Wow i am very impressed! I don't think i have ever been this anxious to go to the next chapter, and i am barley starting.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the story! Please forgive me for not responding to this review months ago; I'm not sure what happened there.
I’ve just finished nominating your story for a Quicksilver Quill award, but I had to preface it with “I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of the prologue” because I think it detracts from the story.
Prologues need to be compelling and necessary, not an info dump. If you cut yours I think readers would not only still understand when the story was taking place and the events leading up to it (because this is fan fiction and everyone is familiar with canon), but the campsite chapter makes obvious that Lyra is Bellatrix’s daughter in a more natural, engaging way, little by little, through dialogue and thought, starting from Lyra pitching the tent and working up to the moment of revelation.
An editor’s blog I read gave “If it works and entertains, keep it. If it doesn’t meet this criteria, toss it” as a simple way to decide on a prologue. You can disagree with my opinion that your prologue isn’t compelling and entertaining, that it tells the readers what we already know (or will soon know) and instead of drawing the reader puts him or her off or makes them scroll down to hit the next link. I just want to make you take a second look at it and decide if you truly think it works and entertains.
I wish you the best of luck.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the nomination! I did look back over the prologue and I realize that it isn't necessary. But I wrote this story four years ago and at this point I'm pretty much past editing it. I would also lose a huge portion of my reviews if I deleted it, and I would really like to keep them there. Thanks for the editing advice--I would take it if I was still working on this fic but I finished posting it months ago and although I still love it and respond to reviews and even consider writing a sort of sequel, it's an old project that I don't really touch anymore.
No problem my pleasure! It was nice talking with you! : )
Author's Response: Same here!
Sorry I was not trying to be nit picky it is just that most people don't think about it to much but I am one of those kind of people that make sure I back my reasoning with research so when people started saying it was Astoria and not Asteria I did my research and that is what I found and you have to agree that J.K. does not usually name her characters something that does not mean anything there is always some background for all her names. But then I guess it could just be me I pay to much attention to every detail and probably shouldn't. Lol because there is something wrong on the family tree thing but it is not Asteria's name it is the year Fred dies it should say 1998 not 1997 lol. Sorry for babbling! I will leave you alone now.
Author's Response: Believe me, it bugged me to no end whether her name was Asteria or Astoria, since it wasn't clear. But I was revising at midnight and rather quickly, so I just went with what I remembered being the popular choice after DH and the family tree came out. Anyway, I know you're not the only HP fan who pays attention to details :D HP fans are great at catching the little things--you know how stuff would be mentioned in one book and then be really important later? Anyway, I like Asteria better and I plan on changing it back. Now I'm babbling :) Thanks for the input.
Hey, Lyra. Just curious. What's going on? Is there something worng with getting the update through or something? Just curious.
Nothing wrong, I've just been a poor updater : / To you and any other readers who see this: I'm sorry I've taken so long to post the next chapter after that cliffhanger. I've been busy and...a little lazy. But I actually submitted it to MNFF two nights ago, so no worries, it'll be here soon :)
I love your story!
I found it a week ago and I haven't really done anything except read it since then :) It's hard to wait now after reading the other chapters one after the other so write fast! :) Keep up the good work!
Wow, thanks! I'm glad you enjoy it so much. In theory, updates should be quick, since the story has been written, but it's difficult to find time to even submit a chapter...that said, this review reminded me, so I think I'll submit the next one. Expect it soon, and thanks for reading and reviewing!
Ack part 4!! Yay. I feel so sorry for Lyra... but this is going to be her big year, isn't it? I am excited to see what she gets up to.
And she better get back together with Theodore. Seriously.
Author's Response: Haha, she will get back with him in time. I will say that much. This will certainly be a big year for Lyra...haha, I can't say much there, though I'm really tempted to! Thanks for reviewing!
finally! i was getting kinda bored of the fluffy and awkward chapter after chapter of theo and lyra to the point where i stopped reading (sorry) but i decided to give it another chance again when i thought about how much i love this story when it started, and i was very happy to see that it had gotten darker (which kinda makes me feel like a horrible person). But one thing i noticed you did was that the characters didnt stay true to either canon or how you made them, and i was very pleased to see that they returned (like lyra's reactions thoughts, and theo's leaving). please keep it up! merry late christmas!
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm happy you started reading it again. The story definitely gets darker, and I understand that it makes it more exciting :) Thanks again; hope you keep reading.
I can't wait!
