Reviewer: GryffindorGirl163
Date: 08/14/08 8:29
Chapter: Issue the First

another story i love it is great and very funny!

Author's Response: Thanks for reading!!

Reviewer: LunaTuna
Date: 08/11/08 13:52
Chapter: Issue the Second

hahaha, oh wow. I just read the advice I'd gotten. I forgot about that till just now. funny how much has changed with me since then.

Author's Response: Same here. It's been over a year, hasn't it? Some of the old letters I've left in because they're so funny. ;)

Reviewer: HPAndHG4ever
Date: 08/03/08 16:39
Chapter: Issue the Second

You put in my letter!!! Well actually you wrote it, but my name's there! :) So glad to see that your continuing with this story. I love how you have Draco answering Dear Abby like letters. He's very IC. I can't wait to see the next chapter!!
HPAndHG4ever

Author's Response: Thanks for taking part in it! I'm working on the next issue now, so hopefully soon!

Reviewer: ringobeatlesfan4
Date: 08/03/08 11:08
Chapter: Issue the Second

Wow this was hilarious! Probably one of the best things I've ever read! I hope it's updated soon! {BeccA}

Author's Response: Thanks, I appreciate the kind words! Working on the next issue now!

Reviewer: Ravenclaws Noble Heir
Date: 07/31/08 12:45
Chapter: Issue the Second

Dear Draco,
After writing to your column, I have decided to all together get it into my head that I am never going to think about anyone except the one I love! I mean he is such a ... hunk!! Why would I want anything else? Afterall he is GREAT in bed and the BEST kisser ever! And my friends tell me that every girl is dying to be with him and that I'm luck to have him! So I guess I'll be sticking with him. Sorry to disappoint Draco, but you can never compare to my (now) one and only!!
-Miranda

Author's Response: Draco is (finally!) reviewing your letter!

Reviewer: ilovemagic
Date: 07/29/08 23:22
Chapter: Issue the Second

Dear Draco
I’m a Seventh year Slytherin of the female persuasion, you know who I am, tall, dark brown eyes, dark waist length hair... of course you know who I am.
Anyway, my problem is no tangled love affair (thank god, and even then I am not sure I would like my love life, albeit anonymously on display for all of Hogwarts). In my opinion, my problem is more serious, and I think you will agree. My parents are threatening to cut back on my monthly galleon allowance as they believe I am too frivolous in my purchases and want to teach me the merits of saving, investing and budgeting (my parents work for Gringotts and are major shareholders in many other businesses in the wizarding world, so they are BIG on that sort of stuff when it comes to money). Just because in the last month I’ve brought seven pairs of stiletto heels, three jackets, seven sets of robes, three sets of dress robes, seven skirts, a knee high pair of dragon skin stiletto boots from an Italian wizarding shoe designer, five bottles of perfume, four handbags, three weird sisters limited edition tour t-shirts, four dresses, about ten pairs of ballet flats, a new wizarding camera, four necklaces, two rings, a pair of earrings, a new cat, seven books and about eleven boxes of honeydukes premium chocolate and a variety of hair and beauty products. I believe money is there to be spent, but all in all, I don’t think that’s too bad, I try to tell my parents this, but they just don’t understand. I’ve argued, attempted Blackmail and even tried telling them that when I turn 17 they will have no control over my account and I have even owled Gringotts to make sure they haven’t changed the amount they are depositing into my account.
Please Draco, How can I convince my parents these purchases are not frivolous, so that they don’t cut back on the money being put into my account?
Sincerely
Born to Shop

-------------------------------------------------

im so happy this story is back, it makes me laugh so much :)

ilovemagic.

Author's Response: Draco is (finally!) reviewing your letter!

