Wow. That was really well written. I love how formal his voice is, but you know he's speaking to someone. The fact that it's his ex and that he's so far removed from his past that he talks about her in the third person just helps emphasise how detached he is, and how he is really 'nothing'. That's a great last line. I also like the way Isabella just can't get that he's not really human anymore when she says "you must forgive". I like how quick and clinical her death was, and his complete lack of regret. But you still feel sorry for him, which is a hard trick to pull off. Really enjoyed this (Jess pointed me to it on the forums) - thank you!
I've got no words. Sirius-ly. This one shot blew me away. It was so very well written. Great job, Je$$! ;)
Author's Response: Thank you Afifa! :D I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Great job, Jess! It was so funny, because I was watching Oprah while reading this (I know, random), and this kid was singing 'I am Nothing' by Whitney Houston. Just thought that'd amuse you. xx
Author's Response: HAHA! I'm glad that's what you associated it with.xD A love song to an avenging vampire? Very nice.:D
Well, Jess, your writing totally blew me away--as usual. :)
I only have two nitpicks this time.
How could she use such foul words to me?
Why would someone create such a foul word?
You used the phrase "foul word" in two consecutive paragraphs. Instead of "foul" try vile, revolting, replusive, rancid, sordid, detestable, hateful, horrid, abominable, tainted, etc. to vary up your language a bit and keep your readers interested.
I took a break from my speech, and I drank the white wine in front of me.
Saying "I" again is kind of redundant. The sentence means the same thing and it flows a little better if you take it out. I took a break from my speech and drank the white wine in front of me. I love how you told us what kind of wine it was. It's just one of those small details that just jumped out and grabbed me.
I was a werewolf. I was a wizard. I am a vampire.
I was a wizard. I was a werewolf. I was a vampire. I am nothing.
I love this. It's brilliant. You went back and reminded the reader of the beginning.
The last two years of school could be described as depressing and lonely.
Aww. Monster or no monster, I still feel bad for him.
Great word, vendetta. It's one of my favorite words ever. :)
God can’t save you now
LOL. Okay, I know that this is a highly dramtic and emotional and non-lol part of the story. But, as I was writing this review and re-reading parts of the story, my dad went off on some rant about how dumb President Bush is. And he said something along the lines of "At least God won't forgive him." lol. It just was so similar, but so random. Okay, sorry. I'm done ruining the mood and such.
...cleaned my teeth off.
This seems like such a normal, human action. Well, not entirely, but it's like you checking in the mirror to make sure you don't have food stuck between your teeth--he's cleaning his teeth. It's brilliant how he just kills her and then is able to preform a normal, routine thing.
It was amazing, Jess. Great job!
Author's Response: Thanks Mere! Your comments made me happy as usual.(: I love the Bush bash too! Brownie points to you! Oh, and I love the last line as well. I'll say it was my little stroke of genius, bahha.
Jess - I had no idea you were writing this. It is brilliant - absolutely brilliant. So poignant and I loved the last line. I have nothing else to say :) just well done and I really like it.
Author's Response: Thanks Ruth. : D
I liked the writing style. I think that it resembled how your character felt very well.
I am a little confused. At the beginning he seemed to want to keep his moral code, yet at the end, while it is not entirely abadndoned it is compromised. I think that a few more paragraphs showing a deteriation would be appropiate, or at least make him seem more bitter than deteached, but I don't like that idea as, to me, the detached tone represents how he feels now.
Nice job though.
Author's Response: Thank you, and I agree with you, but yes, he's more detached to the world, and the only thing he relation he had to the world was his love so that's why he compromises to become completely detached. A couple more paragraphs would have better developed that, though.
Wow. This was really good writing, but i'm not sure if i understood it or not.
Author's Response: Thanks.