This was the best chapter of the story (I've thought that about previous chapters, but then one better comes along). Honestly, you're a really good writer. Your imagery is great without being overdone, your characters are great and complex without being overdone, and you've pulled all these small things together very well.
I loved the fact that Thiel is still a total jerk even after we find out he's a WJD agent. Dean Grimm controlling him with " I'll tell them how you were overpowered by two 12 year olds " was excellent, and Alex totally copied it by her "you can stun me, but then you'll have to explain why you had to stun a 12 year old girl.
I can't help but wonder if Dean Grimm actually found out from Thiel that Alex left, or if she knew Ben would try to contact Alex and was lying in wait to follow her ( knowing she would get rid of Thiel and escape to rescue Anna). Whatever her reasons (and I think she would have been a Slytherin), this was the first chapter where I actually liked Dean Grimm. I've sometimes admired her, I've definitely hated her, but her pursuit of Alex and Ben and the fact that Alex's life was what was most important to her made me actually like her for the first time. The last part where they're both injured and Ms. Grimm strokes her hair in comfort has erased a lot of my negative feelings for the Dean.
I thought the scene with Anna crying and not being able to talk to Alex was really tough to read. Charlie rocks by the way.
I really don't like Abraham Thorn for putting his daughter in this position (just how is she supposed to remember something that she was entrusted when she was a few days old. Even if she can't it won't be for the lack of them trying?
I really hope you have more of Alex planned or at least thought of because I've really loved this story, and yeah I know we still have a couple more chapters to go, and there are still things to be explained, but I feel sad about the story being at an end. I really want to know what happens next.
This is a great story! Inverarity you certainly have a wonderful imagination, maybe you should think about publishing!
I'd buy it!
best chapter yet, i'm looking forward to reading the ending. will this be a serises i hope i'd love to see where Alex goes next?
I knew it was Ben Journey! but why did he want to kill her, if he was part of the Circle? Is her father still alive? Why does Ms. Grimm care about her so much?
i think Alexandra will deffinately have a change of heart towards Miss Grimm especially after that heroic display! what good timing Grimm had.
and wow, that fidelius charm certainly explains a lot!
hmmm...makes me think he got the wrong bracelet if he was shot and not her. i hope miss grimm can survive the bullet, and i certainly hope Anna is ok.
im guessin we meet the govenor general soon?
and will Alex's father come looking for her soon because she knows her purpose now and needs to make sure she keeps the secret???
also what information does Alex have about the Thorn circle? only what she has read in books, so she must find something else out that is the 'key' to the fidelius charm???
oh its all so confusing, but beautifully written! your action scenes are brilliant!
hmm she may be acting nice now but i am certain that whan theyget back to school the dean isn't going to be too happy with alex. lol
i love this story. is it pre-written?
Author's Response: Yes, I finished it before I began posting it (hence the rapid updates). Glad you like it!
Oh my gosh!!! This is AMAZING!!! She is Thorn's daughter and it sounds like he is still alive. I can't believe it was journey! What a great twist!! So Grimm knew all along about Journey and she just let him be it seems...wow. Well even though she came to the rescue I still don't like her. I hope the story isn't ending soon...we want more lol
oooooooooooo what a twist!!! MAAAAN I like where this is heading!! You kept me guessing till the last moment...awwww yeeeeah what a GREAT story!!
Wow! I did not see that coming. It makes sense now that I think about it, because I have always thought that the Dean was a little too obvious, and we have seen more of Ben Journey than any of the other adults in the story. He also makes sense as the one who would have had the easiest time "arranging" Alex's accidents. He was the one who sent Alex and Larry Albo into the attic together with really confusing maps. He probably let Galen in, too.
I can't wait to find out what his motive is, and what's going to happen next (surely Anna will come out of this ok). I know Alex will feel totally guilty, but she couldn't have known something like that would happen. Getting caught and in trouble is one thing, having a lunatic groundskeeper take her best friend hostage is another.
OH MY GOD!!!!!!! oh wow.
i cant imagine how disapointed everyone will be with Alex (as its far worse than anger) and poor poor Anna! wow I almost cried!!!
and you, are tres tres tres and sehr evil to leave us with that cliffhanger! please update soon!
oh my gosh, and i cant believe it wasn't thiel but journey instead!!!
i must say you have written this extremely well as i didn't suspect a thing about journey, i just believed everything that alexandra did, and that of course is the mark of a fantastic writer.
oh and another surprise! she is the heir of Thorn!!!
wow, wow and wowzee wow wow haha. really cant wait for the next intense chapter....and the one after that...and the next one, and the next haha.
keep up the good writing, your avid reader, Chloë xxx
*gasps* Journey is the villain? I never would have guessed. So that means he was responsibility for trying to kill Alexandra. I wonder what was his real motive for supervising Alexandra's detentions. Now to think of it, Journey probably did something with the Clockworks. Now he kidnapped Anna, what is going to happen?
So Alexandra is the daughter of Thorn. How's that going to go over when Alexandra confronts Dean Grimm about it?
Please update soon! I want to find out! How many chapters are left?
Author's Response: There are twenty-nine chapters total. Thanks for your review!
holy cow!!!!! Mr. Journey i never thought it was him one of the best chapters yet. Who is Ben and why did he want Alex now i really can't wait to find out.
That was awesome and unbelievable! I am writing from my phone, I'll leave a full review later!
someone or something is really trying to do this girl in. Keep up the great writing.
The vampire needing to contact his sponsor!!! LOLOLOL I nearly laughed my butt off in a public coffeehouse b/c of that!! This is simply a brilliant story. This should be a featured story. It's too good!! I love this story..please UPDATE!! I can't wait to see what awaits alexandra next!
I too wonder why this isn't a featured story.
I like the overall ambiguity of the story. Is Ms. Grimm evil, cruel, or just flawed. I disagree with her methods and think she is a subtle liar. Regardless of her motives, her speech about wizards cooperating are refreshing, although I think she is somewhat of a hypocrite. All which makes for a very fascinating story.
I wonder whether you are a teacher in your day job because I like your sly comments about remedial education, and how the teachers give textbook answers because they don't want to express their own opinion.
I also question Journey's motives in not telling the Dean that they were in the forest. Well written even if he isn't the bad guy.
I notice you don't give a location for Charmbridge (or did I read too quickly and miss it.) Also I thought the phrase notice board was British. Aren't they called bulletin boards?
I also cracked up reading about the vampire who has to go find his sponsor.
Good catch on notice boards. Reading too much HP fanfiction has caused some Britishisms to slip into my vocabulary.
I haven't given a precise location for Charmbridge, just as JKR never gave an exact location for Hogwarts. ;)
Another excellent chapter. Each time Alexandra discovers more information we're left with more questions. But my biggest one is this: How come this wonderful work isn't a featured story?
Another well written chapter. I don't like Dean Grimm's methods. I agree with Alex that it's unfair and cruel for her to haul in Constance, Forbearance, and Anna when they didn't do anything. Furthermore what could they have done. Sort of a D--D if you do and D--D if you don't policy. Dean Grimm is very well written, though and it does show how difficult it is for someone in her position has to act.
Excellant Americanization of JKR's world.