Author's Response: Shouldn't be too long...I'll fix up the next chapter once my final exams are over : / Hold on tight :)
Good I hope he realizes how stupid he is being!
Author's Response: Haha, he will. I think you'll like the next chapter.
Very interesting, her boggart is snakes...suggests some kind of connection to Voldemort. Or maybe a premonition of something to come? I look forward to reading more...
Author's Response: Good guesses! You will find out! Thanks for continuing to read :)
I really love your story.
i think it is one of the best on mugglenet.
Haven't really heard much on how Lyra is getting alond with the other charecters recently *hint,hint*
I feel your pain, why does school have to give so much work?
Try to update soon (but don't push it),
Author's Response: Thank you! I try to update quickly. I took on so many difficult classes this year that schoolwork takes away just about every free second! Even finding a few minutes to update can be difficult, but don't worry, it'll all get posted. Thanks for continuing to read!
ehh, okay. i didnt really like this cahpter. the ideas were there. i dunno. i cant really figure out why i didnt like it so much. sorry. and why would draco have let her in? and the chances of narcissa telling her anything, let alone her secret thoughts..... not really stciking to the character well i guess. but still, update soon. :D its a good story over all.
Author's Response: Well, okay. There's not much I can do with that. But at least you're honest. Draco could have had several reasons for letting her in: for instance, he didn't want to end up dueling with her or he wanted to see how Narcissa would react (throw her out, contact Bellatrix, etc. just to throw out some ideas). In short, he didn't really see her as a threat because the Cruciatus Curse would get her in Azkaban. And he's a coward, as we learned in book 6 :P. As far as Narcissa goes...she wasn't sharing secret thoughts, she was sharing childhood memories. Lyra managed to crack her shell, find a soft point...you'll find out more about her later, but she has a soft side when it comes to her family (as we saw in the series with Draco). In this fic, she may soft sides for other people...you'll see.
Great start! This seems like a great story too. :]
Author's Response: Thank you!
Uh, greta! I can't wait!
And I accept your justificaltion. (: It makes sence. Same with the Nott part... sorry. And this is not really a review, sorry. But I wanted to tell you how smart you are and that I was completly mistacken in my last review. *hangs head in shame* :P
Author's Response: No, no, that's okay! We've all been mistaken before, I'm sure. For example, there's a part in a future chapter where Lyra is trying to apparate in Hogwarts. Then I remembered that doesn't work, so I need to fix it. That's one of many mistakes I made. No big deal.
congrats on being a featured story, thanks for the quick updates, cant wait for the next one :D
Author's Response: Thank you! I never really thought I would make the featured story. The next chapter should be soon, I'm guessing.
Interesting. I've seen this story all over the place, so i decided to read it. Pretty good so far.
Author's Response: Thanks! I didn't realize it was all over the place. I guess it's because of the quick updates.
I read this and was thinking about a similar thing I wrote but never sent in to be reviewed. I found it fascinating that I hadn't come across fics about children of Death Eaters. The character I had created was pretty similar though she lived with her immediate family. And was of no relation to Bellatrix Lestrange. Interesting... Amazing writing!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Thanks! I kind of thought the same thing. I mean, it seems like Lucius Malfoy is the only Death Eater in with a family. I guess they're too busy being Death Eaters. Then again, I wondered why the Hogwarts teachers didn't seem to have spouses. If they do, they don't see them much. Maybe family isn't a huge deal in the Wizarding world. Anyway, I thought I'd experiment with the idea. I guess great minds think alike if we both have similar ideas :) Thanks for reviewing!
I used to like how she always used Crucio, but I feel like she's beginning to use it to much. It used to be when she was really angry, or on the verge of a mental breakdown, you know really strong emotions, but now she using it whenever someone mildly irritates her.
Also, didn't moody explain this too her in 4th year how bad it was? I dont she has the concept, but she should at least have more of a concept of how horrible it is, even if she doesnt completeley understand.
Other than that, great story! keep it up :D
(I hope my reviews dont sound too critical or mean, I really do like this story a lot)
Author's Response: I understand what you mean, but she didn't actually Crucio Snape. She thought about it, but you're right, she wasn't in a huge emotional breakdown, which is why she didn't execute it. You're also right about her not getting how bad it is, even if it had been used on her. She doesn't really use her head when she's worked up in a situation. If I remember correctly, I don't think she uses the curse again for a while. Sorry if it seems out of hand, but her character is really changing! I'm glad you like my story and don't mind criticism.
ha ha no it fits her character well
Author's Response: I think so, too. She's supposed to be a good split between dark and light at this point.