I could only find one typo:
“We have to tell her. Now, before she finds out on her own, before she reverses the Memory Charm on her parents!” Professor McGonagall spoke to a portraits hanging behind the headmistress’s desk.
It should be 'portrait'.
He would not have been able to get over his hatred of her father.
This has got me thinking, not that I need to seeing that the next chapter is already up. :p
Great starting! *goes to read next chapter*
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I will fix the typo. Thanks for pointing it out. Terri
I LOVE IT!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I hope you like the future chapters as well. Terri
Wow, gripping. I can't wait.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I will be submitting chapter 2 very soon. Keep watching for it. Terri
Wow, what a cliffie. LOL. Anyway, I am just reviewing for the first time here, and I wanted to say that I love your writing style and this story, even though we don't know what's going on yet. LOL. I also liked Harry's speech to Snape, and him saying he may never forgive him, it feel much more realistic than trying to make Harry suddenly, like, love Snape. Great job.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Each chapter I have written just seems to end on a cliffhanger. As for Harry's speech to Snape, that was one of the easiest parts to write. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was what I pictured Harry saying if he got the chance to talk to him after DH. Thanks Again. Terri
oh, update soon, I'm so curious!!!
Author's Response: Curious is good. Chapter 2 is with my betas. I will submit it as soon as I get it back from them. Terri
I love it!!! beautifully written!!! PPPPLLLEEEZZZZZZ update soon!!!!
Author's Response: Thank you for your sweet words. Chapter 2 is with my betas now. I will submit it as soon as I get it back from them. Terri
Wow, this seems like a very good story. I am very intrigued by plot. It is very well written and the characters are very true to themselves.
I'll be on the look-out for an update!
Author's Response: I just submitted chapter one to the queue, so it should be up soon. (crosses fingers)rnThanks for your review. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. Terri
I only have a few nitpicks.
First off, it seems like Professor Dumbledore is the commandor-in-chief. While I understand that Professor McGonagall respects him very much, I always thought that she had a pretty good mind of her own. SInce she is alive, and the current headmistress, I think that she'd be a little more active instead of just doing as Dumbledore said. It kind of appeared like he was walking all over her.
One other thing, they are in the headmistress's office, no? I think that the other poraits would offer their own opinions, whether invited to or not. Particularly, Phineas Nigellus.
/end of nitpicks.
“You still avoid saying Voldemort’s name, Minerva? He is dead. We must encourage the use of his name or the fear that has plagued the Wizarding world will last long after Voldemort himself.
Lol. That's exactly what I imagine that he'd say in that situation. You did a really great job on characterizing Dumbledore and Snape. McGonagall was a little weak, but the other two... Man! It was prefect.
With that Professor Dumbledore walked out of his portrait to go to inform Hermione’s true parents that they had a daughter.
GAH! I want to know who they are. *jiggles one foot and then the other* This is going to eat away at me. :D Though I do kind of have an idea... I'm not going to say though, cause I don't want to you to tell me if I'm right, and I don't want to be horribly embrassed if I'm wrong. :p So, I just sit here and wait. lol.
Your chapter was so short. :( I can't wait for the next one!
Author's Response: I wrote Professor McGonagall that way because in my mind, she was still not used to the fact that she was now in charge of Hogwarts. This scene as well as the next few chapters take place only a couple weeks after the Battle of Hogwarts. At this point, I feel Professor McGonagall is still getting her bearings. She has had to oversee the rebuilding of the school and deal with getting everything set for the new school year. Though I am sure she helped Dumbledore in years past as Deputy Headmistress, this is the first time she has had to be responsible for everything herself. rnrnThank you for your lovely words. Don't worry, you won't have to wait too long for that mystery to be solved. I am submitting the first chapter, which is longer, today. So, stay tuned for it. rnTerri
Hmmmm, very intriguing first chapter. I'm compelled to know who did it and why. I liked the opening alot. Relly stood out to me. Keep the chapters coming.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. The next chapter will be up soon. Terri
Wow! What a creative plot! And it sort of makes sense. Hermione is a very bright witch and seems to naturally fit in the magical world. I can't wait to see what happens next! I hope you update very soon! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Yes, I will be updating very soon. Next chapter will be going in to the queue within a couple days. Terri
I love it! I'm so happy it's been validated. Great job, you're an amazing writer with beautiful plot bunnies hopping around in your head. I'm beta-ing your chapter right now. I'll get it to you later.
