached out to the volumes of books. Why did he need so many? Maybe, I thought, I should buy more books.

Haha. I love that he would consider buying something he considered useless, just to be like someone else. Reminds me of a few people I know....

If that was a perfect likeness, then maybe I didn’t like who I was.

Oooh! I really like this line! It's funny, sad, sweet, and it foreshadows. I'm impressed that you managed to roll all that into one teeny litte sentence.

Random Thoughts-->

I can see why this is your favourite fic. :D It's beautiful and intriguing. The plot is so unique, and your characters are exquisite. I really enjoyed this, and I'll definitely be reading and reviewing the rest of it. ;) It might take awhile though...>.>

Lydia and Edwina. hahaha. I love the beginning. Edwina cracks me up. She's such a flake. (I mean that in an entirely endearing way.) Lydia's so interesting. She has a good head, and I'll bet that she's pretty strong-willed too. Despite all that Lydia thought about Edwina, it's obvious that the two of them have a close bond; I'd've put them more at sisters than cousins.

Optimus. First off, I just want to say that the description at the beginning of his section created a clear picture of the Weasley mansion (O.o), but it was kind of a bland read. I think it's because nearly every sentence started with 'the' or 'there.'

On to Otpimus though. I never thought I'd say that I feel sorry for a Malfoy, but here I go: I feel sorry for Otpimus Malfoy. It's a depressing thing, trying to covince a society that continually reples you, that you are worthy of their time. I admire his courage. His sneaky, illegal way of attaining money though...tisk, tisk. Such a Malfoy thing. :D

I loved it, Alison! You are an incredible writer and this fic is amazing.


Peace out.


Name: bigtimer (Signed) · Date: 09/03/08 9:51 · For: Chapter the First
i love seeing Malfoy getting treated like he does to everyone now well done

Name: carolina_blackk (Signed) · Date: 07/15/08 11:03 · For: Chapter the Second
I feel so bad for poor Optimus. All he wants is some respect! This story is very interesting. It gives us a look at the Weasleys as stuck-up snobs. (and their rich!) Is there going to be an Optimus/Lydia romance in future chapters?

Author's Response: Yeah, actually my friend Kelly had the idea to be really ironic and make the Weasleys rich, and I just thought it would be great to make Richard the Minister. I have to admit I'm in love with Richard Weasley! :] Anyway, I do feel bad for Optimus, but he really should have expected that getting money illegally (though, of course, the reader doesn't know HOW yet) would make people hate him… As for the romance — it will come in some form, but who knows whether it will turn out happily or not (er, besides me, of course…). Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you keep reading whenever I manage to finish the massively-long third chapter! :]

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