Reviewer: Fiffer Haliwell
Date: 12/15/08 17:39
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow that was an amazing story. It really puts the whole incident into prespective
great job

Reviewer: jenny b
Date: 10/21/08 6:17
Chapter: Chapter 1

Every fic you’ve written already has about a million good reviews. The SPEWlings have been busy, I see. I haven’t read the other ones for this fic, so I’m sorry if I repeat something. :) Anyway. Review.

Yay SPEW Buddies! :) This was wonderful, Britt. I’ve never read a fic about the infamous prank before, so it was interesting to see how it was written. You get my approval; I think it would fit perfectly well into canon. I think this is the first fic of yours I’ve read, too, so I’d just like to say that you live up to all your expectations, it was written beautifully. :)

The first few paragraphs were wonderful. They were so descriptive, and drew me into the story straight away – an even better achievement since you can’t tell by the summary what it’s going to be about, so you need to capture the reader’s interest like that. But you really set the tone for the story – depressing and painful. It introduced us to how the characters were feeling brilliantly.

The Marauders were all very well characterised. They didn’t seem to be as cheerful and funny as they usually are, but considering the setting of the story and the fact that they were basically in the middle of a fight at the time, it works well. James was perfect – his determinedness at finding Snape and protecting Remus was very Gryffindor. Also, Sirius at the beginning was hilarious – how he tries to cheer Remus up with the fact that he still got to sneak into Hogsmeade.

I wasn’t too sure about Snape, though – most of the fic he didn’t seem malicious enough for me. Usually around the Marauders he’s very touchy and aggravated, but a lot of the time he was just too calm. His speech at the end, though, was perfect. Very Snape-like.

However, your dialogue distracted me a bit. At first I couldn’t figure out why, but then I realised that it was because you hardly used the word “said” at all – you used every other word you could instead, like “breathed”, “sighed” and “commanded”. I don’t know if you did this intentionally or not. You needn’t be afraid to use the word, dear – I know sometimes it feels like you’re overusing it, and your readers will notice, but it actually has the opposite effect; “said” is basically a full-stop for dialogue. No one notices it, they only notice if you don’t use it. If you use too many other words in it’s place, it detracts from what is being spoken, and feels out of sync.

Also, this little sequence didn’t agree with me:

‘You told him?’ Sirius sighed.

‘Yes. I wasn’t sure what you were going on about at first, but once I figured it out....’

‘It’s better this way. Thanks, mate,’ Sirius answered.


It just didn’t seem very in character. I doubt Sirius would be that calm about what has just happened – he’d probably be more shocked as he realised what he’s done, and worried about Snape or how much trouble he’s going to get into. Maybe if you added some description in there about how he was feeling it would flow better. Later on Sirius gets back on track and seems more concerned, it’s just that one segment that doesn’t feel right.

I really, really enjoyed this, dear. Like I said before, it would fit perfectly into canon. We never actually hear the real story, just parts of it, and I think you’ve managed to portray the Marauders wonderfully, considering we never actually see them in such a dire situation. Everyone can characterise them being their usual selves, it takes skill to characterise them in a situation they’re not usually in. :) Thank you for writing this, it was a lovely read. *squishes SPEW buddy*

--Jen

Reviewer: XhayleeXblackX
Date: 09/29/08 18:40
Chapter: Chapter 1

Brittany,

You have such a way with Remus’ characterization. I usually do not read Marauder Era stories because I find them to be OOC, but your way with them all is truly a blessing to read. And as always, your descriptions are my favorite. Here especially:

Though the heaven’s fury could not match that of Remus Lupin’s.

I loved the simplicity, but strength in it!

‘Save it,’ Remus snapped savagely, glaring murderously at the person he had once whole-heartedly trusted with not only his life, but also his darkest secret. ‘How could you?’ he queried vehemently. ‘What were you playing at?’ His brow creased in frustration.

You have really captured the Remus Lupin that I envision here. The words, the mannerisms, everything . . . it just fits Remus.

Remus looked positively livid at this. ‘You really don’t get it, Padfoot, do you? Saying sorry just isn’t enough.’ With that, he turned his back on Sirius and stormed up the stairs to the dormitory, imagining Sirius’ crestfallen face and thinking how good it felt to finally shove all the pain and torment he had felt in the past hours back at someone else, someone who was no longer his friend, someone he planned on ignoring, someone who deserved it.

I really liked the pain and betrayal Remus is feeling here. The want to put it on someone else, the person who had caused it, was just very real and the reader can really relate to that feeling here.

