AWESOME!!!!Write more net time...more than 1 chapter...
Haha, that was interesting, i thought it was quite rushed but it is only a one-shot, i would expect that it had to be rushed... =] i always thought that malfoy and hermione would be awesome together!
It was awesome!
very well done :)
Funny in some parts. Well written.
very lovely! quite romantic and funny and i did like the gilmore girls allusion! overall, great job.
that was an amazing fanfic!!!
you captured the kind of thing Hermione and Draco would do really well.
one of the best Draco/Hermione fanfics EVER!!
im encoraging you right now to write more!!!! PLEASE!!?
OH MY GOSH! What a fantastic story! I absolutely love it! You've done a fabulous job with the characterization and with the plot. I only wish it was longer than a one-shot!
Okay, I'm insanely tried so forgive me if I'm incoherent. As a general rule, I am NOT a Draco/Hermione shipper. (Fred/Hermione, ftw! tehe, though I do like Dramione better than some) but so far I've never seen one that has made me believe it could work. Yours came close.
I do think that Draco and Hermione did fall in love a bit too quickly, but it was a oneshot so that's sort of to be expected. And I loved how everyone stayed IC. The banter was incredible. I giggled so much.
And at the end (and I am ashamed to admit it) I was grinning like an idiot. It was just that line "God, Granger, sometimes you are an idiot". So orginal. So uncliche. So AWESOME!
Brilliant, girl. Well done.
This is absolutely amazing. I am by no means a D/Hr fan and generally avoid the ships altogether, but this fic has won me over....at least the way you write them. You have both of them so IC. Being inside Draco's mind is the perfect POV, and even Hermione has her character flaws. I like the way their relationship develops slowly and naturally and that Hermione doesn't fall in love with Draco just because of his looks. I also like how you show the complications with other relationships, especially in Hermione's case in dealing with Ron. The fic is hysterical too! Who knew Draco could be so funny? My fave line: "Yeah, because I'm so sure Weasley can understand half of what you can. His brilliance often blinds me." Ha! I really wish this story was more than a one-shot because I would be hooked. Very well done!
Wow, Alison. Yours was one of the most unique Draco/Hermione fics I’ve ever read. This was a great story for the fic exchange (*high fives fellow SBBC-er*) and I’m sure Nikki will love it.
At first, I was a little surprised by the first-person story-telling approach, especially with Draco, just because he’s such a hard character to write dialogue for, let alone to show his thoughts, so very well done on that front.
“But I’ll have to work with someone else.”
I thought this was a great insight to Draco’s character. He is, and probably always will be, a loner. He doesn’t have many friends, nor does he really desire any. He’s very much like Voldemort in that respect, I think.
“After all, Kingsley was not at all impressed or scared by shouting, unfortunately.”
This was another great insight into Draco’s character; also, the word choice is great.
One thing I did pick up about your Hermione characterisation was that she seemed to be rambling quite a bit, especially in the beginnings. I really can’t see Hermione doing this; she seems the sort of person who’d make a plan for what she wants to say before speaking, and then sticking to it, or at least catching herself before she gets too far off track.
On that note, in the beginning, Hermione’s dialogue with Draco felt unnatural. It felt forced (I’m not sure if this was your intention, based on the characters’ history) and also, a bit too informal. Hermione doesn’t usually say things like “Yeah”. The way she speaks, especially to people she’s not particularly fond of, is usually very formal. However, by the end of the story, I thought her exchanges with Draco were spot on. This passage especially, I thought was rather good:
“ ‘So every member of the Golden Trio got to work at the Ministry the day the Dark Lord died, even though none of you finished Hogwarts, is that right?’
‘Major favouritism, isn't it? I guess all rules can be bent for people like you, right? Who cares if you used Unforgivable Curses! You saved the world!’
‘I don't appreciate your sarcasm,’ she said coldly.
‘Well, that's just too bad. I hate doing things you don't appreciate, after all.’
She turned away from me.”
What Draco says and Hermione’s reaction is great here. The tone of this passage is great as well. Draco is bitter to the exact right extent. The trio did get off rather easily for everything they did, while the Malfoys (rightly) fell from grace after the war. This was portrayed perfectly.
One more thing I saw, though not especially noticeable in this passage, was the lack of description between dialogue. Sometimes, almost entire sections go by without any description after a character says something. The reader (or at least myself) gets curious about what’s going on during exchanges of dialogue. What is the character’s tone like? How are they reacting? (If there’s someone else watching the exchange) how are other’s reacting?
Lastly (I’m sure you’re getting sick of me :]), though I assume some increment of time passed, the ending, approached rather fast. It would have been great if instead of “*~*” you had given some description of time passed in between these sections. Perhaps conversations Hermione and Draco had with other characters about what had been happening at work/ with the other. It would have tied the story together a little better, in my opinion.
I did, however, love the actual ending, especially the Mr. Medina-inspired speech Hermione gave, it applied very well to the story, and I thought Malfoy’s pseudo-aggressive reaction was very fitting as well. Very well done!
So, to wrap it all up, as I said, I enjoyed this story immensely. You managed to bring to very different characters together in a believable way, and the banter between Draco and Hermione was enjoyable to read, and realistic at that. Great job!
wow dis was really gud n i luv the parts wen dey were arguin but i think u should hav made it into a chapters because it was way too short n the plot required it to be a bit longer anyways GUD JOB!!!
Good fiction, written incredibly well. Didn't really like the end I think this fiction should be a series really. I feel if you make it longer and it has more chapters Hermione can break up with Ron and then fall for Malfoy. My Opinion but written well a great D/Hr fiction. Please comment back
Author's Response: I agree with you completely, and I think that this would have been better with a couple more chapters, but unfortunately I couldn't do that, since I was working with a deadline. This fic was a gift, and part of an exchange, so it had to be kept at one-shot length. I'm glad to know you thought it was good, since of course I was really concerned about that, since I've never even considered writing a D/Hr fic before this one. Thanks so much for the great review; I always appreciate constructive criticism. :]
wow. I liked it. good writing. It'd be better if it was from third person, like the actual books. Try a hg/rw AND hp/gw fic. both at the same time. it would be funny. make sure it's canon. dr/h this one was among the better ones. good job.
Author's Response: I have to admit I avoid writing in third person at all costs, because I think it's more fun to get inside a character's head and write in first. I would also love to be able to write Ron/Hermione and Harry/Ginny, but unfortunately I can't write Harry or Ron properly, and I know if I ever tried writing a fic like that, I would definitely fail. Trust me, my dearest dream is to be able to write a R/Hr fic, since that is one of my favourite pairings, but I can't. Thanks for the challenge and the compliments, though! :]
Woo Hoo!!! ok I know you said It'll probably be the only one you write, but your good^_^ can you please write more D/Hr fics? their my fav^_-
haha yay! first 2 review!! lol =D
ok i really liked it
it was cute n sweet
i thot what kingsley did was kinda wierd but otherwise it was good
bcuz u got thm completely into character
they sounded n acted perfectly like how draco n hermione really would u kno
and the conversations wer really funny n witty n cute
i liked how they talked to each othr th best it made me crack up lol
so yeah good story hehe!
it would be nice if u actually wrote more D/Hr stories lol