The entire trip was marvelous, from the flying trains to the school in the rain forest. You really capture the magic of Rowling's universe in the same vibrant way she does. While your writing could stand to be polished a bit in a few places, I think in general you're doing a first-rate job with this story, and you definitely have the potential to be a really good writer.
I like the mix of kids you've introduced Marissa to, some nice and some mean, just like when Harry Potter came to Hogwarts. And I'm glad her swallows came with her.
Author's Response: Witness Stone's train flies because I thought Wizards would never chop down all those beautiful trees to lay down a railway and deforest the land the way we Muggles do. They've always been rather evironmentally conscious, protecting golden snidgets and dragons and such. So they created a less damaging mode of mass transit for the children. Thanks for your constant feedback.
Well, this is going to be painful. Waiting for such a richly formed story is a serious test of patience. So we are right about Sr. Palito. I'm sorry to hear about "welfare wands" and blonds that seem to be regularly cast in evil roles but still this is very well developed. Thanks for excellent work. I just wish it flowed faster. Dr Preecs
Author's Response: I promise I'm not making any more of the bad characters blondes, and maybe the sisters won't permanently have an evil role. Thank you for your criticism and I think the next few chapters will move at a faster pace with a little smaller word count.
This is a perfect blend of the magical world and the gritty one Marissa lives in. The idea that Dementors would infest the slums, and children would just accept them as a part of life there, makes so much sense. It's sad but believable.
Marissa is a very believable character too, the way she tries to deny her emotions, because she needs to be strong and not show weakness to survive. Her pride in her new shoes was a perfect touch.
It's too bad she had to take a cheap wand that doesn't suit her, but obviously there's another one waiting for her eventually...
Author's Response: We'll have to wait and see what her cheap wand can do...
i really really like it. good job!
Oh my! This has been the most delightful chapter yet! You have such original imagery... I LOVE the Wizarding Market, the changing stores, and the Samba studio entrance. We knew from the start that Marissa is special... but it's becoming even more apparent that we haven't seen nothin' yet. I'm already itching to make a banner for this...
Author's Response: Why, thank you. I would love a banner (and I see from the forums that you are the very best for the job). Should I provide suggestions or just let you surprise me? I'm glad you are enjoying Marissa's story.
I just read all four chapters, and you've got me hooked. While you do have a lot of grammatical errors, your vivid descriptions of Marissa's life more than make up for it! I can't wait to see where you go with this story. Please keep writing!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review and for forgiving any poor sentence structure that slips through (I confess to a grammatical errorry writing style).
Just found this at my wife's recomendation and am very impressed with the imagery and plot lines. We already have several layers and trails to follow, so now I have my Book 7 angst reawaked waiting for chapter 5! We're betting Palito is magical (water faucet wonders??) and Sister is just blessed. So, we're waiting........Dr Preecs
Author's Response: I could never claim to be deserving of Book 7 angst level, but thank you for your positive review and thank your wife for the recommendation (if she wants to tell a few others too I won't mind). I'm glad you enjoy the background characters as a flood of more is about to begin. Chapter five is in the queue.
This is lovely! I'm impressed with all your characters, your descriptions, and your dialog. You've already managed to create quite a compelling, intelligent story. I'm looking forward to seeing how Marissa gets along with her new school. This is already promising to be a worthy addition to the non-european HP verse in the same vain as "Alex Quick.."
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. I hope I can keep all the readers' interest as Marissa is immersed in the Wizarding world. She has quite a culture change ahead of her, and a few surprises.
I'm so glad she was able to make the decision to go to school without alienating her friends. But I think it will be harder than she thinks not to become disconnected from the world she left.
Mr. Palito is interesting, and I suspect he knows a lot more than Marissa thinks he does.
Author's Response: Thanks again to my most loyal reviewer. I guess I'll assume everyone else loves it so much or hates it so much that they can't find words to express... LOL.
I like that you're not glossing over the complexities of Marissa's situation, and that Professory Merrythought, while wise and well-intentioned, is clearly a bit oblivious to many aspects of Muggle existence. Marissa is sure to question some of what she learns as she enters the wizarding world -- how can she resist the temptation to use her magic to help her boys?
This story is becoming one of my favorites. And I love Marissa's swallows!
That was marvelous. You must either know Brazil well, or have done a lot of reading to capture the plight of Brazilian street children so poignantly. Marissa is already a wonderful and sympathetic character, and I can only wonder how she will reconcile going to a wizarding school to learn magic with leaving her friends behind on the streets.
Author's Response: Thank you for your kind review. Harry had a miserable life with the Dursley's, but we all know there are many children in this world who live an even more unfortunate existence. That is where I drew Marissa from.
I am really enjoying this story so far. I seems so well thought out with some nice original ideas. I'm looking foreward to reading more. It's refreshing to find a site where authors know how to make a story!
I like this story a lot. Personally, with all these pureblood attitudes, I knew it was only a matter of time before they all became so inbred, they just wiped themselves out.
*ebil cackle* Maybe now they will all see the error of their ways! *can't wait to rub it in their faces*
Keep writing! I can't wait to see more!
This is a very intriguing beginning, with a creative premise and an original setting. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I hope I can make it as interesting as your Alex story (although I don't think I can update quite as fast).
Hi!!! This story seems like it will develope to be a good story.Just don't rush the story. I hate it when authors do that.Trust me. I don't care if this story ends up being fifty chapters long! Just write and update as soon as you can.I am proud to say this is your first review for this story.Don't feel bad about it if you don't get many reviews; there are thousands of stories on this site.
huggles from HermyStar
Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed chapter one and thank you for your advice. Chapter two is in the queue