Reviewer: Raffles
Date: 07/27/08 3:22
Chapter: Issue the First

Dear Draco,
I have a problem. Well obviously, as I wouldn't be writing to you if I hadn't would I? It happened at breakfast. I was sitting at the Ravenclaw table (as I am in Ravenclaw, obviously), and I was eating my Yorkshire pudding. It tasted quite nice but that doesn't really matter does it? Well anyway, I was just eating and talking with my friend Cho Chang. We were talking about the band the weird sisters, the band. They are pretty awesome don't you think? I love their song... I'm getting off track. What was I saying? Oh yeah. I was eating breakfast. Little did I know that in the very same Yorkshire pudding that stood before, was a dose of sneezing powder from the 'Weasleys Wizard Wheezes' that my brother Felix had smuggled past Filch. So as I was just discussing the hairdo of the lead singer (it's rather ugly I think) I got this itch in my nose. The itch started getting itchier and itchier. I didn't notice it at the beginning but then my nose started to twitch as well. I felt it coming, the sneeze. It felt like a big one so I quickly grabbed the serviette that lay beside my plate. But... It was too late. I sneezed. A big boom made everyone in the great hall look up from his or her breakfast. Everyone was staring at me. It was so embarrassing. Even a week later, everyone is still making fun of me! Cho Chang won't hang out with me anymore because of what happened and I have a week's detention from Professor McGonagall for causing a disruption. I was so mad at Felix ad I wanted to write to my mum but Felix was faster than me. He had already written to her warning her that I was going to write a lie to her. And she believed him! That little monster! Please help me. Tell me what to do. Anything! A revenge for Felix. A way to get Cho Chang to be my friend. A way to stop people from saying 'bless you' under suppressed giggles every-time they see me. Please
Love, Raffles

Author's Response: Draco is reviewing your letter (finally!)

Reviewer: Schmerg_The_Impaler
Date: 07/25/08 16:40
Chapter: Issue the First

Oh wow, this chapter was amazing. I didn't write the 'obsessed with croquet' thing, did I? If I didn't come up with that part, then I think I liked that part best. If I did, then I'm a git.

Here goes nothing...

Dear Draco,
I have a problem. My best friend and I always got along really well, and now we're having a bit of a falling-out. It may have started when we wore the same dress to Slughorn's party...

But I think the real reason is that my best friend is a superhero who flies through the skies saving innocent citizens from danger and using his iron thighs to crush any threats... whereas I am a psychotic evil villain named Dr. Awful who sits in the basement giggling maniacally over large vats of radioactive waste, periodically setting loose my horrific creations on the town.

I feel like Iron Thighs and I don't have anything in common anymore, and whenever we hang out together, it either gets really awkward, or I end up trying to kill him. How can we rekindle what we once had?

I may have a PhD in Awfulness, but that's not enough to solve this problem.

Yours, etc.,
Dr. Awful

Author's Response: Too funny! The mods have been a little more strict about having crazy, koo-koo letters in this story, but I'll try to slip it in!

Reviewer: Silvermoon25
Date: 07/25/08 10:24
Chapter: Issue the First

Dear Draco,
I'm a redheaded girl, and there's this boy with black hair and green eyes that I like. The problem is, he thinks of me like a 'little sister'. So it tears me apart while he's off snogging a vile little weasel in Ravenclaw. I've had strange impulses to use my bat-bogey hex on her - how do I keep myself from snapping and jinxing her to Pluto?
-Green in the Face

Author's Response: Draco is reviewing your letter!

Reviewer: Leah_Lovegood
Date: 07/24/08 21:33
Chapter: Issue the First

THANK YOU DRACO I LOVE YOU!

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! Come back next issue!

Reviewer: lovely_witch
Date: 07/24/08 20:55
Chapter: Issue the Second

Another hilarious column! How do you do it? Honestly, it's just completely histerical. Alright, so here is my next letter:

Dear Draco,
I'm a bit embarrassed to be writing to you about my problem. I havn't told anyone, but I'm only barely passing Muggle Studies. I'm in Ravenclaw, and I'm practically failing a class! I study extremely hard for all of the tests, but I still managed to much everything up when it comes time for the exams. I mean really, how on earth do the muggles keep all of their different types of transportation straight? They have all sorts of different contraptions to help them fly, but I can't tell a plane from a jet and honestly, why do they need both? My main concern is that it is keeping me from having perfect marks, and I'm far too ashamed to go for extra help. Do you have any suggestions?
~Stumped in Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Draco is reviewing your letter (finally!)

Reviewer: gods_unwanted_child
Date: 07/24/08 12:13
Chapter: Issue the Second

Dear Draco,

One of my teachers has been acting very suspicious lately. He gets sick about once a month, and once I saw him howling at the moon.

I know it sound crazy...
But I think....


He might be a girl.

What should I do?

Author's Response: Draco is reviewing your letter (finally!)

Reviewer: CowGirlHPFan
Date: 07/23/08 23:24
Chapter: Issue the Second

So funny!Thanks for the update!:D

Author's Response: Thank you for reading!

Reviewer: Fireater
Date: 07/22/08 18:25
Chapter: Issue the First

Yeah, Draco, it's me again (the boy who wrote that awesome poem). What do you know I forgot to leave my name! But I really don't want everyone to know who I am so I'll sign with a fake name, okay? The name I want to use is - - - Anonymous - - - Now aren't you glad I didn't just leave you hanging? (And it's okay if you want to include this PS in my letter.)

