I agree with you--this is your best chapter so far. The Yule Ball is one of my favorite parts of GoF.
It's cool how you can take the facts about the magical world that we know from the books and use them to create your own story with a very intriguing plot.
I am a little baffled about why her wrist keeps hurting; hopefully this will be revealed in later chapters.:)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like this as much as I do! I'm also really happy you find the plot intriguing. It should get better :). The wrist thing will be revealed...fairly soon, actually...except I may need to fix that part, now that I think about it, because I'm not sure I actually explained what was happening. Thanks for reminding me (even if it was unintentional!).
Ooo...i was so excited to see and update on this, it was great. It's definitely improving, keep it up. :D
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you think it's improving because I've been working hard on that!
i'm liking t so far! nice voce. But it was kind of very this then this then this. I understand it is a prolouge though, and that can;t be helped. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I understand that there's a lot of this then this stuff, but I'm really glad you understand it's introductory. I try my best when it comes to those parts, but it can be difficult! By the way, I like your username! 'Tonksatrix' combines two of my favorite characters! :)
I am to lazy to think about some quenstions. It is pretty early when I write this. 6. 52 AM. Talk about time differents! But I thought I would answer your 'mail' here. So I hope you don't mind that I use your poor little review box ´*huggles the box*
First of all I would like to say that I understand you about giving your real name out. I am also very senstitive about that. :)
And thanks for answering my questions. I am looking forward to the next chapters. I don't have so much to say :)
This chapter got rected? I can't imagenaige that. Do tou have any beta ? I am just curious.
And your stories sounds very exciting. :D If you ever get to mangage to get some publised I hope you will publish under the name Lyra so I can say 'Hey I know this girl' :P
But I will let you know if I have more questions. I think I maybe will try to read your whole story agian and post a huge review if I get time.
Haha, I'm sure the review box doesn't mind! I know I sure don't! I think as long as the reviews are constructive, the mods don't mind if you post several. Anyway, the chapter that got rejected was a bit different. Apparently Lyra's characterization was unrealistic, according to the mod. I don't have a beta, mainly because I try to do things on my own and I just hate it when English teachers mark up my papers because I'd much rather them give me some advice and let me fix it myself. I also don't have one because I don't know exactly how it works, and I would rather have my writing looked at by someone I know. That said, if I ever try to publish something, I'll get an editor for that. And maybe I'll put in that story that I was Lyra Lestrange on MNFF! Thanks again. I know I say that a lot, but I mean it.
I sent you an email. You can answer me here or to my email. I will check both. Anyway I hope you got my mail.
I do have some quenstions. It is not really about Lyra but:
1) How does Tonks' mother feel about Lyra IS daughter of Bellatrix. Kind of a wierd question, but I mean: Tonks's mother and Bellatrix was after all sisters.
You don't need to answer this quenstion, if it reaval the plot, but I was just wondering.
2) Another quenstion but is still not about Lyra but I have been thinking about it since I read the last chapter. You said that Lyra looks very much as her real mother Bellatrix and some people when the look at her thinks for a moment that she IS Bellatrix.
Have you thought about how Neville recrated to Lyra the first time he saw her? I mean after all it was Bellatrix who did *** the thing to his parents. Maybe it could be a flashback you could write about.
Hey! I did get your email yesterday; sorry I didn't reply. I was going to, I just don't have an account on the forums yet (though I plan to get one) and didn't want to answer by email in case my real name got out. But anyway, here's response to your email:
I write a variety of stories. I'm working on this one that's kind of sci-fi, with natural disasters. And it's all very teenage-girlish, you could say. Kind of a weird mix. Some of my writings are more like diaries/journal entries. I also love to write poems. On a different note, I understand why you thought the last chapter was rushed. It was originally two chapters, but the first one was rejected once and I couldn't think of anything to do to fix it besides combine the two. I did try to write a flashback scene to fill in the space, but it failed, mainly because I had to ideas or motivation. But hopefully that won't happen from here on out.
Now to answer your review questions:
1) Andromeda Tonks cares deeply about Lyra but doesn't overlook the fact that she is Bellatrix's daughter. I won't say much because it'll give stuff away about Andromeda, but you're right, they are sisters. All I can say is to keep that in mind! This will be covered in later chapters!
2) This is a good point that I hadn't thought about, mostly because of a very important chapter coming up in part two. I think Neville may have seen a resemblance between Lyra and Bellatrix, but if Lyra explained that she's part of the Black family, he might understand. That's how she explains her looks to most people.
Your reviews are great and I love to answer questions! Thank you!
Great story...Lyra/Lindsey is such a great character, very believable. Can't wait to see you branch out from the books..keep up the good work. :D
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you think she's believable because I try to make her that way. Eventually I'll branch out of the books...fairly soon, actually.
I really like this fic. Lyra is a very interesting character, and I have lots of questions. Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you! I try to update as soon as possible, so you shouldn't have to wait too long. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them in a review. I respond to every review I get.
I like the way this story is going, but the only critique I would have would be to change it up: you're in an alternate universe! The dragons were a good chance for that: what if Fleur got the Horntail? What if Krum thought of flying? Just because you've changed one aspect of the world doesn't mean the rest of them are set in stone. Be creative!
Anyway, I really like this story in general: the idea is cool and Lyra/Lindsey's character is great. Can't wait for the rest!
Author's Response: Thanks! You have a good point, it is AU after all. But I try to only change plot points that center around Lyra, because points like the Triwizard Tournament aren't exactly important to my plot, but they're too important to not write about, so I basically try to skim over them. There will be parts later on where more than just Lyra's existence will be changed (part two will bring some new--yet familiar--characters!). Still, thanks for your input. If there's ever anything I want to change, I'll take this into consideration.
