Hello, dear Joanna! I was glad to see you as our SPEW Author for the month, because I’ve read some of your fics and was interested to read more. I’ve not read a lot of Andromeda/Ted, as I tend to stick with the Sirius side of the Blacks, so I was eager to see your interpretations of their characters.
I like how you start this, with just a simple classroom scene; it’s a nice way to bring us into the story and introduce us to the characters. It also gives the fic that feeling that we’re coming into something already in progress, a relationship that’s already started to develop. We get that with the next little scene as well, in Potions. I like that you have Andromeda bring up the Hufflepuff thing, and I like that Ted expresses concern about her family. It shows that both of them are aware of the other, of the circumstances surrounding each of them.
Once we get into the deal with Lucius, though, I felt like things got a bit confusing. It might’ve helped if you had actually written the conversation with Lucius into the fic so that we could read it and really understand Andromeda’s indignation. As it is, you only mention this big problem in passing, and I don’t think that helps in conveying the importance of it. Andromeda’s outburst caught me off guard as well. Would she really have yelled at Ted like that? Even in her anger, I just don’t see it. This could be because I just don’t have the same Andromeda in my head that you have here, but I think the outburst is really just out of place. If you really wanted the outburst to happen, some more build up would have been nice.
That sort of brings me to another point I wanted to make. I feel like everything in this fic happens rather quickly. Maybe it’s just to do with your style, but sometimes I find it hard to follow. I’m not even sure how to make a suggestion, because I obviously don’t want to tell you to add in lots of unnecessary narration, but…I don’t know. When I read this, I felt like I was missing something. Sort of like everything was in your head and it just didn’t all manage to get on the page.
For example, the scene in the Great Hall. I had to go back to see where Sirius had come from, and then I realized that he quite literally had just appeared with a line of dialogue. This isn’t a bad technique or anything, to introduce a character into a scene with their speaking, but at times it can be confusing, especially when you tend not to attribute your dialogue.
Overall, I thought this was a nice idea, but not executed as well as it could have been. I noticed you didn’t mention a beta, so I assume you didn’t have one, and I think that really would have helped.
Author's Response: Dear, dear Leanne, thank you so much! This review helped me a lot. Now that you mention it, TOO, I really should take a look and revise the way I write. I seem to condense too much, no? You're right, I don't like narration, but I have to remember the reader is outside my mind and can't interpret everything, phew. That part about Lucius, I wrote about it in the August Drabble Challenge. It's in Lucius's POV though. The confrontation between them was more on his interest than on hers. I thought Andromeda's indignation didn't need justification, and I didn't want to shift the focus away from her and Ted's blossoming dilemmas, so I didn't include the Lucius-scene. Her yell later... it is more like a yelp of fear than fury. The defensive snarl of a startled great cat. She was overwhelmed by the intensity she felt from that simple fleeting touch between her and Ted. Yep, since the Sx6, I think I'll always have one of you SPEW ladies looking over my fics from now on. Your opinions are invaluable. Thanks so much, Leanne. ^_^
Do you know, this is only the third A/T I've ever read?
but of course I loved it! I'll start with Andromeda.
Your characterization of her was exquisite, I must say. I love her at the beginning the best, and the way you showed her resolve startto falter was excellent as well. The only thing that sort of bothered me was her outburst. I don't know why, really, I guess it sort of made me stop for a second, but then I shrugged it off and kept reading. lol.
I love how you show Ted when she says that, though--how he just shows her the bezor as if, as you said, she had only shouted about the staircases. I think my favorite bit was, though, his talk of walloping Lucius. That conversation made me smile; it was so Ted-like and their dialogue really flowed well.
And ca I say, I just ADORE the quotes from Freud. I'm takign AP Psych next year, and we learned about him in AP Euro. They were so well placed, as I'm sure you know, and its not like anything I've ever read before. At first I thought it was a song fic, but then I realized those weren't lyrics, so I wondered where they came from. I love the idea, kid, and I think you pulled it off really well. Thq quotes you chose fit them so well, which, of course, is why you chose them, I'm sure. lol.
Well, I think that's all I had to say. I'm glad I chose this one to read! I figured, I may as well read some A/T that's not written by kritch. lol. You definitely showed me that I made the right decision.
It was so well written!! They character are perfect, the whole story is!
There are so few Ted/Andromeda fics out there, so I'm really thankfull for this little story!
Author's Response: Thank you, Ildiko!
I thought this seemed like a really accurate depiction of the internal struggles Ted and Andromeda faced when they began to realize they liked each other. I always wondered how their relationship could have ever begun, especially with Andromeda's upbringing. This really made them into multidimentional characters. And your writing was awesome too.
Author's Response: Thank you, Rachel! ^_^
This gives Andromeda a whole new dimention, She's usually portrayed as a rebel from the first like Sirius. Well done.
Author's Response: Thank you, Marie. As for Andromeda, I prefer to think she broke through for Ted rather than being like Sirius. The trace of hauteur still in her in DH sparked this version of her in my mind.