Oh! It is so much harder to review when it just flows like this...
All through this story are little parallels to things we see happen later, and here we have Sirius being very Harry-like. How can a man with so much experience be so clueless?
I like the little misunderstandings...he hasn't gotten in touch with her...she thinks he doesn't like her that way..maybe any way... he doesn't know if he should talk to her - she disapparates so quickly because he really hasn't...
But the moment when he is hanging his head in front of her door - *swoons*
The interchange between the men is subltly conveyed - nice job. And Travers clearly has no idea what Marlene can get up to, although her being in the Order should have tipped him off.
I like the way you use his ability to transform and how you have him muttering to himself about Remus. It sort of shows that this was a potentially very serious encounter.
I was surprised there was only one Death Eater there. He must have thought they would be easy pickings.
Why Marlene considers it her fault that Sirius almost kisses her confuses me..I would have though she'd be kicking herself for interrupting him...
NICE cliffie! And how efficient, to have these two find and copy it for them and just pick up after that .I do like your copying spell!
From whence does Marlene get this sudden siren-like side, though? She does not seem to skip a beat - perhaps that's because it is Sirius's POV?
I like the interchange between Sirius and Marlene, especially when he embarrasses himself, and I like how he is sort of looking at her before they get started. These poor librarians are not standing a chance - you've made the boy half Veela, so to speak... a little too much, but fun, somehow.
I think they are going to have to break into the library. Rare manuscripts are difficult to get your hands on.
I know this was the Gauntlet, and I don't know if there was a word limit, but I found this chapter a bit rushed.
I think DD is a bit OOc, because you have him being fairly direct, when we know he is rather indirect. I also find it odd that he does not ask Sirius if he knows the proper spell to copy the document - copying it with enchantments attached should be much more difficult than just copying what you see.
On the other hand, I am not surprised that Sirius doesn't recall Marlene, or even realize that she is in the Order. Although I think I'd like her to know the name of the spell.
You've moved the action along and I know you were working within constraints. I think there is enough information for us to understand what Sirius has to do, and why he seeks out Marlene (I had to chuckle a bit at his asking if they were sure they did not speak Gaelic. Aside from Harry not knowing he spoke Parseltongue, I have not heard of too many people speaking a language and not realizing it... It does show his focus on his very close friends, though, which helps develop the character.
*coughs* Some of us can be bribed with reviews of our own stories*coughs*
Thank you for wanting htis reviewed! i am enchanted by what you've got so far! I love stories where minor characters are developed, and all we know about Marlene in canon is that she's in a picture of the original Order and that her whole family was killed. I think you have a very clear idea here of what she is like and how she would react.
It is very logical to me that a shy girl who is not generally noticed would be at a loss at how to deal with the Yeaxley and crowd, and dazzled by Sirius. It also seems very logical to me that Lily would have been keeping an eye out for her, and the way the boys line up around her is classic.
Good description and characterization - I have to finish it now!
Wow! Gauntlet fics are always a bit special, are they? It was interesting to read your story, knowing that you had the same prompts as Marsha and I had, and then to discover how different was the path you took! I've written Sirius once before and he's a great character. I liked his cool attitude and the little remarks he would send to Marlene, just to make her blush, though I'm never sure how to picture him when he was younger and handsome. I didn't know we could use OCs for the Gauntlet! Marlene was definitely interesting and fun to "watch", if I may say so. She surely found out her extrovert side while working with Sirius. They were cute together.
That's so sad though that she died in those circumstances! Loved the epilogue, it was a good idea to reunite them for the next great adventure!
I think you did a great job with the prompts! There's maybe only one criticism that I have to make and it's about the task Sirius and Marlene were given. Even though they were attacked by Travers on the way, it felt like they didn't really encounter obstacles while they were searching for the text. I mean, if it was something very valuable and that could potentially be dangerous enough so that Dumbledore didn't want Voldemort to lay his hands on it, it should've been more difficult for them to get it. I know you mentionned that spells were protecting the items, but it looked like they got rid of them effortlessly... and it kind of seemed too easy to be true. But then, maybe it's just me who was expecting a little more action. I enjoyed it though, you got a great contest story there! :)
This was my first Gauntlet, and I'm so glad it was!! I had the best time writing with Stacy and if you ever get the chance to do so, I highly recommend it! She's creative and is great with the volley of ideas - a true collaborator!
Marlene McKinnon isn't technically an OC. >.> She is mentioned, briefly, in OotP when Moody gives Harry the photo of the original Order. As a matter of fact, Moody's one quote in the story is taken from that scene; he tells Harry how she was killed. Other than that, she's all ours.
We really had so much more in mind with the task and retrieving the book, but the concern about sticking to the prompt - and the romance - got n the way! Action just seemed to take a back seat to the romance blooming... Ah, well. It was fun! >.<
Sorry but my review is going to be short, I have 17 more stories to read. Lucky for me Michelle sent me this one before my trip so I read it in the car (un beatad but oh well) . I loved this story you two did a great job with the prompts and keeping the story flowing. I loved Marlene's character that you created, you really have to watch out for the shy quiet ones. I even think the smut worked well into the story and I loved the ending, wonderful job ladies.