Yes a new chapter of your story. You made my day. Well first of all I don't think this story is very slow moving, but I think it only me who thinks that.
For this chapter I would say it was a good one. I have not so much to say.
Anyway, for my part I would love to see flash back of her past. Her childhood, things she can remember. In my opnion I think flashback is a good way of getting knowning a charater better.
I still think you do a great job with your story. Your charater is very believbe (I can't spell that word)
From one of your readers,
Thanks so much! I think I might write a flashback if I can find a place to add it. I tried writing one earlier but it didn't work. I'm glad you gave me that suggestion as it really helps. Hopefully I'll get the next chapter out soon! Thanks again. Your reviews are really nice.
I like this so far. Very interesting.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try to update quickly!
Do you know fantanstic this story is? I am simply in love with it and I can't wait for more.
Thank you so much! I'll admit that I've had some difficulty getting chapter seven validated, but I've fixed it and it's in the queue now, so hopefully the wait won't be too long! I got your nice email and would just like to say thanks for what you said about my stories. I'm using this fanfiction as practice to become a real author someday, and it's nice to know that I'm on the right track even if sometimes I have trouble getting chapters posted. I'm glad you like this story because there is much, much more to come! Thanks again!
It doesn't surprise me that Lindsey managed to throw off the imperious curse. Also, her glare at Crouch and Hermione's noticing was another very good way of intergrating her into canon. It still amazes me how many people failed to believe that Harry never put his name in the Goblet of Fire, but i suppose reading from harry's view for so long has me biased. The thing that grabbed my attention most this chapter was Lindsey's intuition about fake Moody, I wonder if this will feature later too.
Thanks for another great chapter, keep'em coming.
Author's Response: Well, thanks! I've been very worried that readers would find the rewritten parts from GoF boring, but they seem to like seeing it from a different student's perspective. I'm glad you told me you liked the glare at Crouch because that originally wasn't in the story, so now I know to put in more things like this. The part with the fake Moody will eventually appear, too, so keep reading! Thanks again for all of your reviews!
The ending of this chapter is really good. I think in the next you should skim over all the other tasks in say, one paragraph and then go straight into Lyra's story.
The bit about the Cruciatus Curse was scary-- I guess she inherited some bad habits *coughs* from her mother, lol.
You did a good job showing the students reactions to Harry Potter becoming Triwizard champion.
Good so far!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I do plan to skim over most parts of the tasks, or at least have Lyra doing something else, like communicating with another student during them so it's not the same stuff in GoF. I'm also glad you like seeing Harry become champion from another's perspective, because I was really worried about it being boring and simply repeating what every Potter fan has read in GoF.
Bloody Hell!!! so she inherited more than looks from her mother then. perhaps she subconsciously retained memories from when she was young about how evil her parents were?
great chapter...yet so short in length :(
cant wait for an update! =D
Author's Response: Yes, she definitely inherited more than looks! You'll find out later whether or not she acts on that. I've submitted chapter 6, so the update shouldn't take too long. Thanks for reviewing!
I love this story. It is really good.
Author's Response: Thank you so much!
When i first started reading this I was quite sympathetic towards Lindsey as she was in a very difficult situation. Now however, i am starting to feel a little apprehensive. My one comfort is that she was sorted into Gryffindore, and it's our choices and not our abilities that show who we truly are, so even if she is capable in the application of the unforgivables, she may decide never to use them.
Author's Response: This will definitely be touched upon later. All I can say now is that she has both dark and light in her and will demonstrate both. Thanks for reviewing!
Wow, Lyra's definately got a dark quality to her... I wonder how she'll react when she finds out Mad-Eye Moody is in fact Barty Crouch Jr!
Good start, I liked it, but I think you should start branching out from GOF- this is, after all, Lyra's story, not Harry's.
For your first fic it was pretty good...
Update soon, I'll drop you another review!
That will be playing a part in a future chapter! I've revised over and over and am really trying to branch away from the books, but it's a bit difficult because I feel like I can't just jump into the story without an introduction. The story breaks away from the books eventually.
This is really good! I ma fascinated by this girl you have created and I can't wait to see what happens to her! Pleasre keep up the good work. i can't wait to find out who finally breaks her shell so please keep writing! Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks! You will see several people (canon characters) who break her shell in different ways in future chapters. I have the story written, so the updates should be fairly fast.
I didn't think it was boring! And the messaging journals were really clever, way to make wizarding IM!
Author's Response: Thank you! I just don't see how wizards can survive without Muggle technology! I'm not sure how I got the idea, but I think Riddle's diary inspired me a bit.
Wow, I guess Crouch really would try to pin the Mark's appearance on anyone except his elf. I mean Tonks is an auror for crying out loud. I found the end of the chapter quite intriguing and slightly disturbing. I mean what on earth is she thinking of? Wanting to dabble in the dark arts to feel closer to her parents who are high security prisoners in Azkaban! Is she mad?! I wonder if I'm an awful person for thinking that I'd cut myself off from such people, even relations, or if just never being in that position I DON'T UNDERSTAND. i'M ALSO VERY INTERESTED IN HER FEELING THE MARK BURN, although isn't the mark usually on the left arm? If she can feel it, can Draco Malfoy too, or the other children of death eaters, or is she an exception? Can't wait for more, please update again soon.
Author's Response: Lyra definitely has some identity issues. She just feels that the Dark Arts could bring her closer to her parents. She's really only curious and doesn't know as much about her parents as she'd like to know, so she's very confused of what she thinks of them. As far as the feeling the Mark goes, more will be uncovered in later chapters! I can't say about other children of Death Eaters feeling it, but you'll find out eventually.