Name: Padfoot Patronus
(Signed) · Date:
05/05/09 13:03 · For:
Watery Blues and Greens and Flowers
Do you know that I'm so utterly intimidated by the brilliance that is your writing to make my brain come around to respond comprehensively as opposed to praise, praise, praise!
I loved it in Red I love it here: your choice of writing selected scenes. So it does totally leave me uncontended, and I want to beg you to write everything in between, but I love it nonetheless. It serves purpose to your attempt at Petunia and Remus' character developement. And it works. Sometimes little is enough to make a huge, lasting point.
Okay. So I'm going to express a little of my misery. I love the idea of meaning hidden behind subtle words and I assure you I can in 85% circumstances understand and critique on it, but I'm lost when trying to discern your title. What does Blue imply? In Green I could link the parallels in Lily and Snape's feelings very well, but Petunia and Remus... maybe it is because I havent read any far ahead. Hmm. I'll keep thinking about this.
I LOVED Petunia. It took five paragraphs to understand who the girl was since I hadnt read you beginning note, but wow. The sweetest thing: Money. After I finished reading it, I kept saying 'Money' and 'Monet' and smiling at how wonderfully the idea of a child mistaking the name seems to fit.
The way you describe Petunia's thoughts, it is not hard to see how it is likely that this is the girl who grew up in the young girl we see in DH. I have also seen/read/heard how first children find it hard to adjust to the new sibling in the family.
...and that night Petunia hid in the cushions of the couch and cried by herself, and she looked at the picture because it was quiet and pretty and had no crying in it, and through her tears the colours blurred even more. And she thought that if she closed her eyes tight enough she could find Mummy and Daddy again and they would go for a picnic with the fairies like the little girl did in the book, and that Mummy the good witch wore her big blue dress and Christmas-tinsel in her plaited hair.
Oh my my. That was wonderful.
She was tiny and bald and pink and wrinkly and sleeping... and she didn't look like a flower at all.
Still, sometimes when no-one was looking, she would pick up the witch rag-doll and rock it the way Mummy rocked the baby, and sometimes tried to sing it the same songs. Sometimes she imagined that the rag-doll could come on the fairy-picnics too.
You seemed to have picked on EVERYTHING young girls do! It made the story so very realistic.
I love how your words flow, rockinfarie. There is a ryhme in every other sentence and works brilliantly. Obviously this style is evident in Green and Red also to an extent. I'm glad by the thought that I can probably pick YOUR piece of writing among ten anonymous ones.
"It's..." he begins, forcing those jagged and familiar pieces from himself. "It's... his third birthday. Today." He looks at Dumbledore, tears crawling down his dry face as a jumble of forgotten emotions splash over uncontrollably and scald him. "He's three. Today."
Chapter two was a good attempt too. I really like your reflection on the issue of Remus fending for himself. It was very touching. Before this I barely gave a thought to Remus before we see him as a professor in Hogwarts. Like I said, wonderful choice of scenes.
And the way Hagrid still hasn't learned his own strength.
Such a true and powerful detail. And standing alone, i.e without a paragraph it did wonders to the effect it created. Great job!
He answers readily, but vaguely. Odd jobs. A bit of traveling. Lots of reading. That sort of thing.
I like how you sometimes write indirect speech as opposed to dialogue. It creates a balance, and it's nice to read it differently like this in between.
"His hair's sticking up!"
I COULD HUG YOU! :D
This part was so awesome I almost cried with happiness.
He couldn't see her expression as she left the arm of the chair to go to the dresser, and picked up the five mugs Remus had intended to bring outside.
I find your stories well-rounded and one of the reasons is the this quote above. There is never a sense of stagnation in your narration. Dialogue will start to take pace, and then by the continuation of a description you will bring us back to the room, and everything around the characters. From Red on this note, I recall the fireworks scene.
I love your work, dear. It is just brilliant. I'm afraid as I warned you before there would be nothing close to critique about this review.
So this is the bottomline: your is the kind of fanfiction one might read again and again and again. Because everytime something different will catch your eye, and a new lesson will be learned.
Thank you for all your wonderful pieces. I don't know where in the world I have been, but I promise when you update again I'll be among the first to review.