Wow! This is a wonderful look at how Tom gets involved with Nagini. I really like Anupama. Also, the reactions between Anupama and Tom are excellent!
You can tell she's a Slytherin, too. I look forward to reading more, as this is very fascinating.
I have been reading this fic since the prologue and I absolutely love it. I think the plot is very interesting and the description of everything is wonderful. You characterize Tom very well and I hope to see more soon. This is fantastic!
Wow this fic really isn't canon at all. McGonagall is far too young, and Tom is far too evil. Whatever. It's still a really good story. If it wasn't than I wouldn't be reading it and leaving you reviews!
oh it was a long wait for dis chapter but it was worth it
one thing is everyone on board witch n wizard or r there muggles too?
da part abt McGonagall was great but how was she a traitor n wasnt she in gryffindor?
i absolutelu luv tom n he was totally in character n how he was not too happy abt dumbledor n everything was perfect
anywayz it was great update soon
Author's Response: Hello, honey! I'm really sorry it took so long to update, but school started and everything became so hectic...>.> What I meant by McGonagall being a traitor was that she was a blood traitor, like the Weasleys, you know? Like being pureblood and in Gryffindor, and then being nice to Muggles and Muggle-borns and all that...and didn't I mention that she wasin Gryffindor? I'll check that. Thanks, love. I've been told by many that my characterisation of Tom is good. =] Don't worry, I'll get the next chapter up soon. It's in beta-ing. Thanks for your review! *huggles*
Aryaaaaaaa! This is... shall we say... EXTREMELY INTERESTING! Exquisitely magnifique :D Kyaa haal chaal hain? :)
Lurve and huggles,
Munno the Lamoe.
Author's Response: Munnoooo!! Thanks for the review, and I'll update soon! Haal chaal acchey hain, what about you? *huggles*
Hey, I really like this story! I'm gonna add it to my favourites!!!!
Author's Response: *huggles* Thanks! Chapter 2 got rejected because of ellipses or something...>.<
Good job! I especially liked your description of us Indians as 'gold-skinned and raven haired people'. But wasn't Kalinag supposed to have five heads? Uh... I'm confused, I guess I'll refer to my book of Krishna stories... *blushes*. Well, now I'm really ashamed of myself... but nice introduction you've got there!
Author's Response: Pooooooja!! *huggles* Oh, Kalinag in this fic was named after the original many-headed serpent, Kalinag, so you're not wrong! Thanks a lot! *huggles*
First off, your opening was great! It caught my attention quite quickly and it really stood out. I suppose I would have been more won over if it had had a thrilling beginning. However, it worked because it was more of a back-story and setting up for the actual tale. For future chapters though, do keep in mind that starting out with a 'bang' really pulls readers in.
I think you've depicted Tom amazingly well. Though I do like how he does have human qualities and he is trying to dispel of them. It makes the situation easy to relate to. What I don't really understand is if he actually ever fought that off. Because, I don't think he did. He always seemed a bit possessive to me. I understand the reasoning behind writing it but is it more to show that Tom Riddle had his weaknesses or that he fought against them to appear invincible?
Another thing I questioned was Arcturus calling him 'Tom.' I wonder when he started to have his followers call him Lord Voldemort, or rather The Dark Lord. I would think by this point that he would have started using that name with his followers, to establish his identity, I suppose. It just doesn't seem normal for them to still be calling him Tom after he had started rising to power and creating the Horocruxes.
I enjoyed how short he was in his words. It seemed just like him. is responses were quick and to-the-point, as though time couldn't be wasted. Just sort of gave him an 'in-charge' feel to me.
I have mentioned to you before about my being elated of your being Indian and living in India. I think that makes this story much more convincing and certainly more descriptive than someone who would have no idea about the culture and tradition. It enriches the story and I'm anxious to see how you use this to your advantage.
Now, I absolutely love the legend that you created. It's so imaginative and I truly admire you for it. It was quite a tale you made up. I think everything with Salazar and the snakes adds up. I question whether J.K.R. could have explained the history of Nagini better. It was so creative and I loved how you incorporated some Indian words. It really enhanced the legend and certainly caught my interest once again.
I enjoyed how you depicted him as a cruel person, because, obviously, he is. By this point in his life, I think he would have been more openly terrible and would not have concealed it as much. He was so believable.
His plan to dispose oh Patil sounded just like him and demonstrates his evil-ness so wonderfully.
Overall, this was short but well-written. Perhaps you could have put more detail as to where Tom was. It's always nice to include surroundings and set the scene, so to speak. The ending was fabulous too but I couldn't help myself from hoping that there would have been a cliff-hanger. It seemed mellow, appropriate even, for this point in the story, I think in further chapters that you need to satisfy that urge for a shocking end to a chapter.