Author's Response: Lexi, The fact it has been validated is a credit to you and Stacey and eleven49. Without you my wonderful betas, this story would never have been validated. So, thank you for your help, and thank you for your review.
wow brilliant start, I'm completely hooked in! I have a feeling it could be the Potter's (her parents that is) but somehow I'm not sure....The whole danger thingy points out to be Harry's sister.... but im not sure... I'm very intreged (I can never spell that word) This is really well written, and you have perfect characterisations! I also think that your summary was very well written as well, very precice and sucky-iny (well you know what I mean....i hope) Poor hermione!! I hope shes not the weasleys or something (no wait thats just kinda twisted, but hey thats how my mind works) because, well thats just quite nasty. Hollyoaks (a soap) effects me too much with their weird storys. Okay, Im going off point.
It is so like Dumbles to be like that, to do this for the 'greater good.' I cant help but still really like him, despite his admittedly, huge mistakes.. I think you captured his determination really well in this, it kinda reminds me of the beginning of PS, the way McG tries to convince D not to give harry to the Dursleys, the characterisations are spot on, and really realistic. I cant wait for another chapter! :D
Author's Response: Thank you for your thoughts. I owe a big thanks to my betas for keeping me in line with my characterization. I was a bit off on Dumbledore, but worked it out. I'm glad I managed to get them right. The next chapter will be coming soon, promise. Thanks again. Terri
OMG Terri! That was really good! I loved how you left us hanging for who Hermione's parents are...it's not the Potters, is it?
Kate aka th_poet14
Author's Response: I am not going to tell you who her parents are. I'm really good at cliffhangers, I think because I myself hate them so much when I read a story. Thanks for your review. Next chapter is going into the quieue by the middle of this week. Thanks again. Terri
Very nicely done. You've got me hanging on wondering who Hermione's true parents are. I will definitely be coming back to read the story. Well done prologue.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely words. Please do come back as Hermione's parents are only the beginning of the story.
Well. I must say, though I was excpecting it, I'm still annoyed that we don't know who it is. I mean annoyed int he best possible way, of course. lol. As much as I hate them, I love cliffes. It definitely piques interest, and i'm sure you'll have a lot of readers coming to find out who it will be. I've got certain speculations, but as of now, I'm sort of weary on all of them. I can't say I have a solid guess. lol.
A few things I saw, though:
That your parents are not the parents you were brought up to believe.
I had to read this sentence though more than once to figure out what you meant by it. To me it seems to be worded rather oddly. I think you might do better by changing it to something like, "That the two people you believed were your parents are, in truth, not your blood relatives." I think its a bit better too because, if you really think about it, even though they technically did not 'parent' her in a manner of speaking, they still were her parents. True, they didn't create her, but they still raised her, did they not? I think that using the blood reference rather than simple parents gives that sort of open hint, you know?
I should never have done what I did. Though it was done with the best intentions.
I think these two would do better combined.
Dumbledore looked over at Severus, then, realizing Professor McGonagall had returned, directed his next comments to her.
There should be an 'and' before 'then.'
I like your characterization of both McGonagall and Dumbledore. You did quite well with both of; they were spot on. Severus, I'm a little iffy about. I'm just not sure about him. I can't quite put my finger on the reason, and I'm sorry about that, because I know that doesn't help you at all. The good news is, if I can't say exactly why, at least it means you're not too far off. For the most part, i think he's okay, there's just... something. Maybe It'll coem to me later, or maybe as I read on.
anyway, for your first fic, I'd say you've done really well, love. I know this is only a short prologue, but it seems promising. I shall be back later.
Author's Response: Nikki dear, rnThank you for your thoughts. I will fix what you suggested. I agree about the line about Hermione's parents, but having reread it so many times, I just couldn't come up another way to phrase it. I like your suggestion. rnAs I said in a previous response, I won't let you wonder for too long. By the end of chapter 2, you shall know. Though that is where the fun begins. rnThanks again for your review. I too hate cliffhangers, but they are so much fun to write. rnTerri
I agree. Very interesting indeed. I'm curious to see as to where this story could lead.
Author's Response: Hopefully you will see the next chapter soon. I will be submitting it within a day or two.rnThank you for your comments.
hmm, interesting! My first thought was Lily and James but the fact that Dumbledore went to go and tell them implies that the parents are still alive, does it? Also for the Potters to work Harry and Hermione would have to be twins and their birthdays are different.
I can't wait to read more of this, though I hope you don't keep us in suspense for too long before we find out who the real parents are.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Don't worry, I won't keep you in suspense for too long. Only for a few chapters, as Hermione dealing with the secret and the fallout because of it, is the main focus.rnI have several more chapters written, so updates will be as quick as possible.rnThanks again for your review, I'm glad you liked it.