Author's Response: Got your note in time!

Reviewer: Fireater
Date: 07/22/08 18:14
Chapter: Issue the Second

Ha! Very amusing story you have going. I love the way we all can join in, it makes it so much fun.

Dear Draco,
I have these intense feelings towards a girl and I tried paying her best friend to tell her but her price is so high that I'll be 37 before I have enough money. So I had this really original idea - I wrote her a poem. I'm just not sure if I should actually GIVE it to her...
So read it and tell me!

You probably don't know who I am,
(Although I sit across from you at dinner)
You probably don't watch how I play,
(But I do you and you're a winner)
You probably couldn't guess my name with your life at stake,
(Alas, my love, the pain is like a razor-sharp rake)
You probably like, or even love, another guy,
(But, even so, these feelings I just can't deny)
You probably will just laugh at this,
(Even my best friend said I'll never get a kiss)
You probably won't speak to me for the rest of my life,
(And here I've been dreaming of you as my wife)
You probably just puked into your ham,
(Maybe just meet me and see who I am?)

Well, should I send it? My best friend says it's my death sentence... You're the expert, Draco. What do you think?

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and submitting! Draco is reviewing (and loving) your letter. ;)

Reviewer: Pirkadatka
Date: 07/22/08 16:20
Chapter: Issue the Second

Hilarious!! :D
I love Draco's style XD Can't wait to read on ;)

Author's Response: The third issue is in the editing stages, and should be up very soon! Thanks for reading!!

Reviewer: Mirekano
Date: 07/22/08 12:51
Chapter: Issue the Second

xD Nice story. I particularly loved Voldy's letter- croquet? Hilarious!

Author's Response: Surprised to see you here! I'm glad you got a laugh out of the column. :)

Reviewer: lunarox14
Date: 07/22/08 10:59
Chapter: Issue the Second

Dear Draco,
Remember me, the girl in Hufflepuff with the Slytherin best friend? I just wanted to tell you that I resent that! How dare you call me a whiny Snifflepuff. Like I want to kiss the arses of those of you who are totally cruel to all of my friends! Do I sound that stupid! I happen to be proud to be in Hufflepuff and can you let me know when you have some real advice on what I can do about Sarah! And I really don't think any Slytherin will go easy on me seeing as I'm a muggle-born! Anyway, seeing as I'm new here, I can't find my way around at all. Hogwarts is so big. Any advice on how I can find my way around...without having to follow people?
~Angry at You (aka, helpless in hufflepuff)


Great story. These are so hilarious to read! I can't wait to see the next issue! You are really good at coming up with such Malfoy-ish advice. It's actually kind of scary...

Author's Response: Thanks for the note, I'm glad so many people are even getting a laugh out of it! Draco has received your letter and is reviewing it... ;)

Reviewer: Tim the Enchanter
Date: 07/22/08 10:14
Chapter: Issue the Second

Hello Hutchinson!

I love the concept of this story – very original and unique for its interactivity. Of course, it’s funny too.

Tim the Enchanter

And here’s a letter…

Privet, Draco Malfoy,

I’m sure you are tired of hearing everyone moan about their hopelessly tangled love lives, but I need your advice concerning something much more important. I was walking down the corridor to the Charms classroom yesterday when this one obnoxiously rich girl bumped into me! I need your advice, Draco. I want revenge!

I want that insulter of Hogwart’s proletarians to suffer, to feel pain, to know what humiliation is like! She cannot bump into People without consequences! NO ONE can bump into the PEOPLE without punishment! I want to I want her to rue the day she was born into riches and prosperity – her lofty pedestal of Galleons must come crashing down with her on it!

I need advice from a fat, capitalist pig, i.e. YOU. Being so intimately familiar with the lives of the rich and affluent, how would you seek your vengeance? How can a humble proletarian such as myself strike with ruthless effectiveness against this snobbish, exploitative oppressor?

If you answer to my satisfaction, I will grudgingly call you “Comrade,” though you are still a capitalist git.

Pseudonym “Psychotic Socialist” Sam

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, and Draco is reviewing your letter!

Reviewer: James Jameson
Date: 07/22/08 9:16
Chapter: Issue the Second

this is great! you've really captured draco's persona!

cheers!!!

Author's Response: That's the hardest part, so I humbly thank you!

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