Well, Arya, this is so lovely so far. You have enthralled me despite my criticism and I am so fond of this fic. Keep up the creative thinking, me dear. =)
Author's Response: *squeeeeee* YOU REVIEWED! ZOMG! Thanks for all that wonderful concrit, I'll keep everything in mind. *blushes* Hey, come on, the legend was THAT good, the way you're comparing it to JRK's...but since Nagini is an Indian name, I was always intrigued about her past, so here it is! Thanks a lot, and I'll try to update soon, but the internet connection is on the blink here, and my beta has vanished off the face of the earth...>,<*huggles*
Interesting start to the story. You make Tom sound very human, although slightly power obsessed. I think you should make him insist he call her Voldemort, wasn't that what he was going by in private? Update soon please!
Author's Response: Wow, another faithful reviewer! I considered the Voldemort thing, but I think it would be bit too wierd. Didn't he want people to fear his name? Thanks for the review! I will update soon! *huggles*
I really like this story already. Not many people write about Tom Riddle outside of Hogwarts, I can't wait to see where you go with this. I'm hooked!
Author's Response: Thanks! Thats one of the reasons I started writing this. The next chapter will be up soon, don't worry! *squishee*
oh i m totally hooked i luv ur writing style too short though
i m havin ma examz n shouldnt be on mugglenet but i luv ur fic so much dat i ll be chekin for it everyday oh n i luv the kalinag thing in prologue makes it even more interestin gud job
Author's Response: wow! another faithful reviewer!! lol, hun, yo should study, not read fanfics right now!! but i appreciate your...appreciation! thanks a lot! *huggles*
Wow,- I'm hooked. I can't wait to read more so please update soon.
I love the way Anupama doesn't give into Tom, so it will make a very interesting relationship! And it's set in India which is really cool. You get to read about all these great places.
Anyways, great fanfic :)
Keep up the brilliant work.
Author's Response: Wow, I'm flattered! I'll update ASAP, ch. 2 is in bet-ing...>.< It's good you liked Anupama!! I'll update soon, don't worry! *squishee* Thanks!
Arya! =D An absolutely fantastic first chapter! If I wasn't totally hooked before (which I was) I most definitely am now! I know that might not make a lot of sense, but what I'm trying to say is... I love love LOVE your writing, and your fic so far! Can't wait 'till the next chapter is up!
Author's Response: Hello, Madam Faithful Reviewer!!! I'm flattered!!! The second chapter is in beta-ing, so it'll take a while-two or three days, maybe, which would mean a total of ten days ;)...you'll just have to bear with us [me, Tom, and Anupama] in the meantime!! :D :D :D *huggles*
Arya! :D :D :D You never told me it'd been validated, you archived author, you! =]
Absolutely stunning Prologue -- I'm definitely hooked! Your characterisation of a young Tom is fantastic -- you obviously have thought about his character and you've got it spot on!
I love the legend of the Kalinag too -- it's a great touch and adds even MORE interest into the story!
Brilliant start -- can't wait for the first chapter!
P.S. You're Indian? I never knew! Awesome! =]
Author's Response: *blushes* Thanks!! I thought I'd told you...thanks for the wonderful compliments...:D I was worried mostly about characterization, but well, now I'm reassured *squishee*....I've already submitted it to the queue...:D rnrnI thought you knew I'm Indian!! LOL, Well, I am!!:D:D *huggles*
First up, congrats on getting your first story up, it must feel so aweso0me *remembers her own first story back when the the earth was young and dinasours roamed*.
And let me just say that you have completely hooked me with the beginning. Your characterization is well done, your plotline plousible and you added a great touch with the Kalinag legend.
Not to mention this is a great propsective on Nagini and how Tom gote her. I do have a question though: Is Anupama an ancestor of the Patil twins?
Other then that, an awesome job. i can't wait for the next xhapter and the ensuing tension between Tom and Miss Patil.;)=Sammy
Author's Response: SAMMY! *pounces* Thank you for the lovely review! FINALLY, someone who understands the Kalinag lengend, though we can't blame the others...;) And yes, Anupama is an ancestor of the Patil twins...she's actually a reverse blood traitor...she's the only Patil to be in Slytherin, but she's not bad, actually...I mean, are any of the Slyths in the Boards bad? *hugglesquish* Thanks for the review!!
oh i luved it too short but gud update soon
Author's Response: hey there! i luv writing without capitalization too! thanks for the review, and the first chapter is already in the queue...*huggles*
Well, I'm hooked. I love reading Tom/OC, and stories that take place in other countries, and historical settings - so basically, this is exactly what I've been waiting for. I hope you post the next chapter soon!
Author's Response: *squee* Thanks! Tom/OC is my OTP ;) I'm Indian, so this is going to be FUN! I'll post it soon, don't worry! *huggles*
Nice beginning, only too short. I like your writing style, and the plot certainly is original and interesting...
I'm waiting for the next chapter!! I hope it's longer...
See you around ;)
Author's Response: Heyya! I know...thats always my problem...I write too short...but thanks for the compliments! I'm waiting for the next chapter too! ;) *huggles*