‘A surprise? Bloody hell, Sirius, don’t you understand? You’re playing with Remus’ life, messing up things you shouldn’t be. How could you do this to him? And Snape? Snape? Do you want it to look like you planned all this? You want him to get killed? What if it’s too late? What if Remus has already transformed? I don’t think Snape’s any match for a ravenous, full-grown werewolf,’ James finished forcefully. ‘Now, get out of my way.’ James ran off in the direction of the Whomping Willow.

First, I love James here. His dialogue is very real. The words flow and fit together; they don’t seem forced or overdone for the sake of sounding poetic. The way that James handles this argument is very like what I would imagine it to be. The disappointment, the worry, the anger, it’s all expressed here.

You told him?’ Sirius sighed.

‘Yes. I wasn’t sure what you were going on about at first, but once I figured it out....’

‘It’s better this way. Thanks, mate,’ Sirius answered.


Thank you, thank you for showing that Peter was one of the group, one of them. So many authors forget this simple concept, but you showed it beautifully and believably.

. Away from insincere apologies and spineless prats. Because sometimes sorry isn’t enough.

Such a proper ending for an amazing one-shot. I really found this to be an amazing read. Your characterization really shines in this piece. The only nitpick I found was that the formatting confused me at times, but that is just my opinion, others won’t mind. I just got confused between the single asterisks and the multiple ones with the dashes.

Really great work, dear, keep it up! Hugs!

-Haylee

Reviewer: lucilla_pauie
Date: 07/22/08 8:12
Chapter: Chapter 1

Your characterization of the Marauders deviates from those used by most other authors. You make them mature. Playful and mercurial still, yes, and mindless sometimes, but the awareness and wisdom--though small and still needing honing-- that can be found in teens resonates in these events you have captured and retold. Great work there, Brittany.

You write well. Let me affirm you again on that. I read this smoothly. The first few paragraphs: you employed a lovely technique there, of beginning at the end and subsequently drawing us in, wanting to know the beginning and middle.

We guessed, of course. All of us must have. And you delivered. I love the naturalness of your dialogue. It doesn't sound contrived, and you're fair to each of the Marauders. I find it annoying when authors slander Peter, and by extension, the other three, who associated with him. In your stories, you are in the Marauder era, and in the Marauder era alone, not bothering to incorporate elements of the characters that might not really have emerged until very much later, during the siege on their inner souls.

And then of course, you seem to have an amazing affiliation with Remus. You are so in touch with him, and with the incidents, feelings and complications surrounding and revolving around his friendships and his condition.

James fighting him off with his antlers! And Remus reeling backwards from the force. 'Sorry about this, Remus.' Indeed. If I was in James's, I would feel plenty sorry. About the need to fight my best friend, slamming him with my own body, restraining him. And about there being the need to restrain him in the first place.

Remus's predicament is perhaps the most serious taint in the Marauders' otherwise happy life. The threat of Voldemort isn't really felt at Hogwarts back then, is it? Sirius's estrangement from his family is small compared to being afraid of yourself, afraid for others and afraid of the scarlet of your secret.

So Remus's fury here is compelling and just... so true. As well as Snape's reasoning. How do you do this? You have Snape down-pat, too! So Slytherin in his reasoning: suspicious because he's sly himself.

All in all, yes, I enjoyed this very much, Brittany. And I'm looking forward to more from you.

~Joanna

Author's Response: *high-pitched squee* Joanna! Hehe, you are so sweet. =D This review is just amazing. I'm so happy you enjoyed it and came up with all of the lovely things that you did. I was rather worried about Snape. I've just never understood him so knowing that he seemed in character means a lot. I just love this review. Really. Truly, I do. *whistles* Expect one soon from me. ;)

Reviewer: Elf01
Date: 07/11/08 5:10
Chapter: Chapter 1

Regarding your response to my last review:

If it is several days afterwards I don't think that Remus would have waited so long to apologise to Severus. I think that that is something he would have done as soon as he could.

On a reread I do see that Severus was supposed to be away when James transformed, so I must have missed that the first time.

I still would have liked to see more of Remus' thoughts with regard to forgiving, or beginning to forgive Sirus, but again on a reread you show that time has passed by describing things between the Mauraders.

Author's Response: Thank you for these points. =) I can definitely see what you mean and I thank you for another lovely review. =D

Reviewer: Indigoenigma
Date: 07/10/08 18:16
Chapter: Chapter 1

Oh....I absolutely adore it! Thank you so much!

I thought that Severus' characterization was wonderful. You maintained his carefully greasy exterior and showed just how he might be a tad human when he ran from the werewolf. *grins*

I also liked Remus very, very much. He just...was Remus. He acted just the way I expected him to and his words and thoughts sounded just right.

And, how did you know that this was one of my favorite moments with the Mauraders? I love Snape and I love seeing at least some tension between the otherwise close friends.

