ouch, i like the biting quips towards the end.
hermione can be snobby
wow luved it update soon
Wow, not just one cliffie, but THREE? When will Hermione give Ron her answer, Will she arrive back from her werewolf assignment in one piece, what on earth is Lucius Malfoy up to now??? This was excellent, again, and you really kept everyone in character. Ron's stubborn sulking, Hermione's unspoken indignation at her boss' lack of fairness and Malfoy's determination to get as good a deal as possible. Can't wait for more.
Hmmm.....intresting...Can't wait for more:D
poor Ron. He plucked up all that courage and she didnt even say yes yet.
Author's Response: Lol. He really shouldn't have chosen such a pretentious restaurant to make his proposal ...
i like dis story so far cant wait for more gud job
Author's Response: Thank you!
Oh Dear. That does not sound good. Poor Ron. I really hate Lucius Malfoy sometimes, well all of the time really. Funny what people do to keep up appearances isn't it? He offers to take Narcissa out to apologise, or so he says, she accepts, probably knowing that isn't the true reason and yet they both go ahead and do it anyway. I really think you've got Lucius Malfoy's character perfect, and I can't wait to see where this is going, what an excellent chapter. One request, if things don't go so well for Ron in the next chapter, please let him down gentley.
Author's Response: Arwww, thank you. Lucius is one of those really challenging characters. And Ron will be absolutely fine, for the time being anyway. I'm just not a Hr/R shipper so I wanted to de-romantacise their relationship as much as possible, lol!
Wow, I'm so glad to see Hermione hasn't lost any of her opinions. And i can completley understand her training to be an auror despite it not being what she'd choose to do. Those left after the battle had to rebuild the wizarding world and I'm afraid Dumbledore's 'for the greater good' sentiment has passed on to a few too many. I am wondering if this follows canon through to the epilogue, because if so then Hermione's indescretion with malfoy must be short lived. Oh, and i loke how Kingsley has become quiet good at pushing people into things they aren't sure they want, not a nice trait but perhaps necessary for a minister. Can't wait for another update.
Author's Response: Thank you! I was so worried about this chapter because of the things JKR has decided for Hermione, and I really want to have her as a slightly older and mature version of how she is in the books. As for the relationship being short-lived, you'll have to wait and see. I might keep to some areas of the Epilogue but not others. You find out more about Hermione and Ron's relationship soon! Update coming very soon Lau x
A very promising first chapter, I am a little confused at the ministry boarding up the windows, I mean what ever happened to reparo? Maybe because nobody lived there anymore, the place had to be stripped of any magic at all so that if muggles did come across it there'd be no awkward questions. Right now all thats left to do is beg for an update and add this to my favourites.
Author's Response: Arwww, thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it. As for the bordering up part, I was really determined to provide a clear image of how badly the manor had been treated and the lack of care that the Ministry had shown during its raids. Plus, hmmm, I'm pretty sure the local Town Council is responsible for bordering up abandoned sites ... oh, and they'd put it up on the Muggle housing market. This has potential ... *light!bulb* I shall be putting the next chapter in queue very soon, hopefully.
A promising story Laura, and though this prologue of sorts doesn’t hold a lot of action in it, your beautiful and descriptive writing generously makes up for it. I don’t know anyone who captures Lucius quite like you do, he is just as evil and calculating yet I couldn’t help but feel horribly sorry for him as he investigated his rotting mansion. It made me wish that with a flick of his wand the Malfoy’s glory could be restored, and then I though well that’s silly, no one really wants that. And then I thought, I am thinking far too much about this…these people aren’t real. *shakes head*
A couple of specific lines I wanted to comment on…
If Shakespeare had not been dead for nearly four hundred years, he would have written a sonnet about such a day.
I just really liked this description, it stood out to me.
These next two lines sounded very strange to me and I read them out loud a couple times and I don’t think the grammar is quite right but I could be completely wrong as well as grammar is not my strong point. The lines just didn’t sound right to me though so maybe you could double check with your beta? Or call me crazy…whatever…
Lucius’ heart sunk
I think it should be ‘Lucius’ heart sank’
The thought of the family sat together for a meal sickened him.
This line really threw me….I think it should be ‘The thought of the family sitting together for a meal sickened him’
Like I said, I might be crazy, if so, disregard.
Muggles had been having sex on his bed!
I thought this line was awfully blunt for Lucius, I mean I guess there are only so many ways you can put it but I just could not picture him saying (or thinking) something like this. I have no suggestions which I know is maddeningly unhelpful but your genius can think if something else here?
That’s all for this chapter, I look forward to seeing this story unfold, so please don’t abandon it. *coughlikeWarmthcough*
Author's Response: OMGSQUEEEE! Ashley is back! I can't believe this, girl, I have such a whopping great big smile on my face! I had a really bad day so this review has cheered me up to no end. Firstly, you're right about the changes you're suggesting ... awkwardness and plain wrongness on my part =P (and I call myself a moderator *snort*) The last line I deliberated over for quite some time, because like you say it is a little too blunt for Lucius. What I wanted to capture was his sheer outrage at the situation; yes, his house had been ransacked but this felt like much more of a personal violation. I will think about it and tweak it if I can think of something better. Maybe, instead of him being so forthright in accepting that this has happened, he turns away and tries to deny what he saw? That would be more Lucius, right?rnrnI really hope to stay with this story properly. I submitted it this week in time for the end of my exams and I have a new chapter to go up soon. *Hopefully* I won't run out of inspiration or time!rnrnThank you again for cheering me up! *hugs*rnLau
oooo this looks very promising. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! Fingers crossed this one goes well ...
oooo this looks very promising. :)