~Kristy (gauntlet guide/judge round 6)
Yay! I hope you've been able to get out from under the pile of Gauntlet stories by now! We were happy to help you get a head start, but our beta'd version is better. It IS always the shy ones... >.<
~ Mich & Stacy
Aw, I love this story! Sirius and Marlene were both absolutly brilliant. I like the way you characterized Travers too, he was deliciously wicked. I also really liked the beginning because you didn't make Peter cliche. I hate when that happens, but you made him feel like a Marauder. YAY.
That ending was really sad, but I also really, really liked it. This story was really good and well written, but I think it could have been much better had it been longer. However, I know it was a Gauntlet thing, so I understand. I've never read a Gauntlet romance, but I liked how you two pulled this off. Good job, loves!
I wanted to leave a better, more thorough review, but I guess this is what happens at twelve o'clock at night. At any rate, it was great!
Author's Response: *waves to nikki* Thanks so much for the add! It was all Stacy’s idea to write Sirius and Marlene. Originally, I was going to write another character, but chickened out at the last minute! >.< She suggested doing a minor canon character with Sirius, who she was writing. Since we both do romance, pretty much, it seemed the right choice. Boy, I’m glad it worked out that way! I wanted a really nasty character, and since Travers was the one who ends up killing Marlene in canon, he was made for the job. Peter, well, I refuse to write him as a buffoon! He was a Marauder, darn it and there was reason he was one! Believe me, we wanted to make it longer but were afraid because of the prompts! *beware the prompts* I’m just glad that it made a coherent AND enjoyable story. Woot! Are we the first to write a Gauntlet romance?? ~MichellE & Stacy
well written. nice job!
Thanks! We're happy you enjoyed it.
~Michelle & Stacy
I really enjoyed this!
You both did such a good job with this! It was well written and grabbed me instantly!
The idea was much intriguing!
I teared up at bit at the very end...
I s'pose every fan finds it hard to accept sirius's death. great work!
We're happy you liked the story and epilogue! Marlene's death was just as hard for us to write, but we wanted to stick to canon. Seeing as Sirius also died (a moment of silence), it was the best way to reconcile our own feelings and give them their happy ending.
~The Queen and Princess of Fluff, Michelle & Stacy
Awwww!!! Michelle!!! Cute and fluffy much! The ending was perfect--a sad mix of reality and death, but followed up with a chaser of the afterlife. *giggles* You have not yet "corrupted" my innocent mind yet, my lovely, although you certainly did try with that chappie!!
The both of you did a marvelous job with this one!! Good work!
Author's Response: Honestly! :D Well, cute and fluffy are what we do. If I'm the 'Queen of Fluff', Stacy is definitely my Princess! Truthfully, I was pretty certain you were corrupted long before I knew you! >.< although, I did give my effort....~M.
Lol and you were worried about corrupting my innocence if I read this! *snickers*
But really, Michelle, this is amazing!!! Not only does it have Sirius *drools* but I'm glad that you gave quiet Marlene McKinnon a good chance to get with the guy! You and Stacy did a marvelous job! And now, back to the reading...
You are ending the story already?
Author's Response: Thanks for your continued support! Technically, yes, this is the end of our story as it is the last prompt in the challenge. However, there is an epilogue that hopefully wraps everything up. We really hope it lives up to the rest of the story and your expectations!~Michelle & Stacy
Lol. This is getting very interesting! And I love that you are updating. But I wish you would make them longer! xD
Author's Response: Aww! Sorry about the chapter length, but we’re glad you’re enjoying it! This story is written as a Gauntlet challenge, with certain prompts to be written out and as we have no idea what will be given next, we have to keep the chapters somewhat under control so as not to write ourselves into a corner.Never fear, from what Stacy has been whispering, she may be writing out certain missing moments in the story as stand alone fics. Maybe if we all ask her nicely enough, she’ll write more about The Book of Invasions and Sirius and Marlene’s adventure actually obtaining the book! >.<
lol. i didn't expect to be so wrapped up in this! but i am!
i cannot wait to read the rest!
*pours water over computer*
Now I know why people smoke after doing certain things.
And this line here:
"Hell's teeth, McKinnon! I'd still like to know just what kinds of things you learned in Hufflepuff, because it certainly wasn't anything the Gryffindors were offered!"
This is my favorite line of all time!
Great work!! Sirus is still so in character, so randy and so passionate. And I love the cliff hanger at the end.
Can't wait to see how this all comes together!!
*blushes* How can I stand the cute-ness? =) Mooore. =p Tehe, it's just so great.
I'm really glad I started reading this story - it's getting really exciting and I like the tension between Sirius and Marlene. Good characterisation too. Keep going!
I really like the story so far. I like how he is starting to like her just a little bit at a time. I also like how she is losing her "nervousness" as they get to know each other.