Again, thank you so much! I love it!

*hugs*

Author's Response: You know, that was the only thing I was worried about this whole time, you liking it. I complained to just about everyone about it. XD Heh, I had no idea. But I knew immediately I wanted to do the Whomping Willow. The hard part was incorporating that quote. I'm so happy that you loved it. =D *squish*

Reviewer: moonstonesilver
Date: 07/10/08 10:41
Chapter: Chapter 1

OOhhhhh.. Brittanical, you really outdid yourself with this FANTASTIC fic! *dies*

Author's Response: Oh, teh Munno. Thanks, love. =D

Reviewer: Elf01
Date: 07/10/08 3:47
Chapter: Chapter 1

I enjoyed this. I find the way that Sirus apologised and Remus' reaction very realistic, the same with Remus attempting to apologise to Severus. We know from POA that he thought that Remus was in on the prank.

Now for some concrit:

I don't think that James would have transformed. If he had Snape would have known that James was an animagus, and he would have told Dumbledore, who I'm sure would have suspected that Sirus and Peter were also animagi.

I also don't think that Sirus and Peter would have followed James, though the way you have it written they would have had to for the story to work.

I think that Remus smiling, or smirking at Sirus at the end is unrealistic. He was furious at the beginning, and I would have liked a slower build up to Remus beginning to forgive Sirus.

Peter is hard to do, and I like that you haven't him in the background, or away, as a lot of fics do. His reaction may have been realistic at the time, but I think that it is more likely that he would have found it funny.

I did like this. Please don't take the amount of concrit personally.

Author's Response: Hello! What a fabulous review you have left me. Well, the way I had it written, Severus was far out of sight by the time James transformed. I suppose I should have been more specific. I do see what you mean about Peter. As far as Remus and Sirius goes, I have it set days after their fight. Yes, many, many days. >.< Thanks for you thoughts! *hug*

Reviewer: beatlemanial
Date: 07/10/08 0:00
Chapter: Chapter 1

I love stories that fill in gaps in the books, and you did a great job!

Author's Response: These reviews just make my day. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Reviewer: Veneficus Verus
Date: 07/09/08 21:30
Chapter: Chapter 1

First I would like to say its ironic and poignant that Snape should be thinking that being sorry isn't enough! A very nice "missing scenes" of the canon and overall well written. Very good characterization, especially of Remus.

There are a few typos. Here are the ones that I could locate, highlighted by using the paragraph beginning and [ typo ].

As they disappeared, James ploughed on....Finally, the door came in sight, and [ sop ] did Snape, who was cautiously pulling it open.

‘He came by earlier, said he had an important meeting with the Headmaster...Dread rushed back in just as quickly. Glancing hastily at Sirius, and seeing that he looked just as worried, [ Remushe ] reluctantly picked up his books and cauldron and moved into the vacant seat.

Author's Response: Yes, noted, corrected and explained. =D Yes, Remus seems to be the easiest for me to write. I'm glad you liked it. It brings such joy, believe me. =)

Reviewer: ink_daughter
Date: 07/09/08 18:59
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wow. That was a great story!

Author's Response: *bushes* =D Thanks!

Author's Response: *blushes* =D Thanks!

Author's Response: *blushes* =D Thanks!

Reviewer: mudbloodproud
Date: 07/09/08 17:43
Chapter: Chapter 1

Wonderful story. I like the way you handled the rift between Remus and Sirius. Makes me wonder if this was the start of the mistrust between them.
Your writing takes the reader right into the scene. You have a way with describing things so that I could actually see them in my head.
I only found a few typos.

Finally, the door came in sight, and sop did Snape, who was cautiously pulling it open.
I think it should read, and so did Snape

Glancing hastily at Sirius, and seeing that he looked just as worried, Remushe reluctantly picked up his books and cauldron and moved into the vacant seat.
I believe it should read Remus reluctantly...

Today, class, we will be learning how to brew the Draught of the Living Dead,’
I believe the canon name is Draught of Living Death.
Great story as I said, I really enjoyed this little snippet into the Marauders.
Terri

Author's Response: *headdesk* Hehe, I do have excuses though! I had it as the Draught of Living Death but betas make mistakes sometimes. Though I still love them. *squishes El and Nikki* Remushe? XD I forgot to edit out the 'he.' Ah, wow. I really appreciate the time you took with this review. It was so thoughtful and nice of you to point out my mistakes. =D Thanks, dear.

Reviewer: DragonDi
Date: 07/09/08 17:13
Chapter: Chapter 1

Nice speech by Snape at the end. And great anger by Remus at the beginning. Good job!

Author's Response: *tackles* Thanks! =)

Author's Response: *tackles* Thanks! =)

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